Guidance in responding to my niece

[Sputterduck]

I can't figure out why that response is bad. She frowned that she might not be able to make it. She signed it "love"... I think perhaps you are being really oversensitive.

[Danestress]

I invite people to dinner all the time at the last minute. Why not? If they can come, great. If they can't, another time. Obviously if the party has been planned for a long time, that might be different. I don't want someone to feel like a last minute "add on." But I have casual dinner parties especially with family, and as often as not they are fairly last minute. I think it's better to try to get together if you can then to not do it because you don't have two weeks to plan out.

[Scarlett]

I can't figure out why that response is bad. She frowned that she might not be able to make it. She signed it "love"... I think perhaps you are being really oversensitive.

 

Entirely possible. :tongue_smilie:

[Scarlett]

I invite people to dinner all the time at the last minute. Why not? If they can come, great. If they can't, another time. Obviously if the party has been planned for a long time, that might be different. I don't want someone to feel like a last minute "add on." But I have casual dinner parties especially with family, and as often as not they are fairly last minute. I think it's better to try to get together if you can then to not do it because you don't have two weeks to plan out.

 

Thank you! And no it isn't some big formal even that has been planned for months.

[Scarlett]

She just re-friended my mom on FB.

[jujsky]

Aren't all 21 year olds immature, compared to 31 year olds? Aren't all 31 year olds immature compared to 41 year olds? My point is, yeah, maybe her response wasn't 100% politically correct, but it's only rude if you choose to take it that way. Frankly, it was a last minute invitation. Frankly, if she just said she couldn't come without explanation, you probably would have been mad too. Seems to me, she probably couldn't have responded in a way that made you happy, since you are already put out with her. She's 21. She is going to make alot of mistakes in the next few years, it's part of growing up.

 

Let it go. Be there, be firm in your beliefs but fair in your treatment. Either she will mature and come around to your side of the fence or she won't but you should lead by example, not fall into the ditch with her.

 

IMHO,

K

 

:iagree: It was a last-minute invitation, and I know it drives me nuts when my family sends me last-minute invitations (which they do all the time, even though I've told them that we have a pretty hectic schedule around here and if they truly want to include my family in activities, we need to know at least a couple weeks out). I'm 34, and I probably would have responded to it with something like, "Oh! I wish I had known in advance. I already made plans for this weekend. I'll try to juggle things and see if I can make it." It's a bit more polite, but not that far off from what your niece said.

[Scarlett]

:iagree: It was a last-minute invitation, and I know it drives me nuts when my family sends me last-minute invitations (which they do all the time, even though I've told them that we have a pretty hectic schedule around here and if they truly want to include my family in activities, we need to know at least a couple weeks out). I'm 34, and I probably would have responded to it with something like, "Oh! I wish I had known in advance. I already made plans for this weekend. I'll try to juggle things and see if I can make it." It's a bit more polite, but not that far off from what your niece said.

 

See to ME---if you were my family member saying that I'd think, 'she thinks her schedule is so much more important and busy than ours. I can never invite her the 'right' way....shrug...maybe she doesn't really want to come!'

 

But then I'd probably just keep it to myself and keep on inviting you.

[Remudamom]

I'd say Scarlett knows her and knows the tone in which it was intended. If she says niece was being bratty then niece was being bratty. Sounded punkish to me. I'd be tempted to retaliate but it'd be better to ignore her.

[lionfamily1999]

It is not anywhere near the same thing. She literally has nothing to do. But point taken. That really has nothing to do with my 'last minute' part of my invitation. She was invited after everyone else because she has cut herself off from this side of the family ever since she was asked to move out of my house in February. She blocked our numbers from her phone, she defriended us on FB.

 

For the record everyone else (in our small family) was only invited less than a week before her. She has always been sensitive to not being the first to know stuff....I know she feels disconnected to us and alienated and all that, but I also know she does love us and wants to be part of our lives.

