Well, since Trail life is a religious and intentionally discriminatory alternative to BSA, then you might run into more trouble with business sponsors. I know that our small business who happily sponsors nearly anything would not sponsor anything related to those religiously exclusive organizations, especially Trail Life since it was created specifically to allow more aggressive discrimination related to religion and sexuality. So, anyway, you may not be aware of the religious/political leanings of the various small business owners, since many (ours included) make a point not to affiliate our business with politics, but nonetheless, there are likely some if not many who'd not be willing to support that particular organization. So, I recant my suggestion to seek general (people who you don't know well on a personal basis) business sponsorships. Our business (and those whose owners I know well) are happy to sponsor/support nearly any local "do good" projects/etc, with the only exceptions being we won't support any organizations that are discriminatory or otherwise immoral in our view. Most businesses seek to serve/support their community as a whole, and wouldn't want to be associated with organizations that discriminate against people of other faiths/politics/etc. Sorry about my misunderstanding. So, I'd aim your fundraising efforts at folks you know personally and/or churches you are affiliated with and that share the views of the organization. Is it possible to delay the project time line to next spring (for the concrete pour) to allow more time for fundraising? If so, then one thing I like is offering actual helpful services such as leaf raking or mulch delivery/spreading . . . Nice fall projects that can serve people and raise funds at the same time. As long as you promote it as "suggested donation" and have the man power to do it, then you'll probably have plenty of luck and generous tippers.

I hope you like it!

I think I fixed the link. Please try again. Sorry!

Can you ask businesses or families to "sponsor a board" . . . Ask for $20 per board or so . . . and let them know your $4000 goal. Be sure to give the businesses some return in the way of advertising . . . Say, something like all sponsors will be listed (have them write down how they want to be listed) . . . and maybe have "Silver Level" 100 dollar sponsors and Gold Level 200 sponsors and Platinum Level 500 sponsors. Plenty of small businesses would be happy to donate 100-200 or even 500. Our small business (vet hospital) does that for virtually any community-based (non political) project that asks for funds. At least several per year. Actual clients or friends who ask in person are pretty much guaranteed to walk away with at least 100. I'd imagine that many families or individuals would readily donate $20 . . . You could also have a work day or two of a community project such as garbage clean up at a park or similar, and ask people to donate $x/per pound . . . These sorts of things are so tough.

You could try this "Mexican Potato Casserole" . . . I adapted it from a couple similar recipes, and you could surely tweak it as you like. I think you could use your cabbage in it, if you like. You could reduce the quantity of potato a bit if you like, to make up for the cabbage. If you do that, maybe chop up the cabbage and saute it a bit along with the onions. I actually added the corn & beans the the mix from the original recipes I'd liked, so those are definitely optional. I'd probably omit the corn if you use the cabbage. And you can use any canned beans you have around if you don't like or have the black beans (or leave them out if you prefer). http://www.food.com/recipe/mexican-potato-casserole-527640 If you make it, let me know how you like it and how any substitutions work out!

ABSOLUTELY NOT NORMAL. I am sleeping off a major difficult molar & root canal extraction (also in preparation for an implant). During the procedure, the only pain I felt was the pinch inserting the catheter in my arm for the Versed. The versed was good enough that I didn't even feel the oral injections or work at all. The local was strong enough that I'm totally numb at least for 5 hours post-procedure. I have a nice stock of pain meds for the recovery. I've had multiple root canals, etc. I've never had pain during a procedure. That's why they make local anesthetics and also why they make all those other good meds. Have a serious sit down talk with your surgeon, and never again allow that to happen!

RE: The SS -- She won't know that until he's done working and is retired . . . but she can get a good estimate on the SS website if she hasn't already done that. RE: 401K -- I'm sure her "half his 401K" is half of his CURRENT monies. It wouldn't have anything to do with future contributions. In fact, I'm sure the settlement includes an actual re-titling of her half into her own name, so it will belong just to her and have nothing to do with her ex. (My mom was a divorce lawyer, lol. The odd things I know . . .)

Not necessarily. A friend of mine is paying "lifetime" alimony to his ex. They were married 20+ years. He's a nice guy, so he might not have fought it much. The only time it ends is when he or his ex dies. In any event, OP should rely on her attorney's guidance on these issues.

