Help me decide..regular co-op or Classical Conversations

[Samiam]

We've homeschooled forever, but we've only lived in this area for about 5 years.  While I am in all of the local FB groups so I have a good idea of what is going on for homeschoolers in our area, there isn't actually alot that is a regular thing if you don't do co-ops.

 

We live in an area where there are alot of co-ops and different classes for homeschoolers, but there's not alot of "let's get together and just have fun".  Very rare park days (which means you often don't see the same families twice).   Some field trips but again you often don't see the same families twice.  Not conducive to making friends. 

 

My super-social middle child has had a great group of friends his age in our neighborhood that he could play with anytime he wanted, and they would typically spend hours outside on weekends, and after school (2 boys were public schooled and one other was actually another homeschooler).  That meant I had to put NO effort into feeding his need for friends because it right in our little neighborhood.  So for the last four years, I didn't make a huge effort to search out friends in the homeschooling community for my boys.  These boys were all really nice kids with families that had similiar values to ours.  Never had to worry about these kids not being appropriate and kind to each other and others.  This child is 13 now and he NEEDS to be around other kids to be happy and he misses his neighborhood buddies alot (they have gotten together since we moved but I know it won't be as often as my son would like, and as they age, it will be less and less since they don't have that natural neighborhood connection anymore)

 

My youngest child would often tag along with his brother and the neighborhood friends, though he's 3 years younger.  Though in recent months, he's went along less and less to play outside, as he feels they are not his friends, but his brothers' friends (and his brother makes sure he knows that).  In all honesty, he doesnt really have friends of his own.  He has expressed a desire to have friends (heartbreaking!)  This child is 10 now.

 

Both are getting to the age where Park days just aren't something they really want to do especially because they may not know alot of children there anyway so it's not like I could start my own Park day and invite others. 

 

Now we've moved to a different side of town.   We've only been here a few weeks, but it doesn't seem like we have any children right around us.  The neighbors we've seen have all been older couples.   We live in a big neighborhood with a community pool, so we may potentially see some families when the pool months come around but it's an unknown if actual "friends" will be made (and by that time, I will have missed sign up dates for local groups)  

 

Sooo, that long story to say I am thinking I may need to do a co-op type environment to help my boys make connections and friends because you see the same people every week and you have something in common...I'm pursueing this purely for the social aspect and any educational benefits would just be a bonus.

 

I am considering:

1.  Classical Conversations.  I've never been a fan, and I've read all the conversations here. I know it's expensive, I know that tutors are not experts, rather Mom's with three days of training and it's a crapshoot if they will be any good at their job.  I'm not a super fan of the memory cram they do.   That being said, my 13 year old would be in the Challenge A, which is only going to have about 8 students, and that's really a great environment to make friendship connections as one moves into the teenage realm.  Though he is also not the strongest student so I worry the work would be too advance for him. The campus I am considering has been around for several years, so they've kinda got it down-pat, so they've built a nice "community" around themselves with many activites that are outside of the actual classroom...so a social network!  The 10 year old would also be in a class with 11 other students in his age range, and with those same students all day.    A chance to make real friends, that he will also see at the other group activities outside of class.  One major con:  IT'S EXPENSIVE!

 

or

 

2.  A very traditional type of co-op.  This is not one that is cheap because mom's volunteer to lead a Lego class or Cake making class, those type of "fun things" class.  No, all of the teachers, though they may also be Moms, have degrees in their field, and many have teaching experience, so there are fees for the classes because the teachers do get paid a small fee.  The 10 year old would be in a group that travels together for four classes.  So again, he would have that social aspect because he is with that same group of children that move around to the classes....though these type of classes are academic so how much chit-chat and socialization happens in class itself, I don't know.  The 13 year would be in middle school classes, that are alacarte, so he may or may not have the same students in four classes....each hour has about 5 classes for his age group to pick from, so it's a good chance he may not see the same students for most classes.   The co-op has a few different social activities outside of class, though certainly not as many as the CC Campus.   Another pro:  The classes are more "normal" type classes than the CC model.  Meaning, classes that are typical to be taken by a student at this age.  The social aspect would be less than I think we'd get from a CC campus.  But it's cheaper than CC....probably about half the price.

 

Money is an issue, cuz I'm naturally budget conscious, and I'd have to really squeeze pennies to afford CC, and a bit less of squeezing for the co-op.  That being said, if I can get the social aspect my children need, it would all be worth it.

