BakersDozen Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Seriously, I am done. I had my best friend move who had 2dc, then another precious friend whose 4dc were the same age/gender as my first 4dc, next came a wonderful lady w/6dc same ages/gender as my first 6dc. All of them moved within a year or so of our friendship developing to the point we were at each other's house every weekend, talking so far into the night our dc would fall asleep and get carried to the van. So after the lady w/6dc moved I swore off any more friendships...until I met one of the dearest ladies in the world who has 8dc (yep, almost the same ages/gender as my 8dc). And guess what? She's moving! In 2 weeks!!! I knew it was coming, even told her last year that if she became friends with me she would move before 2009 was over. She laughed at the time. Now we're both crying because this woman is my twin, my soul-sister. I feel deflated and defeated and so lonely I want to sob. The only consolation I have is that after each friend moved I had more babies and met someone who had that many dc as well so hopefully that pattern will continue. ;) I'm just glad our dc weren't as close as with the other friends' dc because when the lady w/6dc told us she was leaving, my sweet 10yod looked at me with tears running down her face and asked me why God would let this happen again. My heart broke for her, for all of my dc who have lost too many friends over the last 4 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Are you not able to continue your friendships through letters, phone calls, e-mails and possibly the occasional visit? I know it isn't the same but if you are kindred spirits it seems like your friendship should be able to weather even a move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurad1125 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 :grouphug: I can so relate to you. I live in such a transient place and have never found it easy to make friends. The ones that I have made always moved away. I understand completely how you feel. At least you have to opportunity with email to keep in regular contact with them. I wish I had been better about writing letters before email because now my old friends are lost to me forever. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: This from someone who is getting ready to take her daughter to the other coast so she can celebrate her 13th birthday with dear friends we moved away from almost three years ago. I do feel your pain. Very much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeanne in MN Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I don't know that I've had friends quite that close, but I have had dear friends move away and it bites big time. And we all know how important those relationships are to us! I feel your pain. We had a dear family from our homeschool group move away about a year ago. We have another family where the mom is widowed and is now remarrying and moving across country within a month. Two of her sons are dear friends with our boys. A third family who I adore is also considering moving quite a distance away. Too many losses in a short time. It's heart breaking really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 Are you not able to continue your friendships through letters, phone calls, e-mails and possibly the occasional visit? I know it isn't the same but if you are kindred spirits it seems like your friendship should be able to weather even a move. We do write and email. Phone calls are hard just because we all have so many dc and are busy until well into the evening. Visits are almost impossible because I live in AZ and these friends moved to the Midwest or somewhere like Virginia - not exactly a quick trip kind of thing. And it's just not the same. Every Friday night I still get the urge to call the friend w/4dc and invite them over for a potluck dinner and flashlight tag. I think of planning a park day yet can't think of one family whom we could invite. There are families in our church and hs group who have a # of kids but not the kind of kids I want my dc spending 5 seconds around much less 5 hours. These were the kind of friends who, when I found out one was having bad cramps and her dc were eating cereal for dinner, let us walk into her house and pack up the kids for an evening at my house w/my dh while I stayed to clean bathrooms/do laundry. They were the kind of friends who were involved in our family life to the point that they were family. Unfortunately, the news of this latest friend moving comes right at a time when I am feeling so horribly lonely as it is. We live in a small town yet it is an isolated community and meeting others/connecting is difficult. Good grief, here come the waterworks again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I am so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 :grouphug: I am so sorry. I do understand. BTDT. The last time I moved across the country. I prayed for God to send me a few great friends, and He did. At the risk of sounding shallow, I offer up this pearl of wisdom, albeit cliche: it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Please don't give up on friendship. We need one another in this world. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLCH Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 :grouphug: I have also sworn off friendships. However, every time God had a different plan. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dooley Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Do you realize how fortunate you have been??? To have made such close friends, as an adult....really, as we go through our lives, we only meet a few people who touch us like your friends do you. I think you must be a pretty special woman to have had them. I also think, because of who YOU are, you will be making more friends like them. You must be a doll. God bless you and all your future relationships!