It amazes me how clueless and rude children can be sometimes.

[KidsHappen]

My youngest dd has excema. IMO, it is hardly noticeable as in you can't really see it so much as you can feel that the skin is rough. However, apparently many of the kids in her class have told her that her skin is yucky and gross. She has also had many kids tell her she is fat as well. She's not even overweight, just not super skinny. We are talking 5th graders here. I would think that they are old enough to know better. I can tell that some of the kids are clueless but others are just being mean. :glare:

 

She is very sensitive and it is really affecting her self-esteem. I am sensing that she is being perceived as weak because the other kids can tell it bothers her and she is not standing up for herself. I think that she needs deal with it more aggressively so that they stop picking on her. I have told her that when someone says things like that she needs to respond with, "That was rude". I feel so bad for her though. I wish she had just a little bit of the 13 year old's attitude. :boxing_smiley:

[Crimson Wife]

:grouphug:

I've been appalled at some of the comments I've heard other kids make. Often, the parent of the rude child is right there but says nothing. :banghead:

 

I can't pretend that my kids are polite 100% of the time, but if I hear them saying something rude, I always tell them it's not nice & in general make them apologize (unless it seems likely to make the situation worse).

[jujsky]

Get her to stand up for herself now because otherwise it will just get worse. 5th grade is about the time it starts, and your perception is right -- because DD isn't "fighting back" the other kids perceive her as weak. They will continue to pick on her. I was that kid until 8th grade when I finally stood up for myself. It was one of the most difficult things I ever did (picture a shy, little bookworm standing up in the middle of study-hall and screaming at a girl in front of the whole class, including the teacher) but it was also the BEST things I ever did. I had to stand up for myself several more times that year, but it was shocking how quickly bullies will back down once they're confronted. No one likes to feel like a fool, and turning the tables on them certainly made them feel like fools.

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

I feel for you and your dd...

 

when my son (who is an easy target for bullying for many reasons) was in ps, the counselor gave him the verbal tool of saying "And?" when kids would make teasing remarks to him. She said it disarms the teaser, who usually has no follow-up, doesn't provoke more teasing, and if said in a clear voice with eye contact (hard) shows strength.

 

Unfortunately, I cannot tell you if it worked or not as we decided to save the whole family a lot of trouble and pull the boys out to homeschool.

 

Good luck.

[KidsHappen]

Get her to stand up for herself now because otherwise it will just get worse. 5th grade is about the time it starts, and your perception is right -- because DD isn't "fighting back" the other kids perceive her as weak. They will continue to pick on her. I was that kid until 8th grade when I finally stood up for myself. It was one of the most difficult things I ever did (picture a shy, little bookworm standing up in the middle of study-hall and screaming at a girl in front of the whole class, including the teacher) but it was also the BEST things I ever did. I had to stand up for myself several more times that year, but it was shocking how quickly bullies will back down once they're confronted. No one likes to feel like a fool, and turning the tables on them certainly made them feel like fools.

 

Yes, I agree. I was lucky in that I was born with the don't mess with me attitude but alas she is not so I am trying to build her backbone now.

[chickenpatty]

My youngest dd has excema. IMO, it is hardly noticeable as in you can't really see it so much as you can feel that the skin is rough. However, apparently many of the kids in her class have told her that her skin is yucky and gross. She has also had many kids tell her she is fat as well. She's not even overweight, just not super skinny. We are talking 5th graders here. I would think that they are old enough to know better. I can tell that some of the kids are clueless but others are just being mean. :glare:

 

She is very sensitive and it is really affecting her self-esteem. I am sensing that she is being perceived as weak because the other kids can tell it bothers her and she is not standing up for herself. I think that she needs deal with it more aggressively so that they stop picking on her. I have told her that when someone says things like that she needs to respond with, "That was rude". I feel so bad for her though. I wish she had just a little bit of the 13 year old's attitude. :boxing_smiley:

 

That is so mean! :grouphug: How I hope my kids will learn to be compassionate and loving!

[jujsky]

Yes, I agree. I was lucky in that I was born with the don't mess with me attitude but alas she is not so I am trying to build her backbone now.

