I Really Want to be an Unschooler

[8filltheheart]

I think it boils down to the kids I have. My DD is an unschooler at heart, my son, not so much. I guess I'm somewhere in the middle, but really feel drawn to the lovely picture painted by unschoolers or even just more relaxed homeschoolers (the successful ones.)

 

8FillTheHeart, I really love all of your posts and I'm very inspired by the way you do things. Your ideas resonates with me, and THAT is what I want for my children. But they, especially DS, is not getting it. Although, I suppose that it because me expectations are not clear enough? Maybe I should not have any?

N

How do you encourage a child to create, to build, to THINK?

 

DS could care less about lego, crafts, hands-on experimenting, any sort of toy, etc. He is a theoretical physicist at heart. His age/skills keeps him from experimenting with burning lasers, hadron colliders, etc. His interests are not easily supported by me or the local library. What would a project on a black hole look like?

 

How do I encourage creativity in someone who is not creative? Or not in the way I see it. I have given him plenty of time, space, resources, help, independence, encouragement, etc. but nothing happens. He'd rather just do another coursera course or watch youtube videos on his area of interest. (He does not play that much games, but he does watch a lot of youtube science related videos without ever doing anything with it. I think he made something twice in the last 3 years from videos he's watched.)

 

I want projects that clutter up our home, sparks more than a fleeting interest and that sets a fire burning.

THAT'S why I wanted to homeschool in the first place. It's not happening.

I've been thinking about your question, but it isn't one I really have an answer for. I don't know how familiar you are with my posts, but when I say that self-entertainment (meaning no electronics, but creative, imaginative play) is a parental objective, it is from the time they start being able to move and play. My kids "do" bc I trained them from a very young age that that is what they have to do. For other people, teaching their young children their numbers and alphabet is a priority. Not me. I expect my kids to create, build, explore, imagine and play from toddlerhood. I read posts about kids demanding interaction, entertainment, or being miserable if they are not constantly mentally engaged by someone other than themselves and that is a reality which bears no resemblance to ours. When they act that way when they are toddlers, I direct them toward active, independent play. They learn and then they "do."

 

The best I can think of would be to study scientists that would inspire him and focus on the problem-solving and active behaviors they engage in. They are not sitting watching videos about their subject, they are engaged in it. Maybe something like trying to build a telescope . Building it will help him understand why it works.

 

Fwiw, theoretical physics is my ds's passion. He spent his summer participating in Ice Cube neutrino research. Understanding how equipment works is a good start, even if you can't use the equipment yourself. Encourage his understanding of simple machines bc simple machines operate on the principles of physics and understanding general physics is required to progress to theoretical physics.

[IndigoGlitter]

Welllll, take my info for what it's worth... I am not conventional as you can see from my post about unschooling. :) However I probably shouldn't use the term unschool. Unschoolers are very quick to tell you that if you have any... "structure" (not the word I am looking for but it'll do) that you aren't an unschooler. It can't be workbooks and text unless the child wants to do it themselves. You can't "push" it on them. I am not quite like that.

 

Wait. Scratch that.

 

I am no longer going to be like that. I do want them to have some structure so we are doing some things from texts and workbooks and others are a free for all. Math, Grammar, Spelling and Writing are all structured. Regardless of what the unschool community says my 13yo son would never pick up a writing utensil, unless to write down a game cheat code, again if I didn't make him.

 

It just depends on how far you are also willing to sluff off the society norm too. I see the merit of having kids learn things at particular ages but I also don't like to sit for 3 hours while my kids toil away at a math lesson. Been there done that, didn't buy the t-shirt. My youngest is the only one that is "behind". I wish I had the foresight to wait with my older son. I had to really beg him to do things when he was the age of my youngest. My oldest? Not so much. She has always ate up learning. Always. She has always been a couple levels ahead.

 

It boils down to what it your goal for your children? What do you want them to learn and more importantly, what do they want to learn? I have done things with my kids by asking them, what do you want to learn today? They actually learned a bit of Morse Code. They did it for two days before they got bored and went onto something else. My 13yo is doing Code Academy. He says he wants to be a programmer and learn HTML/CSS/Java (and any other acronym out there). My daughter wants to go into the Air Force and work her way up to an Officer. No, she doesn't just want to go in as an officer. She wants to work her way up from enlisted. We haven't talked to a recruiter yet so that may change. I have no earthly clue what my youngest wants to really do yet. Right now he says he wants to be a train conductor, we'll go with that until he changes his mind.

