I hear you, Sadie. But it might not have worked out the other way either. That's what I'm beginning to understand. "The way it all turns out" seems less related to each of those choices we made. We can work so hard at connection and building our kids confidence and still see them suffer. So, should we have done all the things we turned our back on? I don't think so b/c life isn't just about the choices we make in order for good to happen in the some day. It's about the right now, as well. And all you or I or any other of us poured into our children who are not now happy actually may be grounding and helping them in ways now and in the future that we don't even know or that we can't even guess. Even job choices. I think of the folks in my country who, when leaving school, entered factory work locally b/c it was a good stable job, with benefits and long term financial security, only to see the "rules" change on them when they were in mid-life. Did they make the wrong choice b/c they didn't know what was going to come? No, they made the best choice on the best info they had. If you can, try to focus on the good--you are re-training. You love your kids. You are doing your best. You are a good mother. I think you are in a stable relationship, right? And, it seems, being a good mother may not be about making all the right choices that end up in a "happily ever after". Huh. This may not be a paradigm shift for most of you, but it appears it is one for me.

I hope you do, too. (And all of us really). I'm beginning to think that it's possible the sacrifice was meaningful the most for how I am changing and growing. I never thought I was judgemental, but I know that right now I have way more compassion than I did a few years ago. Last night we had a young man and his wife over. Both were homeschooled. He went to school in highschool b/c he was driving his parents crazy. It sounds like he was a handful. He is now a delightful 30 year old, stable, happily married and, at his own admission, in a much different place than he was at 14. Neither expressed regrets for homeschooling. (Even the wife, who lived rural, rarely did anything outside of the home--you know isolated--so many of our biggest fear!. She is now an optometrist in a major city, has gone to Europe several times and is a delight) We have so much less control than we think. That is so hard for me. But I am determined not to decide based on our right now. (Which actually, when I shift perspective is not so bad). . But I do have some contemplating to do on the path for me next ds and my younger by four years seven year old

{{Sadie}} I think it's hard when you are in the midst of adolescent parenting to have any perspective, imo. Well, anyway, for me. Things swing so wildly. There are days I think we are making a mistake and days when I see clearly that we could easily be in the same place or a worse place if they went to school. These young ones we raised so carefully have to make their own way and, mine at least, want to make their own mistakes. I've been encouraged lately by someone to focus on what's going well, even in the midst of what is hard. So, when my oldest is upset about how his social life imploded this year I tell myself that he is processing it. He is wondering how he used to make friends so easily and how he can do that again. Even though he's not putting himself out as much as I want, he is still involved. And most of all, the imploding happened bc he set strong boundaries with a friend who turned toxic and that is very, very good. Anyway, OP, that's a hard question. Life has actually turned out well for me, if I'm honest. There are things I didn't expect and things I didn't expect to be hard have been way harder than I would have expected. I, too, found SAHMing harder than I would have imagined. We don't have my exact vision of homeschooling, but it is good. The only thing I would have done over is kept working one day a week when the kids were small. That would have been very healthy for me. However, the reasons that didn't happen (including being in a different country from my teaching cert) are not ones I necessarily would have wanted to change, so who knows. I did the best that I could.

How can they possibly count that? That's wrong. Can you protest? Sorry things aren't going well.

It's never gone well for me. However, if you are okay with gaining weight (and it sounds like you do want to move in the direction of focusing on healthy habits/goals over weight on the scale) than I think you should try and see how it works for you. I don't seem to have a great internal sense. Somehow the jean thing doesn't work as well for me as for Regentrude. We are all different.

We did an economics class, art, PE, speech. Speech and econ had outside homework. Art I combined with music and drama and made a Intro to Fine Arts course.

Best advice that I've never seen anywhere! It would be awesome if this had been automatic for me instead of something I have periodically had to remind myself to do--to show my love through a smile. (And it's not about "making nice" or hiding feelings. So many times I've been happy/fine, just tired, but my face has shown something else. My sensitive first dd would have benefited SO much if I had been able to do this more consistently over the years.)

