My oldest lives at home now, although he lived for 5 semesters on campus. He much prefers home, although our high speed internet isn't as fast as what he had on campus. That might be the only drawback that he sees. It works well for us because we treat him just about like any other adult we'd have living with us. He lets us know his schedule; we let him know ours. He is courteous about noise at night. He cleans up after himself. He does the few chores I ask of him without complaint. He is not a social person anyway, so I don't think he's missing out on much. I think a social person would spend much more time on campus--rather than just being there for classes--and find plenty of interaction that way.

A few years ago, I brought home a box of frozen pizzas and gave it to ds#2 to put in the basement freezer. He was probably 12. Days later, I went downstairs to discover the box on TOP of the refrigerator/freezer. It had puffed up from the crust expanding. His explanation was that it didn't fit. And apparently it didn't occur to him to ask for help or let me know that it didn't fit. (It actually didn't take much shifting of stuff to make room.) I didn't know what to say at the time but for weeks after that I'd look at him, shaking my head, and say, "I have no clue what else you don't know."

My dd butchers phrases so often we call them "Sammie-isms." Trombone!! for Geronimo! Waterfall effect for Trickle Down effect I am totally drawing a blank on the others, but it's a regular thing with her. My brother used to call TP "tissue toilet". To the point that I really had to think about how to say it right. That and "calerpitter".

We're about a half hour from WV and were there last month for an anniversary trip. Although we moved from NJ in May, I've been back for various reasons every month except September since then. I don't think I'll be back again until January.

Really? Horrified that a 15mo would be allowed to climb something while holding on to her parents' hands? I have two boys who, at that age, would have been up the ladder on their own as soon as our backs were turned. And climbed up and down without a mishap. They walked at 8½ mo, so climbing wasn't a challenge by then. Dh climbed to the top of his fridge when he was that age to get to his brother's birthday cake. Physical skills vary so much at that age. To the OP....I don't think you'll be able to change how they feel and react to what they think are dangerous situations or times when she needs comforting. I do think they can be expected not to correct your parenting in front of her or to contradict your parenting. If I put a child in time out or took away a toy or said no to candy, I would not sit still and silent if my parent (or any other adult) contradicted that. I'd probably say, in a joking voice, "Actually, I'm the mom here." and hope that conveyed my message.

My two oldest are in college now, after being homeschooled for K-12. I am down to just the one 9th grader. Practically a vacation, especially compared to the years of having 1 each in high school, middle school and elementary school.

Never. I personally have a horrible pencil grip. Always have. My grandmother despaired at trying to correct it. However, I don't get fatigued when writing and my handwriting is very good, so apparently it works for me. That said, I did work a bit with each of my three on their pencil grip when they started writing, but I didn't push it if they wanted to do something a bit odd.

I've never had a doctor, dentist or ortho. tell me I couldn't be with my dc during a consultation or exam. Both orthos we've been to have chairs for the parents in the exam rooms.

Yeah, she's pretty independent in many areas (works, drives, lives alone, cooks), but needs help with money and things like car maintenance and health care. It might be that having an exam done when she was somewhat younger (and less set in her ways?) might have been a good idea, but it didn't happen and she most definitely did NOT like the idea when it was proposed a few years ago.

My borderline developmentally delayed sister is 50yo and has never had a gynecological exam. She is not active, and it was slightly traumatic for her to just get a bre@st exam so she's never gone through the ordeal of the other.

Some of your #s are mixed up, I think. First name initials might make it easier for us to read. I probably wouldn't send that note. There's really no good way to say in a letter "Your dd is being rude and self-centered. Please make her stop." Certainly, detailing her behavior won't help; it will only make the mom think of anything and everything YOUR dd did that could be perceived as rude. Also, I don't see any need to justify how much time the two girls hung out this summer. They are well within their rights to spend every day of the summer together, no matter who wishes they were included. As long as they aren't being rude about it, that's completely acceptable. Instead of the letter, I'd talk to dd about making sure she's not part of the problem and appropriate (silly humor, ignoring, bring it up to an adult if it's really bad) ways for her to to deal with rudeness on the spot. I'm not sure how old the girls are, but, if they're older than 7-8, most, if not all, of this should be handled between the parties with the issue. I dealt with this with dd and a girl (L) at our very small church a few years ago. Major understandable jealousy issues, mostly over an older teen S who is practically my 2nd dd and who was about to become L's stepsister. "I've known her longer!" "But she's going to be my sister!" Ridiculous. That plus the fact that their personalities couldn't be more different. The mom and I pretty much stayed out of it, other than counseling our own dds about being understanding and sensitive to feelings and how to get dialogues going. (Also, dd had to work on being less bossy!) Another girl ended up mediating between them once, and S also took them both out and gave them a good talking-to. It was yucky there for a while, but they are now great friends. We joke now about the time when they were mortal enemies. If the mom and I had dealt with it ourselves, they might have been cordial sooner, but it would have been forced and not the real friendship they have now.

As much as I'd like it not to be the case, none of my three would have eaten enough of either of your choices to be happy. All would have gobbled up the bread though. Two would have probably eat some of the soup. One would have had just the bread. None would have asked for anything else. We do eat soup here but not a ton. The less picky ones do enjoy beef stew and chicken chili. I love ham and pea soup but never make it since I'm the only one who would enjoy it.

