Mmm- so how do you actually search the Deep Web?

Eat only what's in season AND local. I don't buy organic thats been shipped across the country or the world. That means right now, we are eating apples and pears only because its winter here. Bananas from up the coast are too expensive because of the cyclones and floods which destroyed all the plantations, so bananas are now our "expensive" occasional treat fruit, rather than daily. (about $2 a medium banana). There are cherries in the supermarket that are from the U.S.A. that are cheaper than we can get cherries in the middle of summer here. I don't like it- we cant buy garlic grown locally either- it has to come from China and be irradiated on the way in (as would the cherries). How hard is it to grow garlic? Plan ahead so as to minimise waste.

Its such a touchy issue and I think you, the OP, handled it well. I think we did such a good job with our dd with never talking about dieting etc that a few months ago when she started stacking on weight...she didn't notice, and she actually denied it until she got on the scales- she was 16/almost 17, an age most girls would be much more self conscious and would notice a slight weight gain. And she is beautiful and the guys hadnt stopped giving her attention- yet she stacked on quite a bit in a short time. So then we had to deal with that...gently talk to her about her food choices (she is at college and eating much more junk food and sugar than ever before, because she has daily access and thats what all the other kids do), and gently suggest she get more exercise, which she is now doing happily- the kid who used to hate exercise. She really doesn't seem to have much of a psychological issue- she did recognise it once she weighed herself, but commented to me several times...mum, I still look good! (Well, she does, but we weren't being ridiculous and petty...she was putting on a lot in a short time and we noticed- and felt to talk to her about it). I dont tihnk there is any fixed way to deal with this issue- its so sensitive- each kid is different- some kids can handle bluntness and others need such a fine hand.

Is it working for your kids? Are they happy? That would be a big consideration. And then....is it working for me- am I burning out from all the driving. I accepted that homeschooling meant driving. It also meant friends far and wide. But Scouts was close and that fostered closer friendships. Then homeschooling friends heard how great our Scout troop was and some came to ours instead of the one near them. That blended our 2 worlds nicely. SO they have a closer world, and a world further afield- and then Scouts became Venturers and they are even further afield. It has worked for us. Is it working for you? Can you see an end in sight? I realised I was burning out on homeschooling activities and each year for our last couple of years, I cut out a couple and fostered local things more and more. By the time we finished homeschooling I was very burned out on all the driving. You might find it works itself out as your kids get older...they insist on changing Scout groups, or make a couple of good friends and nothing else matters...who knows. It did just work itself out for us.

Oh, I am soooo jealous! What an awesome experience!

I just really want to encourage you to heal his gut. Antibiotics kill all the bacteria in the gut and we need it - it is a huge part of not only our digestive system but immune system as well. Its soooo important. I have been reading about it lately so it is fresh, and i have got us all on probiotics at the moment. There are definitely probiotics for babies- in fact its likely that any chemist naturopath might be able to get you some, if your health food store doesn't have any. DO NOT feed him weet bix. Your instincts about allergies are correct! And if his gut is damaged, and it sounds like it is, it needs to heal before he eats much at all, or he will end up with allergies. And yes....the chiro would be good. It makes a huge difference for some babies.

We have a small Jack Russel/ Shihtzu who doesn't malt. She's not the smartest dog, she hasn't got good eyesight so tends to bark at things fairly randomly, and she is high maintenace. She just wants to be given a lot of attention and is not a dog you could leave in the backyard all day. However, for all that, she is very devoted to us and as sweet as pie and we all adore her, and she is dh's dog and they are well bonded and he takes care of her. I have a medium sized dog (Heinz variety) who is the most laid back easy going dog in the world. Little Dog has been good for her to perk her up a bit otherwise she would sleep all day. She doesn't bark. She is much easier to take care of than Little Dog. She is possibly dying of bladder cancer right now though and may be put down in the next few weeks- we are trying various treatments first. SO, at the risk of sounding callous, it has crossed my mind, if Indi is gone, would I get another medium sized, or another small dog? The benefits of a small dog are great - especially the size of the poos in the backyard, honestly! Its a consideration! But I am thinking a small poodle- not a tea cup one, the really tiny ones- but just those normal small ones. They don't shed, they seem good. Jack Russels are too bouncy. Shih Tzus are like babies- or ours is.

