So would Amish & Mennonites be considered a 'cult' by these standards?

We have a typed sign in the window at our front door....even though our HOA has no soliciting rules AND we have a No soliciting sign on our door. "NO SOLICITING" Anyway who rings to bell to try and sell, will receive a negative review on YELP, Facebook etc and a complaint call to your home office. Step right up to claim your prize. Sigh That's all my husbands doing and it has been 100% effective. We've literally watched people walk up, read the sign and turn around.

I hear what you're saying, but don't have the same experience/perspective. I think it IS esteemed to care for aging parents. Its very challenging but honored in my circle of the world. In a perfect world, dealing with 'normal....best thing since sliced bread, supportive parents who saw you thru everything' would be a natural relationship of reciprocity. Yet I can count on ONE hand the number of friends of mine who have parents like that. Its sad, but a reality. At least in my world. Some thoughts: 1. The overwhelming majority of my friends do not live anywhere close to their parents- as in different states. Its a new generation that doesn't all live in a heap or within easy driving distance. In several cases, neither parents or children will relocate. In most cases, parents are moving to be near adult children. 2. There is a huge amount of flawed humans out there, who grow more stubborn and cantankerous with age, or become abusive in old age. Extreme abuse cases aside, there are still a lot of nasty, very difficult to deal with older adults out there who sadly, are far far far worse to deal with than a teenager who slams doors, mutters and is disrespectful. Its far more complicated and nuanced than simply 'do the job' and loving. 3. It IS incredibly difficult and demanding to care for children and aging parents simultaneously. Nobility aside, the reality of caring for a terminal or dementia or physically limited parent is staggering on its own- much less juggling a job and full time parenting. Something has to give. Not everyone can juggle it all. 4. Some parents are incredibly irresponsible with their finances. Sure its their money to spend. But its an unfair expectation to then presume children need to step in and offset that irresponsibility. That is a hugely complex issue that several of my friends deal with. My IL's are part of that group. No diamonds and furs. Just incredibly childish, irresponsible spending. That is what I see thru my lens.

My parents moved into a retirement community at 66 years old...they are in their own home (the nicest they've ever lived in) and my dad still works full time @68.5 years old. They will be cared for, in that community, until they die. I am 1500 miles away, so its a huge peace of mind for me and I'm so thankful for their careful planning. I have one sibling 3 hours away from parents, and the other is even further away than I am- so my parents knew what they were doing facing reality that we won't be in town to care for them. DH's parents are still working full time in their own business, with no retirement plans to speak of- 71 & 68 years old. I have no idea what they will do when physical limitations beset them. And, they refuse to talk about it or plan for it, and still pretend (NPD that MIL is...) that they are younger than they are. So there is no plan. And its likely going to be a sudden, chaotic mess when they need help-just as the rest of their life has been. DH has 4 sisters, so I'm not chomping at the bit to take care of his parents even though DH is the eldest. IL's have homes in 2 states, and would prefer to live in our state. So my guess is that the responsibility will fall onto us, at least partly. THat's the most I will take, to be honest.

Agreed. Unless the pain is severe, I chalk it up to "one of those things" and presume it will leave in 7-10 days. As a massage therapist of many 3-4 week regular clients, I see this a lot. Clients come in with moderate pain of unexplained origin (limping, wincing and compensating) but by the next appointment have forgotten all about it. This isn't to minimize the pain- it can be life altering even if not serious injury. But I've leaned that stuff like this comes and goes more frequently as we age....and sadly some of it becomes chronic/reoccurring and takes longer to resolve. And really Drs are of little use for this level of issue- unless you have a tear or break, they prescribe PT and send you to someone else. If you are inclined, a visit to a Chiropractor might be helpful. Especially with hip issues. There are so many planes of alignment in the hips/pelvic...and so many powerful muscles that attach there. You didn't specify location of pain.. It could be IT band issues, or hip flexor issues, SI Joint weakness or piriformis syndrome/gluteal muscle imbalance, true bursitis is also possible. Maybe pinpoint the location of pain and go from there.

I think it depends on the format of the "class"...sometimes it's formal and sometimes they are just sitting around not doing much of anything structured. For my DDs she a lot of kids are sitting around on their phones before and after the formal time. Then they are asked to only use their phones for the Bible app during teaching/instruction/discussion/small group time. Either way I'm not appalled or shocked as it's becoming a societal norm. It may not be for everyone but certainly is becoming that way. Do I like it and would I encourage it? No. But appalled? Um, no. It's the way a lot of kids fill downtime.

