How to homeschool a rebellious 7yr. old

[pereztribe]

I have tried calling my husband at work, small rewards if the school day goes well, spankings, grounding...

We are 6 months into homeschooling. I don't want to give up and send her to a private school that we can't afford and no way am I putting her back in public school.

I just don't get it...in school she was her teachers' favorite. All her teachers had really good things to say about her...My friends think she's an angel and come to me for parenting advice...But at home...sheesh. It's like I'm dealing with a Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde...

Our day will go like this:

 

Mommy: Okay, you finished breakfast, it's 9:00, time for school.

DD: NO! I don't want to do school.

M: You have to.

DD: No!

M: Get up and go to the table!

DD: NO! I will not get up and I won't write from the Bible. I don't like it!

 

And so on and so on untill I send her to her room...

 

Any advice? I am really committed to homeschooling her. I just feel so...:banghead:

[westcoastmom]

Does she like any of the homeschooling things you are doing? or hates all of it?

 

Is she mad that she is no longer in school?

 

Is she rebellious with everything?

 

I have a very strong willed, stubborn, obstinate 6 yr old. I give her choices. Here are the things we need to do and you can choose what you want to do. I also let her know that she can earn free time to jump on the trampoline, ride bikes etc if she gets her work done in good time.

 

I could never order her to do anything, and I can never win a power struggle with her. I try to lay things out so she feels like she is in control.

[Faithr]

To continue in the previous poster's vein, is she like this with everything or just schooling? Is she trying to get sent back to ps? Does the homeschooling curricula you choose suit her learning style? Is it boring? Too hard? Too much seatwork which she is more of a hands on type? Did you let her deschool awhile before you launched into homschooling her?

 

My method, whenever, I reach a phase with a child where were seem to be at loggerheads and making each other miserable is to stop and just focus on bonding. I'd take a month or summer off and work on being close again. Instead of announcing it is school time, I'd snuggle with her and read her a book. I'd play games with her, take her on nature walks or fun outings, cook with her, etc, etc. She'll be learning bucketloads the whole time! Then when things die down and you two are feeling really close and have had a rest from six months of war, I'd gently reintroduce more formal schoolwork.

 

I have a very rebellious 7 year old too. And even with gentle handling she can be obstinate (she came out of the womb like that) so we still have our fair share of being sent to her room. I think 7 is a real testing age. So you have to stand firm, BUT it is so important that you don't kill her love for learning, so instead of focusing on getting schoolwork done, focus on learning from life for a while. It could ease the tension, bring back joy in learning and give you time to regroup and avoid the power struggle which sounds already entrenched. You don't want it going any further!

[Beth S]

Just want to send :grouphug:

and be encouraged that you have time to address this NOW, at home, before she turns 13!

[Pamela H in Texas]

Things that might help.

 

First, I think you should should establish discipline outside of schooling. She needs to know you are serious the first time you speak EVERY time. There should be no question. Her world stops until compliance. If you are going to give an explanation, do it at the time of the request/command. There is not a discussion otherwise until compliance. STAY CALM no matter what. She is getting something out of it and you can't feed that if you want her to stop doing it. Be consistent and follow through immediately every time.

 

You can entice her to comply a few different ways.

 

1) she can do it or your can "help" her do it. If she won't soap up in the bathtub, you use her hands to do it.

2) you can give her choices such as "you may wear the yellow shirt or the pink one" (of course, YOU pick if she doesn't).

3) you can make it a game such as "if you get all the legos picked up before I get to the part where I add the chocolate chips to the bowl, you can do the chocoloate chips for me.

 

But in the end, she MUST comply.

 

Here is how a friend of mine is doing it. I don't totally agree but it WORKED. I think they DID need a step between the ineffective discipline she was using and what *I* would (as her parent coach) prefer her do. Anyway, they basically are doing 1,2,3 Magic. For stop behaviors, she simply calmly says, "that's one......that's two..." and at 3 he's to sit in his room. His time starts when he quits screaming. For start behaviors, he gets one swat at 3. (note: anyone who knows me knows that I don't agree with counting or punishment, but...).