 

And her response to invitations is always like that...'oh my life is so full and busy not sure I can fit you in, but I will do my best!' It is annoying. I do think it is a defense mechanism though....to keep a distance between herself and others.

 

Again I would ask, for a casual family dinner what is 'enough time' to actually make arangements? And I am not asking her to bend over backwards. If she can't make it she can't make it.

Lol, I tried to edit down your post so I could respond without taking up too much space, but it's really hard to do that without completely losing the sense of what you wrote, so I chopped off some and bolded what I wanted to respond too.

 

The idea that she has nothing to do is, imo, disrespectful at the very least. I'm sure she has some semblence of a life. It may not seem like much to anyone else, but it means something to her. The invitation/olive branch coming late, even if it was a casual affair, would have been monumental for you both, right? I do think the delay implies... "I don't know if I want to invite her, or really want her to go, but I don't want it to be my fault that she's not there. Now, the ball's in her court and if she doesn't go it's her own fault." How would that make you feel? If it seemed like the olive branch was only sort of extended? If you know she feels alienated and disconnected then it would seem like you would try to change those feelings for her. At least, try not to add to them.

 

I'm always amazed at how I allow the little things to cause huge chasms in my own extended family. I will bull headedly refuse to yield on something simple and for what? To prove myself bigger or better? When I could just give a little and reap the rewards of a closer, happier relationship. IOW, I do this, so please don't take my 'you need to be more flexible' as 'I am so much better than you.' Rather, see it as one alcoholic saying to another, it's so much easier going an extra block than walking past the ABC, iykwIm.

 

My responses to invitations are nearly always, I will do my best or I will try. I've had to cancel because of things out of my control so many times that I am downright terrified to accept an invitation without some caveat. I have, literally, missed things I was committed to do, because my home was destroyed. I still have people that see that as a smirch on my character and my word. I said I would be there. Hurricain Isabelle came and devoured my home. I was not there. Therefore, I can't be trusted to be where I said I would. Is it possible that she's had those situations before? She promised to do something, but couldn't and now tries to keep from breaking promises by not making them?

 

As for timing, at least a week, especially for a celebration.

IMO and IME, a one week notice meets the bare minimum 'requirement' for

inviting someone to dinner or a party. Preferably 2 weeks.

:iagree:

[lionfamily1999]

She just re-friended my mom on FB.

:party:

 

Then, maybe she really isn't sure if she can, but really does want to come. Maybe she has to cancel an address to the people or something :p

[Scarlett]

:party:

 

Then, maybe she really isn't sure if she can, but really does want to come. Maybe she has to cancel an address to the people or something :p

 

LOL Thanks for the laugh and the perspective.

 

Also, the reason I didn't invite her when I did everyone else is because we have been giving her 'space'. She hasn't wanted to be with us all summer---as I said to the extent she blocked our numbers! And de-friended us!!! I mean really! LOL

 

Due to that circumstance I didn't even think of inviting her until Mom was talking about her wistfully.

[lionfamily1999]

LOL Thanks for the laugh and the perspective.

 

Also, the reason I didn't invite her when I did everyone else is because we have been giving her 'space'. She hasn't wanted to be with us all summer---as I said to the extent she blocked our numbers! And de-friended us!!! I mean really! LOL

 

Due to that circumstance I didn't even think of inviting her until Mom was talking about her wistfully.

Right on! I'm glad it's working out. Can you tell invitations/unvitations/family relations is a sensitive topic for me? :lol:

 

I think I'm going to try to build up some callouses now ;)

[Scarlett]

Right on! I'm glad it's working out. Can you tell invitations/unvitations/family relations is a sensitive topic for me? :lol:

 

I think I'm going to try to build up some callouses now ;)

 

Oh and correction.....Mom asked her to be her FB friend....but niece did respond yes in about 30 seconds.

[Scarlett]

Here is my response to her

 

Hi Niece. I understand if you already have plans. Please let me know as soon as possible if you are going to be able to make it. We would all love to see you. Mom is really missing you. Love you lots,

Aunt Scarlett

[Scarlett]

Ug. Just saw she has my cousin on her friend's list.....the cousin that had an affair with my husband! Should I treat her as real grown up and tell her?