 

DH has no opinion on the matter.  He doesn't really get it but will go along with anything I decide. 

 

I'm not going to ask my children, because neither really want to go to a class environment.   But sometimes parents make decisions with the long run in mind that children can't comprehend.

 

Help me!  Give me advice.  Please!  I don't have anyone in real life that I can really talk about this.  If I talk to family about it, they will see it as a negative of homeschooling that I am searching for a social network for my children and recommend public school.   If I talk to other homeschoolers in my area, many will commiserate (because this topic comes up often on the local groups, but no one ever actually gets together), plus if I say my negative thoughts about either the co-op or CC, I fear it will get back to someone and they will think I'm a negative nelly type.

[Lori D.]

Ouch! That is super tough! No advice, just  :grouphug:  :grouphug: , and a few thoughts:

 

Can you talk with some of the families in both the co-op and CC who would have children in your DC's age groups so you can see if the social pros and possibility of making friends really exists by attending either the co-op or CC? Hopefully you can find out:

- how long have they been a part of it

- do families stay long enough and make friends

- do they plan on sticking with it, or, are they planning to put their DC in high school

- and most importantly: do the families DO anything outside of the co-op or CC, or do they feel that takes up all of their outside-the-home time, which would mean this really would NOT be a potential springboard for meeting friends (other than inside the weekly co-op or CC classes)

 

If the homeschool community doesn't seem interested in making friends or doing anything outside of the co-op or CC, what about getting involved in a community activity of an interest that your DSs have -- often, we make friends by bonding over mutual interests:

- Scouting -- this can be one of the best places to meet/make friends

- weekly classes of some kind of activity: martial arts, fencing, horseback riding, etc.

- join a community pool swim team

- 4-H (not just animals -- they also have projects in rocketry, ham radio, archery and pistol, etc.)

- after school bowling league

- look for an after school club: electronics, robotics, chess, etc.

- youth theater (example: Christian Youth Theater)

- community (all ages) history recreation group

- community (all ages) Orienteering group

 

Instead of investing monetarily in a co-op or CC, what about heavily investing your time and YOU organize and oversee a weekly "tweens / young teens social" (or a grade 6-8 group). Advertise on your Facebook groups what the events for the next 6 weeks are, and esp. why -- that you're hoping to find for your DS like-minded/like-aged boys who are also looking for friends.

 

Start it over the summer when people have more free time and are looking for things to do, and that will make it easier for them to roll right on in to the school year, too. Be sure to post a few photos each week so people SEE how much fun it is and will want to get it on it. Post weekly reminders with any costs, and have an rsvp so you have a head count AND can rotate through the families for having another adult sign up to BE there with you as the second responsible adult -- a lot of times, families are more willing to participate if they can drop-off/pick-up, BUT you want to make sure YOU have back-up and support from another adult at every event.

 

Possible ideas, some free and some with a cost:

- meet at the park for Ultimate Frisbee, soccer, etc.

- host a "monster movie" showing with popcorn, and an old Godzilla movie (or action movie or a western or whatever your DSs like)

- host a game day -- meet for snacks and to play board games, group/party games

- backyard ballistics day -- make and try out a variety of projectile launchers

- building day -- stack of big cardboard boxes from the appliance store, rolls of duct tape, box cutters, fat sharpie markers (make forts, rocket ships, mazes, etc)

- meet at an indoor trampoline or rock-climbing gym

- go paint-balling or air-softing

- go for a hike

- do some field trips

- do a fun community service project together 

 

 

I know it's a lot of work, and it really is hard when our DC are having a hard time meeting friends. I think that has become dramatically more difficult in the last 15-20 years. Everyone keeps their kids SOOOO busy! Sitting in school for 7 hours/day, rush to sports (or other time-intensive activity), then dinner, homework, bed. And get up and do it again. No down time, no time for hobbies or just relaxing, and certainly no time or energy to spend on making friends and regularly getting together with friends. We've all got phones and apps and social media to fill that need… Even the homeschool community has changed SO much in a similar over-committed way since we started homeschooling in 2001 -- too busy with sports or CC or online classes to get out and meet for social activities and to make friends.  :( Sorry -- that was just my personal rant. But I really DO think children of the 21st century are SO over-scheduled, it makes it very difficult to have the time to find, much less cultivate, friendships.