I wish Flylady hadn't changed so much- the essential system is really good and changed my life. But it's hard to find it under all the clutter of emails and extras now! IF you can go to the Flylady website and find the Babysteps page, and find the essentials in what she is teaching....it is a great system. She also has a book which I can recommend- it doesn't have all the extra stuff either. For me, Flylady is healing if you have "issues" around keeping home, perfectionism, giving yourself a hard time etc. It was a healing journey for me in my 30s to go through it- on many levels. To take babysteps, To stop trying to do it all. To stop whining. To stop giving myself a hard time about the mess. To be kind to myself about how I couldn't seem to keep house. It was more than a "how to", telling me what to do. It was a healing, a daily pep talk, from a voice that had been where I was, and was leading me out of the quagmire- and it spread right through my life. That probably sounds overly dramatic to many, but it was my reality. If thats what you need- I can still recommend Flylady. If all you want is a system- there are plenty to choose from, or you can make your own plan.

If its not given any undo attention some kids may giggle, some may be curious, but then that's about it. I have no problem with nudity anyway, especially in art. Porn is just not part of my life, but nudity is just a natural part of life. We are all nude under our clothes :)

Disadvantaged is the wrong word, the wrong way of looking at it. As if most of the world were disadvantaged in comparison with the comparatively very few who get to grow up in more than one culture. I was taken overseas but I didn't live in another country for any length of time- and *I* don't consider myself disadvantaged by it. Gosh I am so privileged having travelled at all, having running water, electricity, a car, a house, health.... Susan Wise Bauer gives attention to this issue of American culture (which is valid in Australia too to a slightly lesser extent) in TWTM and isn't that why she wrote Story of the World? So that our kids realise there is a whole amazing world out there beyond their country? Don't Americans visit Mexico, South America, Canada etc? Here in Australia we can go to Asia easily and Bali and Thailand are common destinations even for poorer people- its cheaper to go there than travel in our own country.

I allowed fairy and princess stuff and it never seemed extreme- I enjoyed it myself. Its part of the beauty of having a daughter, to re- live all those things. I dont like Disney or commercialisation of those things, but some made its way into our lives. I didn't make too much of a fuss. I prefer not to have it but I never denied her something that meant a lot to her. We picked up everything 2nd hand so if she saw something Disney that cost $1, no big deal. BUt i was conscious of not allowing advertising, basically, because I don't like it, even if its advertising for a movie. These strange extreme cases people talk about where it sounds pathological....they are signs of a kid whose fantasy world is not in balance...or their parents feed it in an unhealthy way....or some other imbalance. Normal healthy kids keep these things in perspective. There are 2 parts I think for many of us. The part where we want the absolute best for our kids. We want to keep them away from bad influences and bad influences can include crappy advertising, pink plastic everything, etc etc, all in the service of making money for multi national corporations. Nothing nice or personal about it it, yet our kids are totally exploited for all this stuff. They are exploited as potential "consumers" rather than people. It is totally heartless and soulless, and I think many of us instinctively rebel against being controlled, and our kids being controlled, by such merchandising and the mentality behind it. Then there is the other part....where we accept this is the world we live in and we try and find some balance because we simply can't protect our kids from the actual world they are growing up in. We try and keep things in perspective, that a doll or a cartoon, a cupcake or a set of fairy wings or a plastic toy...is not always a battle worth fighting. And where each of us draws the line is different, but most of us here do have a line somewhere, in different parts of our lives. Whether its plastic toys, advertising, sugar and health foods, or sleepovers. We dont even know if we are doing the right thing half the time....but we do feel the need to do something. Sometimes we back down, change our mind. I know many, many of us changed over the issue of plastic guns for boys, or Barbies for girls.

Yes, I know...but depending on how poor you are, you can grow dandelions and greens in your yard for free. Both of which are excellent for the liver. And a liver healthy diet does not have to be an expensive one. Sometimes these things are wake up calls about lifestyle....I don't know in this case, because there are other causes, but there is always room for taking better care and relieving the liver of any burden created by poor diet choices or toxins. The liver processes toxins. Being clean helps, whatever the cause. Don't lose heart.

Plenty....but I don't want to treat here, and I would have to do the research as well. But there is definitely plenty you can do.

Very sad. Sending you some healing. Especially in that case, I would do everything I could myself, researching on the internet. Change diet radically, grow or buy herbs etc. Use the resources you do have, or that you can get to reasonably, to do everything you can. :grouphug:

Ideally....stay ahead or at least learn alongside. I can really see the benefit of this if one has younger kids coming up behind an older sibling, because you probably only have to do it once, with the older child. In reality....I didn't stay ahead. My dd became independent because I spent so much time with my ds. She just went ahead and I used the answers to help her if she went astray or didn't understand something. Then, she learned to use the answers herself to work backwards when she got stuck. Not ideal, but it worked ok because of the type of student she was. When it came to reading literature (usually related to history), we would do our main book together- the one we were "working" with. That way all 3 of us could stay on the same page, have discussions, they could write about it etc. All the extra reading was just reading and I would have them come and tell me about it, but that's all. ALso, I did asign them books I had already read at some stage, frequently. ALso, I did end up outsourcing when I felt they needed more help than I could give.