[lionfamily1999]

Ug. Just saw she has my cousin on her friend's list.....the cousin that had an affair with my husband! Should I treat her as real grown up and tell her?

I would say that's private.

 

:grouphug:

 

Holy moly.

[Scarlett]

I would say that's private.

 

:grouphug:

 

Holy moly.

 

Well, she responded back....

 

Well I really want to go but i've had these plans for a while, maybe next time I can come. I'm so sorry, I feel so bad. Love, Niece

 

So we will just see how the next invite goes.

 

I've also decided against telling her about my cousin and stbxh for now. Everyone close to me knows as I feel I need their support in keeping her away from me. However, niece really is more like a 16 year old and I don't really think she is old enough to hear of this horror. I will tell her someday. I feel she has a right to know someday just how bad things were in this house unbeknownst to her when she was living here. Unknown to me too btw.

[LibraryLover]

Awww, I am sorry it's been so rough.

 

But you are good sport, S! I want to go to your place for dinner. This is me mouthing, < Call me>. :D

[Scarlett]

Awww, I am sorry it's been so rough.

 

But you are good sport, S! I want to go to your place for dinner. This is me mouthing, < Call me>. :D

 

LOL, You will have to start driving now to make it for Saturday dinner. Come on!

 

I am so thankful for this awesome board. You ladies can't imagine how helpful you've been on this issue.

 

I feel much more kind toward her than I did yesterday.

 

Thanks all.

[OnTheBrink]

What! You mean I'm NOT the Queen! :glare:

 

Ok, I think I've been a little misunderstood about this invitation thing....I am not offended if she can't make it. I am not offended if she has other plans. I get that. I just don't want to be told 'if you had not waited until the last minute' I could have come. I would not do that. Then again I have a few years on her. As others have said she is immature and I guess she will eventually (or not) learn how to be gracious in difficult situations.

 

I guess what it boils down to is that I would like to be able to correct her manners and I'm not really the person to do that. Trouble is she has no one else to do that. She is an 'adult' only in the legal sense....Her 17 year old brother is much more mature than she is.

 

No, you can't be the Queen, because that's ME. :tongue_smilie: :lol:

[wagnfun]

My niece is a very immature 21 year old. She lived with me a year ago for a few months and it ended badly----mostly thanks to my stbxh's stupidity and my marriage falling apart. All of that had nothing to do with her,but she was caught in the cross fires so to speak. She behaved disrespectfully toward me and I asked her to move out. She did not take it well. Things have rocked on with minimal contact but it has been polite. She has expressed a real unhappiness with me and my mom 'telling her what to do.'

 

Which brings me to this issue. I am hosting a family dinner at my house on Saturday for my parents anniversary. I swallowed my pride and sent her an email that said, 'anniversary was today, party at my house on Saturday, we'd love to have you. We all love and miss you.' She answers like this...which is typical for her.

 

"Yes, I knew it was their anniversary and I will try to make it, but it's kinda last minute and we had plans here this weekend. :(

 

Love,

Niece"

 

This kind of response from her drives me straight up the wall! I want to respond to her and say, 'Do not insult my invitation to you by pointing out it was too last minute for you. Do not insult my invitation to you by pointing out that you will 'try' to make it. Just say, 'Thank you for inviting me. Regretfully I already have plans for that day. I hope to see you all soon.' Or better yet, say, 'I will be there! Love you all too!'

 

I'm thinking that is not the wise course. Please tell me how YOU would respond to this type of response.

 

I'm 100% on board that her response is immature but knowing a few older teens like this I also see this as a pride thing. She knows she should go to the anniversary party b/c its the right thing to do for the family BUT since the invite was last minute, shes pointing out her excuse. It was a "its not my fault I am not making the time to come" instead of saying, I already have plans and will not change them for family.