 

Wishing you and your DSs the BEST in beating those odds and finding friends in a variety of places! :) Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited April 16, 2016 by Lori D.

[justasque]

Can you visit both?  That helped us with a similar decision.  A co-op that on paper was iffy, turned out to be a great fit. 

[Another Lynn]

I agree with trying to visit both to get a better feel for them.  Otherwise I would go with the traditional co-op because 1) less penny pinching and 2) more in-line with how you would like to homeschool. 

[amyc78]

I agree that observing a day at both co-ops would be helpful but it may be too late in the year for that?

 

We are part of a CC group here and while there are some families that participate for the community factor, I cannot imagine paying that money and committing that time if I wasn't sold on the program- especially as you move up into challenge, the workload is pretty rigorous.

[MotherGoose]

Can you drop them off and leave at coop? That was major deciding factor in favor of coop versus classical for me :)

[Sahamamama]

Your sons are three years apart (13 and 10). That gap may seem huge now, but it will shrink each year -- 23 and 20 are not so far apart, right? Most friends and acquaintances will come and go, come and go, but brothers will be brothers for life. Why not encourage them to become friends with each other? I would explicitly teach and disciple them toward this, without forcing them to be together (but I would insist on mutual honor and respect -- no put-downs). I would just lay it out that, in truth, most of their peer relationships will be short-term, shallow acquaintances at best, but that as brothers, they can form a life-long, supportive, and loving friendship.

 

I think our culture's prevailing mindset -- that exactly matching age-mates make the best friends -- is unfounded. However, it's a strong enough assumption to undermine and discourage strong sibling bonds in some families, especially when schools segregate siblings from each other based on age. Homeschoolers can do better than this, because our children don't need to spend their days aligned with only same-age peers.

 

Regarding your question, I wouldn't do either CC or the co-op. Instead, I would focus on getting school work and chores done efficiently on your own at home, keeping plenty of free time in the weekly schedule. Encourage the boys to play and work outside (together?), and invest your money in things that might make that routine more appealing (a basketball hoop? a slack line? dirt bikes? skateboards? skis? skates? tools? pets? camping gear? tents? a canoe?). Along with that, you might participate in one or two carefully chosen activities (outside the home) that have little or nothing to do with homeschooling and homeschoolers -- like Royal Rangers, bowling league, 4-H club, nature study group (check with parks department), swim team, youth choir, youth theater, or a township rec sports team. Lori had a lot of great ideas. HTH.

[school17777]

One thing to factor in your decision is the amount of time during the week you are willing to invest in CC or the co-op. CC may have a pretty big time commitment outside of the day you meet. I am guessing that the co-op doesn't have that.

 

Since your motivation is establishing friendships, I suggest you invite a family or two to meet up right after the co-op or CC for pizza, ice cream, playground, etc everytime.

[Lilaclady]

One factor you may also consider with the CC is that established groups may not be as open to having an outsider in. So your kids may have a hard time breaking into the group because the other kids have been friends for much longer.

[...................]

Have you visited?  That might really help you get a feel for the type of situation it is. We have rarely found co-ops that don't have major discipline or organizational issues.  

 

I would also say, that it is likely that you could join one or the other and still not find friends your son clicks with because teenage boys make friends based very much on what they are into (I guess girls are the same) and boys tend to have less numbers of friends than girls.  Now that said, it's good for them to get out regulary and meet people, so either situation would be healthy and for one year would certainly be do-able.

 

I would also look at the type of families joining.  What is their "flavor?"  By and large homeschoolers are from close knit caring families.  But some are more careful what their children see and do, and others watch way more worldly movies, internet use, snapchat, etc. etc.  I certainly don't go around judging people in a hurry on what they do, but you can kind of tell what the flavor of each group is, especially if you already know the moms.

 

Another thing is, with CC< the CC's in our area ALL except one dry up completely after Challenge A....parents at that age just aren't interested in tutoring, or the kids have found their niche or whatever.  So I would find out if the CC group as, as faras they know, Challenge B and 1 and 2 tutors that seem committed for several years.  Most CC groups will tell you that one mom is moving up with her child, and the previous year will then not have a tutor.  It sounds like your co-op is really well established.

 

In addition to joining one of these, I would also ask you if your son is involved in activities that interest him?  That might be a more likely way to make friends and get out in the world.  :o)

[Bluegoat]

One thing that strikes me is that both these groups will not be made up of kids in your neighbourhood, so getting together with them won't be as easy.  If your sons can get around town by themselves to some degree, maybe by bus, it could work, but otherwise you will be stuck with driving, so there still won't be the same amount of time for just hanging out.