But there is no reason not to respect her anyway. She's a teenager, a young woman. Basically barely more than a child. Who knows what life circumstances etc she has had. Who knows what amazing person she might become later? How many of us have gone through a stage in our lives where we behaved in ways that we now blush at? I am so grateful for those in my life who looked past any superficial stuff to my immature but maturing heart and reached out anyway. Who respected me anyway. How on earth does not respecting a young woman because of her dress or behaviour, make the world a better place? How is it a loving act? Of course it is human to have a reaction to someone's image, but I feel that in order to come from our better selves, our more noble qualities, it is precisely those situations where we are most prone to harshly judge or withdraw respect, that we need to rise above our more base tendencies and love unconditionally, and to respect. And those who say they respect the person but not the dress....I would say that is a pretty slippery slope. It would be very easy to use it as an excuse to treat someone with less than respect. When a teenager turns up here and something about him or her screams that this person has low self worth, or wants to be loved.....it is usually their dress or their behaviour doing that screaming. I don't treat them any differently from anyone else, with any less respect and common courtesy, even if I might set some boundaries around their behaviour in my home. :iagree: The rest is really so superficial and shallow. These are people- and a person, every single one, is a miracle, an incredible creation of God. I just don't get where in the Bible it says to judge everyone who is different to you, who has different values, who is less 'pure' than you. It is one thing to be modest because one feels drawn to it, because it is in one's integrity to do so. Completely another to feel superior to people because of it, which is essentially what anyone is feeling if they use words like "tramp" to describe others. I love what you have brought to this thread, twoforjoy. It is a really, really important point.

That is soooo hard. :grouphug: Is your dd homeschooling too? Woudl you then be having one at school and one at home? That could be a good reason to keep them together at home for "just another year". I had to let go of homeschooling a while back and it was very hard. Its easier when you are pretty sure its the right thing for this particular kid in this particular situation.

It is quite possible to bring up emotionally balanced kids whose parents have not directly taught them any set of spiritual beliefs at all. Of course, the kids will pick up whatever values the parents the values live by anyway, but a religion is not actually necessary. Truth is truth, and healthy values of love and kindness stand alone free of religion. Dh and I are very spiritual but do not subscribe to any particular religion and have different beliefs ourselves. Living in such a "religious" culture as most Americans seem to...it must seem very way out not to teach Christianity or at least SOME religion to your kids, but its not so weird, really. In the end, I just try to be really honest with my kids and its never been a problem. I will say what i think and what I believe, and why, when it comes up, but thats very different from telling them a set of beliefs and mythologies as if they are fact and putting fear into them as a motivation for believing them.(i.e. the fear of going to hell if one does not take on those beliefs.) I do not teach my kids we belong to the special people who are saved because of what we believe. I let them ask, I answer as honestly as I can, and I leave it to them. My kids are deep thinkers and are finding their own way. I am personally grateful to my parents for not pushing religion onto me strongly (one athiest scientist parent and one very mild Christian who never went to church and later gave up Christianity too). It left me space to find my own way without having to undo a whole lot of beliefs (beliefs most people are usually fed during childhood and never question their whole lives).

There is no shame in enjoying beauty in a woman, however she looks, and that womanly beauty is inclusive of, yet not exclusively, sexual. Each woman has their own beauty and I don't care if they show cleavage or their beautiful legs or their figure or their face or lips or fingernails. Beauty and attractiveness is a womanly artform - a form of self expression. Ever seen those beautiful European women in their 50s, 60s and 70s? Gorgeous, sexual, beautiful women. Honestly, I think Americans have these 2 extremes of trashy sexuality and prudish conservatism- it doesn't have to be one or the other and the argument of a young woman selling herself if she shows herself as a sexual being is a part of the extremist mentality- either severe repression or it's inevitable opposite, demeaning, soulless expression . It's possible to be beautiful, sexy AND classy at any age- after childhood, and it doesn't have to be a problem or a sign of moral depravity. I don't have a problem with pre-marital sex, nudity, masturbation......I am not so keen on porn because of its addictive nature and it's demeaning of women. And I do not like the premature sexualising of children, at all- in fact I feel very strongly about that.

