LisaKinVA Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 My 3yo, sweetheart of a girl... is no longer sleeping in her bed. She goes to sleep in her bed, but awakens sometime in the middle of the night and crawls into bed with me, my dh and the baby. She needs me to "hold her." One night, she was scared. We scared away all of the scary spiders, and she went to bed happy and content. She still got up in the middle of the night to cuddle.... which makes me hot... which prevents me from sleeping... and even makes my physically ill. I got up one night and took the baby to the couch, thinking being in mommy's bed would be enough. NOPE. She woke up crying, and came out and slept next to me on the couch. I am trying to be understanding. I know that it's hard for toddlers when mommy has a baby, but the baby is nearly 10 months old, and this is a NEW development. I'm exhausted. I feel like this is some psychological need she's expressing, and I feel a need to meet it. BUT, I'm not getting sleep, and it's wearing on me. Any BTDT... help, advice would be helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 My son went through this. He was an awesome sleeper until he hit 3 and his sleep went all haywire. He started waking in the night and coming to bed with us, and then started not wanting to sleep in his own bed. I tried to be strict, but not only did that not work, it broke my heart! No more of that. Now we just let him and over time it has improved. If you try to take her back to her own bed, will she go? Is she alone in her room, no sharing? It might help her to share for a while. I know that doesn't seem fair to an older sibling, but mama's gotta get some rest! My son just ultimately didn't like being alone, so he's fine if he can have someone in the room. I even tried to get the dog to sleep with him! I think it's really normal for kids sleep patterns to change over time. 3 is a big year of growing and learning so many new things. I used to hear Dr. Brazelton talk about how kids will be on the cusp of something new (like babies walking, for example) and when they wake their brain thinks about that new thing and now they are up. She could be feeling insecure just because she is maturing and seeing that she really isn't the baby anymore, and just needs more snuggles. Sorry I don't have a solution for you!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 (edited) I find my kids sometimes need(ed) more of mom, more cuddling, more reassurance before they went on to a more independent stage. Three is a prime age for that. eta: when my kids came into my room at that age I made a pallet for them on the floor instead of letting them get in my bed. They'd usually return to their own bed after a bit. Edited November 18, 2009 by Mrs Mungo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Could she crawl into bed with an older sibling instead? My son has gone through stages like that all his life. We just indulge him. At 13, I think he has been sleeping alone for a whole year now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted November 18, 2009 Author Share Posted November 18, 2009 She does share a room (and a double bed) with her older sister... When my older daughter went through this, we just put all of the kids' beds in one room (she didn't like being by herself), but this isn't that. I'm not sure about taking her back to her own bed... she just sobs into her pillow, and I can't handle that. She *needs* me. I'm just trying to figure out if there is something during the daytime that may help her during the night time (hopefully). I do try to snuggle with her during the day as well... but for some reason she just needs more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Nothing is wrong with your daughter. She's 3, and 3 is a prime age for fears like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalgirl Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 My son also did this around that age. I like Mrs. Mungo's idea of making a little place on the floor for your child, close by the bed. Maybe that way she'll get the comfort she needs of you being close by, yet YOU will get much needed sleep! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 My daughter very patiently dealt with the lack of attention while I was pregnant, and for a while after #2 was born, then I think it caught up with her. I think it's a matter of not being able to get enough attention during the day, so taking it at night. Recently, though, I've been sharing a room with the baby and she's been on a mattress on the floor next to the couch. When she woke up at some unpleasant hour last night, it wasn't Daddy on the couch she wanted cuddles from. "Crash" went my door as it was flung open, and luckily I grabbed and hauled her in before she climbed on her brother's head on her way to Destination Mamma! She was asleep again two minutes later, but kept wiggling closer and closer for body contact. I don't sleep well as a Mamma sandwhich, so the baby went out to Daddy. Poor dh would rather he and I were sharing, but everyone gets more sleep this way. It'll be nice when they've out grown this stage... Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Nothing is wrong with her. I think this is normal. My dd4 has been doing this for months if not a year. It frustrate my dh to no end. She cannot fall asleep with "cuddling with me". She falls asleep on our bed, dh carries her to her own bed and she ends up with us sometime during the night. She said she just likes "cuddling with me". She's my baby girl...how can I say no?:tongue_smilie: You could try making a place for her on the floor next to your bed and telling her that this is her "special place" when she wants to sleep with you. It might work, might not. I'm hoping my dd4 outgrows this, but I am really enjoying every moment of it b/c I know it will be over before I know it. Sorry it is so frustrating...if I had a 10mos. old still in bed with us, I'd be frustrated too. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacey in MA Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 By kiddo #3 I have learned that this is a "stage" for us. (I realize a mom has to be aware of physical issues that could be going on, but once that's eliminated, I say it's a stage). I find that they go through it around ages 3 and 4. By 5, they have either already, or are in the process of growing out of it. I used to be more forceful about returning them to bed with #1 and #2, but by #3 I learned my lesson. They will be happy and you will all get sleep if you just accomodate their need and be done with it. We downgraded from a king to a queen (not recommended!!:-)), and so there was just no room for her. Plus sometimes, #4 (baby) was already in bed with us as it was. So, we set up a portable folding mat on the floor next to our bed. When she came down to get into bed w/ me, I'd just set her up on the floor next to me and all would be well in the world! Sometimes it was every night for a week or two on end! But sometimes she's sleep through in her own bed. Eventually she just stopped coming down, and that was that. FWIW, she does share a room w/ her sister, so they often now sleep together which helps them to feel secure I think. Anyway, HTH and GL! - Stacey in MA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 are intentionally designed into children to wake them up when they get too hot. Could she be sleeping too warmly and have bad dreams that wake her up? I know I still have bad dreams when I am too warm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in TX Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Just adding my voice to the others--there is nothing wrong with her, truly. This is very normal. All four of mine have gone through a period of several years in which they'd go to sleep in their own beds but wake up in mine, having wandered in sometime during the night. My 6yo ds is the last one still doing it. They just outgrow it, IME. Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 My daughter very patiently dealt with the lack of attention while I was pregnant, and for a while after #2 was born, then I think it caught up with her. I think it's a matter of not being able to get enough attention during the day, so taking it at night. Recently, though, I've been sharing a room with the baby and she's been on a mattress on the floor next to the couch. When she woke up at some unpleasant hour last night, it wasn't Daddy on the couch she wanted cuddles from. "Crash" went my door as it was flung open, and luckily I grabbed and hauled her in before she climbed on her brother's head on her way to Destination Mamma! She was asleep again two minutes later, but kept wiggling closer and closer for body contact. I don't sleep well as a Mamma sandwhich, so the baby went out to Daddy. Poor dh would rather he and I were sharing, but everyone gets more sleep this way. It'll be nice when they've out grown this stage... Rosie love the imagery! I don't sleep well either in this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 are intentionally designed into children to wake them up when they get too hot. Could she be sleeping too warmly and have bad dreams that wake her up? I know I still have bad dreams when I am too warm. I have bad dreams when I get too warm too. But if it were night terrors you would know it, in my experience. Both my kids would scream the loudest screams, while thrashing around. But when I went in there they were totally asleep and if they woke up they were totally unaware that anything had been wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 My ds didn't start coming into our bed until he was 4. He came in during the night at least once a week. He's 13 and we don't see him anymore. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Could it be that her sister thrashes in her sleep or snores or some other bothersome behavior and that is what is waking her? Maybe they need twin beds? Just a thought. None of mine ever did this so I'm just guessing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Could it be that her sister thrashes in her sleep or snores or some other bothersome behavior and that is what is waking her? Maybe they need twin beds? Just a thought. None of mine ever did this so I'm just guessing. There was an episode of Ghost Hunters where they went to investigate this house where the daughter was being woken up at night. When reviewing the footage they took at night they saw that the boy was sleepwalking. He would get up, putter around, poke the daughter but go back to bed before she was fully awake. By the time she was fully awake and crying he would be asleep and didn't have any memory of getting up. Just a thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Of course it is totally up to you what you do, ONLY you can figure out how to best meet everyone's needs as far as possible. But can I just second the comment that there is nothing "wrong" with your child. This is very normal behavior. As long as there is no major trauma that has triggered it, all you need to do is makes things as easy as you can and wait it out. If it's not feasible to let her sleep with you, you might want to try some other arrangements, eg give her a single mattress right next to your bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn E Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 I remember reading somewhere that 3 is the age when children start dreaming vividly (who discovered that and how, I have no idea). If that is the case, it is understandable that it would be a very frightening time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 I remember reading somewhere that 3 is the age when children start dreaming vividly (who discovered that and how, I have no idea). If that is the case, it is understandable that it would be a very frightening time. Heaven help me if that's true! Princess has had night terrors for at least a year already, and just turned three in Sept! Like the others have posted, I vote normal and typical at 3. Tazzie went through it, and will still come and crash on our floor at times, or into bed with us. Princess has started this recently. Nothing like waking up with a pillow over your face! She drags in her pillow and crib quilt, and for some unknown reason, likes to sleep ON me, hence why I wake up with a pillow up my nose. As for Momma Sandwich, another vote for not enjoying it. Just this am Tazzie landed in beside me, and then Princess at my back! Next time, I'm just going to get up and sleep in Tazzie's bed :glare: What is it with kids? Do they not understand the law that says "Your right to knee Mommy in the kidneys ends with your trip down the birth canal"? I've explained it to them, honest I have! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 She had nightmares every single night. She would come in and climb into my side of the bed and go right back to sleep. I never could get her to tell me what she dreamt about, but I got the impression that it was the same dream over and over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 Thank you, everyone for your replies. This being my 4th child, you'd think I would have "seen it all" already -- but this is really new for us. Perhaps her "needing" me more than the others, is that she was "my baby girl" for so long... before our current "baby girl" came along. I do know she is struggling with still wanting to be "the baby girl" and a "big girl" (potty issues), but the "big girl" is starting to win-out (as evidenced by dry-days in real underwear, and my not having to clean a stinky pull-up in so many days I can't even remember. I wish a bed beside my bed would work, but alas, our room is about 10x10, and our King Size Bed pretty much takes up most of the room. She went to bed easily tonight... and Abby is in her crib to boot, maybe I'll get a couple of hours uninterrupted :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpupg Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Both our kids went through a similar stage around that age. FWIW, our solution was a sleeping bag/comforter arrangement on the floor beside our bed. We just kept it folded up in the corner and they came in and pulled it out when they wanted to. They were close by, could even hold hands, but were not ON me or kicking me :) :grouphug: and Prayers, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 When my DD went through a similar phase, we managed to get her out of our bed and onto a kindermat on the floor next to it. Eventually, she started falling asleep in the living room and we'd just leave her there for the night. We didn't get her back into her bedroom until we put a TV in there, which I'm now gradually trying to wean her from without finding her back in my bed again... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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