WWYD? Need some advice about little girls and neighbors

[Unicorn.]

Quick background info. We got new neighbors about 2 months ago. Single mom, two dd's. One is 18, the other is 8. My dd's were very excited to have someone their age (my dd's are 9) move in. They seemed very nice, and the girls play really well together (and always outside where we can see them).

 

Enter yesterday. DD's goes over to play w/ this little girl and she (let's call her "A") says to my dd(M), "My mom says I can only have one friend over at a time", and tells M to leave. M asks A's older sister if that is true, and the older sister says "If A says it is then it is". So M came home. 5 minutes later A and my other dd (E) go across our yard to the other neighbor's, and get the 8 yr old that lives there. So now M's feelings are hurt because she knows it was a lie.

 

Enter today!! M goes over to A's house (she was outside in the backyard) to see if she wanted to play. A just goes inside, then out comes her mom. Mom says to dd "A can't play right now". NOT 1 minute later- A is outside in the front yard playing w/ my other dd! And off they go to see if the other neighbor girl can play. I looked outside and M is standing in our driveway, leaning on dh's car, watching A play w/ E a few feet away. M is such a sweet little girl, and this just SU@KS!

 

I am so mad I can't stand it. If A only wants to play w/ E that's fine, she should say so. What has really made dh and I angry is the fact that the adults in this house are lying to my 9 yo.

 

If you have read this far, thank you. How would you handle this? Would you go talk to the other mom, not allow other dd to play w/ this little girl? It just hurts me to see this happening. I understand they will have their own friends and such, but adults lying to my kids is not ok. Uggghh.

[3lilreds in NC]

I don't know what I'd do, honestly. Part of me thinks that the right thing would be to go talk to the mom and find out what's going on. I am not sure I would really be able to make myself do it, though. It's nice, I suppose, that the mom is willing to take the fall for A when she doesn't want to play, but when your other daughter is allowed to play and then they involve yet another child? Come on! How rude is that?

 

I'd definitely talk to E about why she's willing to play with this little girl who will not play with her sister. I don't like to see siblings allow other siblings to be treated poorly. Having their own friends is one thing, but I don't think that is what I'd call this situation. I would tell E that leaving M out is not OK, and that letting A get away with lying about is is REALLY not OK.

 

And, whatever else happens, I think I'd call M in for some special just-with-mommy time.

 

I don't have the best answer. I am so sorry though.

[3lilreds in NC]

I would not let anyone play with that neighbor. E needs to be reminded that her sister's feelings are more important than someone who will blatantly lie.

 

I have so much more I would like to say, but I think I'm just getting worked up on poor M's behalf. I am a very loyal person and would most definitely have a talk with one of my girls if I saw them leaving their sister out that way. I wouldn't be able to stand it.

[Old Dominion Heather]

I think I would have a real problem with letting the other kid play with the girl. E needs to sit down with mom and talk about why it isn't ok. Blood is thicker than water and while it is ok to not have the same friends, it is NOT EVER ok to hurt your sister or brother like this.

 

E needs to be coached in how to deal with the situation with the neighbor. Beyond that, I might provide some really fun activities for sisters only.

 

That said, I would make sure that E had not done anything to make the kid want to not play, KWIM?

[Stacy in NJ]

Hmm, It sounds like A is being manipulative. She has to know that including one sister and excluding the other has to be hurtful. Maybe it's even a challenge to drive a wedge between sisters. I would have a talk seperately with both M and E. I would try to impress upon E how hurtful it must be to be left out. I wouldn't demand that she stop playing with A, but I would try to impress upon her how HER actions effect her sister. And that friends will come and go but sisters are forever. I would encourage them to play in your yard, with or without A, supervised by you, if possible. I would try to cultivate other friendships for E, possible with the other neighbor girl.

[Unicorn.]

You are too! :grouphug: M and I appreciate your empathy! But don't let it ruin your evening too!

 

I have so much more I would like to say, but I think I'm just getting worked up on poor M's behalf. I am a very loyal person and would most definitely have a talk with one of my girls if I saw them leaving their sister out that way. I wouldn't be able to stand it.