 

So ask them, what do you want to learn and go for it. Try it for awhile. A few weeks won't matter. The math, Latin and writing will still be there. But again, take what I say for what it's worth! :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have a 13 year old.  Our formal school today only took 2 hours.  (Gasp!)  But we covered a lot because she knew it was short and in chunks that were not too much.  Then I introduced science and left her with the supplies and told her not to burn down the house (it involved making fire).  She had a blast and took it in some ways that I hadn't expected.  I've already planned to have other days where I introduce other open ended or hands on projects in the afternoon.  I'll probably let her pick which project for when and I won't force anything but most kids I know have fun doing stuff especially if you are doing it alongside them.  I don't preach or teach while I'm doing projects but I let them take the lead and follow along.  Sometimes I let my two kids do something without me but there is a lot less squabbling if I'm involved and the fun time doesn't get tainted by sibling stuff.  Plus, they enjoy doing things with me and ask me to do it too.  So I do.  

 

My philosophy is that I want well rounded kids, at least as much as possibly.  My asynchronous Aspie isn't as well rounded but I think he is more so than if I let him only work to his strengths.  My philosophy is also that you do need a bit of meat and potatoes before you get to the dessert at least on higher level skills.  

[Bluegoat]

I think 8 to 3 is really long, and I also think some of the things you are doing may be busywork. 

 

The Building Thinking Skills books fit that description for me, for example.  I think they are essentially a substitute for doing actual hands on things that would much better develop those skills.  Almost any kind of handwork - carpentry, sewing, making models, whatever.  I tend to think vocabulary courses are as well - they take time from reading, which is a much more contextually rich way to improve vocabulary for most kids.  Using a science text is probably not as useful for young kids as actually spending time in nature - even if it is just play.

 

Having such a long day with sit down work keeps kids from the other kinds of activities that are going to make them really well rounded.

 

It's pretty natural I think that when kids have had a long day, you will find they may not be self-starters at the beginning.  But you can limit things like screen time - that is a completely legitimate decision, many kids aren't able to self-regulate tv and video games, and video games especially can be addictive.  I would even limit documentaries to one a day if they are taking up too much time on a regular basis.

[Corraleno]

DS could care less about lego, crafts, hands-on experimenting, any sort of toy, etc. He is a theoretical physicist at heart. His age/skills keeps him from experimenting with burning lasers, hadron colliders, etc. His interests are not easily supported by me or the local library. What would a project on a black hole look like?

 

How do I encourage creativity in someone who is not creative? Or not in the way I see it. I have given him plenty of time, space, resources, help, independence, encouragement, etc. but nothing happens. He'd rather just do another coursera course or watch youtube videos on his area of interest. (He does not play that much games, but he does watch a lot of youtube science related videos without ever doing anything with it. I think he made something twice in the last 3 years from videos he's watched.)

 

I want projects that clutter up our home, sparks more than a fleeting interest and that sets a fire burning.

THAT'S why I wanted to homeschool in the first place. It's not happening.

 

How do you know that there aren't all kinds of creative sparks and connections going on in his head? Why does "building a project that clutters up the house" = acceptable evidence of creativity and learning, but letting him follow his interests in theoretical physics (with college level material no less) somehow isn't good enough? It seems like you're saying "I really want to unschool — but only if my kids do it exactly the way I want!"

 

Trying to force a non-projecty kid to "build something" because that's what you want him to do is the opposite of unschooling. One of my kids is very hands-on and projecty, she's always drawing and crafting and making stuff. She's also a very concrete thinker and frankly she sometimes struggles with abstract thinking. My son is the opposite — he's been a deep, abstract thinker since birth. He watched hours and hours of science and nature documentaries as a kid. Then he discovered Teaching Company courses and he's watched hundreds of hours of lectures. He's always had tons of science books, ranging from DK type books up to college-level paleontology texts, since he was little. We did do lots of hands-on science when he was younger, but he was into biology and paleontology, not theoretical physics, so that lends itself much more to hands-on activities that are accessible to a kid. We also visited natural history & science museums, planetariums, attended lectures, went to "star parties" with the local astronomy club, went on hiking trips led by geologists, and things like that. For several summers he was invited to work alongside professors and grad students on a significant paleontology dig. He wasn't sitting around building radios out of spare parts or building cardboard castles, though, or doing anything that looked much like a "school project."

 

So I guess I'm puzzled why, when you have a 10 year old who is into theoretical physics and who is doing college level MOOCs, you're afraid to abandon a 7-hr school day full of workbooks and allow him to follow his interests.   :confused1:

[Maela]

I haven't read most of the previous posts, but I will tell you what's worked for us for the last ten months or so. We get 30-60 minutes of math done, 30-60 minutes of LA done, a little Spanish, piano practice, and then we read. A ton. And we discuss a ton. And stare at maps. And watch videos. And do science experiments that we read about. We don't use a science or history curriculum (although SotW is a read aloud here). I feel like it frees up a lot of time, but my kids (and I!) are still learning a lot about the world. And enjoying some amazing books.

