It seems to be common. My own system seems less able to digest beans when it is upset for other underlying reasons. I soak lentils/beans overnight before rinsing then cooking. But an under functioning digestive system seems to balk at beans. I have recently been through a phase where I was trying to heal my gut, but i was taking a certain product that made it much worse- my system reacted to it. During that time when I was trying to work out what I was reacting to, I also could not digest beans. But then when I eliminated the product that was upsetting my tummy, I could digest beans again. Digestions is a mysterious thing.

Smoothies can incorporate a lot of high density foods such as almond milk, fresh juice, greens such as kale, berries, yoghurt, cacao powder, maca powder, chia seeds, any other soaked nuts or seeds, and any fruit such as bananas. For breakfast I am having chia seed pudding made from 2 tbs chia seeds, 2 fresh dates, 1 heaped dessertspoon of raw cacao powder, 10 soaked almonds, an apple, water and apple juice. Blended together and left 30 minutes for the pudding to set. I will sprinke blueberries on top. Another favourite breakfast is CADA- Coconut, Almonds, Dates, Apple. Can be simply chopped and thrown together, or blended together. I also add goji berries and blueberries. I consider high density foods just to be real foods. I have no problem with carbs- rice, potatoes, even a little pasta, but we eat a LOT of vegetables as well- salads, stirfrieds, steamed etc and a lot of fruit. Dh and I are mostly vegetarian but the kids eat meat. If you eat bread- eat the absolute best quality bread you can. If you eat rice- basmati is the best quality white rice- or eat brown rice at least some of the time. If you eat pasta, try some of the gourmet pastas out there for a change. Its a case of expanding the taste buds beyond bland and sweet (carbs are sweet even when savoury) and salty. Go for a little sour (a tart apple is sour), pungent (spices such as in a curry), a little bitter- coffee is bitter but also addictive. Leafy greens are considered bitter- finding a way to eat them that you enjoy is important. But eating all the tastes is important for nutrition. So are all the colours- try looking at the colours of your meals and including all the colours of the rainbow preferably at at least one meal a day, if not over the day. All those bright colours are what indicate healthy nutrition, antioxidants, etc Fats should ideally come straight from foods and be as little processed as possible. So avocados and coconuts have good fats- and butter is a fairly unprocessed food. Extra Virgin Olive oil is a fairly straighforward food- most bottled oils, however, are not really of any beneft. Generally most foods should be of benefit- all calories, or most- should contribute to health. So it is worth learning how to make healthy versions of cakes and biscuits, learning about alternative sugars to white sugar, that sort of thing, to maximise nutrition intake. A cake should not just be a drain on the system, as a white flour and white sugar cake is- it can be a nutrient dense feast. Then it is far more satisfying on all levels.

I wouldn't.

No, I wouldnt. I know melatonin is available over the counter in the U.S. but it isn't here, for good reason (not that I always agree with such laws). It is a hormone. Playing around with hormones is something to be careful with. Its one thing for adults to play with their hormones- another for kids or teenagers. I may be over cautious- but I just wanted to say its not something I would do.

:iagree: This is also the approach I have taken with my son. It hasn't meant no more battles, but it has helped me immensely. I am very careful about "making" my son do things nowadays. I do, but they had better be important. I wouldn't make a kid go for a walk with me if they didn't want to, or eat breakfast. They are things I would let him have control over himself. I would insist he start school on time because that is something that affects me- and I would insist on not hurting his sister, but not that he like her or do anything for her. I can play the authority card- you must do what i say because I am your parent- but I generally don't, and there is a cost when I do. Mostly, I find respectful asking does work- and when I am not asking but commanding, I am clear about that- not putting it in ambiguous wording. Any maybe go in and watch him after he has fallen asleep at night to remember the good kid he is underneath it all, so you can start fresh again tomorrow.

My dd was 12 when she finally got her own room, separate from her brother who is 17 months younger. For her that was the beginning of obvious puberty.

Living from the deepest integrity I can, considering the greater good in my decisions as much as possible...being honest, loving unconditionally even in the face of difficult circumstances....trying to make my life be of service to the truth, to love, to the greater good, beyond the personal.....these things do make me happy. Not happy as in rolling around laughing...just deeply happy. Outer circumstances have much less to do with happiness than we tend to think...yet we spend so much time trying to change them. I also see my happiness, and doing what makes me happy and brings me joy, as a way of serving, of being of benefit. I do not think I would be of as much service, as much good, to the world, to my family to life, if I didn't basically do what makes me happy. They are not mutually exclusive things. Ultimately, I think they are the same thing, and living in integrity, thinking of others, etc, as well as basically doing what makes one happy, should not be mutually exclusive. Giving makes people happy. Thinking of others makes people happy. The most unhappy people are generally the most selfish ones, the ones busy trying to be happy by only thinking of themselves. ANd i don't mean one shouldn't do what makes one happy...even if it not of obvious benefit to others.....because we are all miraculous beings and we have amazing capacities....but still, selfishness is not a trait than generally leads to happiness.