I think that sort of thing works well as an ingrained family culture . . . but I don't know that it'd work well as an adopted "new" habit . . FWIW, I think the "easy" way to implement that sort of "helping" is to do it "downwards" . . . Dh & I's folks helped us financially . . . We will help our kids . . . Their help, in essence, freed us up to help our own kids . . . And, meanwhile, we are well enough financed that we should be able to have secure retirements and never be a financial burden on our kids . . . and maybe we'll leave large enough estate to make it that much easier for our kids to even better help their kids/grands . . . I had one friend growing up who had a "rich uncle" (I think a grand uncle) who'd left a substantial trust fund for top notch private education for all the kids in her generation . . . Of course I have no idea the extent of the funds and how long they lasted, but I think that's a super cool idea, and if I end up close to the finish line with lots of excess money, I think that sort of targeted trust fund would be awesome aimed at grands/great grands/etc . . . How free-ing would it be if your descendants didn't have to struggle to budget for their kids' educations? Now, that'd be a cool financial boon.

What about home furnishings, etc? Replacement mattress sets, couches, TVs, computers, linens, kitchen things, lawn furniture, etc. Think over the last year or two of expenditures . . . For me, browsing my Amazon history or walking through my house helps me see what I've bought .. . It's a LOT. I spend Much more on household stuff than clothes, for sure. And gifts for the kids -- weddings, trips, electronics, car helps, flying them home for visits, future grand baby spoiling? You need a line item for those shared expenses and/or gifts. I know these items were big in my parents' spending for their lifetimes, and I expect it to be the same for me. 2000/mo for 15 years at 7% earnings would end up with about 600k+ if it's pretax (tax preferred retirement account) or 500kish if it's post-tax (not a retirement account), so be sure to get it in a retirement account if you can. Be sure to allow for housing once you are retired. You may want to plan to move to a low COL area upon retirement barring a lucky financial happenstance. Most folks try to own their home outright before retirement, and your free rent will be great, but you aren't paying into a home . . . So, you're going to have major housing expenses for ever . . . If you took out 5% a year of that 600k (a rough conservative estimate of advisable withdrawal rates), that'd be 30k/yr, which won't even come close to covering JUST an inflation-adjusted rent comparable to the 2k you'd budget right now . . . So, anyway, just think about housing. So, your SS and 401k and Pension income will need to be quite significant to cover all your other expenses AND rent. I think you're on the right track. I'd say, make your budget, track it, use it, tweak it . . .and do your best to make it accurate and get a solid record of your spending for 3-6 months, and then invest in a couple hours with a fee-only financial planner to tweak your goals, choose investment strategies . . . and understand if you are on track for what your goals are.

What about the threesome example from the book? If one of the men had passed out, and then the other two carried on, doing all sorts of things to that passed out male . . . Say Male-Male an*l s*x, that plenty of M-F-M threesomes do . . . Or M-M oral . . . To me, in that situation, both the conscious male and female would be guilty of rape. Those examples might be more obvious to those of us with traditional M-F exclusive relationships . . . But, to me, the same responsibility for not raping falls on all participants. If someone is not conscious, they can't consent. The reason that the responsibility often seems to unfairly fall on the male is because, in general, in traditional M-F sex acts, an unconscious male can't participate since he is traditionally required to have an erection and actively participate, whereas a female can "participate" simply by being the passive recipient. Bear in mind that there are plenty of sex acts in all sorts of relationships (including M-F ones) that don't follow this norm. Perhaps imagining them might help you understand why responsibility typically falls on males in the circumstances of mutual intoxication. So, yes, anticipating "typical" inexperienced young-person sexual interactions in M-F relations, I teach my (straight) son that he bears the risk and responsibility of preventing the possibility of a misunderstanding that leads to him raping someone. And, I also teach my (straight) daughters specifically that just because a boy/man isn't a horrible person in general does not mean that they might not violate her if she (and/or he) is highly inebriated. Additionally, I highlight the increased risk of making regrettable or even devastating choices while under the influence -- disease, pregnancy, unwanted sex, even criminal sex. In all cases, I emphasize that sex & inebriation are mutually exclusive, and that they are responsible for maintaining their self-control and for always erring on the side of respect and safety -- just wait until you've both sobered up, and then get back to it, IMHO.

I can testify that some people find that sort of thing "hot". That said, as I posted above, unless you know and trust your partner so well that you'd trust them with your life and freedom, having any sort of sexual contact with a passed out person is a very bad idea.