 

So, I am wondering, what about an option for meeting kids in your new neighbourhood?  Through some group like scouts maybe?  Or here, a church around the corner has a youth group that is open to everyone, it isn't particularly religious instruction mostly just things like crafts or playing basketball.  It has been a good place for my dd11 to meet kids that live close to us.

 

But if I had to chose between CC and the co-op, I would go for the latter - I think friendships in that setting might be just as likely, and I also don't really like the academic approach of CC, especially if it ended up impacting the rest of our homeschool days which seems to happen.

[...................]

One thing that strikes me is that both these groups will not be made up of kids in your neighbourhood, so getting together with them won't be as easy.  If your sons can get around town by themselves to some degree, maybe by bus, it could work, but otherwise you will be stuck with driving, so there still won't be the same amount of time for just hanging out.

 

So, I am wondering, what about an option for meeting kids in your new neighbourhood?  Through some group like scouts maybe?  Or here, a church around the corner has a youth group that is open to everyone, it isn't particularly religious instruction mostly just things like crafts or playing basketball.  It has been a good place for my dd11 to meet kids that live close to us.

 

But if I had to chose between CC and the co-op, I would go for the latter - I think friendships in that setting might be just as likely, and I also don't really like the academic approach of CC, especially if it ended up impacting the rest of our homeschool days which seems to happen.

 

This.  you definitely have to help your teen boy find good friends from good families, but he will also want to choose his own friends based on shared activities and interests.  For example, my son really enjoys swim team and he loves the comraderie and hanging out and it keeps him busy.  He found one good friend there, but swimming isn't relaly his main passion or anything.

 

He also does a robotics club and that kept him involved and busy and he made two friends there who now have summer plans with him.  They all share a love of robotics and computer programming and braininess in general. And, because it's local, they can bike to each other's homes or I can drive the five minute drive with no problem.

 

I don't think the co-op or CC can hurt, but I definitely think you and your boy need to search out a place where he is interested in what's going on there.  Whether it's a sport, scouts, robotics, swim team, or if he has a passion for Christ, a youth group, What is he into?

[learning456]

One factor you may also consider with the CC is that established groups may not be as open to having an outsider in. So your kids may have a hard time breaking into the group because the other kids have been friends for much longer.

 

Totally agree with this. You just never know how many kids will be in a class or how your child will fit in with the others. I would pick the co-op over CC, but maybe try to find other opportunities first. Are there any teen library activities or recreation center classes available? I like the 4-H suggestion, too.

[Samiam]

Thanks for all the suggestions.  Some things to mull over, for sure!

 

To answer a few questions....my boys have done everything, lol...and liked none of it.  Literally, we were THAT family where we had some where to be all the time, because at least one of my boys had an activity going on.  DS13 did four years of Cub Scouts...had no interest in moving on to Boy Scouts...and those friendships waned as he moved on from Scout life (plus that was several years ago at this point).  He's done baseball and soccer for a few years each (at our insistance that he try it) and did not like it, and doesn't want to do any more sports so he won't do swim team (which he'd be awesome at), he won't do basketball, even something like Upward which isn't competitive, he won't do the homeschool archery team.   He's done golf lessons for children in a group setting...nope.  Hmm, what else...art classes, Homeschool PE, 4H Outdoor club, Minecraft classes, etc etc etc etc.  Literally, if you can name something that a young boy may be interested in...we've tried it with him.  Our philosophy was "How do you know you won't like it, until you try it?"..... and thus would require him to finish a season or semester etc before deciding it wasn't his thing. This child's perfect day is to just have nothing on his schedule to but to go outside and play with his friends.

 

So the DS10, as the youngest, has went through all of those things too...often at the same time as DS13, and other times, as an activity that just he was doing.    He also doesn't want to do much.  Two things he wants to do is play golf (he did enjoy the group lessons, but we can't afford them right now), and go to any sort of computer oriented classes (there is a local non-profit company that offers different computer classes for children at a very economical rate...and we do those when they are offered...but it's not led to friendships because everyone is just staring at their computer.)   Because I get a resounding "NO!" from these children whenever I bring up an interesting idea or activity, I often sign them up without asking.  My DS10 actually said to me "Will you PLEASE stop signing me up for things without asking me?".    I'm pretty sure that is going to be something he remembers as a negative memory about his mom when he's an adult, haha!