 

A few more things to add to the mix:

 

1) make sure her diet is appropriate. A LOT of kids do REALLY poorly with milk, for example. It is the first thing I tell people to drop with challenging kids and it usually makes a HUGE difference. I can still tell if my son has had a milk-heavy day....and he's 14! There are a few other things to eliminate also, but that is the most likely to be your culprit. You can look up elimination diets for other ideas. And make sure you start the day with protein. The worst thing you could do is to give her Cherrios for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, crackers for snack and spaghetti for dinner. TOO MANY CARBS.

 

2) PLENTY of exercise. Outdoor time for a challenging kiddo should be 2-6 hours per day WITHOUT fail. The little boy mentioned above LOVES our pull up bar. A Brachiation latter is pretty easy to make. Biking, running, walking, skipping, etc is essential

 

3) along with that is sensory play. Swinging, playdough, writing through clay, crab crawling while spelling, push ups, painting while paper is on the underside of the table, figure 8's, wrestling, sliding, sit-n-spin, rocking, silly putty, etc...

 

4) Relationship probably should have been at the top of the page. You can make a HUGE difference by instituting cuddle time a couple times per day, having her cook with you, just enjoying TIME together. If she is getting positive attention, she has much less reason to seek negative attention.

 

5) along with that is the intensity of your responses. Negatives need to be as downplayed as possible. Positives needs to be INTENSE. Intense kids will do anything to get the intense and if mom yells, grabs them, spanks them, whatever, that is what they will work for. So instead, you have to make the positive responses the intense reaction and negatives are just 'ho-hum.'

 

6) and lastly, PRACTICE responses you want in fun easy ways that don't "smart." When the kids were little, I we set boundaries outside. They jump turned at the boundary. They tiptoed at the boundary, etc. With my kids, I taught them "armslength" and even now, they will still come running if I say it (though they know mostly it's just to write on the board, "and they came!" LOL). With the little boy above, we enlisted my teens to help teach him "coming!" when he was called. They hid and we'd call one at a time out and hear "coming!" and they'd quickly get to us as soon as possible. He did it REALLY well! One more compliance issue in the bag :)

 

Anyway, when you establish basic discipline (good plan this summer), you can add in schooling. ALL the above will stay the same. You'll just add one more level of things.

 

BTW, one thing that works well is a progress chart. My son had a lot of trouble with long days, feeling school was never-ending, etc. So for times when it's a set amount of time, had a piece of paper where you draw a smilie face or put a sticker every so often. It may need to be 30 minutes or it could be 2 hours. It really depends on the kid. For a set amount of schoolwork, I'd have Ty a list of what he had to do and he put a tiny sticker (or later a highlighter mark) over what he accomplished so he could SEE how much he HAD accomplished (and how much was left).

 

Okay, sorry to ramble. Hopefully some of this is helpful.

[Soph the vet]

I have a rebel that age. No real advice here but Kathleen in VA posted a great article one time called "homeschooling the rebel". Maybe you could pm her.

[Julie in Austin]

I had a child that was very much like this, and I found that when I said things like "Get up and go to the table!" or "You have to." it made the situation MUCH worse. (This is not a criticism of you.) It took me a long time to figure out that anything that felt to this child as if he had to obey would make him dig in his heels and prove to me that he didn't. And he didn't give a rat's behind what I took away from him or punished him with: his overriding goal was to show that he was in charge.

 

So this is what I learned to do:

 

 

Mommy: Okay, you finished breakfast, it's 9:00, time for school.

DD: NO! I don't want to do school.

Mommy: (In an extremely calm, factual voice.) If you are not sitting at the table with your math book open and a pencil in your hand in two minutes, then you will be in your room when your brothers watch TV today. It is your choice and whatever you choose is fine with me.

