He certainly needs to learn to pick his battles, but maybe it would help to talk to him about what's really bothering him. I'm guessing it goes something like this: eyeliner = trashy-> the wrong guys -> premarital sex -> pregnancy

Man, that makes it a bit hard to suggest ds take care of him in his old age :confused1: But most of us do seem to take that task on, no matter what weirdness preceded it. Your ds having a good, stable, satisfying career is probably the best thing he can do for his dad's future.

There are definitely some good ones out there. You have to read reviews or talk to people who hire to get an idea of which ones are respected and which ones are certificate mills. I will say if he is self-motivated, he can learn everything he learns from a bootcamp in the MOOCs: Coursera, Udemy, EdX. Computer and coding skills are something they do right.

TED Talks are great. It's fascinating to see the creative process earlier in development. No matter what field you are interested in, there is a TED Talk related.

Good idea. And, I'm not sure if he has other kids, but the best thing that ds might be able to do for his dad is get a strong start in his own life and career, because dad might need significant care later on in even more ways. There's the immediate feel-good solution and the long-term big picture.

I would be upset. I know everyone has different opinions, but *I* would not take an organ from my child. I'm 30 years older, and he has his own life to live. Maybe it's more a mom thing, but we sacrifice ourselves for our kids, not the other way round!

We've offered 18yo (nearly 19), but he's not interested. He's still not sure if he will drink at all. My parents were tee-totallers, so it's in his family culture. He does cook and cooks with wine at times. Of course, I've suggested he can taste to pick one for a dish, but he does it by smell.

My mom passed away shortly after their 61st anniversary.

So do these statistics come from people reporting? And should moderate reactions be reported? After my last Td, I had my typical terrible reaction to all immunizations which was pretty much all of the above. Five days of high fever and flu-like symptoms. People who saw my huge arm asked what the doctor said. I hadn't even called. I don't bother anymore, because the typical answer is "You were probably already coming down with something." But would it be helpful to report it?

Apps that check your location constantly can drain the battery rapidly. Look for things like Google Maps or friend locators and make sure they are off when you aren't using them. On the iPhone you can also turn off location services for apps that don't need them. I think there is a similar setting on the Android.

Absolutely, the PNW. It might be challenging to narrow it down. We did a college tour with all the stops between Seattle and Eugene. I loved it all, so I'm not sure how I'd narrow it down.

Having gone through hospice with my mom, I can tell you another reason not to tell some people. Sometimes hospice is a choice, a patient and immediate family decide to stop treatment and enjoy life best they can at the end. For people outside the inner circle, sometimes the denial phase lasts a long time. They don't believe that this is the end. They want to research every treatment and insist the patient try one more thing. They berate the spouse for "letting" their loved one "give up." They bring experts and information and stories of people who fought and had a miracle. I know that it is those people's grief process, but it ruins any peace for the nuclear family at the end.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so, so sorry :crying:

Hmmm, I guess I'm thinking of rather sexist good ole boy types who tell their sons to suck it up, but treat their daughters like porcelain. Maybe my bias (or location) is showing a bit there. :blushing:

I agree...what's good for the gander is good for the goose. I'm against conscription also, so think that one advantage is that our legislature is much less likely to vote for a draft if their daughters are on the list!

Um, one day I told mine he had mail, and he asked how I knew whose mail was whose. I explained the whole archaic envelope concept. I refuse to admit on a public forum how old he was at the time. :leaving: I do accept the blame on that one. I just open everyone's mail here and dole out the important things.

I thought the same thing (as one who has blamed myself for a tragedy that I know rationally was out of my control.) I truly wonder if they would have been better off not knowing that part.

Probably a stupid question, but would there be tax implications? If ds paid for everything from his accounts, would dh and I still be able to claim those tax deductions and tax credits ourselves? Does anyone care what account it comes out of if he is still our dependent? And what about the gift tax? If I gave him $100,000 as a freshman, wouldn't that trigger some sort of tax event, compared to just paying his tuition each term?

From a totally different angle, some students are just making different choices. I know some that are not interested in the party culture and the college experience, have read things like "Paying for the Party" and Bruni's book. I know a couple that are heading to a state school (not the flagship) with SAT scores that are hundreds higher than the average for the honor's college, and are getting the question, "Why?" They are interested in attending school with a larger slice of the population. Mine actually added "more non-traditional students" to his list. There will be an 18yo cohort, for sure, but also single parents, part-time students, and older people heading back for degrees. I don't know that that would explain the whole graduating class, but some schools do develop a sub-culture, particularly if the students are tight, so maybe those really are the choices they are making. I can also think of two other possibilities: 1) The home culture of many of the students in the school is more family oriented (multi-generational homes, etc.), and staying close by is the obvious choice. 2) The top state school is very, very selective and there are guaranteed transfer agreements with those community colleges, so the students either didn't get in or want to save a couple of years before going to the top ranked schools.

Oooh, if I had that much saved...(trip to dreamworld)... I guess it would depend on the kid. I think I'd start with a semester at a time. Maybe put all of the money he would need (tuition, fees, discretionary) for a semester in his account. If he reliably didn't run out by the end of the semester a couple of times, the rest could be transferred junior year. There are more factors at play than just kids-gone-wild though. Fraud is an issue and how much energy does a college student have to be diligent about watching an account with that much money. Right now, mine prefers for me to handle the details and the big stuff. He'll have a credit card and small checking account for discretionary expenses to learn the basics.

Here's one to celebrate resilience. I heard Eddie's story on the way home today. He made me cry and smile: http://www.npr.org/2016/06/14/482055708/orlando-shooting-survivor-volunteers-as-translator-for-victims-families

I'm so, so sorry, Aimee. :grouphug:

I've read this lots of times in disbelief, but after my eyes blurred I can see some nuggets of truth: "I am not sure we have a rape culture so much as we call so much more rape. It might be interesting to have some statistics, if anyone ever did the research, in to how many rape reports today would not have been considered rape a few years ago." Yes, we call more things rape. We've gotten better at calling a spade a spade. I honestly doubt we have more rapes now than when I was, and I don't think the rape culture is worse. It's always been there we are just pointing it out now. <<Personal details removed. I hope they helped some understand. >> "But I also think today, we have a big victim mentality. Everyone is a victim, no one is responsible." Again, true. I think Brock Turner is responsible, but he has been turned into a victim by some media, his friends and family, and the judge. The affluenza teen was responsible, but he became just a victim of circumstances. That guy that busted the car window was responsible, but it turns out he was just a victim of the temptation of the stuff on the seat. We've got a problem. I just see it different from you.

This is true for everything. From those of us to scrambled to reconstruct stuff near the end (despite being warned!), just create a big Word document to keep track of everything you might need. It would have been so much easier to do it from the beginning.

We had lots of schools on our original list that asked for a variety of things, so I included most everything. Subject specific books were listed under the course in the "Texts and resources" section. For example, he read Quiet and several other non-fiction books while taking psychology. The rest were under his yearly English class, which had two sections, "Texts, reading list, and other resources" and "Other reading." The former had important literature related to the class (American, British, etc.) and the latter had everything else. So many of the young adult books came into literary analysis or informed his fiction writing that it was hard to parse out. I eventually chose to just list it all. Plus he'll have a great list for his kids when he is my age. Maybe it will tickle his brain and he won't say things like: "There was this book you would love. There was an elf and a troll...."