 

I did talk to her some yesterday, and mentioned that I didn't approve of the way A handled things, and asked her to put herself in her sister's shoes. I guess it didn't stick. I wouldn't let dh talk to dd tonight though, because our family time today was so awesome, I didn't want the day to end on a sour note-kwim

[Whisperlily]

I would not let anyone play with that neighbor. E needs to be reminded that her sister's feelings are more important than someone who will blatantly lie.

 

I have so much more I would like to say, but I think I'm just getting worked up on poor M's behalf. I am a very loyal person and would most definitely have a talk with one of my girls if I saw them leaving their sister out that way. I wouldn't be able to stand it.

 

:iagree:

 

I can't imagine one of my children playing with someone who said their siblings couldn't play too. I would tell the "favorite" DD that if she's asked to play, to tell the girl she will play with her ONLY if her sister can play too. I would role-play with her a little bit, and see if she knows how to handle this situation. The other girl will probably try to manipulate your DD by saying things about "other DD". If the girl can't "play nice," she'll have to find friends elsewhere.

[Remudamom]

Love me, love my sister. 'Nuff said.

[Sue G in PA]

her MOM! Wow. I wouldn't want ANY of my dc around A or her family. PERIOD. Lying in one situation can easily translate to others. If A is treating one of your dd's like this, whose to say she won't eventually do it to your other dd? Plus, I agree w/ the other posters re: sister loyalty over friend loyalty. It's tough b/c we want our dc to have friends. I just had a conversation with my dc today about quantity of friends vs. quality of friends. I'd rather each of my dc have ONE good, loyal, kind, etc. friend than MANY so-so friends who lie, manipulate, treat others poorly, etc.

[Kris]

I'm with Beth -- neither of them should be going over there. It doesn't shock me that kids would lie or be manipulative -- they're trying to get what they want and have to experiment to see what works. But when they're "doing it wrong" they shouldn't be rewarded for it.

 

I also have a "Godfather" philosophy of family unity -- you can bark and snipe and fight and chew on each other all you want behind closed doors, but you need to stick together when it comes to "outsiders." The girls should take care of each other in this situation, even if that means E stays home with A.

 

While I'm not surprised the girls might be pulling this, I'd be pretty disappointed in the mother lying like that. I think that's indefensible. Even if M had done something that had caused a problem, Mom should be discussing it with you if it's that important, not pulling garbage like this. I'm not against making kids feel bad if they've done something to deserve it, but they should know what it is! It could be just some kind of misunderstanding, but how would you know? How would she know? This is cowardly.

 

I'd try to talk to the mother about it and ask her if there's something going on you should know about, but I'd only do it once. I learned pretty quickly I couldn't ask a question and get a straight answer from any of my neighbors, so I just don't bother anymore. I don't know if you consider this woman a "friend" or an "acquaintance" -- but you'll find out quickly enough in trying to resolve this issue with her.

 

Good luck.

[OneRoomHomeSchool]

Haven't read the other replies, but if you want my *honest* opinion? :D

 

You cannot control what A or her mother does. However YOU can control what both YOUR dd's do. I think not only is A rude and her mother got problems, but YOUR other dd is being rude as well and that is just as much an issue as A.

 

I would not allow E to treat M that way. That is YOUR responsibilty. :leaving:

[Claire]

Honestly, I would not tolerate this. I would let A know that she can play with both my dd's or none. I would let E know that she has to come home with M if M is sent home. You have a right to set limits on your children's play. A can live with your rules or lump it.

[bkpan]

Honestly, I would not tolerate this. I would let A know that she can play with both my dd's or none. I would let E know that she has to come home with M if M is sent home. You have a right to set limits on your children's play. A can live with your rules or lump it.

 

And I would spend some considerable time seeking to instill a greater family loyalty in dds!

 

Kim in TN (used to be in NV)

[Friederike in Persia]

esp. when it comes to being loyal to your sister.

 

About the being lied to by an adult, we get that all the time and it stinks:glare: We talk about it with our dc, tell them it's wrong, but that we can't change how other people behave, we can only watch ourselves.

 

I'm having to teach my ds5 that his local play-school teacher, who he adores, is sometimes not telling the truth ("the police will get the naughty ones:001_huh:) and he can't believe her all the time.