Exactly what I would recommend. Make one of the science classes the priority class along with the other classes (I wouldn't could the English classes as separate--but I'd have in my head or on paper the amount I was shooting for and if it ended up being overwhelming I'd drop some units). The other science classes can be worked on if there is time--and I would do them one at a time not all at once. So, if he finishes one science, he can go on--so he can put extra time into the science if he wants so he can get to the others. High school subjects take longer. Also, if your ds has not had his puberty slump. . . .. . (that's what happened to us!Derailed by hormones).

Well, we use the 1.0 version--but I don't think it was revised. Ds is handling Saxon Calculus just fine. He did do a month of Alek pre-cal in June, though. He didn't learn anything new, just solidified his confidence. I think that was more about him and less about the program, though. I just didn't answer you before b/c of that. Pre-calc and Alg 2 have a lot of overlap. The trig in the Pre-calc was fine.

I'm not saying life sucks b/c we don't have a lot of money. The OP asked what she could do and the number one controllable area that I've noticed makes a big difference is good budgeting skills/no loans. It doesn't mean you shouldn't have kids or homeschool without those. Not at all. I am just trying to say that *if* you can do one thing, it would be that.

I don't think anything has changed. Many of us have seen *what could happen* happen. My bestfriend married at 19 and had a baby right away. She was never going to divorce. A few years later she separated from her dh and could only find a job doing daycare, which did not support her and her kids. Death happens, disability happens, special needs kids happen, recession happens. You asked what you should do and those of us who are older see that being financial secure has been a boon. I married in my early 30s. It was great for our marriage that I had no school loans or any loans and $13, 000 saved and a retirement fund started. We have weathered the Great Recession (where we lost $30,000 overnight when the Canadian dollar fell right before we transferred our money back to American), my dh being between jobs, etc, and it helped that we had no debt, were both frugal, and great at making and sticking to budgets. I have seen lots of families who didn't have these advantages have to change what they had hoped would happen or exhaust the mother who works and homeschools. Even so, I have cried over our lack of being able to afford extracurriculars in our HCOL area. There is no way on earth I could work and homeschool my kids grades 2-11 right now. No way. No how. If I had to work, at least 2 of them would have to go to school. Teaching such a range of grades takes all my mental bandwidth and a great deal of my time.

Well, I felt that the days were uneven in how much work was required so it would be hard to pace. I often split a day over a few days, but sometimes it was hard to tell ahead of time. I also don't think it would appeal as broadly to the students, or lead to as interesting essays to share. I don't think it would be a disaster, I just wouldn't find it as easy to use as IEW or Jump In.

A lot. I am paying for the class after all. I have been known to let my ds miss an assignment or a class in order to help him have consequences, though. But I knew I was doing it. At 14 I did a lot of "scaffolding". Now, I do less. So, I'd say--have you completed all of this weeks work? Is it uploaded? I'd check in daily. The deal was that as he showed responsibility and kept his grades up we micromanage less. If he slacks off, we monitor more. I think online is a hard medium bc it's easy to ignore. Ds has learned so much about setting timers and checking daily and is learning to check what he uploads. He mainly writes his teachers. I had to encourage him and help him to figure out what to say in the beginning. Now he is great about it. I will occasionally ask questions if I am confused about a due date or we are going away, but not about the work--that's his job. I would say that he needs to prove to you that he can get it done before you give him the responsibility of doing it alone. But every child is going to be different. If my son were particularly prideful I might say--ok ds, if you keep at least an A- (or B+ or whatever I think is reasonable for said child to get with diligence) then I will stay out of it. If you start missing assignments and doing poorly on tests, then I will monitor more until you show me you can handle it. I would also say that I will check once a week to see how he was doing. I would let him know that parents of ps kids can do that, too.

I wouldn't use WWS. IEW is easy to use in a co-op setting. Jump in would work particularly well, also. Our middle schoolers will be using it next year.

