How do you feel about children in your bed?

[Harriet Vane]

Children are generally welcome in our bed.

 

When dd was born, we were in a one-bedroom apartment. Dd's crib was in our bedroom. She did not sleep with us. Dh didn't like the idea, and it didn't seem all that necessary.

 

Then we moved. Dd slept in our bed the first night or two after our move because her room wasn't set up, and I immediately fell in love with co-sleeping. I'd always been drawn to the idea of the family bed because of the cuddliness factor and because I worried that I would not hear if the baby was sick or needed me. However, what made me really fall in love with it was the fact that I got so much more sleep! Since dd breastfed, there was a major difference in having her right in my bed. Dh agreed to the family bed because he wanted me to feel that well rested.

 

Dd eventually had to transition to her own bed because she was a bed-hog who often slept with both arms straight out to keep us away. She was almost 2 when this really got to be an issue.

 

When ds was born, funnily enough I had a need for personal space and did not want a full-time co-sleeper. He started nights in his own bed and joined us when he needed to nurse, staying then for the rest of the night in our bed. As ds grew, he developed a habit of kicking off his covers in his sleep, getting really cold, and then running over to our bed for the rest of the night. He continued in our bed half the night until he was probably 6yo.

 

Now the kids are just too darned big to be in our bed. If someone is sick, dh sleeps elsewhere and the sick kid sleeps with me. That way I am right there if they need me. If someone has a nightmare or needs us, they can come snuggle for a while, and then sleep in a cot right next to my bed.

 

With regard to your friend who is so opposed: There is nothing in the Bible forbidding co-sleeping, although many choose to make this a moral issue. I feel strongly that this is really wrong. It is not a moral issue. People make decisions on this issue based on sleeping comfortably, getting enough sleep, and being good parents. I have known many, many co-sleepers who are emotionally healthy, rational people, AND I have known many who all sleep in separate beds in separate rooms who are also emotionally healthy, rational people. This is not a moral issue--it's a do-whatever-works issue.

[Laura Corin]

We welcome the boys into our bed if they get nightmares or otherwise need serious support, then encourage them back to their own beds afterwards. Calvin hasn't come to our bed in some time; Hobbes still does.

 

Laura

[KidsHappen]

Well, we are attachment parents and have co-slept since the beginning so as long as they don't puch, kick, push me or snore I am good with it. The incoherent mublings are sometimes amusing even. I have slept with the 17 year old recently (although I can't remember why), the 16 year old not since my mother died. The other two are not unusual occurances. Now I go to their houses and sleep in their beds.

[Orthodox6]

Not my style at all, especially as one with insomnia, but I recognize that there are cultures and families which like this parenting approach.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[Lizzie in Ma]

 

Co-sleeping is like every other parenting choice; just like extended nursing, homeschooling or vaccinations. You have to do what's best for your family. It is going to be different for every family. It shouldn't be a problem if one family makes a different choice than another. The problems occur when one person assumes that another person is making the choice they are out of ignorance. I prefer to assume that every parent is doing their best just like I am trying to.

 

Amber in SJ

 

:iagree::iagree: lovely

[nmoira]

Each girl was in our bed until 3, and our five year old still sleeps on a mattress on our floor. It probably would have been longer if we'd had a king sized bed.

Edited September 16, 2009 by nmoira

[tabrizia]

We co-sleep. DS has his own bed, that he and DH start the night in, sometimes DH comes into the master bedroom after DS is asleep, most of the time he doesn't. DD sleeps with me, she is just happier having someone to snuggle with. We hadn't planned on co-sleeping with DS, but the first night home from the hospital I couldn't sleep with him next to me in the co-sleeper, he was too far away, we've been co-sleepers since then. He slept in the king bed with both me and DH till he was around 18 months and moved into his bed with DH, because I needed space to myself with my pregnancy.

 

DS will come into the master bedroom in the morning after DH leaves as well and snuggle up with me and DD, and sleep for another hour or 2, which is nice. He knows he is welcome in whichever bed he wants to sleep in, he generally prefers his bed with DH at night though.

 

I figure they'll be big soon enough and as long as they want to snuggle up at night, I am fine with it.