[j.griff]

I would not let either DD play with the neighbor child any more. Not the type of child I'd want rubbing off on my DC. I would not insist on her playing with both DD's, because most likely she'd still mistreat M. I'd make myself VERY clear to both DD's that they are not allowed to play with neighbor, and I'd tell them why (she is causing strife/division/trouble/what-have-you). I'd tell them they are allowed to tell neighbor child why they can't play with her if she asks, but I would not give in to her begging to please be allowed to play with both of them. There are character issues that just aren't meshing with my family's style in her family, and while I wouldn't want my DC being rude to her, I wouldn't want them flocking with her either. Her colors have shown.

[Karen sn]

I just don't tolerate lying at all - and if this clicky stuff doesn't stop that would make 2 reasons my dds would not be allowed to play next door. I understand kids liking one friend over another - but lying is unacceptable behavior - as is blatantly hurting other people's feelings.

I rarely have these issues though because dd plays well all by herself and usually prefers it. She is excited about our soon to be new neighborhood full of kids - so I'm sure we will encounter this as well.

 

I think it can be a valuable lesson for the kids - we're not always wanted by everyone!

 

EDIT - I just read the other replies - I agree with the thinking that she may be power tripping and trying to manipulate the situation - dividing the sisters.

[Karen sn]

How scarry that a 5yo needs to know that his "teacher" lies. I don't think I could tolerate this from an ADULT.

ESPECIALLY one I need to have my kid respect.

[PariSarah]

I think you all three need to rehearse:

 

"My mom says we're not allowed to play with you as long as you lie to get your way and to hurt M's feelings."

 

"No, I'm sorry, my dds are not allowed to come play with you as long as you use blatant lies to get your way and to hurt M's feelings."

 

"No, I'm sorry, my daughters won't be playing with your daughter as long as she uses blatant lies to get her way and to hurt M's feelings. And as long as you lie, too, so that your daughter can hurt M's feelings. That's not a friendship that will be good for any of them in the long run. I expect my daughters to treat you and your daughter with respect and honesty, and they need to trust that you and she will do the same."

 

Maybe you'll want to come up with a way of saying that that you feel comfortable with, but the biggest favor you can do ALL of them--your daughters, the girl, and the girl's mother--is to name lying as the serious problem it is. Right now, the girl and her mother see it as a useful technique to get what A wants. And if E is aware of it (and she probably is), she'll start to see it that way too.

[Danestress]

This is a really sad situation, and I am sorry for your daughter. These things hurt children and hurt their parents too.

 

I can sort of understand lying like the parents did, though I would not let my daughter then turn around and play with someone else. If we said she couldn't play or that she could only play with one child, we would enforce that. But there is no way I would tell the full truth if the truth were, "My child doesn't really like you and doesn't want to play with you." Or even, "My child doesn't want to play with you today, she would rather play with other people." I just could never say that to a child. I don't think their problem was the lie. I think their problem was making so apparent that it *was* a lie.

 

The way I would probably handle this would be to tell E that her first loyalty is to her sister, and that she's to say that she likes playing with M most of all so if her friend is trying to exlude M, she's to say "but M is my favorite. Oh well, I guess we will play another time."

 

Edited to say that it's not that I really approve of lying. I just don't tell the truth if it's (1) really hurtful and (2) unnecessary. I don't think it's necessary to tell the girl "I don't want to play with you, but I would like to play with other people." I think it would be better for this Mom to tell her daughter that she can say, "I have other plans today" but then I would not let her play with others. That's assuming that it's really just a matter of not liking M. I don't like exclusive play like that. I tend to think if you are going to play in the neighborhood, you learn to put up with the different personalities. If it's were because of something M does - if M had been mean, aggressive, etc, then I think we would have to deal more with the truth.

[Chris in VA]

Would you truly have felt better (and would your rejected dd have felt better) if the little girl had said sweetly, "I don't want to play with you. I just want to play with your sister." Wouldn't your dd's feelings been hurt then, too? Would you have allowed your other daughter to continue to play with the neighbor?

This is hard.

Surely the lying is an issue, but underneath your anger at that, could there be the hurt of having one daughter rejected? How would you handle it if one of your daughters liked only one of a pair of close-in-age sisters who always hung around together? Would you advise that daughter to play with both, even if she only liked one of them? What a doozy this problem is.

