+ See the dermatologist for a full body "mole check" and get any bad ones removed. + See an allergist if you have any allergy issues. + Get PT for any lingering injuries. + See the gynecologist for a once-over. + Screenings like mammograms/colonoscopies could be advisable, as even though the screenings are generally free with the ACA, any followup care (biopsies, bad things, etc.) wouldn't be free, so might as well find any problems now.

Non profits do have insurance. Hopefully this one has "employment practices" coverage and your friend files complaints and is compensated generously. Totally illegal. Totally.

Nope, not legal. If it's the same employer, it's certainly illegal. (Check pay checks/stubs . . . If they are from the same account, for sure, this is so illegal.) If it's two employers (say two different charities that coordinate), it *might* be legal in some really sketchy way. Personally, I'd advise 1) sitting down with the boss after googling up some stuff on how this is not legal and *secretly recording this entire meeting unless that is illegal in your locality and then 2) if boss doesn't fix it then (he may have had no idea it was not legal), then file a complaint with various regulatory bodies, beginning with the state Labor Board.

I feel your pain. All 3 of my kids are PIGS. The rest of the house is not like that, as shocking as that is considering the great efforts they make to destroy all things. Their rooms are filthy, disgusting. They only wash bedding when I insist. They are great kids. Delightful. Smart. Funny. They've grown up with hardworking parents and a tidy home. They've had chores. They've been taught, helped, and given responsibilities. And yet, they are pigs. I really can't comprehend it. I am, at this very moment, in the middle of a battle of the wills with each and every last one of them to get their rooms clean. I've drawn lines in the sand. I told dd13 that no, she couldn't go to a fun thing tomorrow morning because there is no way on earth her room will be completely clean by then, and I am NOT settling for 70% like I usually do (after days/weeks of negotiating). Clean it if you want to leave the house . . . Or stay home (in the house) with no fun stuff ever again . . . until you clean the room. I also threatened my delightful 19 year old that if this coming Sunday her room is STILL not clean (after now nearly 2 months of gentle requests, firm reminders, offers of help) . . . that I was making her stay home from her wonderful internship to clean it. She was aghast at the thought -- and I'm like, THEN TAKE 2 HOURS AND CLEAN IT SOMETIME IN THE NEXT 6 DAYS! Holy moly, this is crazy making, let me tell you. I guess I've learned from failing with the 19 & 17 year olds . . . to hold my ground and stop believing that someday they'll magically become reasonably tidy people. Nope, not yet, and I just can't take it any longer. When they are grown and no longer in my house, sure, they'll probably get a grip, but I can't survive this mess that much longer. This is the worst age, because when they were tiny (say under 11) it was sensible and easy to just go in and clean it all out myself every 6-12 months with some help or at least company from them, but now they have so many papers and books and electronics and special things and private possessions that I could never sort or clean up . . . So, I can't just go in and *do it* but, honestly, it may come to that. I have a lot of storage space . . . I'm tempted to take rubbermaid totes and just stuff all their crap in them . . . and then ransom them off, one at a time, and only let them get a 2nd one when the 1st is 100% empty and put away . . . Next week, Monday, that's my plan if any/all of their rooms are still disgusting. I'm just biting the bullet and investing another $100-200 in plastic crates that we don't need and stealth-emptying their rooms early next week. I can't stand it anymore . . .

Sure, but it'll cost you. I priced the commercial ones for the vet hospital, and IIRC, I was looking at about 6-10k for the pair, and special installation techniques/plumbing/etc would be needed. At least close to 10k all said and done. At that price, I was happy to go with the <$1000 one and figure on replacing it periodically, lol, especially since I imagine repairs would be pretty pricey on those very pricey commercial ones, too. (And, FWIW, I love front loaders, but they were a bust at work (burned through about 4 in 10 years) because of their design not being very compatible with lots of pet hair . . . Some little drain valve gets clogged up with the floating hairs (top drain, somehow, I suppose?) . . . but the typical top loaders drain from some other place (bottom, I suppose) where the hair doesn't tend to clog up . . . Once the sales guy mentioned that (from another sale to a different vet hospital), I was like WOW, yes, that's what our kennel staff complains about and why they have a monthly preventive maintenance check list that includes taking something apart and cleaning the hair out of some drain pipe in the washer . . . Another reason they love the speed queen. :) I'm still happy with my front loaders at home. :)