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runninmommy Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Seriously, I am done. I had my best friend move who had 2dc, then another precious friend whose 4dc were the same age/gender as my first 4dc, next came a wonderful lady w/6dc same ages/gender as my first 6dc. All of them moved within a year or so of our friendship developing to the point we were at each other's house every weekend, talking so far into the night our dc would fall asleep and get carried to the van. So after the lady w/6dc moved I swore off any more friendships...until I met one of the dearest ladies in the world who has 8dc (yep, almost the same ages/gender as my 8dc). And guess what? She's moving! In 2 weeks!!! I knew it was coming, even told her last year that if she became friends with me she would move before 2009 was over. She laughed at the time. Now we're both crying because this woman is my twin, my soul-sister. I feel deflated and defeated and so lonely I want to sob. The only consolation I have is that after each friend moved I had more babies and met someone who had that many dc as well so hopefully that pattern will continue. ;) I'm just glad our dc weren't as close as with the other friends' dc because when the lady w/6dc told us she was leaving, my sweet 10yod looked at me with tears running down her face and asked me why God would let this happen again. My heart broke for her, for all of my dc who have lost too many friends over the last 4 years. :grouphug: This is the dilemma of every military wife. It is so hard to loose good friends and people but truly, you can do so much these days through Skype or other web-cam chats (my girlfriends and I have coffee together that way) phone calls, letters and visits. You can still keep very close with a little work and technology. Don't stop making friends or you will miss out on some really wonderful people. Even if it has to be long distance. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 :grouphug: I understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Frankweiler Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry you're going through this. In the military, moving is part of life, but having good friends move away so often is one of the hardest things we go through. The person left behind always has it worse. The good news is, it sounds like you are very good at making friends, which is a wonderful, not-so-easy trait to have. (I wish I could be a little more like that, because usually by the time I make a good friend, it's about time for one of us to move!) Keep doing whatever you're doing. Why do they keep moving away? Are you in a transient/military town? This may be controversial, but maybe next time you find a nice person and go through your mental "screening process," find out how permanent they will be before you get close to them. On one hand, you might miss out on a good friend if they're short-termers...but on the other hand, you (& your kids) don't have to be glutens for punishments. You've certainly endured plenty of heartache. Try to stay close to your old friends. I know...there's nothing like having them down the street and popping in for pizza any night, but these days it's very easy to keep communication open. How far away have your friends moved? Is it possible to visit them? Or maybe you could plan a trip halfway? (like meeting them at a theme park or other touristy venue.) Hang in there, and keep an eye out for the next large family who seems lonely. You are lucky for having made these good friends in the past, and I'm sure it will happen again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susu Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Yes, that is one of the things I am finding with being a new military wife. (My husband has been a reservist and we are at our first active duty post.) I am now on my second close friend in a year's time who is now moving. Even if you yourself are not the one moving, chances are high that the other will move...so as a military wife I have to either choose to be friendless or risk my heart every few months... But, you know what? That old adage, "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all", may be trite, but it's true. Though it hurts really badly to have a friend move...it hurts worse to be lonely. So...I am learning to keep putting my heart out there...and putting it into more than one basket! :) I am currently cultivating 2 or 3 friendships and hoping that I can hedge my bets by having more than one close friend at a time. (Which is hard for me, being more of an introvert who tends to put all her energy into one friendship at a time.) Anyway...I offer sympathy, and encouragement to just keep being friendly. Evidently you have a special gift for friendship, since you have made so many very dear friends...it would be a shame to waste that! Susu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 :grouphug: I am so sorry. I do understand. BTDT. The last time I moved across the country. I prayed for God to send me a few great friends, and He did. At the risk of sounding shallow, I offer up this pearl of wisdom, albeit cliche: it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Please don't give up on friendship. We need one another in this world. :grouphug: 'scuse me while I grin and preen, assuming that I'm one of those 'great friends' :D:lol: Like SpecialMama, I moved across country. Before she did, actually, but from the same province. Creeeepy. I'm not great at making friends either. I have to say that becoming a homeschooling parent greatly increased my exposure to folks that seem to 'get me'. Others just think I'm a freak and run screaming into the night. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIch elle Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 We really have never had ANY! And our families live 200 to 500 or more miles away. Both my parents are gone. I've tried SO hard over the years to make, keep and have friends and NOBODY ever calls me or invites us to play at their home. The same for my boys. Oh, there is one that I see every so often (a few times/yr) that will call & invite us over. There is one family at church who invites my boys over. Be grateful you had those relationships! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyWifeandMommy Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Are you military? Sounds like the military life. We move really soon and I am not trying to find friends, IRL for my DCs or myself. We have gone from IRL friends to distant friendships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 We really have never had ANY! And our families live 200 to 500 or more miles away. Both my parents are gone. I've tried SO hard over the years to make, keep and have friends and NOBODY ever calls me or invites us to play at their home. The same for my boys. Oh, there is one that I see every so often (a few times/yr) that will call & invite us over. There is one family at church who invites my boys over. Be grateful you had those relationships! :D That's more like my experience. It's SO HARD to make friends. Women my age are either married with kids and therefore busy or career gals and therefore busy. It's so difficult to meet new people who are willing to take on a new person. It seems to me that by the time a person is in their 30's