 

So now I am at a point where I feel that unless they ask or show an interest in doing something, I am not going to invest money and time to force them to do something they argue about every week.   We've become the opposite of the "Never home homeschooling family".  Now we are the "We've kept our schedule free so we can come and go as we please homeschooling family".   Which worked out perfectly for DS13 because that meant he could go play with his neighborhood buddies whenever he wanted (even though I would explain to him that those same buddies have activities and a life that they go do....as should he!).    All of that is not to say that I don't bring up activities that may interest them to see what they think...I do CONSTANTLY...but I almost always get a very firm "No."      As a matter of fact, I will get a No if I mentioned this conversation to them about a co-op or CC.     

 

As far as them becoming buddies...they are, as much as a 10 year old youngest child and a 13year middle child could be...with very different personalities, who spend every single day together.   There are times when they are great together and there are times when it's an all out verbal war.   It doesn't solve the social problem.  They both WANT friends.

 

It's too late to visit the CC campus or the co-op this year.  The CC year is over here.   The co-op had an Open house last month, which I missed because I wasn't considering it at that point, and they are very staunch on their visitor policy (they are VERY organized and strict in rules...some say very schoolish-like).

[HSmomof2]

We've homeschooled forever, but we've only lived in this area for about 5 years. While I am in all of the local FB groups so I have a good idea of what is going on for homeschoolers in our area, there isn't actually alot that is a regular thing if you don't do co-ops.

 

We live in an area where there are alot of co-ops and different classes for homeschoolers, but there's not alot of "let's get together and just have fun". Very rare park days (which means you often don't see the same families twice). Some field trips but again you often don't see the same families twice. Not conducive to making friends.

 

My super-social middle child has had a great group of friends his age in our neighborhood that he could play with anytime he wanted, and they would typically spend hours outside on weekends, and after school (2 boys were public schooled and one other was actually another homeschooler). That meant I had to put NO effort into feeding his need for friends because it right in our little neighborhood. So for the last four years, I didn't make a huge effort to search out friends in the homeschooling community for my boys. These boys were all really nice kids with families that had similiar values to ours. Never had to worry about these kids not being appropriate and kind to each other and others. This child is 13 now and he NEEDS to be around other kids to be happy and he misses his neighborhood buddies alot (they have gotten together since we moved but I know it won't be as often as my son would like, and as they age, it will be less and less since they don't have that natural neighborhood connection anymore)

 

My youngest child would often tag along with his brother and the neighborhood friends, though he's 3 years younger. Though in recent months, he's went along less and less to play outside, as he feels they are not his friends, but his brothers' friends (and his brother makes sure he knows that). In all honesty, he doesnt really have friends of his own. He has expressed a desire to have friends (heartbreaking!) This child is 10 now.

 

Both are getting to the age where Park days just aren't something they really want to do especially because they may not know alot of children there anyway so it's not like I could start my own Park day and invite others.

 

Now we've moved to a different side of town. We've only been here a few weeks, but it doesn't seem like we have any children right around us. The neighbors we've seen have all been older couples. We live in a big neighborhood with a community pool, so we may potentially see some families when the pool months come around but it's an unknown if actual "friends" will be made (and by that time, I will have missed sign up dates for local groups)

 

Sooo, that long story to say I am thinking I may need to do a co-op type environment to help my boys make connections and friends because you see the same people every week and you have something in common...I'm pursueing this purely for the social aspect and any educational benefits would just be a bonus.

 

I am considering:

1. Classical Conversations. I've never been a fan, and I've read all the conversations here. I know it's expensive, I know that tutors are not experts, rather Mom's with three days of training and it's a crapshoot if they will be any good at their job. I'm not a super fan of the memory cram they do. That being said, my 13 year old would be in the Challenge A, which is only going to have about 8 students, and that's really a great environment to make friendship connections as one moves into the teenage realm. Though he is also not the strongest student so I worry the work would be too advance for him. The campus I am considering has been around for several years, so they've kinda got it down-pat, so they've built a nice "community" around themselves with many activites that are outside of the actual classroom...so a social network! The 10 year old would also be in a class with 11 other students in his age range, and with those same students all day. A chance to make real friends, that he will also see at the other group activities outside of class. One major con: IT'S EXPENSIVE!