You know what, this 3 month rotation thing might actually be awesome. Everyone gets to live up close and personal what this is like . . . Might make all the sibs better in the end . . . Much better than the typical one-sib-does-it-all and the-other-sib-doesn't-appreciate-it dynamic. Whatever goes on later, hopefully all the siblings will be more supportive of whoever is the primary caregiver and also more compassionate about meeting MIL's needs wherever she is . . .

I wrangle my kids. Other than that, I am the very PT practice manager for our vet hospital (having successfully pawned off the vast majority of my duties to a great staff). Honestly, I'm mostly a kept woman, and I like it that way.

I got one for our vet hospital and the staff love, love, love it. They can't get over how fast it is. I think that speed would make up for any reduced capacity, but they don't complain about capacity either. Very happy here.

Alcohol (for you) and unlimited Netflix (for her). IMHO, this is a time for no-holds-barred binge watching of all those great shows she never saw . . . Good luck!! (((Hugs)))

Guitars are relatively cheap. $200 for a starter instrument; 3k for one to take to conservatory; 25k for a world class performance guitar. Pedal harps are expensive. Period. About $15k to get started. $25k for a life-time keeper can take to the orchestra . . . Maintenance costs (new strings) are at least $500/yr on average. Violins are from $500 for a starter to $5k for a decent one to 10k++++ for a professional level one. Piano was pretty cheap (under $1k for a handmedown ancient but serviceable one) until we got the grand piano last fall, and that was $$$. A nice relatively new, but "used" and thus half the cost of new, one for us was about 16k, but you can easily spend much more if you don't luck into a private sale of one that is just right for you. I'd budgeted 20-25k for the grand until we lucked into the one we bought. Of course, you can easily spend much more . . . It really depends on what instrument and what level you are considering . . . If you name some instruments you're considering, we can help you figure out reasonable expectations. In general, IME, harp is super pricey, guitars very cheap, and other strings in between.

ps. Everyone has different priorities about home vs facility care. I heard the arguments for facilities . .. but I chose the home care route and would not change a thing. Every family is different in this respect.

ps. If everyone is helping a little during the week, this 3 month rotation thing might survive a lot longer than otherwise. Dementia is generally progressive, so things will likely get harder and harder, and having 24/7 duty for 3 months might get overwhelming quickly. That'll mean being in a facility or living FT with just one family (you???!!!), and that'll be so hard on so many levels. I know for me, if there'd been 3 other siblings taking Mom for a few hours each week on a predictable basis, my burden would have been MUCH lighter and Mom would have been SO much happier to be surrounded by her loved ones so regularly. People need purpose and meaning in their lives. Three family outings each week would mean that every day, she'd have something to look forward to that day or the the next and something to talk about (the outing the day before) . . . That would have been HUGE for my mom. I struggled to hire help/etc to create that schedule for Mom. My dds took her to church (and usually lunch afterwards) each week; I hired art lessons, made hair/nail appointments, hired caregivers to take her out . . . But the church outings with my dds were her weekly highlight . . . Because they *mean* something because they were HER granddaughters . . . My brother called Mom every day, and those short calls were highlights of her entire life, even when she couldn't contribute much to the conversation at all. (FaceTime was a blessing.) The little things mean so much. My brother drives me crazy, but I'll love him forever remembering his compassionate and gentle handling of Mom in those FaceTime calls . . . Makes me teary just remembering it.