[Scarlett]

I'm 100% on board that her response is immature but knowing a few older teens like this I also see this as a pride thing. She knows she should go to the anniversary party b/c its the right thing to do for the family BUT since the invite was last minute, shes pointing out her excuse. It was a "its not my fault I am not making the time to come" instead of saying, I already have plans and will not change them for family.

 

Interesting how you got that...here is her last response...

 

"Yea, I really wish I could be there but there's certain circumstances, well i've had this weekend planned for a while. Then one of my friends from <college town> is coming home for the weekend, which normally wouldn't be that big of a deal but she's having a really hard time right now and they think that she might have 'Osteosarcoma', a bone type of bone cancer, and I know that it's not really one of the reason to miss a family thing, and I hope that you guys understand, but I had made plans with her and since all this has happened within the past week I don't really want to cancel on her :(

 

I am really sorry that I can't be there, but maybe next time, I will try my hardest...

 

I'm doing pretty good, trying to find a job....

Hope everythingg's going well with you guys

 

Love,

Niece

[kalanamak]

 

I'm always amazed at how I allow the little things to cause huge chasms in my own extended family. I will bull headedly refuse to yield on something simple and for what?

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

I find that if I just remind myself that most people are out there doing the best they can with what they've got goes a long ways towards making other people's "different strokes" livable-withable.

[lionfamily1999]

Well, she responded back....

 

Well I really want to go but i've had these plans for a while, maybe next time I can come. I'm so sorry, I feel so bad. Love, Niece

 

So we will just see how the next invite goes.

 

I've also decided against telling her about my cousin and stbxh for now. Everyone close to me knows as I feel I need their support in keeping her away from me. However, niece really is more like a 16 year old and I don't really think she is old enough to hear of this horror. I will tell her someday. I feel she has a right to know someday just how bad things were in this house unbeknownst to her when she was living here. Unknown to me too btw.

I couldn't imagine having that sort of muck in my family :( We have enough problems juggling between everyone's emotional issues, preferences and beliefs, without someone actually betraying another.

 

She could fly off the handle and create an embarrassing incident, I think letting her figure it out or hear about it elsewhere is for the best.

 

:grouphug:

 

Hope your dinner goes well, CONGRATS to your mom :party:

[Scarlett]

I couldn't imagine having that sort of muck in my family :( We have enough problems juggling between everyone's emotional issues, preferences and beliefs, without someone actually betraying another.

 

She could fly off the handle and create an embarrassing incident, I think letting her figure it out or hear about it elsewhere is for the best.

 

:grouphug:

 

Hope your dinner goes well, CONGRATS to your mom :party:

 

I answered her back briefly and told her I knew she wanted to be with us and that there would be another time soon. I asked her how she is doing...but I didn't ask one question about her plans. The vagueness feels off to me, but she has complained so much about me being too nosy that I have been really working on not asking questions. So anyway she answers back AGAIN last night with this:

 

'Yea, I really wish I could be there but there's certain circumstances, well i've had this weekend planned for a while. Then one of my friends from (college town) is coming home for the weekend, which normally wouldn't be that big of a deal but she's having a really hard time right now and they think that she might have 'Osteosarcoma', a bone type of bone cancer, and I know that it's not really one of the reason to miss a family thing, and I hope that you guys understand, but I had made plans with her and since all this has happened within the past week I don't really want to cancel on her :(

 

I am really sorry that I can't be there, but maybe next time, I will try my hardest...

 

I'm doing pretty good, trying to find a job....

Hope everythingg's going well with you guys

 

Love,Niece.>

 

It still seems vague in the beginning but then she goes into great detail....I think she is just trying so hard to be grown up and independent. I feel like hugging her now. I owe that change of heart to all of you.

[Scarlett]

I couldn't imagine having that sort of muck in my family :( We have enough problems juggling between everyone's emotional issues, preferences and beliefs, without someone actually betraying another.