Nope. Doesn't work. A threesome is presumably a pretty complicated interaction. (I've never done that, lol, but I can imagine it!) Even sex with just two people has many variations. There are things one is willing to do one day, but not another. In one mood, but not in another. Certainly some acts could even be injurious if the participants were not fully conscious and able to adjust positions, indicate comfort, etc. I'm imagining that such an adventurous trio might be trying all sorts of acts . . . and for SURE some of them could be painful or injurious if not done right. If all participants say YES, then it's a GO until not all of them can continue to express themselves. If you can't say NO, then you can't consent. Consent isn't a once-and-done. It is a continuous thing. Sorry, but folks will just have to accept certain limits and be willing and ready to stop at any moment when all participants can no longer consent or choose not to. Frankly, it seems shocking to me that someone would want to encourage/support (by saying it is OK) sexual contact that was not MUTUALLY pleasurable. Consciousness would seem to me to be a minimum requirement for pleasurable sex.

IMHO, in that situation, the boys/men are in the wrong. The onus is on them not to become so inebriated that they commit a crime. Just like if they were drunk/high but still got in a car and killed someone . . . or thought, "Oh, I want that bike over there, so I'll just take it . . ." Some things make sense when you are inebriated but are not right or legal . . . Whether they intend harm or not, they did it. Unless, I suppose, they luck out and the woman isn't bothered when she wakes up. FWIW, one thing I told my son was "sex or drinking, but not both at the same time" . . . same goes with sex and driving and driving and drinking. All fine activities (within certain limits) but they are mutually exclusive, IMHO. To me, the only exceptions to the great tea/consent theory are between long-term committed partners who have explicitly agreed upon such "assumed consent". If my dh & I trust each other enough to have TeA no matter the state of intoxication . . . then that's our business. He has to trust that I won't cry "rape" and I have to trust that he won't do something I wouldn't have wanted . . . So, unless one trusts their freedom and life to their sexual partner, I think following the great tea analogy is the way to go. In my mind, that's what I'd expect/suggest/instruct any single people to do. (And any married people in rocky relationships or in relationships with an unstable spouse, too!)

CE is a fantastic series. Great retention. Seeing that they have a third book in that series, I just ordered the whole new "Level 4" package -- a GREAT addition, as there is such a leap between the (now called) level 3 and the (now called) level 5. I've used both, and I think the CE series is much, much stronger than VFCR. WWW is very helpful but is VAST. Huge lists. My kids handled it fine, but I don't think they retained quite as much as from CE, just due to the vast lists. They did/do test in the 99% on vocab, etc, but I don't know how much of that is from MCT resources. I do think the MCT English stuff is without comparison GREAT, though. That said, the VFCR series is easy to use -- totally painless for Mom and fast/easy for kiddos. I used it with my youngest child during the last couple years while we were "between" levels 3 & 5 in MCT (and I hadn't realized they'd added a level 4, or I probably would have used it last year . . . But, now I'll happily use Level 4 for her 8th grade year and then carry on with the upper MCT levels after that.)

I used both together. I think learning from a large text is much easier using the book, just my opinion, but I'm an old lady, lol. I ALSO loved the iPad version because it has nifty animations of the various diagrams. Very cool! When I was using it several years ago, the iPad version was just like $20, so a nominal extra cost. It was very handy to have the text available on the iPad when we were away from home -- saved hauling that big book around, and also, I had two kids taking the class, so it was nice to have a spare copy around.

Our Spanish journey has been chaotic but successful. Eldest dd took Spanish 3 Honors (or whatever it was) with Ray in 11th grade and then just used an online Spanish tutor a dozen or so times her 12th grade year. She tested well enough on the CLEP to get 11 hours (3 semesters worth) of credits for her college, so that was great. The in-person and later online tutors were mostly for conversation, helping with and checking their Galore Park assignments, reading books, etc. DS#2 is going into 12th grade. He really muddled around last year not doing much Spanish, but is taking Honors 4 Spanish this coming year at our local high school. I'll have him take the CLEP this spring, and I'm sure he should do well. DD#3 is going into 8th grade. She's been doing Galore Park and various other supplemental things recently, and she'll do Galore Park 3 this coming year and then I'll have to figure out what to do for high school. We took the family to Costa Rica for 10 days in May and that was great Spanish practice. Since dh and I don't speak any Spanish and we were on a self-guided trip, the kids had to do a lot of conversing with shopkeepers, etc. If I had all the money in the world, I'd travel to Spanish speaking countries each year, lol. All in all, I think that for us, Galore Park + tutors have been the most valuable parts of our Spanish studies. FWIW.