I'd either ignore the emails/texts (let dh deal with it or not), or I'd probably consider the idea. I actually think it's a really nice idea, FWIW. I understand your desire for a break, but if you live locally, one outing a week isn't that big a deal. I'd maybe, say, quit some other volunteer activity (or hire a lawn service, etc) if I resented the time suck, but I'd do it. For your MIL, having someone visit or take her out each week would be nice. Rotating every 3 months, it'd be a year or more before her turn with *your* family, and that's a long time for an elderly person with dementia. I care-gave for my mom in her final years with dementia, and she was an extrovert (I am NOT), so I organized a ton of outings and visits. It helped schedule her life, and that was a big help. For Jill, it sounds like the 3 months might be very hard without that help. She may really need the help. How about offer to do it for this one rotation as an experiment. That's only a handful of outings/visits. You and your family might enjoy MIL more on a weekly visit basis than when you have her FT since you won't have the daily duties . . . Choose a day/time and just do it for the next couple months. Make it as painless as possible. I.e., take her to church if you go to church or take her to weekly ball practice or simply choose a weekday and take her to lunch each Wednesday along with one of your kids on a rotating basis . . . Could be lovely. You are *very* fortunate to have so much help and such cooperation. I would go very far to maintain that positive relationship. Your MIL must be a great woman to have earned such loyalty and raised such caring children (and fostered such support from her children in laws!) My mom's been gone a year, and my brother (who helped caregive) lives across the country, so we couldn't do what you're doing, but I can say that my brother and I had very different expectations/needs due to our very different personalities. I think that your SIL is working hard to do her best, and that is a *HUGE* blessing. Try to look past the annoyance and listen to her heart and make an effort to accommodate her requests. ((((hugs))))

What is your degree in? Major? Minor? Are you open to moving, or do you need to stay where you are? If you need not to relocate, then for sure look at what fields/jobs are in demand . . . One option is to look for a field in which you can grow in your position. If your degree is at all health or biology related, you might consider a "fast track" RN program. Our local university offers a fast-track program for folks who already have degrees. I think it's 18 months or so for a BSN/RN, plus maybe some pre-reqs before that if you have gaps (fewer gaps if you have a science background . . .) I'd suggest you start searching for a job and networking soon . . . and if/when you find a good job, then it's time to decide how/when dh quits. To me, spending maybe 10 hr/wk on a job search would be pretty significant and not overwhelming. You could likely squeeze that in around the margins of regular life . . . One option is for you to accept a PT job if it might lead to a better FT job by freshening up your resume. Don't forget to include any volunteer roles you may have had on your resume. FWIW, we own a small vet hospital. We live in a low wage/average COL area. Starting wage is usually 9/hr or so for someone with any skills/education . . . but it easily pays 10-12/hr within a year or two. And we have a couple staff members earning upper teens/hr (with benefits including retirement matching and 5-6 weeks paid off each year), neither of whom had any relevant education or experience when starting. But, they've been with us about a decade and have lots of OTJ trained skills now as well as lots of mutual loyalty and trust. They each started as totally inexperienced receptionists, so no skills or education required. (One was 1 year out of high school when she started, the other had a music degree and music related skills/experience. . .) My top paid key staff member (now office manager) is the musician who started as a PT receptionist . . .But she was *great* and her smarts and integrity and people-skills shined and so she was rapidly advanced . . . So, it is possible to earn a good living with little specialized training, but choosing the right place to work where there is "opportunity for advancement" is pretty critical. It takes time, too, which might not be as easy for you to find, but the concept of finding a good employer/field to start in seems to be reasonable for anyone. (And, FWIW, in general, I wouldn't advise the vet field, as it's not as well paid as human med, and I think our business is unusual in our commitment to advancement and fair compensation . . but it's the field I know, lol) Also, you can consider both of you working PT if that's feasible for dh's job. Or maybe dh could find a PT job in his goal field . . . While you do the same . . . That could give you both some breathing room, you time to still be with your kids a good bit, and the chance to see where each of your careers go. You might be able to comfortably work both "heavy" PT (say 25-30 hrs/each) which would give you more breathing room for a slightly lower wage to start out . . .