Agreed. It's not so much about the bath (which I personally feel is out of normal bounds) but the fact that parents have asked for something NOT to happen and person intentionally and repeatedly does it anyway- with a smirk. That's the issue. MIL is NPD and we've had similar situations where we enacted reasonable, normalized boundaries and she went a wee bit off the rails....which in hindsight speaks volumes but at the time caused me to second guess my instincts and decision making abilities. People who are entrusted with care of my kiddos have to earn that trust. Period

That's one of our favorites. Ans steamed with butter and salt And steamed with melted cheese

I saw this article this AM- forgiveness, reconciliation and trust. http://www.boundariesbooks.com/boundaries/how-to-forgive-hard-to-forget/

Thank you for sharing this- your reply really touched me.

Yes, have a friend of my the family who went thru this- one of my mom's best friends. And it was pretty serious. Nervous breakdown meaning- significant mental health crisis that rendered one unable to cope with basic life duties or responsibilities (causation: severe depression and anxiety) She was hospitalized to get her stable, and then spent 1 month in an inpatient facility. It took a long time for them to find a medication balance that worked for her and didn't render her catatonic. It took 1 full year for her to find some semblance of being able to cope with normal life. Since then, her life is much smaller and she has fewer people & activities in her life on a regular basis. Due to medication, she is a very different person and dislikes medication, but realizes its needed to help keep her stable. She is a shadow of who she used to be, and that has been so hard on her husband, children and friends. And, obviously, on her. My mom has struggled to find any give/take relationship now with this friend- there is little the friend can offer as all of her resources (even 10 years later) seem to be put towards staying stable- which is understandable. Its been heartbreaking to watch. I can imagine the friend feels so terribly alone and marginalized- unable to fully express what it has been like for her to go thru this. Sure its hard on the support system and overtaxes relationships- but gosh, how hard it must be for her to be IN it. HUGS

I'm a Christian too...haven't been through marital issues but have been betrayed, abused and very deeply hurt by family members. I don't have his figured out but have explored it and tried to plumb the depths a bit... forgiveness is an active, repeated choice. Positionally, you choose it and enact it and you're right- you can do this on your own and fully "release from debt" the other party without them knowing. Restoration is a more complex process that is incremental and requires both- it's a rebuilding. It will never be like it was before- as in rebuilding a house that was destroyed gives you another house, but doesn't negate the fact that the first house was destroyed. IMHO the other party has to learn to sit with the reality and consequences of their actions. Restoration, like PP alluded too, also requires grief to be worked thru. I found it too hard to hurry restoration at the cost of accelerating my grief. In my case the relationship was destroyed by someone else's actions- completely without my involvement. The betrayal and deceipt that occurred, not to mention accusations, lies and gas lighting, was stunning and not something an "Im sorry" can quickly erase. Nor should it. It was systematic and took time to tear down, so it should reason it would take even longer to sort thru and then even begin to plan to rebuild- much less rebuild. Boundaries and sense of self vs other is really important there. I learned to look more starkly at relationships really requiring two people. I couldn't do someone else's work nor were they responsible for my inherent issues. I had some vulnerabilities and previous wounds, that the present situation inflamed. That wasn't the other peoples responsibility- I needed to work on myself. I would think in a marital situation this would be even more pronounced… There seems to be such a melding and enmeshment of two people…and codependency that keeps both parties unhealthy. It's important for both spouses to sort out their stuff and get healthier individually before trying to restore anything. Don't rebuild on a cracked foundation expecting different outcomes. Bottom line, in relationships… they can be torn down so very quickly yet require enormous amounts of time and energy to clear out. Sorry thru and rebuild.

Almost 14 yo DD is in traditional school... she sleeps from 10:30-6:30 which is 8 hours, but she also regularly takes a nap 1-3x a week after school and majorly sleeps in on the weekend. Last night she went to bed at 10:30 and I woke her up at 10:30 this morning (of course the dog puked in Her room at 5am so she had to get up)but she would have kept on sleeping. On Thursday night she napped from 4:30-6 and still went to sleep easily that night- but was in a much much much better mood. More than a few times we have to wake her up for dinner. IMHO she's not getting enough sleep every night so we are totally flex with weekend sleeping in to compensate for not enough sleep 4 nights of the week.

Yes. To soften it a bit, you can offer one "grace/makeup" session per 6 months. Meaning they pay for 4 per month and if they have to miss one for Aunt Petunias wedding, you allow them to make it up that one session- as in a credit. Bit no refunds. That probably feels tougher than you want to enact, but I believe it would help protect you.

I'm sorry and I understand. I'm also self employed (as a massage therapist, also with an MA) and it's hard. It's nerve racking and exhausting to navigate the ups and downs all by yourself - all without a safety net. That's the hardest part for me- no security. I agree with PP- in your case, maybe implementing a policy of "1 month advance notice of termination" could give you a way to make sure you still get paid at the start of a month WITH ample time to work ahead to fill the schedule when changes come. But people are self absorbed most days and frankly aren't thinking about how it affects you personally.... as it's a business. I'm sorry. You're in a tough, draining spot as your DH recovers and it's a heavy burden. I pray you fill those empty spots soon and without great difficulty. Keep your head up- obviously you have great skill and are good at what you do.