I think that is really sad, and I think that I'd advise someone to think long and hard when choosing a career to avoid a career in which they will be expected/required to participate in things that are uncomfortable and/or harmful to them or their relationships. I also think that the idea of bonding professionally over sexually explicit activities seems incredibly anti-women in that field. If the sales guys are expected to take clients to strip clubs and bond over stuffing bills in a mostly-naked woman's undies, how exactly does a WOMAN sales person fit into that gang? Ugh. Gross. We have choices. We can choose what professions to enter, and we can choose how to practice those professions. Personally, I'd be horrified if my husband chose to work in a field that required that behavior. I wouldn't have chosen to marry someone who could do that, as it would just give me the creeps to think of him ogling women with me at home. To think of him, 50 years old, sticking bills in some 21 year old daughter/sister/mother . . . Nope, not happening. My husband is a business owner who routinely gets "schmoozed" by drug reps, distributor reps, etc . . . That's the reps' job . . . and I imagine that maybe some of those sales guys do stuff like that. However, I happen to know that not once in his 12 years of ownership has he gone to such a place . . . Gosh, he won't even go to lunch with them, lol. He helps them meet their "schmooze" quotas by signing their papers that one of his staff carry into him . . . He rarely even sees them, leaving his nearly-all-female staff to deal with them, lol. I get that the sales folks have to work hard to schmooze their clients, but I don't believe that there are many (if any?) fields where one can't find a job that doesn't require sexual conduct. I have no problem with sex work being legal; I don't think it should be illegal -- I just think it is gross and wrong. I just think it is gross, and that the men who chose to hire women to sexually stimulate (and/or satisfy) them are sad, small men. I think sex should be fun, exciting, and within the bounds of a mutually respectful and affectionate relationship. There are plenty of things in the world that I find morally or personally ugly, unattractive, or even reprehensible, but that doesn't mean I think it's my place to tell someone outside of my relationship what is OK for THEM. I find the idea of a sexual interaction with a stranger repulsive. I want one and only man. I want that man to want one and only woman -- me. Thus, a married person visiting a venue to interact sexually with strangers is repulsive to me, and unacceptable in MY marriage.

I think strippers and strip clubs, etc, are gross. If my husband chose to go to such a place, I'd be VERY upset. Once, a long time ago, when we were much younger and more apt to go with the flow, he went to (and I agreed with him going to) a bachelor party that included going to strip clubs. It was a very small party for a family friend, and it was sort of a rushed thing (hurried wedding for the classic reason, lol) that my own brother was in charge of (best man), so we felt a family obligation to support it, as dh was also the designated driver . . . I was fine with it, even though it creeped me out to think of my husband seeing naked women (other than myself, lol). He's never chosen to go to such a place other than that one time. In that sort of circumstance, I think sometimes it's alright . . . but if it were a regular thing, or a thing my dh wanted to do of his own accord, then I'd be absolutely upset. I definitely think that any physical contact (lap dance, etc) is NOT OK for a married man. Period. Dh agreed/agrees. Similarly, if my spouse worked in an industry where that was really required, then I would imagine that I'd try to accept it (on occasion, say once a year), but really, if it were a routine (monthly?) think, then I'd have the opinion that was NOT an industry I'd like him to work in!! It's gross, and it's crass, and it's demeaning to all involved, IMHO. Lap dances or other physical contact on the part of my spouse would absolutely not be tolerated. So far as men other than my spouse, including my adult children, I have nothing to do with their sexual choices. I'm sure if the topic came up, I'd make it known that I think it's creepy and that it demeans their relationship, but that's their choice, their relationship, and not my business. I'd sympathize with their wife if the wife opposed it, for sure, but I wouldn't butt in. For sure, I'd think poorly of the man's choices, but I realize that a large portion of men (and women) have actual affairs, and I'm generally just happy that no one in my circle admits such things, as I'd be very uncomfortable with it, and I would think less of them and feel sorry for their wives. To me, it'd feel like I learned a married man had an affair or saw prostitutes . . . it would totally make me think less of him, but I'd try to not think about it, so long as it didn't involve MY marriage. And, for SURE, I'd not encourage a social "couples" relationship with the couple, as I have no desire for MY spouse to be buddies with someone who thinks that sort of behavior is normal and fun. Nope, no way. Keep it a "secret", and I'll try to ignore it, though (other than not fostering relationships between the guys . . .)

If you want to buy a new house before selling the old one, then you have to have the $$ for closing/moving/down payment and the income/credit so that the banks can qualify you to carry BOTH mortgages. For these reasons, most young families can't move until they sell their current house. More mature (financially) families who, say, have already paid off most (or all) of the debt on the current home and/or have incomes/cash that have grown over the years sufficiently to cover a second mortgage (theoretically) have the financial ability to buy a new home while still owning the prior home. If you can't afford to (technically) carry both homes, then you need to sell the first one before buying the new one. In that situation, your options are to sell while still remaining in the home . . . or move out into a rental (or relative's) home while selling . . . and then buy the new one. It's tricky, for sure. We've done moves all sorts of ways, but the one time we still owned our prior residence, we were still pretty poor and indebted, and my mom cosigned that time. In that case, our prior home was actually rented out (enough to cover the mortgage), but we still were way too young (financially) to qualify for the second home/mortgage without her help. (We refinanced in our own names after a year or so, once we'd sold our prior home.)

