I feel for you. :grouphug: My sisters and I went through this with my mom, except it was friends and not a spouse. The breaking point was the friend who my mom forced to bring into the family and moved in with my parents. It was definitely like a third person in the marriage, and we were told "too bad if you don't like it." My dad let it happen. It's all very painful for us, especially since Mom died last month. It was never resolved. There's a lot of grief over what never was with my mom. So many missed opportunities on her part. I wish I could say it will get better, but I can't. It never got better with my mom. It just became an attitude that *we* weren't important...even after my parents had to move in with my family and I told her her "friend" was NOT welcome. Even though the friend wasn't present, my mom was still the same (always picking friend over activities with grandkids, etc.). Anyway, I don't mean to turn your vent into my own vent... sorry. It's still a bit raw some days for me. Just wanted to let you know that there are some of us who have BTDT. I just hope and pray I don't cause this kind of sadness and grief for my adult children.