You have made me think. I am not sure what I'd do. Perhaps some separation time is in order. And, if the mom asked why dd weren't playing right now, I think I'd just have to be brave enough to say, "Well, we noticed that, right after dd was told your dd couldn't play, she was playing with my other daughter. Did you mean your daughter just can't play with (rejected daughter)? (wait for answer) If yes--was there a reason for that? It seemed that you weren't being honest about your daughter not being able to play, and that hurt my dd's feelings, and frankly, mine, too. "

Asking for clarity leads to discussion. If you are going to let dds play at all with neighbors, I think you should be on good terms with the parents.

 

There. That's probably more than you needed from an outsider! Do what you think is right.

[Rebecca in GA]

Our rule at home and with friends is that everybody plays or nobody plays. There would be no more playing with this child for either of my girls. She sounds mean and manipulative and no way would I let their desire for friends wreck the relationship between my children.

 

I'd have a long, long talk with your DD about hurting her sister as well.

[Plaid Dad]

I would not let anyone play with that neighbor. E needs to be reminded that her sister's feelings are more important than someone who will blatantly lie.

 

Same here. I would talk with the mom briefly - to explain why my kids aren't going to be playing with hers anymore.

[Aubrey]

I would not let anyone play with that neighbor. E needs to be reminded that her sister's feelings are more important than someone who will blatantly lie.

 

:iagree:

[Melinda in VT]

I don't like the lying either, although I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and imagine that it is an awkward attempt to spare your daughter's feelings rather than hurt them. And it hurts to see one child excluded and I certainly wouldn't want to see that become the pattern.

 

On the other hand, I do allow my twins to accept solo invitations. (They are b/g twins, so that helps, but for a while my daughter played more with boys than girls so they had many of the same friends.) For play dates, usually only one is invited. For parties, it's a mix. Sometimes one gets invited, sometimes they both do.

 

If I want people to treat them as individuals, I can't then insist that they are a package deal.

[Rebecca in GA]

If I want people to treat them as individuals, I can't then insist that they are a package deal.

 

I understand and agree, even though I don't have twins. But in this instance, it looks like M is the only one being left out, because her sister, the neighbor girl and a third girl are playing all together and excluding her intentionally, lying about it to boot. When she wants to play, would your desire to see her treated as an individual extend to seeing her the only individual singled out to be excluded? Would you not then step in?

[Melinda in VT]

I understand and agree, even though I don't have twins. But in this instance, it looks like M is the only one being left out, because her sister, the neighbor girl and a third girl are playing all together and excluding her intentionally, lying about it to boot. When she wants to play, would your desire to see her treated as an individual extend to seeing her the only individual singled out to be excluded? Would you not then step in?

 

I was responding not so much to the OP as to posts about all siblings needing to be included. (And I might not have read as carefully as I should have.)

 

In this situation, I'd probably insist that most play times be inclusive of everyone (and work with E on sticking up for her sister's right to be included) but allow for scheduled 1-1 play times for E and A. Of course, if they can't graciously include M during the group times, then I'd not allow E to play with A.

 

I'm assuming here that M has normal social skills. If not, I'd try to work with her on anything that might make her tough to play with.

 

And I hope I've got the initials right. :001_smile:

[Mom2GirlsTX]

that given the mother has lied and the big sister has lied, I wouldn't let either one of my girls play with her. This is not a case of simply wanting to play with one child and not the other, this is a carefully orchestrated plot to hurt M's feelings. I simply would not let either girl go play with the girl next door, they need to be taught clickish behaviour is wrong. And to those that think I don't think kids should play seperately would be wrong, I do let me girls go to seperate friends houses and they aren't a package deal, but if a neighbor was mistreating (LYING) to one of my girls, neither would be playing with her!

I feel so bad for M....I'm probably not making sense because I'm angry at how your daughter is being treated!

And I totally agree with what 3LilRedHens said.

[Melinda in VT]

that given the mother has lied and the big sister has lied, I wouldn't let either one of my girls play with her. This is not a case of simply wanting to play with one child and not the other, this is a carefully orchestrated plot to hurt M's feelings. I simply would not let either girl go play with the girl next door, they need to be taught clickish behaviour is wrong. And to those that think I don't think kids should play seperately would be wrong, I do let me girls go to seperate friends houses and they aren't a package deal, but if a neighbor was mistreating (LYING) to one of my girls, neither would be playing with her!