A splash of bleach down sink drains works for us to eliminate stinky drains, but that's just stinky drain/trap sludge/bacteria .. . In your situation, I'd send strong bleach solution (50/50 bleach and water) down all accessible drains. A cup or two in sinks, a quart in showers/tubs . .. Flush them with plenty of water (say 30 seconds) FIRST, then pour down the bleach solution, then let it sit for at least 20 minutes (I usually leave mine for at least an hour or two). Personally, I always splash a little clear water down the sink/shower drains right away (just a cup or so) to minimize the chance of harming finishes, but I've never seen damages from the bleach. I'd also do a HOT water load on the longest, hottest cycle with LOTS of bleach (and maybe one or two clean but old "dog towels" just for more agitation). Like a quart or more bleach (diluted in a gallon or two of water and added right to the drum, along with however much bleach fits in your bleach dispenser). If it's a top loader, you can also add more bleach as the cycle progresses through it's various rinse cycles. After doing the bleach load, I'd do a similar load with white vinegar. Anyway, after you hammer all the drains with plenty of bleach, if that doesn't fix your problem, I'd probably try the Drano route since your landlord hasn't been responsive. If it were MY house, I wouldn't do the drano (we have septic, and I own the pipes, lol), but instead I'd call a plumber to figure it out . . . I'm sorry your landlord is being such a putz. If you don't already have "renter's insurance", I'd get it NOW (it's cheap!) to insure your possessions in case of a sewage back up!!

FWIW, my friend had advanced cancer, too. I never asked for official staging, etc, but I know it was very serious whatever the stage. Their family had actually JUST moved cross-country that month, and when they learned of the diagnosis and complications with their insurance coverage (no participating oncologist for MANY miles around, despite it being a policy the'd bought in their new state), they packed up and moved back to where they'd lived (for many years) previously . . . because there they could access a participating oncologist in their "home" town and also because they had a deep support system of homeschooling and other friends . . . They'd previously JUST sold their home for the move and rented a home in their new town (nearer family), but they literally sold most of their stuff, loaded up in a moving truck, and returned to their prior home just to access reliable medical care . . . They moved into a temporary residence in a home for friends who were out of town long term (sabbatical or similar) . . . He was getting chemo within days/short weeks of the first diagnosis and surgery within weeks of the first diagnosis . . . It DID move very fast, and I think they were VERY scared. It seemed so urgent/critical to me (from the outside) that I assumed his was very advanced and that survival was not expected . . . But, he MADE IT. So, anyway, have hope. (((hugs)))

I, too, have a friend who has survived rectal cancer. Similarly, chemo, surgery, colostomy . . . but after a year or so, he was deemed cancer free. The extensive treatments consumed about a year, but since then, he's been well. I hope the same goes for your sister-in-law. (((hugs)))

Awww, thank you. :blush:

Oh, and another note. My mother was born poor, female, and to a mom who was divorced (scandal!) while Mom was still a baby. No one in Mom's family had ever gotten a college degree (that we know of). Mom suffered abuse at the hands of her mom's boyfriend(s) over the years. Mom's mom remarried an abusive 2nd husband when Mom was a teen . . . Mom got a 4 year degree on her own via merit scholarships and hard work, went to the Peace Corps in the first class of Chile volunteers, got a Masters at an Ivy League school, and later a law degree (while she had school age kids at home and despite my dad divorcing her during her first year). She achieved a great career, was a stellar mom, contributed to her community, and rescued both her mother and baby sister out of an abusive and hopeless future. I am PROUD of Mom. She achieved great things against great odds. She also reset the family expectations so that me and my brother achieving a 4 year degree + grad degrees was a norm, not a big achievement. We had it easy; she did not. We (my brother and I) both have things to be proud of, but they are things we did that required great effort, not the basic educational process we completed with plenty of support and easy odds. The things we have to be proud of are the differences we make in other's lives, the hard work and dedication we have put into various achievements/efforts . . . The things we actually had to struggle to achieve (or survive). Whiteness has never been a handicap for us and is nothing we have achieved, so it is not something to be proud of.