 

Of course both of mine are littles, my feelings might change as they get older, but I am doubting it at the moment.

[LibraryLover]

After all, if you cannot be alone with your husband, in your own bed then where else??

.

 

 

This is a family joint, so all details will be spared.

 

However, the bed is not the only place to be.

 

I think our children have forced (encouraged?) us to be very creative. :D

 

That is all.

[Tangerine]

I agree. I don't ever feel we "didn't" when we "wanted to" because of our sleeping situation. How's that for vague?

[Kari C in SC]

I don't think it is bad for a family bed if it works for your family. Personally, I only have nursing babies in my bed. My kids know that I will send them back to their beds and not to even ask to sleep in my bed. Whatever works is great.

[LibraryLover]

I don't think it is bad for a family bed if it works for your family. Personally, I only have nursing babies in my bed. My kids know that I will send them back to their beds and not to even ask to sleep in my bed. Whatever works is great.

 

 

Absoultey. However one meets the needy-needs of children at night is fine.

 

I just don't want people thinking sex is an after-thought, or is tossed aside for us co-sleepers.

 

Kids in a bed; well, it's just kids in a bed, and has nothing to do with important marital supplements. ;)

[Jennifer in MI]

I slept with a parent, grandparent, or sibling until I went to college. That's just normal for my culture, and also for a family of my size. I didn't do anything differently with my own kids - we share the bed, and always have. We have a spare bed/room that either is welcome to use (and sometimes the elder will just so he can stay up later and read) but for the most part we're a family bed kind of people.

 

I didn't even know there was a name for it or such controversy (here) surrounding it until I began frequenting a parenting board when I was first pregnant. I thought just everyone grew up this way because it's all I knew.

 

My kids turn 4 and 9 this month. I love (read: benefit from) sleeping across from them when they look like angels, especially after a day of them acting like beasts :D it endears me to them.

 

I love this! Thank you for sharing. I remember sleeping in my parent's bed even after I came home from college because I was sick and needed my mommy!!

 

I also love your quote about how they look like angels at night after acting like beasts all day. So true!!! It helps after a long, long day to look across the bed and see them looking so angelic!!

 

I After all, if you cannot be alone with your husband, in your own bed then where else??

 

Heehee. I'm not going to touch this with a ten foot pole. But, suffice it to say, I'm blushing!!! Um . . . yup. Things can happen . . . . .

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[jplain]

Ha ha ha ha!!!!:lol::lol::lol:

 

I think this is true of having children in general.

 

I'm convinced this is the original reason for Saturday morning cartoons. :lol:

[Lizzie in Ma]

We co-slept with both our girls as babies, loved every minute of it.

Our oldest moved out of our bed when the youngest was born, she was around 5 at the time. But she still came in often enough that we joked about just getting a king sized mattress and throwing it on the floor. :)

 

Our 9 year old will still often sleep with us and our 13 year old likes us to lie down with her sometimes.

 

Last night for the first time in years she slept in our bed but that was because she is unwell and frightened and just wiped out.

 

They are (mostly) always welcome to do so.

[Carrie12345]

I share my bed with babies, but I've always wound up evicting toddlers. Each and every one of my kids has wound up being a violent sleeper, and I get very angry with it!

 

My 2yo often climbs into bed with dh and me at the end of the day. He loves to be in the middle, wrapping an arm around each one of us, and it's absolutely precious. But once he starts to get sleepy, he's out of here! :tongue_smilie:

 

My girls used to sleep together pretty often, but I haven't noticed that happening lately. And all 4 kids love to camp out on the living room floor together.

[kewb]

We are co-sleepers. Well not so much anymore-the kids take after me and like their own sleep space. When they were infants we shared the bed. As toddlers they started in the night in their own rooms but if they woke up they were welcome to come into our bed. Now they rarely come into our room in the middle of the night but if they do they are still welcome. One of their favorite things to do is have a camp out in our room. The bed is a bit crowded if all 4 of us are in it so they bring in their sleeping bags and bunker down.

[Tree House Academy]

I have never been one to put the kids in our bed, though we often blow up the air mattresses and the kids camp out in our room. :) When my younger was a baby, he slept beside our bed in a convertible crib for his first 9 mos.