What is there to be proud of about being white? Should I be proud of my blue eyes? Should I be proud of my kids' blonde hair? Should I be proud that we are slim (with moderate to no effort; everyone in our genetic lineage is similarly slim)? That we are straight? Should I be proud that we have more money than most, even given that we were born into privilege (white, upper middle class, well educated families, high IQs and great schooling)? I'm not proud that I got a 4 year college degree. That was a basic expectation for me, in my family, with the privileges I was born into that made that achievement quite easy for me. If I'd been born poor to a family with little education and received little support, and maybe even struggled with poor schooling, poor parenting, and few helps along the way, then that 4 year degree would surely be something to be very proud of. It's the relative effort and achievement that results in appropriate pride. White people, as a class, have it relatively easy. People of color, not so much. This is the same with poverty. Wealthy people have it relatively easy. Poor people, not so much. However, in this case, poverty IS something that can be overcome with individual or community effort. People can go from being poor to being wealthy. This isn't the case with color, sexuality, gender, etc. Those things are (relatively) immutable and are ongoing handicaps in our society. Thus, we don't talk about "poor pride" because poverty is something you can possibly/probably get out of with effort, whereas no amount of effort (not counting the extreme examples of surgery, etc) changes your race, gender, sexuality . . . I think pride should be about what we accomplish. For the underdogs, there is an element of "black pride", etc because, in my rough guess, as a black person in America, you are born with a handicap given the institutional, historical, and personal biases that are all there making your way in life harder. You have to be better, smarter, stronger to achieve things in America as a black person (or a Latino person, or a gay person, etc.) because of these challenges you faced, due to no fault of your own. Also, you have an ethnic/racial heritage of ancestors who have struggled (even more) against these odds, so having pride in your race reflects pride in that heritage of struggle, progress, and survival of your predecessors. Also, taking pride in your underprivileged minority group is something of a psychological/social ploy/trick of assuming a positive spin on something that has been used as a slur and has been a handicap. Some parts of gay movement have adopted "queer" as a positive title. Some blacks use the n word as a term of endearment. Etc. These are psychological/social attempts to take away the negative power of the terms that have been used to hold them down. So, unless you're living in a world where you perceive your whiteness to be a handicap or a slur, then White Pride is not remotely comparable to the other "prides". I'm sure others could word this logic much better than I can, but I think that's the general idea.

The awkward thing was being stuck in a conversation with a proud racist. Don't feel awkward about your response . . . You can feel awkward that someone would think you'd be receptive to such a bizarre comment, or you can feel awkward to be stuck in the same social circle as a lunatic, lol. Either way, after triple checking that I wasn't sending out "racists welcome here" vibes, then I'd just figure out how to avoid such a person in the future. How bizarre. I have no idea how I'd respond because I'd be so startled by such a comment. I'm sure you were, too. (I'm sure you aren't sending out "racists welcome here" vibes -- that was not meant as a serious query . . . I'm sure the commenter was just a lunatic. Lunatics are pretty common these days, lol.)

To my understanding, taxes are not forgivable with bankruptcy, and neither are student loans . . . Unfortunately. Hope for a political solution . . . If you're aiming for bankruptcy upon forgiveness, it might be wise to research your options and possibly strategize to pay off those taxes with consumer loans . . . that could be forgiven . . . You'd need to strategize long term, though, for this to work. I am actually very glad that IBR wasn't a option for us when we finished school. I don't know if it existed back then (2000), but if it did, we never considered it seriously for some reason, maybe because the forgiveness element wasn't there? Whatever, I am very grateful we didn't use it, because at least now we're paying them off and will eventually be totally done. It would be very easy to dig the hole too deep to EVER climb out of with IBR. We struggled enough as it is; with IBR, I am sure we'd have gotten into big trouble and it would have taken even longer to dig out.