 

Exactly. And this cousin is insane enough to just insert herself into the middle of all my loved ones as if nothing is wrong. My brother de-friended her and she had the nerve to ask him WHY and then when he told her she tried to downplay it and justify it! She also recently showed up on the door step of my best friend's grown niece and try to be friends with her. The niece was polite but wouldn't even let her in the house.

 

Weird.

[QuirkyKapers]

 

'Yea, I really wish I could be there but there's certain circumstances, well i've had this weekend planned for a while. Then one of my friends from (college town) is coming home for the weekend, which normally wouldn't be that big of a deal but she's having a really hard time right now and they think that she might have 'Osteosarcoma', a bone type of bone cancer, and I know that it's not really one of the reason to miss a family thing, and I hope that you guys understand, but I had made plans with her and since all this has happened within the past week I don't really want to cancel on her :(

 

 

 

Perhaps you could let her know if her friend would be comfortable coming, you would be more than happy to have both of them there even if they just wanted to pop in and out.

[Sasha]

I am a little surprised that so many think it is ok to respond to ANY invitation (no matter how last minute) the way she did. I mean I do understand that it isn't the end of the world and that she is just a kid, but still....as informal and casual as I am I find it to be bad manners.

 

I make no claims at maturity, but if someone gives me a last minute invitation I will mention that when giving my reason for not attending. Perhaps the next time they will give me some more notice if they really want me to be able to attend.

 

That sounds really confrontational but I don't have an issue with saying, "I wish I could come. If I'd known about it sooner I could have rescheduled (this or that)."

[Scarlett]

Perhaps you could let her know if her friend would be comfortable coming, you would be more than happy to have both of them there even if they just wanted to pop in and out.

 

I thought of that but my niece lives back in my home town which is 1 1/2 hours away-so it isn't very practical....but you know how kids are....they might drive up here for cake and then go see a movie together. I think I will ask my parents if they mind me inviting this other girl.

[Scarlett]

I make no claims at maturity, but if someone gives me a last minute invitation I will mention that when giving my reason for not attending. Perhaps the next time they will give me some more notice if they really want me to be able to attend.

 

That sounds really confrontational but I don't have an issue with saying, "I wish I could come. If I'd known about it sooner I could have rescheduled (this or that)."

 

Well you and I will have to agree to disagree on this issue. When someone says to me, 'If I'd known about it sooner' I feel chastised.

[lionfamily1999]

Exactly. And this cousin is insane enough to just insert herself into the middle of all my loved ones as if nothing is wrong. My brother de-friended her and she had the nerve to ask him WHY and then when he told her she tried to downplay it and justify it! She also recently showed up on the door step of my best friend's grown niece and try to be friends with her. The niece was polite but wouldn't even let her in the house.

 

Weird.

She sounds lost :(

 

I'm always surprised by the people that try to skip the confession/forgiveness part and go straight to the forget, iykwIm. I guess if you do something horrible enough you just want to put it behind you without ever dealing with it.

[Scarlett]

She sounds lost :(

 

I'm always surprised by the people that try to skip the confession/forgiveness part and go straight to the forget, iykwIm. I guess if you do something horrible enough you just want to put it behind you without ever dealing with it.

 

I subpoened her. Hee hee...Stbx quickly signed an agreement which gives me full custody so as to avoid my cousin and the other um, female having to testify in open court.

 

My first conversation with her about it was about 3 weeks after I told her husband what I knew. Believe it or not---she was defiant. I ended up screaming and sobbing in the phone to her "how could you do this to me, to our family, to your family," that sort of thing and she softened by the end of the conversation. About 2 months later she sent me a slightly more sincere apology letter---I showed it to a friend on a marriage board who is an expert in communication analysis---it was very interesting. The expert said my cousin IS sorry, but not yet as broken as she needs to be. And that she IS sorry but that the apology contains language commonly used when a sibling is made to apologize to another sibling...I'm sure she was made to apologize formally to me.

[lionfamily1999]

I subpoened her. Hee hee...Stbx quickly signed an agreement which gives me full custody so as to avoid my cousin and the other um, female having to testify in open court.