 

Mom walks away without another word to return in two minutes and see which he chose.

 

Now you might be thinking--hey, that's just the same thing--threatening to take away his TV time. But for this child it made a world of difference for me to emotionally disengage, treat the entire matter as his choice, and literally walk away. 90% of the time, he'd comply.

[Chris in VA]

I think Pam H has fabulous ideas--

 

Another book recommendation--Raising Your Spirited Child.

 

If you are going to engage in a power struggle, you must win, every single time, or the struggles won't stop. I don't agree with making kids feel that they are in control, in that I think they need to know that ultimately, MOM decides, and gradually gives that control over as the kids mature. Choices, however, are a great idea. Of course, mine would not accept the limited choices I offered, always wanting to choose something else! lol

Then it was time for the my way or nothing approach, and the choice became do what I tell you or do nothing.

 

There's only so much physical forcing you can do, and the strategy simply won't work when she's a touch older, so you will have to get more tools in your discipline toolbox.

 

I'm a proponent of Let's Talk About It, but I think some parents explain too much, ask too much permission of their kids, and give their kids too much power.

 

Build the relationship as much as you can--but you may need help to do that, and I wouldn't hesitate to take a parenting class or two to help you--it doesn't mean you aren't a great parent, because great parents get help when they need it.

[eternalknot]

(((hugs)))

 

Six months ... she might still be adjusting to such a different type of education. On top of being, well, a seven year old (this is definitely a challenging age for all involved!)

 

My seven year old is stubborn, but not obstinate. My three year old, however, is both. She much resembles the children of other posters to this thread. There is no middle ground with her, she's either ecstatic or upset. She will fight to the death just for the sake of putting up a fight; she doesn't have to have any real conviction or reason, she just likes to be contrary for whatever reason. (We'll, uh, pretend we don't know who she gets that from.)

 

With her, it's very much an approach thing. Her dad and I can ask her to do the same thing (using different approaches) and she'll rebel against him but comply relatively willingly with me. It's in the marketing! Just like Julie in Austin said before me, it's all in how you present it - the situation, the options, whatever IT is. My daughter seems to feed on my own emotions; when I remain factual and unemotional, so does she (or much less so). When her dad gets riled up and frustrated at her stubborness, she digs in her heels for a fight - and then it becomes a power struggle, and the original request gets lost in the madness.

 

Her dad is used to a certain type of obedience, but neither he nor his family ever had to live with a personality like our daughter's. He realizes that his way isn't working, but he isn't sure he wants to go the route of what he considers "overly permissive" in how he handles her. He thinks kids should listen the first time, obey, and that's all there is to it. And maybe he's right, ... but that will never work with our daughter. You have to see the situation with your child for what it IS, not what it SHOULD BE. And walk that line between overly punitive and overly permissive, which will vary from family to family.

 

For my daughter, I let her know what her choices are. I also give her a certain amount of freedom in which to complete the things I ask of her. It's the same I like people to give me. She doesn't do school per se, but with her chores - our rule is work first, play second. So she knows that once her chores are done, she is free to play. If she chooses to linger at breakfast for an hour, I don't nag. She knows that once I've done dishes, she'll need to rinse her own once she is done eating ... she knows that she can't put on her ballerina tutu and dance across the living room until she has swept the kitchen floor ... she knows I won't begin making lunch until the kitchen floor is swept (and may have to deal with her brother's whining about being hungry until it's done) ... for the most part, though, so long as she has some say and freedom in how her day goes, she is generally agreeable and willing to do her part.

 

Might this sound like your daughter's personality? Maybe some give and take between the two of you (a clear outline of your expectations for her, with limited freedom to take care of them on her part) would help. This requires some trust on your end, and an expected period of adjustment on her end, but maybe it will help the two of you find some peace. I sincerely empathize with you.

