A Hair Lacky. (Lacky being short for elastic- we call elastic bands, lacky bands).

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Wishing you courage and strength.

I watched a friend try to teach her little kids to share by making them share. So when they had friends over, they had to share their toys. When they wanted to play with someone, they would get a few minutes, then they had to give it up. Dh and I didn't see it work well and the mother was constantly having to intervene and supervise when it was time to pass things to the next kids. It seemed exhausting. I read a lot of books on how to raise kids and this approach didn't and doesn't resonate with me. I took the approach- and I didn't make it up, I read it and it resonated- that when one child has something, they have it until they are ready to let it go. If another kid wants it, that is their problem because the other kid hasn't let it go yet. They just have to wait. That way a child can be helped not to feel desperate about having to own and hold on too tightly to their things. It seemed to work with my kids, it involved a lot less parental supervision once the rule was established, and it stopped kids feeling desperate about holding on to stuff, because they were allowed to "own" it until they felt ready to share it. (Some kids are really much more willing to share than others and may not need a strategy at all.) I think ownership is a huge part of our society's conditioning and its not ideal that we place so much value on possession. But this is the society we live in, and I have found that giving kids ownership of themselves and their things is empowering- and yes, that power might be abused, but being disempowered has its own set of problems. Better to feel empowered and then to learn the value of generosity from that place, than one of disempowerment, never being allowed to own your stuff, having to share it even when you don't want to, IMO. But heck- for all my idealism....if my son gets too possessive of something that isn't all his, I am not beyond marching up to it and taking it off him, either. Theres a lot of space for being spontaneous and just following your gut feelings with most kids- they don't need to you be 100% literal and black and white all the time. If she's really being annoying about it in a way that doesn't feel ok, take it off her. But overall...I wouldn't say that would be my normal approach.

We are opposite season to you but yes, our last season 6 months ago was the worst ever. You really couldn't walk out at dusk or dawn, they were too bad, but just for a few weeks. The way I handle it is to use a flynet. We also get bad flies a certain time of the year here and to take a walk you really need a fly net or you are constantly swatting. Its just a net you put over a hat. As long as the rest of you is covered up its ok.

I personally found that...all the art programs I bought or designed for my dd fell through, because she was self taught and self led. I bought the equipment. I paid for lessons. I left her to it. She painted and drew for the hour or 2 I read aloud each day, for years, and she still paints and draws while watching TV. Just to say that....kids are already creative. Some will thrive on structure, others wont.

I do miss the reading great books with the kids. But they would have to grow up one day anyway. Sniff. Somehow my teens, while no longer homeschooling, still manage to have a lot of freedom and a lot of fun. I miss them being around so much. Yesterday they were both home for the day- a rare event nowadays- and I told them how much I loved having them both here for the day. We talked, watched a few episodes of Jericho together, hung out a bit. And today they are gone again. I grab and appreciate the moments with them now. NAd its all good. When you spend those years so close- there is a bit of a hole when they move on, but there are at least no regrets.

Oh what an insensitive teacher. She probably meant well but kids can really take things to heart. You could maybe talk about it realistically- the truth is, not many artists do make a living out of their art but that doesnt mean they dont get a lot of reward out of their art. I have a very artistic daughter- she is a talented artist in her own right. However, she knows that it is not usually easy for an artist to make a living from their art, so she diversifies. SHe is spending a year at college this year learning journalism and media studies (Mass Communications) because she also loves film and photography. Next year she should be qualified for university and wants to postpone it for a year and just do art at the local college for the year- as well as work part time doing whatever. We are supportive of that since it won't cost much. Her dad has always been of the mindset that its not worth going to university to do art and getting into lots of debt. And dd's own approach is that she is already an artist (she is- she is an excellent realistic nature watercolour artist due to years, while homeschooling, being apprenticed to a particular woman), so she doesn't need a degree to validify her. She doesn't. But she would like to broaden her skills. You could encourage your dd to be an artist AND be open to whatever else she is interested in over the years. She can also do art- as many of us do- without the thought that it be a career, or her only career. Careers are only a part of life - creating works of art can be a rewarding past time. And some people even get to make money out of it. And 8yo should definitely not be worried about a career, anyway. SHe should just be enjoying her life and learning and being creative without any thought for the future.