 

My first conversation with her about it was about 3 weeks after I told her husband what I knew. Believe it or not---she was defiant. I ended up screaming and sobbing in the phone to her "how could you do this to me, to our family, to your family," that sort of thing and she softened by the end of the conversation. About 2 months later she sent me a slightly more sincere apology letter---I showed it to a friend on a marriage board who is an expert in communication analysis---it was very interesting. The expert said my cousin IS sorry, but not yet as broken as she needs to be. And that she IS sorry but that the apology contains language commonly used when a sibling is made to apologize to another sibling...I'm sure she was made to apologize formally to me.

:001_huh: not as broken? Like she hasn't been punished enough yet?

 

Is that the language of, 'I'm sorry, but I know you still love me so hurry up and get over it so we can finish building our lego kingdom?' :p

[Scarlett]

:001_huh: not as broken? Like she hasn't been punished enough yet?

 

Is that the language of, 'I'm sorry, but I know you still love me so hurry up and get over it so we can finish building our lego kingdom?' :p

 

LOL Basically yes. Here is a small portion of the experts analysis---interesting stufff let me tell you--

 

>My general read on her mood is that she is exasperated - with herself, the situation she is in, and the fact that this "thing" in her life has hung itself around her neck and now weighs her down like an anchor. She believes she is broken, but she is not quite there - yet. She is, however, on the way there. The letter is generally sincere.>

[lionfamily1999]

AH! So she believes she is at rock bottom, but there's still a bit of rebellion (?) iykwIm there. I thought the person was telling you she needed more punishment or something.

[Scarlett]

AH! So she believes she is at rock bottom, but there's still a bit of rebellion (?) iykwIm there. I thought the person was telling you she needed more punishment or something.

 

I said it wrong at first. And yes rebellion is a good word. Defiance. She has been this way since she was a little girl. Wants to make her own rules.

[lionfamily1999]

The human condition :p

 

Drives me crazy now that dd wants to make her own rules... and then I remember how many times (that day) I wanted to do the same thing. That's one of those things that is a struggle forever. Hopefully, she'll get ahold of herself soon and (at the very least) attempt to honor the real rules, iykwIm.

[mammaruss]

Yes, her response to the invitation is immature and rude. And I think she should have responded exactly as you had wished for her to respond!

 

But no, I don't think that you should respond at all. (Partly because responding at this point opens the door for more immature and rude responses back. . .)

:iagree:

[mammaruss]

I would say that's private.

 

:grouphug:

 

Holy moly.

 

TMI and :iagree:

[Scarlett]

Update:

 

THe day before the dinner party....the cake had been ordered, my menu and grocery list was in my purse and I was about to go to the store. My mom calls and says that she was on her way to take Dad to the doctor because he hurt his back. He was in a lot of pain. Doctor wanted him flat on his back for 2 days at least. So we postponed the dinner party for 2 weeks.

 

That evening I sent out an email (through FB) invite to everyone at once. Everyone could see everyone else's name. I sent the new invite last Friday and not a single response from my niece. Everyone else has replied. From her? Nothing.

 

So now what. Do I wait until a week before the dinner and ask her if she is coming?

[Pink Fairy]

I wouldn't do anything at all. If she comes, she comes. I'd be afraid that any more contact from you about it would give her too much power, if that makes any sense. As in, the kind of passive aggressive manipulation she seems to employ.

[Scarlett]

I wouldn't do anything at all. If she comes, she comes. I'd be afraid that any more contact from you about it would give her too much power, if that makes any sense. As in, the kind of passive aggressive manipulation she seems to employ.

 

That is my take on it too. Like she needs to be begged just a liiiiiiitttttle more.

 

Sigh. I hate games.

[Pink Fairy]

That is my take on it too. Like she needs to be begged just a liiiiiiitttttle more.

 

Sigh. I hate games.

 

Yup. And if she doesn't come you won't miss any drama she would have brought with her.