But its impossible to say that just because that has worked for you up to this point with your particular children, that if you had had another child, that child might not be the rebel of the family who bucks the family system and fights all your choices. As you say, some kids DO rebel against reasonable rules that THEY feel are unreasonable- I have one child like that, who is not reasonable at all, and it does affect your parenting. It sounds like your kids respond to reason. Many don't. Its impossible to extrapolate that a methodology of parenting is ideal for everyone because it works for you and your particular kid (s). Not that you are necessarily doing that, but you might be. I think thats a danger, to think it would work for everyone- it comes across as a little arrogant to me- but I dont even have a problem with the cupcake thing. I am food trippy - its just that MY particular kids would be mortified if I did such a thing- they would feel "different" and they dont like that at all. But if it works for yours- wonderful. I am envious, in fact. Maybe I just didn't try hard enough- or maybe i was too busy fighting other battles. My first child would have accepted any parenting methodology, strict, not strict, whatever. She is and was a compliant, easy going kid. Very reasonable.But my 2nd has been the total opposite and still is. But it is him who made me grow and become much more compassionate for other parents and their challenges- which I would otherwise have had little empathy for. I would have thought it was my great parenting that created my wonderful daughter and her happy, easy going demeanour- rather than nature. My son humbled me. I would not be offended by this. I live in a sub culture where parents have pure food trips and kids have food allergies, and I would be fine with it unless lots of kids did it- in which case I would be asking parents about their kids' allergies and food issues and finding a new recipe they COULD eat. It is a choice to be offended or not. Why not just give the other parent some grace, some space to parent their own way? Considering how sick our culture is, that kids are getting diabetes at an astonishing rate, that adult lifestyle diseases often start in childhood, that wheat and dairy allergies are frequently triggered by overexposure in childhood, why not extend some understanding to people who are trying to bring up their kids with healthier food habits? It's not like cupcakes are doing them any actual good. Its not a judgement of your cooking or your parenting- it's a piece of cake. You don't actually have to take it personally. I get where it can be over the top, and I have a friend whose food purity for her 2yo gets a little irritating at times- but I know she is coming from a place of deep care for her first child. I don't take it personally.

With something like a dressing I just cant see it mattering but I am pretty loose when it comes to quantities with those sorts of things. So yes, you can do cup for cup- but if the flavours are subtle you might really notice the difference- which might be good, but your mum mightn't like it. I would halve the sugar myself- if it was for me or my family- but use the original recipe when mum was around if that was a traditional family recipe. I buy coconut palm sugar at our organic store. The stuff Rosie is talking about often comes in blocks in Indian or Asian food stores, although sometimes it is granulated. It is probably the same stuff but not necessarily organic- pretty cheap though. Just play with them- you will be an expert in no time.

We tried to keep plastic away but in the end (by about age 3!), we lost that battle :) No, girls are easier till they become teenagers- once the boys start taking an interest, taking care of a precious daughter is a full time job! SO, yes, keeping things away from my girl has been an activity that came later in life! Joking really- we haven't really had problems- but we found we were much more protective of her than our son.

Different kids are different. Mine wouldn't have liked it- they love stability. The idea of moving house even a suburb or 2 terrified my son because he would lose his friends in the street. We have deliberately kept stable for them- dh and I ourselves are much more travellers and wanderers but it never felt right for the kids. But other families thrive on it. I would have loved it as a kid.

There is a way of expressing an opinion that is respectful. If someone is not respectful, they shouldn't be your Facebook friend, IMO. Its about setting healthy boundaries. Just because someone is family doesn't mean you let them treat you badly or walk over your healthy boundaries- especially if they are only related by marriage and not blood!

We allowed them and still do. I think they can have a bad effect if there are lots of other factors present, and addiction is a factor worth considering. ANd I don't really like them. But ds has gone through stages of violent games and hasnt really been into them for a year or so. WE had to stop a certain online game because of its severe addictive effect on ds- he was around 11 or 12 I think. He lived and breathed this game. But once that was banned , the games haven't been a problem. Balance- if they are not showing addictive signs, where they cant stop thinking about the game all the time- and they haven plenty of physical activity and read books etc, it seems to be ok. At least....we managed it and since he is not even interested in online games at the moment, except silly ones he plays on his laptop in class and gets in trouble for....for him, it doesnt seem to be too much of a problem. Each kid needs to be evaluated separately, I imagine. I doubt games are ever the sole factor in violent behaviour.