I feel so bad for M....I'm probably not making sense because I'm angry at how your daughter is being treated!

And I totally agree with what 3LilRedHens said.

 

I think the part in bold is referring to my post. I want to clarify that my post was not intended to be a response to any one particular poster, but more to a general sense I got from reading various posts. As I said earlier, I might not have been reading as carefully as I ought, so it's entirely possible that what I am responding to does not actually correspond to anyone's thoughts on the subject.

[Peek a Boo]

I would tell them we're taking a break from that family for a solid week. No playing w/them at all.

 

I would then spend that week pointing out that while we don't need to have "package deals" in play time, there does need to be some equality in time spent for now.

 

We have a kid across the street w/ issues --lying, disobedience, values, etc etc. It has taken a LOT of instances where we "ground" him from playing w/ our kids. Sometimes it will be because of something MY kids did [he was rubbing off on them] and i let him know that if they do X, they can't play. Sometimes i tell him it's because of what HE did --he did X and my kids aren't allowed to spend time w/ people who do that.

 

I do insist that when playtime starts up that HE come over HERE and play under my supervision. Not just "in and around the house" but w/ me explicitly watching and interacting. NOTHING beats a great lesson and model and way to deal firsthand w/ situations like the interaction :-)

 

Once we have supposedly straightened out the situation, I slowly give them more freedom: first, all together for an hour over there, then maybe all for two hours, then they can take turns. But if ANYONE ever comes home w/ a bad attitude or hurt feelings, we're back to square one. And I spell out the WHOLE process upfront.

 

In your case, if one was allowed to come over, then they didn't hold to the taking turns deal, It would be a solid two weeks before even considering playing again.

 

good luck-

 

A~

[beansprouts]

Well I hope the situation works out as it will be so nice for your girls to have a friend their age. One thing to remember is this neighbor girl is a child, and will tend to act and behave like one. Children tend to be selfish, and selfish behavior is annoying and hurtful. The mother, otoh should know better. But communication may very well solve the problem.

 

These people are also relative strangers to you, and it seems all three of them may have difficulty in accurately presenting reality. (Though it is entirely possible they are operating on some twisted sense of "family loyalty".) If you are able to work out an arrangement, I hope you will require them to play where you can easily check on them. I would not at this point have my children playing inside their home unless I am there with them. With time maybe you could build enough trust to let them play unsupervised.

[Amy loves Bud]

No, E would not be playing with that child any more. You can't change a family that thinks lying and leaving a sweet child out is okay, but you can work on E and teach that 1)her sister is more important than a lying, manipulative neighbor and 2)it's just wrong to blatantly leave a child out and she shouldn't treat anyone this way, whether it's her sister or not.

 

If it was a very occasional, one-on-one playdate, I might be inclined to make an exception, but this just sounds like general neighborhood kid play and for my kids, the rule is we don't leave anyone out in that situation.

[Unicorn.]

Thank you for all of your thoughts. I truly appreciate everyone taking the time to give me your perspective.

 

I do want to add that I'm not so much angry at the little girl, she's a child. It's the mother's actions that upset me. I also want to say, I don't think this little girl is manipulative. The little girl that lives on the other side of us has some issues, and A has always been very kind to her, so I don't think she is a mean spirited child at all.

 

I also wanted to add that my dd's know that it is ok to have individual friends, and I encourage that. I also have a friend w/ dd's close in age, and it always is a package deal when we our dc together, and the kids are ok w/ that. I have let them play individually w/ other kids in the neighborhood when they have asked to do so, and found other activities for the ones who stayed at home.

 

Chris in VA- you asked if I would have been ok w/ the little girl telling M "I only want to play w/ your sister". The answer is yes, because even though M would have been a little hurt and disappointed, she would have understood WHY. Instead she is absolutely crushed and confused. I do appreciate everything you wrote, it truly helped me think some things through!

 

I will go and talk to the mom today to find out if my dd has done something we are not aware of, and then go from there. I do know that we will be taking a break from this child for a few days- at Least, and working w/ E on how to be a better sister.