IBR = Income Based Repayment. Your monthly payments are based on your income and are maxed out at x% of your pay (10%??) and if you pay as scheduled for Y years (15?) then the remainder is forgiven. Google it up for current rules. (I've never used it, but I hear vet professionals talk it up a lot for graduating vets with large debt burdens. General advice seems to be to get in it ASAP to start the clock ticking. Seems especially advantageous for moms/PT workers/etc . . . NOTE: The forgiven amount will be TAXABLE INCOME in the year of forgiveness. Loan/tax experts advise folks in IBR to start a savings account just for the purpose of paying off those taxes. If you are forgiven 100k+, the taxes could be very large, especially if you aren't used to high tax rates . . . Not only will you owe substantial extra income taxes that year, it'll also pop you into a higher tax bracket. I think most advisors (looking at professional school loans in the 100-400k range) advise you to save for a 40% tax hit on that forgiven amount. So, anyway, if you are in IBR, don't forget about the ultimate tax consequences (assuming that isn't changed someday). (I see it now . . . When the IBR taxes start to hit in a decade or so . . . there'll be a whole new industry of student loan hawks selling loans for paying the taxes on your forgiven loans . . . Student debt never ends . . . )

Oh, awesome, FUN, I had missed the news that you're expecting! How wonderful!!! Congratulations, and I hope the morning queasies pass quickly.

Soft tacos. You can warm things up on site, or some things (big pot of beans) will stay warm for an hour in the right container (and/or in a no-ice cooler to stay hot). I'd bring a big pot of black beans, a big bowl of cheese, some Mexican rice, guacamole, salsa, tomatoes, lettuce, corn, and either carne asada and/or chicken (if I'm feeling ambitious) or taco meat (if I'm not) and a bunch of tortillas. . . Mmmmmm. Put the hot stuff wrapped in towels into a cooler with some bags of microwaved (hot) rice and/or hot water bottles, and they'll be plenty warm when you arrive. Pick a couple easy sides (veggie trays, green salad) and some dessert, and you're good to go!

You need to start steroids NOW. I'd go to an urgent care. I just did this for my son today . . .

I am glad to read that. Yes, I knew I was crossing a line, but I see so many danger signs that I decided to cross it. If I saw a woman beating her child in her own car, I'd step in, open the door, and stick my nose in. What the OP is writing terrifies me, and if I knew where she was and who she was in real life, I'd call CPS, her mother, her pastor, her husband, her friends, and I'd show up on her door step with a lunch and water guns for the kids . . . I don't know those things, and I can't intervene in person. She reached out here, and, FWIW, I am perfectly OK with all y'all thinking I'm a busy body know-it-all. That's cool. If I make any difference to instigate action on the OP's part, then I am happy with that. Honestly, I think she's at risk of losing her family, and her kids are at grave risk of harm. She needs to act right now. Period. End stop. She must change this situation, and if CPS gets involved, she might well lose her kids. If anyone here thinks it's an OK idea for her to have additional kids after the ones she already has on the way and in her home, then I hope you get her address and buy your plane ticket and go take care of her and her family for the next few years, because she needs HELP, not more helpless children. I feel terrible for OP. She's depressed and overwhelmed and has way too much on her plate. Obviously she's not thinking clearly, and obviously she has not yet used effective birth control (as in the linked thread she already said this pregnancy was not planned and she's not planning more kids), and I have known WAY too many women who had more kids "oops" and those "oops"es seem to happen often when one isn't thinking clearly and getting truly effective birth control. Effective birth control must be on her top priority list, or her risk to her family will just be graver and graver. I wish I could help OP in person. I hope she finds people IRL who are willing and able to help.