OK, that is interesting. And a bit disappointing :)

I put my son in school because we were fighting way too much, and he was resisting me too much in the day to day of our homeschooling. I didnt feel I was getting through to him, or that I was providing the best education that he could/would respond to. He wasn't inspired with anything we were doing. He put far more energy into fighting me than into his work. I felt school would be a change that could be good for him. I felt school would provide teachers who were experts in their areas, that he could learn from and bounce off. I wanted him to know what school was like, to realise that I wasn't so bad after all. He wanted to know, too. We were all curious how he would fare at school, academically, since it is difficult to know when homeschooling....he fared as we should have expected, for him- a B student. I wanted to have a better relationship with him. In retrospect, I was burned out. Dd was going off to college- I didn't want to have just him at home. I think him going to school has been a good thing. He is probably coming home again- well, he is home right now and wants to stay home. But if he hadn't been to school, we would be on the same circuit- now we will be starting fresh from a different place. He knows what school is like. He values homeschooling for what it is like. I do not intend to be his motivation anymore- he needs to find that for himself- I am just going to supervise. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

It makes sense to me that the Big Things would be Nature- because I think we do all come in pre-programmed. But the above bit has me wondering....because if we do affect our kids to the extent that they may be easier or more difficult to live with.....surely that is also going to have a long term impact on their lives, as to how well they are able to live with themselves ? The way I see it, it is the Big Things that have the least to do with our day to day sense of wellbeing- it's the small stuff that matters for that. Also, if we parent "along the grain" so to speak, instead of against it....if we dont try to turn our kids into something they aren't...send them to college when they want to be artists....make them disciplined when they are very go with the flow type personalities...I dont know, all those things....maybe our nurture will have a lot more impact. There is no way I am going to make my daughter non-artistic even if I don't encourage it or am negative about it. But I might crush her spirit- or I can encourage her innate abilities, let go of the others I think she should develop (perhaps in the area of developing skills in areas that pay more money, if I value that), and help her be who she is. My son is never going to be particularly artistic- no matter how much I encourage it (well, he might if it is innate in him but i haven't seen it yet) so I had better find out and encourage who he is...even if I don't particularly like that, or enjoy that. So my thought is that helping kids be themselves, beyond our own desires for them to be Successful (and successful isn't actually one of my top goals for my kids but I know it is for many people), or any overall goals for them that they may not even have for themselves, might be the way to make the absolute most of the minimal nurturing effect we have on their natures. Just musing.

This is the first I have heard of it. Joining other Australian mourners here. Although, you never know, they might just be a profitable business even with free shipping, and continue it.

I am nosey too, and would rather they didnt tell us all they had PMd :)

I wpudl have no problem at that age, but somehow we just knew our kids would be ok- they were sensible, not the sort of kids who got into trouble easily. They always had a video to watch, instructions not to answer the door, what to do in a fire, they knew the neighbours...and they totally loved being trusted to be home alone for a couple of hours, together. We left them many times form about 7 or 8. I know that seems terribly neglectful to many here but it felt ok to us and they have never been fearful kids.

Oh, you guys are so wonderful. We got talking this morning and he didn't end up going to school today. I was going to make him go on principle just because I didn't want him to think this was a way just get out of school for a week, then he could change his mind...but I couldn't follow through. We have talked, looked up courses, phoned universities, done career quizzes. He is now hanging out with his dad...who I know is concerned that ds is make a decision he doesn't realise the consequences of but....also excited to maybe be getting his boy back home. Homeschool was my whole world for years, and now it isn't. But I would certainly give up a chunk of my time to supervise and encourage (and coerce, bribe, and whatever else will inevitably happen) ds. He really does want to do something with his life...he doesn't know what but I don't think he is silly enough to really waste his time or spend it fighting with me. I think he needed to go to school to find out what it was like so that he could stop feeling the grass might be greener. Now he knows. Lol, yes, I am excited. More than I thought I would be. I agree...if a 15yo wants to come home he probably needs to....thankyou for saying that.