[lionfamily1999]

Maybe she'll call a few days before the party to rsvp? Tit for tat?

[Scarlett]

Maybe she'll call a few days before the party to rsvp? Tit for tat?

 

LOL. Guess that would show me!

[Laurie4b]

My niece is a very immature 21 year old. She lived with me a year ago for a few months and it ended badly----mostly thanks to my stbxh's stupidity and my marriage falling apart. All of that had nothing to do with her,but she was caught in the cross fires so to speak. She behaved disrespectfully toward me and I asked her to move out. She did not take it well. Things have rocked on with minimal contact but it has been polite. She has expressed a real unhappiness with me and my mom 'telling her what to do.'

 

Which brings me to this issue. I am hosting a family dinner at my house on Saturday for my parents anniversary. I swallowed my pride and sent her an email that said, 'anniversary was today, party at my house on Saturday, we'd love to have you. We all love and miss you.' She answers like this...which is typical for her.

 

"Yes, I knew it was their anniversary and I will try to make it, but it's kinda last minute and we had plans here this weekend. :(

 

Love,

Niece"

 

This kind of response from her drives me straight up the wall! I want to respond to her and say, 'Do not insult my invitation to you by pointing out it was too last minute for you. Do not insult my invitation to you by pointing out that you will 'try' to make it. Just say, 'Thank you for inviting me. Regretfully I already have plans for that day. I hope to see you all soon.' Or better yet, say, 'I will be there! Love you all too!'

 

I'm thinking that is not the wise course. Please tell me how YOU would respond to this type of response.

 

Well, was the invitation last minute? She may be saying, "I wish you had included me earlier so that I could come."

 

I don't think her response is rude, actually. I think she's indicating that she would like to come if she can work it out.

 

I'd respond by saying, "Yes, sorry I didn't get the invitations out earlier, and I'm sorry that you might not be able to make it. Just let me know when you know for sure. "

Love,

Aunt

[Scarlett]

LOL. Guess that would show me!

 

No response from dn to my invitation sent to her a week ago Friday for dinner at my house this Saturday. I put a FB post up....that said, 'Hey niece....glad you had fun tonight. You haven't answered my invitation to Mom and step dad's anniversary dinner. I sent it to you a week ago Friday. Need a head count sweetie."

 

Here is her private message response....

 

I am so sorry that I haven't replied... I thought I did, but also my computer's been messing up too, that might have been it.. But I had already had plans for this weekend since it's Thanksgiving weekend and all and everyone's out of schoolll.... I am sorry :(

 

I responded back PM....'everyone? Who is everyone? I am confused.'

 

I want to say so much more. Someone talk me down.

[LittleIzumi]

Probably her friends?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Everyone who is in school. I'd let it go, Scarlett. She obviously doesn't want to come but she is trying to be polite about not wanting to come. That's ok. She's just not at the place right now where she wants to be at this kind of family party. And you don't want to force her. Really. :grouphug:

[Kirch]

No response from dn to my invitation sent to her a week ago Friday for dinner at my house this Saturday. I put a FB post up....that said, 'Hey niece....glad you had fun tonight. You haven't answered my invitation to Mom and step dad's anniversary dinner. I sent it to you a week ago Friday. Need a head count sweetie."

 

Here is her private message response....

 

I am so sorry that I haven't replied... I thought I did, but also my computer's been messing up too, that might have been it.. But I had already had plans for this weekend since it's Thanksgiving weekend and all and everyone's out of schoolll.... I am sorry :(

 

I responded back PM....'everyone? Who is everyone? I am confused.'

 

I want to say so much more. Someone talk me down.

 

 

Maybe her fellow 20/21/22 year olds who are in college, some of whom may be in town only for the holiday week? Keep in mind too that if things have been strained with family, she may feel closer to her friends right now.

 

I'm really not sure why you're upset about this reply. :confused: She already has plans (which you already said wasn't the problem), and she's just clarifying, trying to let you know why she already has plans: she and friend(s) arranged however long ago to get together while everyone was off/home from school.