I know this is generally out of line for a stranger to suggest, but I feel your situation is so critical that I am crossing that line . . . May I respectfully suggest that you consider why you are expecting another child when you feel this way? Perhaps you are depressed and medications and/or therapy could help you feel (and be) more in control and more in love with your children and your life? You sound really depressed and lost. Did you feel this way before this pregnancy? If so, please evaluate whether it is in the best interests of your large family to add any more children (after this one!) to your family, as I think it is morally imperative to prioritize proper care, attention, medical/therapy care, etc to the children you already have (and yourself), and obviously you are beyond your limit already. If your husband is not helpful and is also pressuring you to have many children, I'd urge you to consider if he is abusing you and/or if you could benefit from resources for abused spouses. I can't imagine a good, mentally sound, husband encouraging (or even allowing) his wife to get pregnant again with 4 young children who are already out of control. To me, that alone raises huge warning flags. Honestly, your story reminds me of the stories of homeschooling moms who end up killing their children in seemingly bizarre acts. Your feelings of helplessness and hopelessness scare me. Please reach out to your parents if they are decent people or other mentors (aunts, inlaws, etc.) who might be able to help guide you and help you. You might find someone who is willing to help if only you ask. I'd also strongly encourage you to enroll your school-age children in a brick-and-mortar school this fall. It's time right now to enroll kids. Presumably your 5, 7, and 10 year olds are eligible for public schools, or for sure the 7 & 10 year olds. The 5 year old might qualify for special services even if normal public school doesn't start yet. This would get them safely supervised (and worn out!) during the school days, allowing you to focus on your youngest children and new baby. I love homeschooling, but I know it's not for every family at every season. Take home schooling off your plate so you can focus on enjoying and raising your children!! And, please, please consider effective birth control after this next baby to ensure you don't add more to your plate. Even if you have a religious calling to have many children, I'd imagine that nearly all decent religious leaders would allow an exception for effective birth control given the circumstances. Your entire family is in jeopardy. And, if you are in a church that demands you have unlimited children, then, in my opinion, it is the duty of that church family to support and help you, so reach out to the leader in your church and to older moms who you respect for help. If they won't help, then I think you should reassess your religion and find a new church. (I'm not a religious person, but I am just guessing that you might feel religiously called to have so many children when you are already overwhelmed. If you aren't religiously/morally called to have many children, then for sure, get an IUD or some other very effective long term birth control ASAP after your next birth.) Your OBGYN and/or pediatrician and/or your personal family doctor are all people to reach out to for help finding appropriate support. Please get some help. (((hugs)))

Reading over the other linked thread and reconsidering this one, I strongly, emphatically believe that you, OP, really must get help from a therapist of some sort. Perhaps your pediatrician can hook you up. If you don't get help soon, then I expect it's likely child protective services will get involved eventually, because something very bad is going to happen with your family without a serious shift in attention. Your signature indicates that you are expecting a new baby in September. I can imagine that will make things even more complicated. If you have a supportive and effective relative who would be willing to come for a while to help out, I hope you'll take advantage of the opportunity for practical help not only with your happy moments with you new baby but also with parenting the kids already on the scene. You need some help!!! You could call your pediatrician and ask for referrals to "parenting classes", too. Maybe do that NOW so you can take classes before your baby comes.

Well, this makes a lot more sense to me than it being a Girl Scout camp. AHG is a young organization. They are probably just not competent to be doing what they are doing. I'm so sorry your family has had such an ordeal!

Well, this makes a lot more sense to me than it being a Girl Scout camp. AHG is a young organization. They are probably just not competent to be doing what they are doing. I'm so sorry your family has had such an ordeal!

7, 5, and 3? I think they need a lot more supervision for a period of time to break these habits. For a while, keep them in your sight (or dh's sight) when they aren't sleeping. I know it's a pain, but this is a formative stage and some very bad habits are forming. And, I'd be sure to set aside a shelf in the fridge and another in the pantry for "self-serve snacks". I'd be sure to stock them with things that are reasonably healthy and also tasty, and keep a variety there, including some treats. When they want a snack, for now, I'd supervise them helping themselves to the self-serve snacks until it becomes a habit. When my kids were tiny, I had a bin in the fridge for this. With you kids' ages, I'd have a shelf or drawer in a pantry as well as a place in the fridge. I put in those tiny "snack size" ziplocks -- raisins, nuts, other dried fruit, string cheese, other small cheeses (the little triangle Laughing Cow ones are good as are the little red was wrapped round ones, little yogurts, crackers, fruit, trail mix, etc. Be sure to keep plenty of choices in there and have it well stocked at all times. That will eliminate the hunger issue. They can learn the rule that they can self-serve THOSE things, but anything else needs to be served by Mom or Dad, period. Personally, I did not and would not allow kids of that age to drink diet pop (or caffeinated pop) PERIOD. So, I'd make that a firm rule. I treated caffeinated and diet drinks like I did alcoholic drinks. NO, just NO. If needed, I'd consider getting a separate fridge for sodas/alcohol/etc in the garage (or wherever) and lock it. If it was in the garage or a room you could keep locked, that'd be easier than figuring out how to lock a fridge. :) And, OMG, you hide food that the kids want in WITH GUNS? In the "gun safe"?? That sounds like a "gun dangerous" to me!! Please, for God's sake, do NOT DO THAT. I want to whack you on the head. That is not only foolish, it is dangerous to a degree that I fear for your lives and those of your neighbors. Please, please, right now change the gun safe code and remove all the food from it, and make sure your kids know that 1) there is no longer any food in there and never will be. and 2) If they touch the gun safe EVER, hell will rain down on them -- that is ONLY for grownups EVER to touch. and 3) really, can you just move the guns somewhere else (to a relatives's home?) until/unless you get control of your house?