I think it means the lightning is 4 kms or miles away. I am sure its approximate but it would be getting close enough for me to turn off my computer.

Our morning routine worked well for us for years- just get up (7am for the kids), have breakfast, do chores and music practice. At 8.30 we were in the schoolroom ready to start- usually maths. Straight into the more difficult subject to get it done. When we tried to start with the fun stuff it was much harder to get to the harder stuff later. But if my kids were little I might start with "circle time" or something like that.

It will of course take time to change habits.

Ive dabbled in it over the years. Here is my favourite Macrobiotic book. It has all the theory and information PLUS lots of recipes. It really is a great, practical book and its not "religious" about macrobiotics at all. Healing with Whole Foods

I take the term dysfunctional very broadly and consider pretty much all families on the spectrum of dysfunction, especially nowadays. I would say we are all either more, or less dysfunctional in some way, as were our FOO. I just consider it my job and my responsibility to heal as much of that in myself as I can so as to pass as little as possible onto my kids. They will have their own burdens and I want to burden them as little as possible with mine. WE pass a lot down through family lineages- both wonderful stuff, strength to handle life- as well as wounding. Many people have realised they carry the wounding of ancestors- not even necessarily their own parents. But our whole society is incredibly dysfunctional. We heal, but society doesn't and we have to live in it, as do our kids. Also, where we are wounded and damaged is also where we can most help others, be compassionate and understand them, if we heal ourselves or at least become conscious. Its not necessarily a bad thing- it's just life. Life is big and messy. It's not that dysfunction is an excuse for anything at all. But it can explain a lot. There is a difference between an explanation and an excuse. One can have compassion for both the victim and the perpetrator and still put the perpetrator behind bars for the greater good.

Lol, this is me too except I haven't gone on thyroid meds. My weight is normal yet I have hashimotos. I think I fluctuate between hypo and hyper but not too wildly yet- it tends to be progressive disease (my antibody levels are high), though, and my parents both have it. I am glad I caught it when I did. I have been gluten free for several months- and I feel sooo much better. All my joint pains have gone. I never had any gut symptoms from gluten but I just feel better. So much so that going gluten free really doesn't seem too hard at all- but dh is gluten free too so that helps. I will say I am chronically low ferritin- even with supplementation- so I am working on gut issues now too. I had a stool test which showed my bowel bacteria is messed up so I am treating that right now. Low iron can give similar symptoms to low thyroid, and is often seen together.

I think kids are definitely most strongly influenced by what is actively lived in their family, rather than what is taught incidentally. Even if you didn't teach Christianity directly, if that is what is lived, that is what your kids will absorb the most.

I think if you make it a clear intention you will be able to do it. If you think you can't, you won't be able to. You need to change a long term habit- it is possible but at the beginning, the pull towards your past habit will be strong. I agree with getting outside more and getting your body used to natural light. It does something when you tune into natural light and the natural rhythm of day and night. If you just get up early you will after a while start to fall asleep earlier. I wouldn't lie there tossing and turning. I would read until I could no longer keep my eyes open. But it's the getting up early that is the key to changing the habit, if you can't fall to sleep easily. Do you really want to change the habit? Write down the reasons why you want to- the benefits of waking up early, such as getting more done. You have to be convinced it's worth it or you will just make excuses for yourself and to others as to why you can't do it. For me, getting up before my kids gives me me time, and a window of time between getting up and needing to deal with people.

Yes, my life revolved around my kids' naps- but I didn't have older kids- that would have been inconvenient, I can see. Now, my life revolves around *my* naps and I generally don't do/plan anything in the afternoons. I get up early and anything that needs doing gets done in the mornings. I have always been a bit sleep obsessed for both the kids and I. I will go to quite an extent to arrange our lives to get enough sleep.

:thumbup: That is awesome.

:lol::lol::lol: I want me one too! My chooks would love a big red...rooster.