For goodness sake, follow through and let your girl enjoy the pride she will find in earning such a significant thing. Feel free to set aside the money if you wish (towards college, the next music camp, etc), but definitely let her follow through! And, next time, if you don't want/need her to contribute 100%, you can tell her that you'll match her contributions . . . You can even match scholarship earnings if desired. Or do a 2/1 match if an even match is too much. I did the 50/50 match with dd who also earned lots of $$ playing music. Seemed comfortable to me, and I really liked the kids having some "skin in the game" when making these big investments in summer camps.

Sounds like a good plan. As long as the vet uses good anesthesia management, then a long procedure isn't necessarily a bigger risk. For me, I would accept the risk of anesthesia and if the dog dies during/after the procedure, then I'd be OK with it. I just wouldn't be OK with her suffering for an indefinite period of time. Be sure to be up front with your vet about your priorities (quality of life vs length of life) . . . There are some pet owners who will not take any risk with the pet's life even if the pet is suffering. There are even some pet owners who refuse aggressive pain management because they "want the dog to experience what life wants it to experience" and they "don't want to cheat the dog out of the opportunity to grow from their suffering" No shit. Dh had a client whose dog had an extremely painful bone cancer . . . and would NOT use aggressive pain medication or the amputation that could have relived some of the suffering . . . Cost wasn't an issue . . . The owner was some sort of religion that thought the dog had a soul and that suffering was a natural part of its life and . . . My dh nearly lost his mind during those months. It was years ago, and I still can't forget how traumatized dh was by that dog's suffering and his inability to get the client to manage it properly. So, anyway, every vet has had plenty of clients who were insulted/freaked out by the very mention of euthanasia and tons of folks with serious $$ constraints. Everyone has different priorities. So, be sure to communicate openly about your priorities and budget so that the vet can help you achieve your goals of helping your dog. (((hugs))) and best wishes for some more good time with your dog.

Children LOL Other than that . . . 1) retirement savings (just started officially this year, so we're playing catchup and are maxing it out) 2) mortgage 3) health insurance 4) travel 5) food

My instinct is that your old dog doesn't have the good quality of life you think she does. Dogs hide pain naturally. (Weak pack members get culled . . .) My guess is she's in pain. (There is an easy test for this question . . . Medicate her well with pain meds -- usually an NSAID +/- narcotic (i.e., Previcox +/- tramadol). . . and see if she acts differently. If she does, she was in pain. If no change -- with good meds -- then pain is not the issue.) Some cancers can be brutally painful. Dental disease can be *incredibly* painful. I can't count the number of times dh (vet) has gotten feedback weeks/months after a dental about how happy and perky a dog is . . . People *routinely* come in thinking their dog is "dying" or "too old" and the owners "know we'll be putting her down soon" . . . and then they go ahead and have the proper dental done, buying their dog months or years of painfree and "puppy again!" life. If it were my dog and the cancer wasn't imminently endangering her quality of life, I'd go ahead and do a full dental ASAP. Honestly, there is no suffering with a proper dental when a dog/cat has a really bad mouth. The dogs wake up feeling better and more pain free than they have in years. It's magic. (Make sure you get a good dental . . . The practice *must* have and use dental x-rays and a high speed drill . . . and of course, competent staff.) I'd take her to your vet, talk about the issues, and see about a more aggressive "hospice" style medical management of her cancer and/or take care of the dental disease ASAP. Personally, I'd progressively medicate her more and more until she is happy and non aggressive. If I couldn't reach that happy point, and her aggressive tendencies were not controlled, then I'd sadly realize that it was time to let go and schedule euthanasia. The last thing I'd want at the end of a good dog's life is a tragic bite incident. And, if the cancer isn't imminently threatening her life, I'd go ahead and do a (top quality) dental yesterday and then carry on with the management of her pain. And, if I couldn't afford to take care of the dental disease, I'd have her euthanized ASAP because that sort of pain is no way to live, IMHO. (((hugs)))