Are you SURE you want your walls flush? It is nice to have a little space around the tub to hang your head back a bit. In my recent remodeling/building, I did make the tubs generally flush with the space around them, but I was "building to suit", so I wasn't wasting space. So, I was using "alcove" tubs (they have special flanges built in to allow them to be installed flush and then the tile comes down over the flange . . . so it's all water tight. The alternative is a "drop in" tub that you "drop in" to a cut out on a piece of cement board and then can tile the flat area around the tub. I think this works great if you have at least 10-12" around all 3 sides. My spaces were too tight for that. There was one tub, in my master bath, that I had an extra 8-10 inches on the "long" side of the tub. I could have set the tub back in more to have more (wasted) floor space in front of the tub, but instead, I had a short wall bumped out there, so the tub is installed like an "alcove" tub, but about a foot above the tub height, I have a full tub-length shelf . . . (I put a 10" wide granite slab there to match the counters.) That shelf is super nice for candles, pretty bottles of stuff, etc. So, anyway, if you have a weird space to fill (too small for a drop in tub) a little shelf thing like that is one creative way of using the space. It definitely made my tub area prettier because it has that nice granite and then invited some fancier tile work above the shelf. :) Measurements are generally going to be the "rough" measurements. Check the "specificatons/installation instructions" for the tub you are considering. In general, the specs are going to be for stud-to-stud, as the tub will be installed against the studs and then cement board (or a schluter system) installed on top of the flanges. So, if you're measuring finished space, subtract 1" or so for each tiled wall thickness and 5/8 to 3/4" for drywall. Be SURE to double check your tub selection with whoever will be doing the work. Send them the spec sheet to be sure you're ordering the right tub. My tile guy caught me right before I mis-ordered the wrong type of tub for one of the bathrooms.

I'm very glad you took her in! And take her to a new vet for a second opinion if things are looking up quickly. Something is wrong. That's NOT a normal recovery from dental surgery. Ask to see the pre- and post-op dental x-rays and ask about how to procedure went. Ask if they were able to extract the entire teeth or if they had to leave parts in (sometimes that happens). Ask if they think your cat would benefit from seeing a dental specialist for further work. If they don't have dental x-rays, then I'd go ahead and find a second opinion -- ideally by a dental specialist (as in a board certified veterinary dentist -- someone who only does dental work), or for sure at least by a veterinarian who has and uses dental x-rays, etc.

Yup . . . I have shitty teeth, too. I feel your pain. I had a root canal/crown go bad last fall -- sounds pretty much like what you are experiencing. It happens, and it's "expected" around a decade or so . . . I had a totally new replacement/fix root canal and totally new crown done in November. ($$ + $$) Lucky me, by March, said new crown was popping off every other week . . . and apparently something is cracked or whatever and the crown is no longer a viable option. Yippee! Now I get to have an IMPLANT done later this month along with ANOTHER new crown . . . ($$$ + $$) Fun times, let me tell ya! Our nicely funded HSA will be close to 0 by the time I'm done! Anyway, I tell this story to tell you that, according to my (very good) dentist, implants are way the way to go these days instead of root canal + crown . . . The implant doesn't cost much more these days, and will have a longer life expectancy. I sure wish I'd done that last fall instead of investing in a re-do of the root canal/crown . . . So, IMHO, be sure to consider an implant before moving forward.