 

or

 

2. A very traditional type of co-op. This is not one that is cheap because mom's volunteer to lead a Lego class or Cake making class, those type of "fun things" class. No, all of the teachers, though they may also be Moms, have degrees in their field, and many have teaching experience, so there are fees for the classes because the teachers do get paid a small fee. The 10 year old would be in a group that travels together for four classes. So again, he would have that social aspect because he is with that same group of children that move around to the classes....though these type of classes are academic so how much chit-chat and socialization happens in class itself, I don't know. The 13 year would be in middle school classes, that are alacarte, so he may or may not have the same students in four classes....each hour has about 5 classes for his age group to pick from, so it's a good chance he may not see the same students for most classes. The co-op has a few different social activities outside of class, though certainly not as many as the CC Campus. Another pro: The classes are more "normal" type classes than the CC model. Meaning, classes that are typical to be taken by a student at this age. The social aspect would be less than I think we'd get from a CC campus. But it's cheaper than CC....probably about half the price.

 

Money is an issue, cuz I'm naturally budget conscious, and I'd have to really squeeze pennies to afford CC, and a bit less of squeezing for the co-op. That being said, if I can get the social aspect my children need, it would all be worth it.

 

DH has no opinion on the matter. He doesn't really get it but will go along with anything I decide.

 

I'm not going to ask my children, because neither really want to go to a class environment. But sometimes parents make decisions with the long run in mind that children can't comprehend.

 

Help me! Give me advice. Please! I don't have anyone in real life that I can really talk about this. If I talk to family about it, they will see it as a negative of homeschooling that I am searching for a social network for my children and recommend public school. If I talk to other homeschoolers in my area, many will commiserate (because this topic comes up often on the local groups, but no one ever actually gets together), plus if I say my negative thoughts about either the co-op or CC, I fear it will get back to someone and they will think I'm a negative nelly type.

Hmmmm, I'm not sure. I tend to think that since you're really looking for a co-op for social reasons, CC may not be the best fit. Though, for us, co-op never created friendships for my dc either. Yes, they saw the same kids weekly and did field trips. But, they really just remained acquaintances with the co-op kids(and we did the co-op for 5 years). My dc are 13 & 10, and they've found their friends through church, youth group, and classes they've attended for years. (Dance, swim team, drill team, tennis, etc). They seem to be making friends based on common interests now rather than just being with groups of kids. Edited April 17, 2016 by Bethany Grace

[Lori D.]

...my boys have done everything, lol...and liked none of it...

...DS13 did four years of Cub Scouts...had no interest in moving on to Boy Scouts...and those friendships waned as he moved on from Scout life...

...He's done baseball and soccer...and did not like it, and doesn't want to do any more sports so he won't do swim team (which he'd be awesome at), he won't do basketball, even something like Upward which isn't competitive, he won't do the homeschool archery team...

… He's done golf lessons for children in a group setting…nope..

......art classes, Homeschool PE, 4H Outdoor club, Minecraft classes, etc etc etc etc.

...Literally, if you can name something that a young boy may be interested in...we've tried it with him.

… So the DS10, as the youngest, has went through all of those things too...

… He also doesn't want to do much...

… Because I get a resounding "NO!" from these children whenever I bring up an interesting idea or activity, I often sign them up without asking.  My DS10 actually said to me "Will you PLEASE stop signing me up for things without asking me?"...

 

Wow! You've gone waaayyyy above and beyond! It's definitely okay to stop for a year, and see what happens.

 

I think I'd still vote for your family committing to be the hosting/organizing family for one year and see if you can drum up some like-minded homeschool friends, as I think that would stand the best chance of meeting the social needs. But I'd ONLY invest in that idea if both DSs were way on-board with it and willing to help each week with any set-up/clean-up, and coming up with some ideas. If your DSs' interest waned after a few months, or if you don't get much response from the homeschool group, then let it drop.

 

Otherwise, since DSs are making it clear that they don't want to do any outside sports or groups, then don't. Really, it will be okay.

 

Don't even do CC or the co-op. It sounds like the odds of those outside commitments being a place for meeting/making friends is not any greater than the past *fun* activities you've signed DSs up for -- and CC or the co-op would be an academic commiment, not a *fun* activity. Plus, the co-op would probably require a minimum of 1 semester commitment -- and CC requires a full year commitment.