their social structure and schedule seems pretty much fixed and they just can't fit in any new friends. It's really difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 :grouphug: This is the dilemma of every military wife. It is so hard to loose good friends and people but truly, you can do so much these days through Skype or other web-cam chats (my girlfriends and I have coffee together that way) phone calls, letters and visits. You can still keep very close with a little work and technology. Don't stop making friends or you will miss out on some really wonderful people. Even if it has to be long distance. :grouphug: :iagree: and :grouphug: We move often, it would be easy to say don't bother...but then you never have any friends and that's no kind of life to have. That is one great thing about homeschooling through frequent moves, my children are good friends and play well together, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be as close if we weren't able to homeschool. It's nice that I can keep their schooling constant and give them time together. The partings are tough, though. However, we have a few times run into families again! Great friends with children of similar ages who also homeschool have been within an hour of us 3 times since we first met them 9 years ago! The 2nd time we were moved where they were, it was a complete surprise, my husband got accepted to a school that was starting as a new program that wasn't even being advertised and he didn't even apply for! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I have been in your shoes and it's a painful place to be. I learned to lean on God alone, be there 100% for my family only, and then we finally got to a place years ago where we've met friends who have been here all their lives (I relocated to New England 26 years ago) and our relationships are very close aqnd they appear to be here for the long haul. We still continue to lose friends, though. Just last night I learned we'd be losing more. Living in New England is more expensive than many other parts of the country and economic struggles hit here hard. During every recession we lost friends who were forced to move down south or OK. It's tiring and hurtful but I have learned to trust God and simply pray for God's blessing on my friends and their family. I was so tired of losing great friends, and my kids losing great friends, that I, too, decided NO MORE, but it was an awful lonely spot to be in. I couldn't do it again. My 14 yos has his friend, who moved to FL, come back to visit him EVERY YEAR for the past 8 years. He stays with us and since his family doesn't have much money, he sacrifices any birthday party, Christimas gifts or birthday gifts so he can come see my son. They've always been so close. I hate to lose friends and even decided I can't keep in touch with anymore long distant friendships because I have too many. But I've changed my mind there, too. We don't see each other much at all, but I have friends who live all over the US who I've known for 34, 26, 22 years, and many others I've known for 10+ years. I love to hears from them. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I pray for God's peace and contentment for you. I went through a lonely two years before I decided that I wasn't going to shut myself off simply because I *may* make another friend I lose. Right now I'm really sad at the number of people who have left our homeschool co-op. I had NO idea there was a ton of gossip going on. I see all these gossipers on a regular basis but I simply cut off gossip the second it starts. I have wonderful relationships with these ladies. Others are too burnt out from all they've heard and the high maintenance of these ladies and have left the group. Now it's going to take commitment on my part to make sure my oldest dd, especially, still sees her close friends. On top of all we're already doing it will be hard. The co-op used to take care of playdates for me because the kids had at least an hour to simply SOCIALIZE when all was done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 :grouphug: This is the dilemma of every military wife. It is so hard to loose good friends and people but truly, you can do so much these days through Skype or other web-cam chats (my girlfriends and I have coffee together that way) phone calls, letters and visits. You can still keep very close with a little work and technology. Don't stop making friends or you will miss out on some really wonderful people. Even if it has to be long distance. :grouphug: I agree, I'm in the same boat and it is really difficult. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 Are you military? No, just someone who can guarantee w/100% accuracy that anyone who befriends me will move within 12mo. Now that puts me in a much more difficult situation because who would want to be friends with someone like that?! It's like I carry a curse. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 My heart broke for her, for all of my dc who have lost too many friends over the last 4 years. It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlockOfSillies Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I totally hear you. Hearing the old adage, "It's better to have loved and lost..." is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I'm not the type of person to just call people to say Hi. I'm busy, I figure they're busy, and I feel like I'm intruding on them. Add 100 or 1000 or 10,000 miles to that and it's just so awkward. Besides, with my best friends who've moved away, I will call them and end up on the phone for two hours. I can't do that with everyone who's moved away. I'd never get anything done. Facebook helps a little. And I actually take pride in the fact that our Christmas cards go out to more than 500 addresses every year. The disappointing thing is that no matter how close I get to some women, there's always some other female friend that's closer, kwim? The one that gets all of the "hey, let's go do such-and-such" invitations. It also gets harder now that we have five kids. I think people with smaller families have it a little easier sometimes in this department. It's easier to have a family of four or five come to your house for dinner than it is a family of six or more. But the biggest thing I've learned over the years is that apart from God, the only friend I can really count on is the one who promised me he would never move away. Everyone else can be a good friend/acquaintance. I've just had to lower my expectations. Hurts, but works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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