[skaterbabs]

Definately read "Raising Your Spirited Child". The author also has "Kids, Parents & Power Struggles", which is excellent.

 

You may also want to check out "Is This Your Child?" by Deloris Rapp. My eldest reacts strongly to food additives, and becaomes exceedingly moody and combatitive when eating foods containing them. www.feingold.org is the website for the program we use.

 

 

If she's only been HSing a few months she may need decompression time, and at 7, you've got time to allow her to do that.

[Garga]

I picked up this nugget of advice in the book "Hold on to your Kids" :

 

After every separation from your child and before you issue any sort of command you must re-connect with your child.

 

A separation includes physical separation (like going to bed at night) or a mental separation (like watching tv).

 

So, if your child is eating breakfast and you aren't actively talking to each other (you're bustling around, she's eating, etc.) then you guys are a little disconnected. You can't issue the commend, "You're done breakfast, time for school," until you reconnect.

 

She's only 7, so maybe some snuggle time on the couch reading a book to her after breakfast would work. Or just snuggle time without the book (if that ends up taking up too much time.)

 

The reconnection doesn't have to be long, just a couple of minutes. Then, when you're both feeling on the same team, you can say, "Now. Let's start some school."

 

No guarantees. It's just one more technique that might smooth things along for you. It won't solve all your problems, but it's not a bad idea.

 

It works pretty good for my kids. Not always, but it helps.

Edited May 25, 2009 by Garga

[phathui5]

Did you give her time to decompress after taking her out of school? I think the usual recommendation is a relaxed month for each year they spent in school.

[Wildiris]

I did not read through all of the posts, so I don't know if anyone mention this already, but it maybe the right time to start character education.

 

http://www.goodcharacter.com/EStopics.html

 

I remember reading the forward to the a dog trainer's book (I forget his name, but he is very popular), and one of the comments in the forward was from a parent who said the book not only helped her train her dog but her kids too. It sounds as if your DD wants to establish that she-- not you--is the top dog of the house. You are the parent and not her friend, and being the parent you have to be clear about your expectations and boundaries. Consequences and cool patience on your part with a mix of loving, gentile kindness at this age might just turn the situation around.

 

Since it is summer, find some good ways to bring out the best in her. I've found praise works wonders with people of all ages. The last thing any of us want to be is judged all the time. Catcher her being good!

 

Best of luck,

[SonshineLearner]

Decompressing might be good, but I can tell you that "stubborn" children feel like they are out of control...and it doesn't get easier if you ignore it. And, it doesn't go away when you put them in school. I'd say that the more stubborn, the more "practice" they need. Forget about school, and practice pure obedience. I'd talk about what I expect. "When mama calls you, I need you to say, "Coming Mama" and then come. So, now I'd like to practice. Would you like to practice 5 times or 10 times? (You can give choices that you can live with.) Then practice. Progress from there....

 

I only WISH that I had taken her disobedience more seriously when she was younger. I really like Love and Logic and also Ted Tripp's book. Tripp believes in spanking for heart issues. Either way you go....it's an interesting read about heart issues. In other words, if you get her to go to the table...screaming and stomping...but not willingly...it's not going to do you any good.

 

I'm a laid back..easy go...parent....but here's the problem with that...just like learning styles....you try to adapt to your child (somewhat) with personality you have to adapt to what your child needs...not what's easy for you to deliver. SO, even though I always thought that I'd be able to just explain what I needed....(which I can do with both of my step-daughters)...and my daughter would do it...I was wrong. And now, we're both miserable. She's miserable because her lot is to argue all the time...and I'm miserable because I have to negotiate with an almost 11 year old who is as big as I am.

SO, I suppose my advise it to really think about how this will play out in a few years. It doesn't go away..... It just gets worse....

:-)

Edited May 25, 2009 by NayfiesMama

[Pamela H in Texas]

Mommy: Okay, you finished breakfast, it's 9:00, time for school.

DD: NO! I don't want to do school.