 

You've poured out above and beyond! DSs are making it clear they don't want to do activities. I'd just make sure they understand that the reality of our culture is that in the middle/high school years, you meet/make friends not so much any more through the neighborhood, but by sharing common interests, which comes from being involved in groups like church, scouting, 4-H, sports team, etc., or pursuing a shared interest through a class (martial arts, fencing, jewelry making, etc.) or club (electronics, robotics, etc).  But it's okay for you to step back and stop suggesting/signing them up, and let them "own" their own boredom.

 

They are old enough to choose -- but that also means they need to own the consequences. If they choose to not put themselves out there or get involved in things, then the odds of meeting/making friends goes way down, and since mom and dad have supported and driven and suggested loads of possibilities and they've rejected them all, if they're bored and don't have friends to hang out with, don't complain to mom and dad. ;) They need to start contributing towards a solution, rather than being baby birds and expecting mom to spoon feed them -- AND reject all of mom's great ideas. ;)

 

BEST of luck, whatever your family decides! Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited April 17, 2016 by Lori D.

[G5052]

Hmmmm, I'm not sure. I tend to think that since you're really looking for a co-op for social reasons, CC may not be the best fit. Though, for us, co-op never created friendships for my dc either. Yes, they saw the same kids weekly and did field trips. But, they really just remained acquaintances with the co-op kids(and we did the co-op for 5 years). My dc are 13 & 10, and they've found their friends through church, youth group, and classes they've attended for years. (Dance, swim team, drill team, tennis, etc). They seem to be making friends based on common interests now rather than just being with groups of kids.

 

That was our experience as well after seven years of CC. They still see those kids here-and-there and are friendly, but their best buds are from church.

 

They also have a wider circle of acquaintances and are good with that. I've also noticed that they moved away from some friends who got into some not-so-good choices. I'm glad of that.

 

When I look at my closest friends, I have two friends from work and two friends from church -- one with kids in public school and one who is semi-retired. No current homeschool moms! 

 

So you work it out.

Edited April 17, 2016 by G5052

[bethben]

I would agree that co-ops don't necessarily make friends.  We moved a year ago from a place where the neighborhood had built in friends to a place where most kids are over scheduled and don't have free time.  I had a 15 year old who needs friends and an 11 year old who could care less.  We found a church that had a good youth group and that has satisfied the 15 year old's need.  The 11 year old and his 8 year old sister go to a once a week homeschool enrichment program through a public charter school.   While the two youngest have made "school" friends, they don't seem to want to get together outside of school.  We too are the homeschoolers that are pretty much staying home and not involved in tons of activities outside of the home.

 

That being said, I did consider CC for a while when we moved because of the social aspect and an additional reason.  If I'm going to spend time carting kids to extra educational opportunities, I want to make sure it's worth my time. I have no desire to join a co-op so my kids can learn crafts or talk about American girl stories so that I can feel like they're getting some socialization with other people time.  I want it to enhance my homeschool.  So, that is why I considered CC for a bit.  Maybe join a co-op that helps you with some subjects and hope that the friends come with it?  That way, if the friend thing is a bust, at least you got some extra help with some homeschool subjects.

 

 

[Samiam]

 

 

Wow! You've gone waaayyyy above and beyond! It's definitely okay to stop for a year, and see what happens.

 

I think I'd still vote for your family committing to be the hosting/organizing family for one year and see if you can drum up some like-minded homeschool friends, as I think that would stand the best chance of meeting the social needs. But I'd ONLY invest in that idea if both DSs were way on-board with it and willing to help each week with any set-up/clean-up, and coming up with some ideas. If your DSs' interest waned after a few months, or if you don't get much response from the homeschool group, then let it drop.

 

Otherwise, since DSs are making it clear that they don't want to do any outside sports or groups, then don't. Really, it will be okay.

 

Don't even do CC or the co-op. It sounds like the odds of those outside commitments being a place for meeting/making friends is not any greater than the past *fun* activities you've signed DSs up for -- and CC or the co-op would be an academic commiment, not a *fun* activity. Plus, the co-op would probably require a minimum of 1 semester commitment -- and CC requires a full year commitment.

 

You've poured out above and beyond! DSs are making it clear they don't want to do activities. I'd just make sure they understand that the reality of our culture is that in the middle/high school years, you meet/make friends not so much any more through the neighborhood, but by sharing common interests, which comes from being involved in groups like church, scouting, 4-H, sports team, etc., or pursuing a shared interest through a class (martial arts, fencing, jewelry making, etc.) or club (electronics, robotics, etc).  But it's okay for you to step back and stop suggesting/signing them up, and let them "own" their own boredom.