 

I'm sorry I got so long-winded. ( This is why I don't post much, I just can't say it short and sweet and have it come out right) Thanks again everyone. I'll let you know what happens after I talk to the mom.

[Jennifer in NH]

With my kids it is a package deal as well. I wouldn't put them in that situation again and I would definately talk with E about her sister's feelings.

 

Good luck!

[Mom2GirlsTX]

Oh my...no no no, I was not referring to your post or anyones, I didn't read all the posts, I just meant a thought in general. Besides as I said, after reading the posters post, I was just seeing red. I truly was not referring to your post, I don't know that I even read it. Sorry if my ramblings seemed pointed.

 

I think the part in bold is referring to my post. I want to clarify that my post was not intended to be a response to any one particular poster, but more to a general sense I got from reading various posts. As I said earlier, I might not have been reading as carefully as I ought, so it's entirely possible that what I am responding to does not actually correspond to anyone's thoughts on the subject.

[Unicorn.]

I was going to talk to A's mom today while my dc were at P.E., but she wasn't home. So instead I talked to dd, and then I decided I couldn't go talk to this woman, because I just might hit her.

 

I asked E if she knew why A didn't want to play with M. This is part of the conversation:

Me: "Do you know what is going on w/ A and why she doesn't want to play w/ M?"

E : "They told me not to tell M why."

Me: "Who is 'They'?"

E- "Well, A's mom said not to tell M. A actually tried to defend M to her mom."

Me: "So it is her mom that doesn't want M to play w/ A?"

E: "yeah"

 

Excuse me?! :cursing: So I talked to dd about how it was wrong for a grownup (or anyone else) to lie to a little girl. And how much worse it was to ask E to lie to her family. She interrupted to say she didn't want to play w/ A anymore, and that her sister was more important, and would always be there, but friends come and go. (She has been listening!) I had a long talk w/ her and then her sister.

 

Oh, and what did M do that upset the mom? Apparently last week A, M, and the other little girl that they play with(B) were all playing in A's backyard. M and B came up to me (I was outside) and M said "A accidently tripped B. I tried to get them to say sorry, but they won't"

B showed me her knee, and I told her it was probably just an accident and didn't A say she was sorry? B said No, she didn't. B and M played in our front yard for a little while after that. A little while later, E tells me that A got her feelings hurt. So I talked to M and B about A feeling left out, and they needed to go apologize. After that, all 4 played the rest of the afternoon.

 

Apparently because of this A's mom considers my dd (M) a bully, and doesn't want her playing w/ A. :001_huh: So obviously the woman is psycho. My dd's won't be playing w/ A for awhile, and if A wants to play, it will be at MY house, with BOTH my dd's, or not at all!

 

Ugghh! Thanks again everyone!

[beansprouts]

Okay, it is WAY too late for me to be up and I am a little lost in the initials here, but I assigned names to the letters and I think I know who is who now...

 

What I think I understand is that "Amy" next door had a conflict with "Bonnie" the other little girl they play with which "Megan" told you about. You checked out "Bonnie's" knee, assured her it was probably an accident, but she and "Megan" decided to play by themselves for a while. The problem would be that "Amy's" feelings were hurt when her two friends left and went to go play by themselves. So "Amy's Mom" decided that since "Megan" was apparently being hurtful and excluding her child from their play (her perspective, not mine) then "Amy" should not play with her anymore. Do I have that right so far?

[Unicorn.]

EVEN tho, I sent "bonnie" and "Megan" to apologize to "amy" for excluding her. AND "amy" never did apologize to "bonnie" for causing her to trip.

[Robin in Tx]

Honestly, I would not tolerate this. I would let A know that she can play with both my dd's or none. I would let E know that she has to come home with M if M is sent home. You have a right to set limits on your children's play. A can live with your rules or lump it.

 

I agree with this, too... BUT I would also tell A that if she wants to play with one of yoaur dds it has to be at your house. If she asks why, just tell her that's the way you want it... they can play at your house or in your yard, because you want to keep an eye on them.