Mommy: (In an extremely calm, factual voice.) If you are not sitting at the table with your math book open and a pencil in your hand in two minutes, then you will be in your room when your brothers watch TV today. It is your choice and whatever you choose is fine with me.

 

Mom walks away without another word to return in two minutes and see which he chose.

 

This is just the sort of thing the Total Transformation says to do. Don't engage in the discussion (btw, I wouldn't threaten anything. A 7yo KNOWS there is a consequence to not minding). Simply give X amount of time and leave her to figure it out. I regularly did this with various things, esp baths, with my son. "It's 6:45. By 7pm, you are to be IN the bathtub." That gave him time to consider it, get over his objections and "rebellion" and there was no nagging from me. 15 min isn't necessary, but you get what I mean.

[pereztribe]

All of you have given great advice. My husband also comes from the school of do it NOW!

He argues, she digs her heels for a fight. She is a FIGHTER! This is how our day begins usually:

 

I wake her up with hugs. But once we get started after breakfast the struggle begins again.

 

I did give her a relaxed time period, but I guess I didn't give her enough time. I took her out of school the first day of winter break (Dec. 16) We started school Jan. 12? Not enought time? Should I scrap the rest of May and start fresh in August?

 

Should I go year round with this type of rebellious child? And man she is...all the time, bed time, dinnertime, breakfast, school...the only time she isn't is when she is in public. But at home...this kid would make a saint lose his temper.

 

I have given her choices. I let her pick which subject she wants to start with. That seemed to work...

 

Some mentioned character building. That was my choice from the beginning. I am doing Character Building for the Whole Family. Ironically, we are on obedience.

 

She is a very active child--okay, hyperactive. Someone mentioned food additives. I will be looking into that. She is allergic to regular milk. So we switched her to Lactaid.

 

I'm not being defensive because I am taking all of your advice with the love it's being given. I just thought I would add a few more details. You guys are the best....:crying:

Edited May 25, 2009 by pereztribe

[SLH in ND]

This is just the sort of thing the Total Transformation says to do. Don't engage in the discussion (btw, I wouldn't threaten anything. A 7yo KNOWS there is a consequence to not minding). Simply give X amount of time and leave her to figure it out. I regularly did this with various things, esp baths, with my son. "It's 6:45. By 7pm, you are to be IN the bathtub." That gave him time to consider it, get over his objections and "rebellion" and there was no nagging from me. 15 min isn't necessary, but you get what I mean.

 

Okay, I'm curious. I get the not engaging in discussion thing and I like the thought of not giving a threat. So, if your child didn't get into the tub, would you just come up with a consequence at that time? Do you already have consequences in mind that fit the crime, so-to-speak?

 

I like the idea of not having to give the threat initially! But, because I was put into the mode of doing the opposite, it seems like it wouldn't work. I was a parenting seminar a few years ago and the speaker said a parent should always tell the child what the consequence will be, for disobeying, upfront, when telling them what you want done.

 

I'd really like to hear more of your thoughts, Pamela!

 

Sheri :)

[lgm]

Mommy: Okay, you finished breakfast, it's 9:00, time for school.

DD: NO! I don't want to do school.

 

 

 

Have you tried starting the day with walking, running or another cardio activity? At that age, mine were willing to settle after about 45 min of activity at 8:15 am following wake-up at 7 am. and bkfast at 7:30 a.m. It lets you bond too, because you can chat while you two are going.

 

She should have some control of her day - the book for free choice time, the contribution to lunch and dinner, her outfit etc. Some kids do well with a list so they can see that nothing else will be added and they will get down time.

 

Nutrition is very important...watch the glycemic loading.

[myfunnybunch]

You've got some excellent ideas and suggestions already. I'll pitch in a short bit that's helped with my now 8 y.o.

 

Mommy: Okay, you finished breakfast, it's 9:00, time for school.

DD: NO! I don't want to do school.