 

I'm glad you have this attitude! My parents' mantra was, "Ignore them. Turn the other cheek." Yeah -- didn't work so well. It was finally a guidance counselor who pushed me to stand up for myself. If she hadn't, I don't know what would have become of me. I went home from school almost every day and cried. I had no self-esteem. After I stood up for myself, the rest of my school experience was great. I loved high school, and although I was never in the "popular" crowd, I was one of those kids who was well-liked by most people. Do whatever you can to encourage her not to take it. :grouphug:

[KRG]

I believe 5th-8th grade in a classroom is when students misbehave the most. When I worked at schools the number of 5th grade girls in the principal's office was astounding. They really have that 'mean girls' thing going on at that age. I'm sorry your daughter is having to deal with it now.

[Starr]

They are just getting started. You might want to take a look at the books Odd Girl Out and the other is the Curse of the Nice girl. Interesting take on young ladies in our society. We found all the nonsense in a smallish group of Christian Home schoolers. We didn't miss out in the nastiness department by not going to ps. It's great you are helping her stand up for herself. You can use my idea for a band if you'd like. Snotty Christian Girls.

[LibraryLover]

They are just getting started. You might want to take a look at the books Odd Girl Out and the other is the Curse of the Nice girl. Interesting take on young ladies in our society. We found all the nonsense in a smallish group of Christian Home schoolers. We didn't miss out in the nastiness department by not going to ps. It's great you are helping her stand up for herself. You can use my idea for a band if you'd like. Snotty Christian Girls.

 

LOL Thatt is a good name for a band.

 

I'm sorry your dd is going through this. I don't know why some kids do this. Even kids with 'nice' families don't seem immune.

 

You probably don't need this reassurance since you are a veteran hser, but hsing isn't a magic bullet. The bullying we encountered was in our hs group. There were a couple of teens who had never been to school who made life miserable for some kids. (We stopped attending anything they'd be at, so that is the advantage of hsing). One of my dc had gone to school until age 9 and it took hsing for the dc to experience bullying. I agree that some kids are clueless and some kids are just plain unkind.

[SonshineLearner]

My daughter has it too, and my son has rough hands.... We have done some things to make it easier.... like some cream from the DR... Crisco... Coconut Oil....... It's hard.... Also, of course, watching the water intake.... what we're using as far as chlorine and such... The pool that uses salt for the "chlorine" (becomes chlorine?) actually made it better...

 

Carrie

Kids are brats...

[swellmomma]

5th grade is right about the time when it all starts. I was in 5th grade when the bullying started. The all the kids, especially the girls can be so cruel to each other. I agree with teaching her to stand up for herself, I was nearing the end of grade 9 when I finally did and by then I was a mess of pretty much no self esteem etc.

[elegantlion]

I was the new kid in 4th grade. I thought I was making friends then one girl ganged up on me and they all started teasing me because of my hair of all things! (Long & curly was not popular in the 70s in my area). I never stood up for myself, never told anyone, and hated school after that. I'm 42 and it still kind of burns when I think about it. I've since developed some backbone and boy there are some thing I'd like to share with my 9 year old self.

 

:grouphug: to your dd. I hope you can give her some tools to deal with it. Mean people suck.

[Kate in Arabia]

I've been appalled at some of the comments I've heard other kids make. Often, the parent of the rude child is right there but says nothing.

When we were in the States I had kids yell at me to go back to my own country, kids ask me why I'm dressed like a witch (not in a nice manner), etc. and the parents were standing right there. They're learning the behavior from somewhere.

 

I'm sorry your dd is having to deal with this. I've heard from more than one person that the middle school years are the "meanest" years.

[KRG]

They are just getting started. You might want to take a look at the books Odd Girl Out and the other is the Curse of the Nice girl. Interesting take on young ladies in our society. We found all the nonsense in a smallish group of Christian Home schoolers. We didn't miss out in the nastiness department by not going to ps. It's great you are helping her stand up for herself. You can use my idea for a band if you'd like. Snotty Christian Girls.

 

The school I worked at was a private Christian school. It really doesn't changes things just because something is Christian-sad, but true.