Not many good options . . . It really sucks to be poor. I'm so sorry. My grandma was very low income with few assets (and very low social security), and she lived in a "Fellowship House" that was essentially an apartment building that also had a couple activity rooms and also had an (optional) dining hall. It was actually quite nice. I have no idea if other areas have things like that, but that was in Reston, Virginia, FWIW. They had a sliding scale rent, but I think you might have had to had sufficient income upon moving in to get in . . . She moved in while still working full-time, and I think maybe she paid up to 25% of her pay for rent, but then when her income went way down to social security, her rent went way down, too. Lived there until early/mid dementia set in, at which time she went into a nursing home (that, similarly, required private pay to get in . . . but once her money ran out after a year or so, then they accepted Medicaid . . . But you could not move in at first if you were on Medicaid, had to be able to pay cash for some period of time.) That was in the 80s-90s, and I'm not sure if any of those options apply anymore. NURSING homes generally accept Medicaid. I'd be shocked if many Assisted Living facilities take poor people, as Medicaid does NOT cover Assisted Living. (Neither does Medicare or any other gov't program that I know of.) If someone requires a NURSING HOME, then Medicaid can be made to pay eventually, but it's generally gonna' be easier to find a nice place if you have enough money to pay for at least some period of time. (And you have to spend all your money before Medicaid kicks in anyway.) I definitely agree with the advice to find a social worker!! And do a lot of googling for resources in the town/county/state the person lives in (or will live in). There are huge regional variations.

Actually, many times your vet is cheapest. Check. Also, be aware that many re-sellers sell illegally imported drugs, mislabeled, misbranded, fake drugs, etc. I'd personally predict that you're unlikely to get fake drugs from a BIG retailer, but the random ones online are highly likely to not be providing what you think you are buying. I've seen the illegal drugs; I've seen the fake drugs. Some of them look really good. Others are obvious (to someone who sees the real drugs day in and day out.) http://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/ConsumerUpdates/ucm048164.htm

There are house call vets in many areas. Check into that. If there are no house call vets, some regular vets will make house calls in exceptional circumstances. My dh does that *very* occasionally, mostly because he doesn't have time to do it more, and unless you are really set up to do house calls, then it's hard to practice decent medicine that way. Anyway, if you have other pets (dogs?) that go to the vet regularly, your vet might be willing to do a house call if you ask *really* nice and volunteer to pay *whatever*. (A regular vet who has a hospital to support loses a lot of $$ doing a house call because of the travel time and inefficiency . . . My dh just accepts the loss as a charitable effort, but that means he picks and chooses who he wants to do a favor for . . . That said, dental pain is NOT OK. Pain isn't OK. I do highly advise finding a way to get the cats into a vet. Tips: 1) Try Feliway spray on the cat carrier. Get the carriers out, put clean towels in them, spray them daily with Feliway . . . give the cats food/treats in and/or near the carriers. Do this for a week or so before the appointment if possible. 2) Ask the vet if they can dispense a sedative to administer before taking them in. I doubt your vet will do this since they have not been examined in so long (as it would actually be ethically/legally sketchy), but your vet might be willing. (Have their current weights ready when you make this request, as the vet will need weights to dispense meds.) 3) Get carriers that can be opened easily from the TOP. If the entire top half of the crate can easily be unsnapped, that's awesome, because the cat can stay in their little crate and be examined right there! 4) Cover the crate with a towel for the trip (and keep covered as much as possible). 5) Schedule the appointment for a time when the office is quiet. Ask if you can have the first appointment of the block (first in the morning, or first after lunch, typically), and get there a few minutes early. Ask to be put right into the room if at all possible, to avoid interactions with other pets.

I'm not concerned by the legal liabilities. However, I think there is a moral imperative to make the safer choice at virtual no cost/harm to anyone. No vets have gotten rabies in the last many years from their patients, nonetheless, the small risk of contacting rabies via your work exposure to animals makes it worth the cost to every veterinarian to spend thousands of dollars and many hours of discomfort over decades to ensure they are rabies vaccinated. Some costs are worth it, even if the risk is very slight. In the case of the minor inconvenience of finding a seat next to a female for the very occasional child traveler? Huh. I don't see it.