Wow, I am so schooled! I had no idea there was such wide variations on shower and wedding gift etiquette! I had previously believed there was one right way to do things -- a shower gift (required if you show up to the shower but only really close family or friends would send something if they can't attend; smaller than the wedding gift, but an object of some sort, preferably from the registry, but it's OK to go rogue; delivered at the shower) & a wedding gift (required if you go to the wedding, almost required for any invite unless it's really someone you don't know hardly at all; cash or something substantial off the registry unless there is no registry, which then leaves cash; ideally gifts should be shipped ahead of time or delivered afterwards but it is also generally acceptable to take it to the reception for all but the largest or most formal weddings; cards with cash should be handed over directly during the reception). FWIW, I grew up in NoVA, DC suburbs, but now live in WV. I have to say that I am *very* glad I read this thread before my kids came of marrying age. I'm now prepared to cooperate graciously with whatever etiquette/culture my kids happen to marry in.

Rice-a-Roni. Add some veggies (dried works for backpacking) and it is surprisingly tasty camping, lol. Noodleroni works, too. They're good because they cook fast (great for backpacking when you are rationing stove fuel) Pasta Salad (boxed, with all the stuff you need included), add a cucumber and tomato if you have a cooler. Bagels toasted in that fry pan with bottled "I can't believe it's not butter" (which will last at least 10-14 days in moderate temperatures) or real butter if you have a cooler.

Samsung. I did a lot of research when renovating our kitchen, and I chose a Samsung French Door fridge. Love it. 18 months so far and no problems. Ours wasn't inexpensive, but I got the largest one they make with all the bells and whistles. A smaller one with fewer bells and whistles might be more affordable.

Well, FWIW, my mom was a lawyer, and I was her proxy/POA/etc/etc as she was mentally declining (dementia). Her lawyers (several) assisted us in updating her documents well into the illness . . . and so far as I could tell, those documents would have been very easy to use no matter how far gone she'd been when signing them . . . All you need is to get them notarized. In my case, our friendly lawyers, who all knew mom and knew her wishes and best interests, were more than happy to comply and help us do what we needed. If you don't have a friendly lawyer, then just getting the documents prepared and then having them notarized by any notary would work. Yes, if the person is not 100% competent, someone *could* argue in court that the documents are not valid. But, if there is no one who will fight you on it (say another family member), then you have no problem. In most cases, then, it's not a problem. . . And, so, I'd recommend doing the documents as early as possible, but late +/- arguably invalid, is better than not at all, IMHO. Legal competency for this sort of thing extends WELL past what any ordinary person would think makes sense. My mom was legally competent WAY past when she should have been making decisions about medical care, driving, her safety, etc. WELL PAST. I know this because I has lots of consultations with several attorneys who were each very well familiar with mom and who were "advocating" for both Mom and me (as her caregiver) and also her medical doctors . . . who were similarly very familiar with Mom and I . . . So, FWIW, Mom's lawyers and doctors advised me that she was still legally competent WELL into Alzheimer's! Shocking, isn't it! The legal definitions of competency are very lenient, if you ask me. That is actually a very scary thing, because theoretically, a person who is (very) mentally compromised could be manipulated by a not-good person into signing new POAs and replacing the originally well-chosen ones . . . To me, this was one of the most scary things about caring for Mom in her mid-dementia stages . . . I was afraid that if I pushed her too hard to stop driving and/or get more care/assistance . . . that she could just sign new POAs taking away my ability to control/care for her . . . and making her vulnerable to someone else and/or, of course, enabling her to make dangerous choices. Fortunately, Mom was surrounded by lawyers and family and other people who were ethical and loved her, and also who knew I (and my brother) were there for her and would surely fight anyone to the death before we let them take advantage of or endanger her . . . (so not a very tempting target, lol) . . . But, it is really a scary thing IMHO. Legal competency is very, very forgiving, IME. To sum up, I advise you get needed documents done as soon as possible, but even if it might be legally past the legal competency place, that doesn't mean the documents can't be useful to you until/unless someone challenges you. (Who would? Why would they?) So, I'd get them done even if I personally felt the person was not competent. If someone fights you on it later, fine, deal with it. Meanwhile, you'd be enabled to protect and care for your loved one. Just do the best you can. To me, it is well worth any small risk if you're talking about enabling yourself to properly care for a vulnerable loved one.