[Blossom'sGirl]

You know it's not just kids. I have had issues with excema on my ankles for years and over the winter it would also get bad on the front of my shins. So I would wear shorts (around the house) as soon as possible in the spring to clear it up using sunlight. I have a certain family member who every year would come over and feel led to comment "What is WRONG with you skin?" I know I would never even ask that once of a person let alone yearly.

 

I do have to say that my excema is currently under control with medicine and I am praying it stays that way.

[elise1mds]

I was the new kid in 4th grade. I thought I was making friends then one girl ganged up on me and they all started teasing me because of my hair of all things! (Long & curly was not popular in the 70s in my area). I never stood up for myself, never told anyone, and hated school after that. I'm 42 and it still kind of burns when I think about it. I've since developed some backbone and boy there are some thing I'd like to share with my 9 year old self.

 

:grouphug: to your dd. I hope you can give her some tools to deal with it. Mean people suck.

 

:iagree:

 

I was the new kid in 4th grade, too, and got picked on for being smart and quiet. Everything else in this post, I could have written myself. Bless your DD's heart... I hope she is able to get them to :chillpill:. :grouphug:

[Night Elf]

And adults. Mean people like to push others down to make themselves appear superior.

[KrissiK]

Kids are horribly rude, that's a fact, and it's too bad. I taught jr. high and I can't remember how many times I addressed the teasing. It has to start at home. But, also a lot of kids tease because they're insecure themselves. I was a very shy child, I was never bullied, but I was very timid and shy. However, I did stand up to a bully one time on the bus. I was in "his" seat, but there was no other seats, so I just looked at him and told him I wasn't moving. It was amazing how quickly he backed down. Sometimes bullies can look big and scary, but it doesn't take much to deflate them if you're brave enough.

[KidsHappen]

My daughter has it too, and my son has rough hands.... We have done some things to make it easier.... like some cream from the DR... Crisco... Coconut Oil....... It's hard.... Also, of course, watching the water intake.... what we're using as far as chlorine and such... The pool that uses salt for the "chlorine" (becomes chlorine?) actually made it better...

 

Carrie

Kids are brats...

 

We found this as well. Her skin never did so well as when we lived in FL and went to the beach a lot. It always gets worse in the winter though. It is so much better than it used to be that it seems very minor to me because I remember when she was wrapped head to toe like a mummy with mittens taped to her hands just so she wouldn't scratch all of her skin off. We use Eucrine cream but IMO it's not bad enough for steroid cream right now so we haven't been using it (I hate to use it when we don't have to) but if it is really bothering her maybe I will start using it every other night or something. We will work on it over the holidays and hopefully she will feel better come Jan.

[KidsHappen]

I feel for you and your dd...

 

when my son (who is an easy target for bullying for many reasons) was in ps, the counselor gave him the verbal tool of saying "And?" when kids would make teasing remarks to him. She said it disarms the teaser, who usually has no follow-up, doesn't provoke more teasing, and if said in a clear voice with eye contact (hard) shows strength.

 

Unfortunately, I cannot tell you if it worked or not as we decided to save the whole family a lot of trouble and pull the boys out to homeschool.

 

Good luck.

 

Yes, I have found, "And you point is?" to work very well. There is rarely a response to that. Sometimes if you flat out tell a kids they are being mean or rude they will say, "Oh, I was only joking." to which my reply is, "Well, you have the worse sense of humor I have ever seen." That rarely elicits a response either.

[Dawn in OH]

Kids are mean. I have always thought so, even when I was one.

 

I wasn't a mean kid, but one year I was friends with the more "popular" crowd and noticed that their mean-ness rubs off, especially if you want to stay in the crowd. I decided that that crowd wasn't for me. Life after the popular crowd was almost more painful than before, they made sure of it.

 

I don't think it's all kids though. My kids aren't mean, and I have met several other kids that aren't. I think it has to do a lot with how they are raised. And these days, I do see a lot of kids that aren't disciplined at all, so I'm guessing the kids are getting meaner.

 

The kids in our homeschool group are nice. Anything mean that's been said there was not out of spite as much as out of curiosity or simply not knowing any better because of something new and unknown. It's often quickly followed by an apology that did not need prompted by a parent.