[Runningmom80]

 

But back to the school question -- It's not a slot machine at a casino, where you throw coins in as fast as you can in the hopes that you throw in "enough" to hit the jackpot (eventually). It's like a music box. You wind it up, but you don't just keep winding and winding and winding. If you do, it breaks!

 

Instead, you wind it up until you feel pressure, a bit of resistance, and then you wisely stop winding. And listen. You allow the music box to do what it was designed to do -- play music, bring joy. When it winds down, you can simply wind it up again.

 

 

 

I can't get over how poetic this is. :001_wub: 

 

Stop winding.  I should have known the answer was that simple. :)

[momto2Cs]

We are definitely of the philosophy that less is more in my house. We do math, writing, reading (I rotate content subjects for general exposure, read lit aloud daily, and we all read to ourselves). Then the kids pursue their own interests, which you can see in my signature. We love documentaries too, so they get a lot of mileage. Lots of hands-on for science... we love Citizen Science projects, and the kids are very excited that our local homeschool association is holding a science fair this year. And lots of nature related science too, as it is something they can see and participate in.

 

I will, and do often, suggest further resources to expand on their interests. For example, ds is interested in astronomy, so I found a book for him that looks good, and the Neil deGrasse Tyson Teaching Co/Great Courses series that is available on Netlfix. We also plan to attend shows at the local Planetarium as often as they change. My daughter is looking at doing the Great Backyard Bird Count in November, so she suggested we read through All About Birds tgether (she's dyslexic and her reading is still slow), and I suggested she watch David Attenborough's Life of Birds. We also use local events as a jumping off point -- example: we're reading about the Renaissance before attending a Renaissance Faire in October.

 

I do insist on mom-chosen math and writing. And a certain amount of time spent reading/pursuing studies each day.

[Soror]

We are definitely of the philosophy that less is more in my house. We do math, writing, reading (I rotate content subjects for general exposure, read lit aloud daily, and we all read to ourselves). Then the kids pursue their own interests, which you can see in my signature. We love documentaries too, so they get a lot of milage. Lots of hands-on for science... we love Citizen Science projects, and the kids are very excited that our local homeschool association is holding a science fair this year. And lots of nature related science too, as it is something they can see and participate in.

 

I will, and do often, suggest further resources to expand on their interests. For example, ds is interested in astronomy, so I found a book for him that looks good, and the Neil deGrasse Tyson  Teaching Co/Great Courses series that is available on Netlfix. We also plan to attend shows at the local Planetarium as often as they change. My daughter is looking at doing the Great Backyard Bird Count in November, so she suggested we read through All About Birds tgether (she's dyslexic and her reading is still slow), and I suggested she watch David Attenborough's Life of Birds. We also use local events as a jumping off point -- example: we're reading about the Renaissance before attending a Renaissance Faire in October.

 

I do insist on mom-chosen math and writing. And a certain amount of time spent reading/pursuing studies each day.

/side track- LOVE the Citizen Scientist site, ds and I spent a good chunk of time on there today.

 

Ironically I got called an unschooler yesterday, HA. Unschooler is a relative time, relative to those who are strict box, correspondence school I guess we're crazy mavericks(and I wasn't even talking about not doing school but making our own plans and using tons of library books, documentaries and projects I find as we're interested- you would have think I described just leaving them to their devices all day!). I'm going to choose to take it as a compliment, never mind the assertion that a traditional box is the path to a strong education. 

[momto2Cs]

I wanted, originally, to be a very classical/scholarly type of homeschool. We stated out, waaaay back, when ds was in kindergarten, with that approach in mind. And for us, it just didn't click. We burnt out by the end of first grade. I know for some people, it works beautifully, and to some degree I've always been envious of that.

 

And we tried full on unschooling. That didn't work for us either. The kids felt they were at too loose of ends.

 

What I am saying is that there is a balancing point for many people. Each family has to find their own, and it will differ slightly (or more than slightly) from child to child. My son is far more of a natural unschooler than my daughter has been. We spent so long struggling with her dyslexia, which I think really held her back in a lot of aspects. Now that she reads, she follows more tangents, sets up more projects for herself, and is much more independent. It has taken us years, and a lot of struggle on my part, to find that balancing point. I still overplan. I keep thinking "wow, they would really enjoy this... and this... and this too!", and frankly it overwhelms them, and me, when we have that much going on. I thought the soup analogy earlier was fantastic, and very appropriate to the situation. I am very good at checking it constantly, giving it a stir, a pinch of this, that, and the other thing, when really what I need to do is let it simmer. This year, with my two+ jobs, ds being a concurrent junior college student, and everything else, I just don't have time to be stirring the pot constantly, and that's a good thing! I am having to step back, let them take the lead more. We cut back to the bare bones basics (at least our version of them), and let them just explore the rest.