Yeah I would want to know. Living in denial and under lies is a powerful thing and would inform a bigger family picture. It wouldn't change who raised me but would change how I'd view my childhood years and the choices my parents made. I don't deal well with lies, denial and coverup due to childhood abuse...so yeah I tend to need blunt honesty in relationships. I cannot stand lies to keep the peace or for someone else's "good". I crave truth even when it hurts because I've seen too many times what lies can do.

My first pregnancy resulted in miscarriage...then a healthy pregnancy....then 18 months trying to get pregnant...then miscarriage...then healthy pregnancy. I had not yet been diagnosed with Celiac...perhaps that was the cause.

We've been to VEgas a few times with kiddos. We've stayed at Stratosphere and they have a sky jump which looked cool but we are chickens (and frugal). We enjoy going to Cake Boss "Carlos Bakery" and eating at Buddy Vs Restaurant. DD and I are fans of the show. Seeing the fountains at the Bellagio near dusk (and eating outside nearby is a plus) is so unique and cool. Also Botanical gardens/conservatory at Bellagio. We drove to Hoover Dam for an afternoon and enjoyed it so much- about 1 hour. Saw a magic show and family comedy show as well- many hot ticket shows to see.

I'm losing weight with a LCHF way of eating. 18lbs down and 14 to go. No ketosis goals as, for me, it's not a long term maintainable way of eating for me. I am counting calories and protein/ fat/carb macros using MyFitnessPal. I aim for 1500 calories, 50g carbs, 93g protein and 99g fat. It's pretty low calorie, I know....2-3x a week I have a nighttime snack of wine and dark chocolate or cheese & wine LOL I generally don't hit protein goals but come close. Calories wise I have to hit fairly close to my goal to consistently lose- low carb/high fat helps me not be hungry. I HAVE to count calories as my estimations are terrible. I adjust dinner recipes to fit how I need to eat. Sample day: B: 2 egg omlette with cheese and bacon; coffee with cream L: Tuna salad over lettuce; D: Sausage kale and cauliflower soup (variation of zuppa toscana- heavy cream, bacon drippings and sausage make this a great HF option) I had a piece of GF bread with butter as well Favorite snack: Cream cheese and cheddar stuff jalapenos wrapped with bacon

My understanding is that CTE cannot be determined or diagnosed until after death and subsequent brain examination. I read articles of former NFL players who took their own lives in such a way to allow study and examination of brain tissue- they were convinced they had CTE and were suffering. It's tragic. But I like watching football. I've never played but can see the athleticism, intelligence and primal instincts required to play it. I have enormous admiration for the heart and drive of the athletes who dedicate their lives to any sport. Football is particularly brutal injury wise and I don't think there are many who are ignorant and naive of that. I agree with SpyCars post up thread RE why the appeal for many young men...warriors via video games just isn't the same.

Zuppa Toscana http://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/recipes/a45873/copycat-olive-garden-zuppa-toscana-recipe/ Chicken Tortilla/Enchilada Soup http://allrecipes.com/recipe/26382/chicken-enchilada-soup-iii/ Homemade beef veg soup (red wine, Worcestershire sauce, leftover Greek pot roast w tomatoes and garlic , cauliflower, cabbage, green beans etc)

Not tacky. But I wouldn't do it. In our house that would be a big deal and I tend to keep those big things more private. Obviously everyone will know and find out - but that's not the issue. It's presenting it to your DD with someone else present that's a little eh and potentially awkward.

Sorry never mind.

No it's not. I'm allergic to dust mites, mold, a host of grasses, trees and weeds as well as some food allergies (and Celiac). And have asthma. The Fall is the worst for me....i think the allergy load from ragweed, tree leaves and grass is too high and it feels like no amount of anti allergy mess even help. I struggle with chronic sinus infections that escalate to bronchitis and laryngitis- so my only goal is avoid those- LOL. My bar is lower than it should be for how "good" I feel. Allergy shots are my next approach...but we aren't in a financial position to do that. I use a lot of mucinex and decongestants as well as REDD sinus plus VIt C. Benadryl at night works best for me- and I've tried everything else. ETA- and yes, we have dust mite mattress and pillow covers, $$$ filter in my bedroom, use essential oils, salt inhaler and occasional Neti Pot.

A local restaurant specializes in GF wings- our favorites are mild buffalo and BBQ - but they are pricey! Prefect crispy skin and juicy inside. I'm looking to try them on my own and seeing various methods- frying vs baking. What method/formula do you use? Bonus points for GF 😜