How old is your dd? Can she handle a conversation along the lines of "Is it possible for us to be friends and respect each other's differences about church and religion? I don't want to feel pressured to go to things at your church, and I don't want to wonder if you'll stop being friends with me if I don't go." We are a solidly evangelical Christian family, as in dh is a pastor and pretty much everyone who knows us knows where we stand. That said, dd's bff is not a Christian. Dd would love it if she were--only because she loves her so much. She has invited bff to random things at church, but it's been limited. They are in each other's pockets so much it would have been weird if she didn't invite her to some things. I'd say in 8 years, she's invited her to VBS 5 times--she came one summer--and church picnics/festivals 10 times--she came to most of those. If they have sleepovers at our house on Sat. night, I always assume I'll be dropping off bff at home on the way to church. Never did it occur to dd or us that she might drop bff because she wasn't a Christian. I find it sad that people would drop friends because of that. Yes, I'd have a problem with it if dd's relationship with bff were pulling her away from Christianity, but that's the only reason I could see it as an issue.

Under those circumstances, I would. I was getting myself off to school in an empty house when I was that age, so I think a 9yo with a history of not looking for trouble would be fine.

All three of mine walked early (8½ mo, 9 mo, 9½ mo), and only my youngest needed VT.

My 21yo ds is high-functioning Aspergers, and like yours was officially diagnosed fairly recently. I would go with him to a doctor. The doctor will talk to you if your ds gives him permission. Seriously, for a medical issue, I would just make the appointment and take him as long as he's okay with that. Coach ds ahead of time on what to say and what will likely happen, but be there to back him up and make sure the vitals get discussed. As far as the counselor goes, the counselor can't talk to you about ds but I'm pretty sure you can talk to him/her. You could let him/her know your concerns about ds and what's going on at home. It would give him/her additional knowledge that may help. As far as permission to talk with the doctor, we had a ridiculous situation when ds was tested. It was a "children's" hospital that deal with things like Aspergers but went up to age 21. They made sure I knew it was policy that the parent stayed in the building during testing. (Even though the kid is 19 and could have driven himself? Yes, even then.) At the end, they got ME to sign a disclosure form, giving permission to ??? I guess I (as the parent) was giving myself permission for the doctor to speak with me about my adult son. I tried to explaining that, in this case, my son should be signing to give permission for her to speak to me. No amount of logic was penetrating.

Yes! We did signing with dd. The one I can remember that she made up was 'please' (clasping her hands in front of her chest). She would kind of yell at me in sign, slamming her hands into the motion to emphasize her intent.

Other. We pay half of our kids' college costs. Scholarships that they get are applied to their half. Ds21 paid all of his freshman year half, but now he's behind a bit. The reality is that we are essentially allowing them to take out loans from us when they can not pay their half, when we think it is in their best interest to continue with school vs. taking time off to work. Last fall, ds21 took a semester off to work, so that happens sometimes too. We are fortunate to have the funds to do this. If we didn't, they would be working their way through school. As it is, we feel like this is a good balance, especially considering how fortunate dh and I were to come out of college with very little ($2500 between the two of us) debt. The boys are going to the same school we did, so it's not even like they picked expensive schools. Out of state tuition has been tough, but that will remedy itself in May since we moved to VA last spring. By the time dd is in college, the boys will have repaid or will be repaying us, so we'll be sitting pretty then!

We almost always left, but towards the end we started staying home occasionally. The few times I did stay home, the buyers had questions the agent didn't know the answers to. I was confident that our agent knew the answers and what to make sure the buyers knew about, but several other agents seemed truly clueless about key points. The most clueless were the least happy about us staying. The people who ended up buying our house were ones who came when I stayed home. I did always go outside on the deck or back in my office when I did stay home. I would move in or out and generally away from the people to give them privacy to comment. But I was available if they had questions.

13 is challenging, for sure. Just speaking to the noise sensitivity--that is me. I can deal with it better now than when I was 13--mainly because I'm the mom and can get the hummers to stop humming!--but I can testify to the realness of the irritation. I have a really hard time filtering noises, and certain types of noises (repetitive, droning) take over my brain and prevent all other function. It does feel directed at me, somehow, even though I know it's not. Ds21 has the same issue. The rudeness and temper tantrums have no excuse, but if she really does have a noise sensitivity (and not just a 13yo girl issue) you might want to try to help her manage it. Earplugs, headphones with music, more appropriate ways to request the noise be stopped. My mom is the exact opposite when it comes to noise, and it was extremely frustrating to me to be constantly told to "ignore it" when that just wasn't possible. And certainly, the age doesn't help the attitude and the feeling like everyone is against her. Oy, the dramatics!

I got distracted when I read "Dunkin Donuts," then sad when I saw it referred to coffee. I do manage a good hot shower every morning.

Off the top of my head, of the non-homeschooling people whose dinner habits I know, 6 families sit down at a table together 1 family eats on couches in front of the TV

I second the LG recommendation. We had one in our last house that was 5 years old with zero problems. We only left it there because we moved and figured it cost so much per pound to move that we'd rather buy a new one here.

I was taught the second way, but understand the first to be correct as well. I did not vote.

Definitely. I had just sent the boys off to do their math seatwork after doing our group reading for school. My brother called and said, "Turn on the news." "Which channel?" "Any channel." I talked to him for a while, then tried unsuccessfully to call dh at work. The lines were busy for a long time, but I finally got through. They could see the smoke from his building in Eatontown, NJ. We knew quite a few people directly affected, and Monmouth County in particular was hit hard.