It sounds really normal to me. I wouldn't pathologise a 6 year old's lack of focusing on chores. You only have a comparison with 4 year olds- and as a pp said, it might still be novel to them. They might also have very different personalities. Maybe you have had a good run, but in my experience, kids find many amazing techniques for stalling or avoiding chores. It doesn't mean they have something wrong with them. But I like what you are doing- getting them to help alongside you. I think you just need to be very patient and gently bring the daydreamer back to focus a few times.

I did a correspondence course, with monthly workshops, in naturopathy, when my kids were babies. I studied biology and chemistry from university textbooks, through pregnancies and breastfeeding. It was very hard. But, I did it and it gave me a sense of satisfaction to be doing something other than parenting. The advantage though, was being able to go at my own pace. I don't know how I would have handled deadlines. I have a friend studying psychology and encouraging me to go to university, saying I would love it. But gosh, when I see the stress she goes through each exam period- and she is not studying full time- it turns me off, I must admit.

My dh gave dd her first 3 or so lessons starting in a local empty carpark and then driving slowly around our (quiet) suburb. Then I noticed a loooong time had passed and he wasn't giving her any more. I had presumed he would teach her. He didn't want to- too stressful for him- and he stressed her out, too. So I have had to take over and really its been fine- she is really relaxed and pretty confident and I am very conscious to talk her through things calmly. She had the basics. Dh kept warning me not to take her out on the highway but I did and she was fine. I mean, it comes down to practice and eventually they need to try everything and feel comfortable. So now she drives most times I need to take her somewhere and she is getting her several $50 official lessons leading up to her test in the next couple of weeks. We took dh somewhere the other day- dd driving- and I insisted he sit int he back seat. He could not stop being a back seat driver and completely freaked out. Yet I feel perfectly safe with dd. So its got to be a personality thing. I will have to teach ds too. I would rather not, you know, but thats the way it is and it hasnt been too bad at all.

It's an interesting concept, isn't it? We in the West tend to be very fixated on results, and getting a result is the motivation for just about everything we do. Dh calls it end-gaming. The idea of acting and just being present to one's actions and doing what needs to be done, without focusing on the (future) result, is a little foreign to us I think, but its a more rewarding way to live. I think you could relate it to volunteer work. Working, giving, serving, without hope of a reward- just because its the right thing to do. (Not even the reward of going to heaven). It is about being selfless, learning not to be selfish. Putting oneself aside for the greater good. To me it also means being very present in what I do rather than just doing something because of the result. Such as housework. Just doing it, being present to it, rather than rushing through it for the result. Its a nicer way to live anyway and the most mundane tasks can become beautiful in one is paying attention.

Wow, I literally started re-reading Mitchell's version today, and by coincidence this thread was resurrected the same day. The children's version looks like one of those common books you see in India for kids. I bought the Ramayana and read it to my kids and we loved it- they were older though and the book was quite long, although well illustrated. Since yoga and meditation and Indian spirituality are familiar around here, we didn't go there, but I can see that could be fun. The reason I like the Mitchell version is because a) I am not reading it for scholarly or academic reasons b) I can access the spiritual message of the story well through Mitchell's version. It touches my heart and helps me realise why it is so cherished by Hindus. c) It is an easy read deliberately, but I do not feel it is dumbed down- it just speaks for the essence. However, I am no scholar, nor am I Hindu. I rarely reread books but this one I have already- this is my 3rd time- because it is so beautiful.

I was at an attachment parenting and baby yoga support group. THe kids were a baby and a toddler. I thought- what a nice idea but gosh I am looking forward to getting a break too when they go to school (tandem breastfeeding 2 kids, 17 months apart). And...no way would dh ever, ever accept the idea of homeschooling- way too weird. And...my oldest is such a social butterfly- she will need school. I dismissed it, but still found it attractive. It was definitely the natural learning type I was first introduced to. I even went an visited homeschoolers once to see what they did. But I think the biggest block was dh's attitude, which was absolutely, no, way. We started when youngest was in grade 2 and struggling in school. I convinced him to give me a trial. He was always my biggest supporter after that. I have often had to push really hard to do the things I wanted but if its really right, he comes around eventually.

I am quite content with not knowing the answer to everything in the universe. Mystery is cool. I think even if you think you know, you don't really know. Guessing can be fun, theorising can be fun. Pretending you know when you don't is messy.