This is a rough plan and may change at any moment. I am trying to be flexible, sensitive to what my son would like, yet rigorous enough and figure out a good balance btwn outsourced and home classes. Outsourced has worked well, but his sister needs to start a foreign language and I'd love to have a cheaper year. The idea of Community College dances in my head, but where I am it's not cheaper than online and you have the travel aspect. So, anyway, this second it looks like: Statistics: maybe Life of Fred English: probably Pa. homeschoolers AP English Lit but could do DE for this one; possible Sonlight Astronomy without a lab: not sure of the resources yet AP Psychology--probably Sonlight History: TOG year 3 Personal Finance: Dave Ramsey Government: no idea; can't decide if AP or doing it light with the iCivics website and Am. Gov't for Dummies PE: daily exercise Possible a 1/2 credit art class Extra curriculars: Youth group, climbing, Boy Scouts, NYLT staff

I planned to get married right out of college--nope 31 I planned to probably live overseas as a missionary--well, I did 2 years in Africa and lived in Canada for 8 years, but any other service is not going to happen b/c of dh's allergy. Ditto wanting to take our kids on lots of overseas projects--money and allergies nixed that. I planned to have a big family and thrive--well, I had 4, but it has been WAY harder than I ever imagined. I get overwhelmed easily apparently. I thought by homeschooling I'd be able to always give them a top notch prep-school education and, while we've done well, I've fallen short many times. Ditto all the projects and project based learning we were supposed to do. And the hands-on living book science and early second language and. . . . I have had to embrace teaching "the kid on the couch" and not my dream child as well as having to face the fact that I have my limits. I thought my kids would be naturally confident and somewhat gracefully glide through adolescence. Well. . . they have regular kid problems with self-esteem, confidence, friends, romance, etc. I thought we could follow the kid's passions, but I didn't know how expensive that would be. I didn't know how hard it would be to balance a home full of half extroverts and half introverts. I didn't expect the youth director at church to leave right when my child needed an outside adult the most. I didn't know how hard it would be to be patient and how sanctifying this whole process would be. Re: the original post--I am at the point where I can't even give advice, bc there are no words. Mostly the success of homeschooling seems to rest on a personal level of how well the mother can cope. That seems to inform every.single.thing. And there is no way to know how you will cope until you are in the midst of things.

Ok: Math: Saxon 78 Science: Science Explorer Life Science History: TOG 3 English: TOG 3 lit selections with a once a month book club; Grammar: CTGE 7; Writing: Jump In probably something for vocab; possibly continue spelling with Spelling Power as he is my weakest speller Foreign Language: Maybe continue with Latin or start Spanish with Duolingo PE: Taekwondo, daily run, maybe a co-op class Music: guitar Art: maybe co-op

Oh, dear, is it that time already. Last third grader. History: TOG using SOTW plus extra books, co-op for activities Literature: Sonlight Readers 3-5 Math: Horizons 3 Science: I don't know, maybe Abeka 3 with activities with friends Foreign Language: maybe finish Song School Latin, maybe do something for Spanish Art: co-op if we join a co-op Music: piano, singing class Writing: probably the IEW fables book. I may do a once a month sharing class for some of her class.Grammar: maybe do Rod and Staff 3 lightly (I don't really hit grammar hard until fifth grade) PE: soccer, maybe Taekwando, skill development in baseball, basketball, co-op class? Spelling: Apples and Pears

Okay, here goes: Math: Teaching Textbooks Geometry Science: Probably Miller Levine with Kolbe syllabus, labs done with a friend English: Illuminating Literature and Power in Your Hands History: TOG Year 3 FL: French I, probably at Aim Academy Personal Finance: Dave Ramsey? Health: Total Health PE: Daily Run, possibly exercise class if we join a co-op Activities: Taekwondo, organ, piano, acting, maybe volunteering at a Kid's club, youth group

My last 3 started level A in second grade and work through 2 levels a week. We do half a lesson/level a day and take off one day a week. So, they finish a book a year. Your pace is fine. I would rather pull my eye lashes out one at a time then do more than 1/2 a lesson and I have no idea how kids who struggle with spelling could do a whole lesson a day. For the record, I am now on my fourth child doing the program and I am very pleased with the results (always doing 1/2 a lesson a day). They are not Spelling Bee winner level spellers, but are at least average for their age.

Praying for you and your family. It sounds like you are processing the grief, which is so good and healthy. I am praying for comfort and peace for all of you.

We do Just Dance on the Wii for indoor exercise.

I am so sorry Yael, and so glad you could be there.

A few novels-unless you are using Jill Pike's syllabus for WTtW which includes novels.

Me, too, and I did it with my oldest! Now I'm stuck with an 11th grader in Calculus who is sick of math. I SOOO wish we'd slowed down. We need to figure out one more year. . . .