 

They are old enough to choose -- but that also means they need to own the consequences. If they choose to not put themselves out there or get involved in things, then the odds of meeting/making friends goes way down, and since mom and dad have supported and driven and suggested loads of possibilities and they've rejected them all, if they're bored and don't have friends to hang out with, don't complain to mom and dad. ;) They need to start contributing towards a solution, rather than being baby birds and expecting mom to spoon feed them -- AND reject all of mom's great ideas. ;)

 

BEST of luck, whatever your family decides! Warmest regards, Lori D.

 

 

Thank you!  This resonated with me!  Your response was very helpful and made perfect sense to me in terms of letting them own their choices...if they are refusing to do ANYTHING in a group setting, then they must own that they are refusing the opportunity to make friends.  That is a conversation I must have with them.  I think "I" knew that, and one reason I always seek out activities for them...to help them meet people....but they are looking at it as just one faceted..the activity itself.   That's their age, of course, but I need to make sure they see the big picture, and perhaps I was failing there.   

[East Coast Sue]

Since you've already tried so many activities, I'm not sure which to recommend. I guess between the two options, I'd pick the co-op over CC. However, is there a community service project that they can join? Can you join them in service at the SPCA, or serving at a nature center, or some other project your kids might be passionate about? I think young teens who aren't naturally drawn into organized activities can benefit greatly from service to others. I require my kids to have a service commitment year round and it has definitely shaped who they are, socially and academically.

Edited April 20, 2016 by Sue in TX

[East Coast Sue]

duplicate post

Edited April 20, 2016 by Sue in TX

[2_girls_mommy]

I would pick the co-op too.  Pick classes that are worthwhile or interesting to your kids.  After working hard all week, I like mine to have some fun and do an arts and crafts class and PE.  That is also where they get to talk and be silly with the other kids while they are working on a project.

 

 But I also do co-op for some academic classes that work for us to have the outside accountability, and that someone else has to plan.  I also use co-op to teach things that I want to get to at home, but never got around to.  So it's a designated time that I have scheduled to do those things, like say Spanish for my middle schooler.  It never seemed to happen at home, no matter how much I spent on Spanish videos and books, lol.  So even if she only gets it that one day a week for some conversational practice and exposure, well, its more than we were getting accomplished before. : )  You as a family will bring another element to the co-op.  Maybe the first year you go along with their schedule and other people's plans.  But the nature of co-op is that you have a say in next year, and even in this year where you volunteer.  Bring to it the flavor that you want and share with others.  We couldn't have survived without co-op all of these year.  By my being involved we have naturally made friends because we do things together.  I set up a class in our field of interest and families that were drawn to that have joined us.   We've done all kinds of activities and field trips and parties and fun things with that group out of our co-op because of our shared interest in the subject, outside of official co-op activities.  I got the idea from clubs at my public high school.  My sister and I still have a couple friends that we met doing a club at school.  Currently my kids are getting to know another girl because the mom asked if they wanted to do a joint project at our upcoming convention.  So just from them working together so closely on a big project and putting in so many hours they are getting to know each other and play and have fun in the process. Most of our friendships have come around this way.  And yes, as a homeschool mom, I have often made the first move and invited others to join us on a project or activity that we seem to share.

[cintinative]

We did CC and a co-op one year. I don't recommend it. =)  However, my kids were 1st and K that year so we survived. What I can tell you is that CC did not provide social connections for any of us. It has a lot to do with the campus and the people in it, and since we didn't do a 2nd year I can't say what would have happened had we stayed. However, i found it really hard to connect as a mom and my kids didn't make real friends despite having recess, etc.  There were a lot of pre-established connections and we never fit in .  On the flip side, due to the nature of activities at co-op: Lego class, gym, etc.  they did make friends there, and perhaps more importantly--I did. Making friends meant I was motivated to invite moms and their kids over and that meant more play time for my kids.  So, as much as this is for your kids, I would also consider--which moms would you rather hang with?  Our co-op has built in free periods where you get to talk with other moms and connect. CC didn't have that, and a lot of people left at lunch instead of staying for it.  That said, every co-op and CC campus will be different, so I do encourage you to visit and get a feel for things.

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