 

And I would not talk to the mom about this. That's just asking for trouble/hard feelings. If the mom approaches you, I would tell her that you were concerned that E and A were hurting M's feelings by excluding her and that that is not allowed in your home, so you want the play time to stay under your supervision for now. It's really not your place to correct A or her mom, but it is definitely your place to teach E&M that this is not the way friends treat each other, much less sisters. Teach*them* that they can play with A only if they do so in a way that doesn't betray the other.

 

Good luck... what a tough situation!

[gardenschooler]

She interrupted to say she didn't want to play w/ A anymore, and that her sister was more important, and would always be there, but friends come and go. (She has been listening!) I had a long talk w/ her and then her sister.

 

It sounds like your dd knows what's important, and sees this little girl and her mom for what they really are. Manipulative, divisive trouble-makers, if you ask me.

Oh, and what did M do that upset the mom? Apparently last week A, M, and the other little girl that they play with(B) were all playing in A's backyard. M and B came up to me (I was outside) and M said "A accidently tripped B. I tried to get them to say sorry, but they won't"

B showed me her knee, and I told her it was probably just an accident and didn't A say she was sorry? B said No, she didn't. B and M played in our front yard for a little while after that. A little while later, E tells me that A got her feelings hurt. So I talked to M and B about A feeling left out, and they needed to go apologize. After that, all 4 played the rest of the afternoon.

 

Apparently because of this A's mom considers my dd (M) a bully, and doesn't want her playing w/ A. :001_huh: So obviously the woman is psycho. My dd's won't be playing w/ A for awhile, and if A wants to play, it will be at MY house, with BOTH my dd's, or not at all!

 

Ugghh! Thanks again everyone!

 

Sounds like she's been led to believe the world revolves around her. If I'm following this correctly, the neighbor child you are having a problem with felt left out. She tripped another neighbor friend, but felt insulted that the victim wouldn't apologize to her? And what exactly did your M do wrong? Play with the victim of the tripping? I'm not surprised that this little snot refused to apologize.

 

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! I would relegate these neighbors to the 'smile and wave' category. I bet interactions with this little girl will cause perpetual problems if you don't. I also think it's helpful and even necessary to be able to communicate with the parents of any friend.

 

Really, though, these people sound positively awful. Also, since she is a neighbor, if they play with her it would probably be frequently. You don't want these attitudes rubbing off, do you?

 

Good riddance!:leaving:

[BMC]

<><

[Doran]

 

Apparently because of this A's mom considers my dd (M) a bully, and doesn't want her playing w/ A. :001_huh: So obviously the woman is psycho. My dd's won't be playing w/ A for awhile, and if A wants to play, it will be at MY house, with BOTH my dd's, or not at all!

 

Ugghh! Thanks again everyone!

 

I'm glad you found the real root of the issue. It sounds like you handled it very well, and it sounds like your girls are sensitive kids with a really great mom.

 

Doran

[Chris in VA]

Glad you found peace with the situation.

Just think of it as good training for junior high.

:D

[Kris]

And I would not talk to the mom about this.

 

Actually, I *would* try to talk to the Mom about this. I'd start out with something like, "Can you shed any light on what's going on with the kids lately?"

 

We've settled quite a few problems this way -- you never know exactly what this woman's been told or what she thinks she's seen until you actually talk to her.

 

It's true she's already got one strike against her for lying. And I wouldn't waste a lot of time with her, especially if she's not really a friend. But I would try to work with her *one* time. If she's totally unreasonable, or just says, "Oh, nothing" then she isn't worth bothering with.

 

I guess a lot of people here are lucky to have young kids who don't lie or mold fact to suit their purposes, but I'm not so fortunate. My son got into quite a bit of trouble one year in PS and even got into a physical fight with his best friend.

 

I thought it was over and done with, but even a year later the boy couldn't come over to our house and wouldn't play with him at school. Of course I didn't think it was right for my son to hit him, but I figured they'd get over it and move on, like young kids do. I found out the boys *did* get over it -- but his Mom didn't.

 

I finally got the Mom to talk to me and found out that my son had told her son that *we* thought it was all the other boy's fault that our son had been in so much trouble that year. Well OF COURSE NOT!

 

She rightly felt that she didn't want her boy playing with my son if we were going to blame him every time something went wrong.

 

I was shocked and mortified that he'd made up such a story to cover his own butt. But I never would have known if I hadn't bothered to talk to her.