If you don't mind weaponry, making dagorhair weapons is both crafty and very boy-ish. IME, kids of all ages and genders love the stuff. Just be sure you google up the safety-related rules for using the weapons and enforce them . . . My teens still play with the dozens of weapons they made years ago, and we've never had an injury, despite dozens/hundreds of wild weaponry fights in the yard involving many kids.

I think you're confusing Upper Middle with Upper Class / Very Wealthy. Upper Middle is defined in various ways, but for these purposes, seems to be top 15% of income. You're also using spending habits to equate with wealth/income. I know plenty of big spenders who have relatively low incomes and likely very low assets. Similarly, I know plenty of very wealthy people and/or people with high incomes who are not frivolous spenders. There are some very frugal very wealthy people around . . . I have personally found that big spenders are often not very wealthy. "New money" and all that . . . people trying to prove something with a label . . . I've known people with *serious* money who, I swear, dressed like bag ladies and had couches that I wouldn't put in my kids' basement play room . . . And I'm sure we all know plenty of people who wear fancy labels and shop until they drop but who can't afford piano lessons for their kids because they maxed out their CC on crap they didn't need. Spending habits do not equal income/class IME. And, FWIW, I think the idea of subtracting a level from what someone says to estimate their "level" is bonkers. For one, no one talks about that IRL. Second, no one IRL that I've met would self-identify as "upper class" even those who make well into the top 2-5% of national income percentiles (and have corresponding significant net worth). People just don't talk that way or even think that way IME. Certainly not anyone I know --- professionals, people who mostly earned their own money with probably some modest family support along the way (but not trust fund babies) folks making 150-500k/yr, with substantial assets as they get into their 40s/50s . . . I really can't imagine anyone self-identifying as "Upper Class". I know I wouldn't. I imagine that there are some people who come from *serious* family money -- as in million dollar trust fund babies -- who would have to presumably self-identify that way, but no one I know well enough to know how they think/talk would. It sounds crass. And weird. And snotty. I'd call myself Upper Middle, as I would bet 80% of zillions of folks I know who earn in the top 2-15% of national incomes would. The other 20% would identify as "Middle" despite their high incomes, probably self-identifying "lower" because they didn't "come from money" and/or are still paying off student debt or just getting started building their assets. . . so they feel poorer than their income would predict . . . I am pretty sure not more than 1/100 would self-identify as "Upper Class". Now, if you just asked for income %iles, most would be honest (if anonymous), and I'm pretty sure very few would claim a HIGHER income bracket than they have. A significant minority might claim a LOWER income due to modesty or embarrassment (for sure, if not anonymous, many/most would do this.)

If possible, get a Health Care Proxy and/or Health Care Power of Attorney (as well as a Durable POA if there are any financial/legal matters that might need to be handled). If it were me, I'd talk to my attorney and get *all* of the things I might need ASAP and before admission if at all possible (as you'll need the patient's signatures). If you have the right paperwork (varies by state) you can/should be able to get all the information the patient has a right to as well as act on their behalf. There are even Health Care POAs that are limited to information gathering . . . My mom gave me (and my brother) those early on in her last illness, as that fully enabled us to talk to all DRs/get all records/etc without enacting the Health Care Proxy (that is only activated when the patient's DR(s) confirm s/he is not competent). I would not rely on the medical institutions HIPPA forms (although, sure, do those too) because what if the patient is moved or gets care from another provider, etc. You want a universally accepted document that can "travel" with the patient. (((hugs)))