Know what I think? I think that no airline should place an unaccompanied minor next to a man. PERIOD. Why? Because the vast majority of gropers are men. So, you'd reduce the risk by at least 99% by doing that! You pay a pretty penny for unaccompanied minors. Personally, I think they should be seated next to flight attendants and/or only females. Period. I'm sorry, but that the airlines hadn't already figured that out is insane. Any one will tell you that it's safer, statistically. Know what else? I think that no airline should place an unaccompanied minor in any seat except the aisle! Only exception being if the child is with a sibling and the sibling is in the next (window or middle) seat. Again, just because this would make it easier for the minor not to become intimidated or secretly groped, and it would also make it easy for busy attendants to see and chat with the child. Know what else? I think that the airline should require verbal and visual contact at least every 20 minutes for the duration of the flight to make sure the child is OK and can get help if needed. Airlines now charge around $150/segment for this service. They can build in 20-30 min of time for one of the employees to check on the child if they are offering the service at all.

I find that if I just cut up the celery into snacking size and stuff it in a container in the fridge, it is very easy to get it eaten up fast. Stick it out with some hummus or ranch dip and it'll get eaten FAST, especially if you set it out before a meal when people are hungry and wandering the kitchen . . . Oh, another trick . . . The yellowy insides (heart) of celery and the leaves are great for vegetable stock (for soups, etc.) So, every few weeks, I make up a big batch of vegetable stock (in a HUGE stock pot) for the freezer. I take the whole head of celery, wash it all, cut off the pretty parts and put them back in the fridge for later (now they're washed and trimmed and will be eaten very quickly) . . . and use the "ugly" parts for the stock. 4 or so stalk-equivalents along with all the leaves. Those leafy ends are great for stock. This gets *all* the edible (non dirty) parts of the celery eaten. And, homemade stock is so delicious. And having good stock inspires me to make more soup, which is also delicious and a great way to eat tons of veggies. :)

FWIW, over a decade ago, I was starting up a homeschooler Daisy Scout troop. I lived in an area (northern VA) with tons of homeschoolers of all sorts, but the largest organizations/co-ops/etc were "Christian" with Statements of Faith for participation. I was/am very much NOT in accord with that line of exclusivity (even back then, when we were practicing Episcopalians and so could have, ourselves, fit into the Christian crowd . . . but I did NOT want my children raised with that sort of thinking). Anyway, I wanted to attract a diverse group. I simply listed my group as "inclusive" and it worked like a snap to attract a wide range of folks, none of whom expected/demanded/wanted the group to exclude others based on faith/etc. I have used that trick repeatedly over the years . . . Just put the word "inclusive" in your group description to attract a diverse crowd and establish that diversity as a founding principle of the group (thus avoiding anyone who will want/require/request a Statement of Faith or similar exclusivity).

I did some great care packages for my dd last year via Amazon. I just sent stuff Prime. Once, for exam week, I filled an entire Pantry box of stuff for her. Even filling the Pantry box, with oodles of snacks, it wasn't very expensive. Maybe $50 that time, but of course most times I just sent a couple things. (Love Prime Shipping!) One time, I sent Shari's Berries -- a box of chocolate covered strawberries. :) Anyway, she loved the treats, and by DIY'ing it, I could make sure to send things special for her. (Cheese, a lot of cheese, lol.) I had a thought for this year . . . She'll be living in a house. I'm thinking of wrapping up 10-20 boxes as gifts, and numbering each box 1-20 (or whatever). And then putting them all in a couple bins that I'll move in with her to her house. Then at home, I'll keep a list of what is in each numbered box. When she gets a cold, I'll tell her to open Box 12 (in which will be a bunch of hard candies, some Emergen-C, some tissues with aloe) . . . When she's cramming for a test, box 5-8 might be filled with favorite snacks (SmartFood, beef jerky, etc.) Other ideas are a bag of tootsie pops, a pop-corn kit, etc . . . Anyway, I have 3 weeks to go, so I better get ordering on Amazon. I'm kinda' excited about it. It'll be fun to have something to super fast tell her to do to make her smile when she's having a rough day. :) I'll probably put $20 cash in a couple boxes with instructions to "Go to Publix and spend ALL this money only on ice cream and toppings!"

I think that sounds like a delightful group! What a great idea!! I'm getting a bit past the join-a-group-of-strangers phase of my life, but I'd be tempted by that group! Sounds super awesome to me.