And I am spinning. Woke up really early this morning chewing on this, anxious. I wasn't really expecting it I must admit- I didn't think he would want to come home again. But he has just spent the weekend hanging out with his old homeschool friends....and he has remembered that he can just be himself with them. They are nice to each other. Kids at school are just mean to each other habitually and its tough, even though he is a popular kid. We got him over the border to the best state school in the area. If he came home, he would lose that chance. On the other hand...he is a very, very average student and may be spending the next 2.5 years of highschool dragging along, kind of wasting his time. At home he would be able to do other things- work part time, do courses that interest him. Our system here is such that he can get into TAFE- probably our equivalent of your community colleges- and get through to university that way. He still may not be much motivated at home. But neither is he at school. He is not an academic kid. But do I want the stress of handling him at home again? No matter what he promises me, he is who he is. And i have other things going on in my life now- I do not have full time to sit with him- I would not be willing to give it all up to sit with him hours every day. On the other hand...we all miss him. Dh and I have been talking about how little we are all together as a family nowadays. The kids are out all day, and in the evenings and weekends are often doing classes or socialising.Its hard to get even a couple of meals together in the week. Having ds home would bring him back to hanging out with us and other adults much more- which would probably be good for him. Ugh. Decisions decisions.

As for the socialising....we know it doesn't have to be isolating....but with teens, it certainly can be that they need more. My two extroverted teens wanted more. Today, though, I am reconsidering homeschooling. My ds15 has been in highschool for 6 months, and last night he asked me if he could homeschool again. He definitely doesn't consider school to be the best years of his life. He finds the kids habitually mean. The teachers are good, but the kids just constantly tease each other with mean sayings. He has been coming home and crashing on the couch each afternoon, exhausted by having to be a certain way in order not to get bullied and teased- and he is a popular, gregarious kid. Of course its right to evaluate for each kid, individually. But as I consider giving up my free time again to be with my kid who has always been a challenge....my reasons for homeschooling, if we choose to go ahead with it...are pretty much the same as they ever were. School is a jungle...you may or may not survive it intact. It's a kind of russian roulette. A solid kid with a dedication to academics is likely to find their way. A kid who wants to be at school for the social life (mmmmmine) may find themselves compromising over and over in order just to survive the cliques.

WHen dh and I settled down after travelling, pre kids, we had c car full of camping gear- nothing else. Now, its a sure bet, no matter how much stuff you have, we have a LOT more! Last time we moved house it took the largest sized truck two full loads. The friends who generously helped us move (along with the 2 moving truck guys) were amazed anyone could have this much stuff and I think they regretted the offer. However since that move I have become a decluttering maniac...still, I am only one of us and the other 3 like their stuff.

If i had 7 kids, I imagine it could get a little chaotic with everyone helping themselves- but still, I am sure it all sorts itself out. I was fussy for a long time and didnt allow the kids to help themselves to whatever was in the kitchen, except for fruit. But they still had to make their own cereal and sandwiches. Neither are especially interested in cooking- dd17 can make plenty of good egg dishes and can easily whip up eggs on toast for half a dozen people. Also salads etc. But neither have shown much interest in cooking beyond pasta, eggs, sandwiches, microwave stuff etc. Its one of the things I feel I "failed" at with homeschooling- I really thought it would be something I would focus on and they would be great cooks- I especially wanted my son to cook (and presumed my dd would be interested). But they didn't show much interest at all and I didn't push it much either, so it just didn't happen. Still, both have the intelligence to learn for themselves if they so choose.

Sugar makes us feel good...hence its addictive qualities. It is soothing. Had you eaten properly, plenty of good food and protein during the day- regular healthy meals? I find I crave sugar when my meals are irregular or not balanced. And when my blood sugar is not balanced, I am much more likely to get upset/emotional, too.