 

Mommy (in a matter-of-fact voice): I know. Sometimes I don't feel like starting right away either. But if we start now, we will have time to play (make cookies/read together/ride bikes...whatever sounds fun, relaxing and non-demanding to your child.) That way you get some challenging learning time that's good for your brain, and we still have time to do something fun and relaxing. When getting started takes a long time, we don't get to the fun time as quickly. Would you like to start with math or reading?

 

It took a few times of this with my ds before it sunk in. I tried to use joining language, words that made it clear that I want to be on his side. And I always always made sure that if he came to the table with a good attitude we got to the fun stuff, even if it meant that we didn't finish all of his schoolwork.

 

I absolutely DO NOT engage in discussion beyond that, however. I don't want to get into a long drawn-out negotiation.

 

We also begin each school day with a warm-up activity, something fun, relaxed and engaging: A math game, a drawing exercise, a word puzzle. An activity that feels like school but isn't too demanding. It seems to give the boys time to transition.

 

One more thought: If she struggles with school, dinner, bath, bed, are transitions typically difficult for her? Maybe she needs a written schedule so that she knows what's coming next and when.

 

Good luck!

 

Cat

[pereztribe]

bump

[ilovemy6kids]

Hi~

I have one of these too. The Raising your Spirited Child and Kids Parents and Power Struggles books are good. I am reading Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in you and your children by Turansky and Miller. I have their CD set Parenting the Child that is Difficult to Parent. I got it at a HS convention and they spoke and they have really good ideas on adressing the childs heart. When I stopped just trying to MAKE my ds behave and tried to see his heart our days have gotten better. They are not perfect, but better. We are also thinking of trying omega 3 supplements. I have heard these really help.

Sheri

[dcjlkplus3]

I am dealing with a stubborn/rebellious 7yo who doesn't like to do anything she doesn't want to do.

 

We have been working on the idea of delayed gratification all year (if we get school done early, you have the rest of the day to play). She is only barely starting to get it. We only have about 30 "school" days left, I made her a chart that if she gets filled in every school day until we are done, she gets a prize. Any missed days and she doesn't.

 

I found that it helps her to see all of her work written down that she can cross off when she is done. I have the subjects printed on a piece of paper in a page protector that I can write the details on (math pages, books to read, etc.) To a certain extent, I let her pick the order things get done in (I do try to point out fast subjects and those that take more time). That little bit of control helps.

 

Mine gets mad and storms up to her room, I give her one of her reading assignments (she has several) and tell her to come down when she is done reading the chapter (page, whatever). It gives her the time she needs to cool off and still keeps our school day moving a little.

 

Good Luck!!

[Pamela H in Texas]

Should I scrap the rest of May and start fresh in August?

 

Should I go year round with this type of rebellious child? And man she is...all the time, bed time, dinnertime, breakfast, school...the only time she isn't is when she is in public. But at home...this kid would make a saint lose his temper.

 

You should scrap the rest of May and wait til Aug/Sept, not because of deschooling, but simply because in order to homeschool effectively, you must practice some effective discipline. Very likely you will find year round schooling a viable option later though just because kids like this tend to need consistent structure.

 

As for her behavior....do you think it is worth considering a psych eval? Or do you think you just haven't found effective discipline for THIS child? Only you can know whether part of the issue is adhd, bipolar-ish, etc. On the other hand, a lot of kids can keep it together for school, church, visits with friends, etc but melt down at home because it's safe. Though that is bipolar-ish behavior, some degree of it is pretty normal in neuro-typical children also.

 

Is the schedule set in stone (generally)? Does she KNOW that she starts school at 9am period? Or does it vary based on the morning? Does she have a watch? Is there a chart she can check, possibly even check off, with the basic daily schedule?