I think its tricky ground because some parents are "no nonsense" and it works with their kids...others have to find a different way because they find it doesn't work. But no one is saying they are not parenting their kid the best way they know how. My dh is a very non nonsense kind of guy and his way has not worked with our son at all- he now looks to me to find the way through, because i stay connected, keep talking, and listening, wheras his way is very old school and authoritarian and it just didn't work. He has already lost contact with his older daughter (my stepdd) because of a tough approach. As for these kids not being able to survive in the big hard world...I never did understand how homeschoolers, who protect their kids from the big hard world of bullying and school by homeschooling, could use that excuse for being hard on their kids. It seems contradictory. ANd I am not saying they are wrong to do it..I just don't see why one needs to bring the big bad world into the home. What I have found is that my kid can be totally mean mouthed at home, and then go and be Mr Charming at the neighbour's home and they think he is so wonderful. And the teachers at school have very few problems with him. He knows how to behave perfectly well when it suits him. These kids are often not stupid- there is often a respect issue going on at home, but they don't usually walk out onto the street and treat others the same way- not past a certain age anyway. In our case it is a dynamic at home and it is dealt with in a variety of ways as seems appropriate at the time. And just because Dawn didn't specifically say her response, doesn't mean she didn't have one or that she is allowing herself to be treated disrespectfully without consequence. SOmetimes we can be taken aback by our kids latest meanness or behaviour trait and it takes a little while to work out an appropriate response, too. ANd it took me quite a while to even realise I was being abused by my kid, since I was so ready to forgive him and be understanding- so it was a journey in my own self respect too. Its a journey and we are all doing our best.

My difficult kid is like that too, although nowadays not in the same way. He found it so hard to control his emotions- he is much, much better at it nowadays. He can be foul, but it is usually related to tiredness or lack of food and some time alone, a shower, a snack and a hug are often enough to soften him back to a reasonable mood. I also didn't find that strict discipline worked. It had to be used sparingly or it would have hardened him and made him worse, and made him feel very alienated. A couple of days ago I did send him to his room for being rude to his sister over the TV controller- calling her names over it- and he stayed in his room all evening- but I don't do that often because I want him close, interacting, not cut off in his room. Especially now that he is at school and we spend so much less time with him. These are the kids who make us grow as compassionate people, and in my experience, the ones who need more love, more patience, more individual parenting. As well as the boundaries etc It was on these boards i first learned about staying connected to my kids and parenting from that rather than a punishment model, and I am really grateful for that.

MLMs are a fast way to ruin friendships in my experience (on the receiving end). But the people doing them obviously believe in them. I am anti- MLM and keep well away from it generally- and I tell people I don't like to buy something that is far more expensive than it needs to be, to help other people get rich. I will find a cheaper version of whatever it is- they are always out there. I find the whole concept unethical so I do dispute that there are ethical companies out there. The products are always, always overpriced- they have to be. I am pretty straight about my dislike of MLMs with people when they start on me.

I think it would depend on how valuable the thing was. If it was an umbrella- I would just consider it mine now- but be wiling to let it go if Someone came back for it eventually. If a book, it would go on my shelves- if after a year it was still there, I would cull it in a regular culling session. If a (cheap) salad bowl (can you tell what people leave at my place?), I would put it in my cupboard if I thought I would use it, or in my op shop pile if not. But overall- if its worth less than $20, do what you like with it. If more than that...I think I would just ask them if they minded if you did whatever you wanted with it. A lot of people go through my home with dh's work, and a lot of things get left. I have a little place by the front door to put things like that, but after a while...I just get rid of them.

We have a place we can sell them here. I had many books of the type I could pick up a few $ each for and I made a fair bit of money- so that was a motivation. But many more, I just took to the op shops. For me....by far the majority of books I read, I read once and never touch again. Those books....I am letting go of. If I can easily get it at the library- it goes. If I will never read it again, it goes. I am down to my health and spiritual books (which are severely culled) and 2 bookshelves of curricula and homeschooling books ....ugh, I really need to let them go but I haven't quite let go of homeschooling 100% yet..what if my son needs to come home again, what if school doesn't work for him? But, I will get there. I do it in layers and there is always another layer I am ready to let go of.

Do you spend time in the car with them? That is one place I realised we could talk and I was available to just listen to them. Or, frequently, they wanted me to listen to their music, which I was happy to do also. We are all trapped together in the car so it was a good place to really connect. Now that my teens are away a lot (we no longer homeschool), this issue is something I consider regularly. When I am asked to drive them here and there, I remember- this is a time we can actually spend together talking. I am not much into games although we have done that over the years. When they were younger, I read aloud every day and we would talk around that. I just consciously make myself stop and listen to them. My computer used to be in the school room/living area so we all got to be together a lot. Now I have my own office and the ex-schoolroom is their teen hangout area- which works well except we just don't see each other so much anymore. But, I realised, they do come into my office to talk to me and I just have to stop what I am doing and listen and interact. Its too precious not to....we have much fewer connecting times than we used to. If you want a book, The Power of Now is good- its more about being present in all of your life than particularly with children, but its good. I think it doesn't take much- if you can be really present with them a few minutes a day, and when you can see it might be really important to them....they can handle the rest of the time when you are multitasking.