[Pamela H in Texas]

Sheri,

 

Consequences in my house were always logical. My kids were punitively disciplined less than once a year (and that was always a mama problem, not a kid problem). So generally, a consequence would be tied DIRECTLY to what was happening (either what they SHOULD be doing or what they WERE actually doing). So I didn't really have to think it up and the kid didn't have to try to figure out the connection--it just made sense. So I can't say a "we did X" because X depended directly on what was happening unlike my friend who I mentioned in the first post who has a set consequence (punishment) for "do" behaviors and "don't behaviors." However, almost NEVER, if I gave him a decent warning, would he fight me. He still doesn't. "I want the lawn done by 2pm" gives him plenty of opportunity to do whatever he's doing and to have the yard done. *IF* the lawn wasn't done, he'd do it immediately (no matter what that meant he was missing out on) and would give up whatever he was doing for a time.

[dirty ethel rackham]

You've received some great advice here.

 

She is a very active child--okay, hyperactive. Someone mentioned food additives. I will be looking into that. She is allergic to regular milk. So we switched her to Lactaid.

 

QUOTE]

 

Is she allergic to milk or is she lactose intolerant? If she is allergic, Lactaid will not help. You would need to completely remove all milk products from her diet. It is often the proteins in milk that are the cause. This means reading labels as milk is often hidden in products in disguise (whey protein, caseine are a few examples.) It can take several weeks for the body to rid itself of all the proteins, to a one week removal would not show a difference. I do recommend reading the Doris Rupp book.

 

Also, I don't remember if this was mentioned before, but have you tried Omega-3 supplementation? DHA and EFA supplements help with mood and brain function.

 

You mentioned that she is hyper. Perhaps she needs a physical activity in between seat work assignments. For example, start math with flashcards on the floor and have her jump to them in sequence. Then move on to the lesson. Even having her jump on a mini tramp while discussing things or reciting memorization or something.

[pereztribe]

I appreciate all the wonderful advice. Most of it I will be using very soon--today. I feel so guilty because I think I've made her out to be some kind of monster when she isn't.

 

She really is so smart and funny. It's just like one other mom said about her own daughter...she doesn't want to do something when she doesn't want to do it.

 

She's not violent with me or speaks to me in an ugly way. She's just stubborn.

 

She is lactose intolerant. One mom asked. So I thought I'd mention it.

 

I did try one thing today. The no discussion... I told her I expect her to be at the table in 5 min and left the room. She followed me and we got the whole school day done before 2:00pm!

 

So I'm very happy with those results! I will be keeping everyone updated!

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think most of us know that even when children are rebellious or disobedient, they still have some wonderful qualities also. You'll enjoy those even more when you use some effective tools for discipline. Sounds like this one worked beautifully.

[MrsMe]

So this is what I learned to do:

 

 

Mommy: Okay, you finished breakfast, it's 9:00, time for school.

DD: NO! I don't want to do school.

Mommy: (In an extremely calm, factual voice.) If you are not sitting at the table with your math book open and a pencil in your hand in two minutes, then you will be in your room when your brothers watch TV today. It is your choice and whatever you choose is fine with me.

 

Mom walks away without another word to return in two minutes and see which he chose.

 

 

 

:iagree: I've also been known to say, "okay, well then you can sit there until you're ready. No school, no fun. Let me know when you're ready." Then she'd go off and play and I'd bring her back. No school, no play. Didn't last long before we started.

 

Walking away after the answer doesn't engage you in bickering. Say it, be done with it and leave the room. Come back to see what the child decided. If mine decided to not do school. She'd sit on the couch doing nothing. I mean no tv, no crayons, no paper, no music....nothing. Worked everytime.

[MrsMe]

I feel so guilty because I think I've made her out to be some kind of monster when she isn't.

 

 

I did try one thing today. The no discussion... I told her I expect her to be at the table in 5 min and left the room. She followed me and we got the whole school day done before 2:00pm!

 

So I'm very happy with those results! I will be keeping everyone updated!

 

 

Been there, thought the same thing. We know she's not a monster. Neither is mine. I'm glad you had a good day!