 

Yes, there are still days when I think "we should be doing x, and y", but then I step back, and look at what they are doing. Somedays, it looks like nothing but computer games and Minecraft, to tell the truth. Other days, they are writing books, making 3D animal life cycle charts, building with Lego for hours to determine how to build in Minecraft. It ebbs and it flows.

[Chrysalis Academy]

Thank you Chrysalis. Your post encapsulates exactly how I feel and why I am unsettled with our current situation. Making it "not so" is what I'm having a hard time with.

 

I just read something else that really resonated with me, you might want to check this out - it's a free download from Kathy Jo Devore, author of Language Lessons through Literature (among other things) and it addresses this philosophical issue head-on.

 

http://barefootmeandering.com/

 

(the link takes you to her site, and you can download the doc, A Walk in the Park, from there)

[Soror]

I just read something else that really resonated with me, you might want to check this out - it's a free download from Kathy Jo Devore, author of Language Lessons through Literature (among other things) and it addresses this philosophical issue head-on.

 

http://barefootmeandering.com/

 

(the link takes you to her site, and you can download the doc, A Walk in the Park, from there)

I just started reading this and unfortunately don't have time to finish it now but I agree with your rec, from what I've read so far she hits the heart of this problem, there is always more to add but what are we losing to do so.

 

 

 

Also, I've been meaning to thank albeto. for her frank assessment of unschooling and its limitations, just like with traditional hs'ing all too often its adherents seem to think all unschooling or hs'ing is wonderful for the student and teacher but that isn't always the case, just like with anything there is those that do it well and those for whom it doesn't work. Just last week I was encouraging my dear friend to embrace unschooling for herself and her very out-of-the-box wonderfully bright and creative child, as I told her sometimes you need to let go of other's expectations, he isn't going to fit in any box(and neither does she really) so embrace it, their life is a full and rich one that with wonderful opportunities and so many learning experiences, they look for mentors, help him follow his dreams, really they do a phenomenal job but she was stuck feeling like a failure because they weren't doing it like they were supposed to do, which is shame. It is just another plus of hs'ing to me that we can tailor education to fit us and our kids, I don't there just being one right path but many.

[Bjess8411]

Hi, OP. I believe if you really want to unschool do it, but make sure you structure learning to read, write and do math. Those are the topics every child needs to be succesful in life. They should also know what lights their fire. I think if you meet those goals you will be successful academically and in life. Those are the academic disciplines that teach you to learn how to learn. If you know that even if you don't have a classical education as a child you can learn anything you need or want to learn in the future. Personally, I think the WTM method leaves very little time for interest directed learning ( finding what lights your fire) and that is not good for children. I get so much out of the time I spend researching topics I like. They make me happy. It is kind of a drudgery to constantly ve focused on learning all the academic disciplines and a foreign language well if your heart is on something else, like on music, or dance, or horses, or taking things apart and putting them back together.

[albeto.]

Also, I've been meaning to thank albeto. for her frank assessment of unschooling and its limitations, just like with traditional hs'ing all too often its adherents seem to think all unschooling or hs'ing is wonderful for the student and teacher but that isn't always the case, just like with anything there is those that do it well and those for whom it doesn't work. 

 

I feel increasingly apprehensive encouraging people to unschool because it's a particular approach to life, not just the absence of a curricula, imo. It would be like encouraging one to convert to a religion without any preparation but for the emotional high they get when singing Kumbaya around the campfire with friends and family. There are few concrete expectations (like no curriculum), but the rest is really quite flexible and only works when you really understand the ideology behind the practice, and the reasons for you're doing what you're doing. Otherwise, it's like unleashing the Kim Davises of unschooling to run amok and apply bizarre standards to wonky ideals that only make sense in the individual's head (and a few cheerleaders who aren't doing anything other than cheering), and are ultimately a pita for everyone else. 

 

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy unschooling quite a bit. I think it's a fantastic approach to learning. I just don't think it's as simple as people seem to expect. Things don't just fall into place without attentive consideration. Like I say, as I understand it, and in my experience, it's a different approach to life. It really is a paradigm shift. It's not about education, it's about learning. I think there's an important distinction. 

[Tsutsie]

Albeto, can you recommend any good reading material which would explain it all in fine detail?

 

(Other JT Gatto or Sir Ken - have those already.)

[albeto.]

Albeto, can you recommend any good reading material which would explain it all in fine detail?

 

(Other JT Gatto or Sir Ken - have those already.)

 

I wish. I learned from other unschoolers on yahoo groups (back when they were a thing). I read the thoughts and advice of ladies like Sandra Dodd, Joyce Fetteroll, and Pam Sorooshian. I think I was a part of a catholic unschool yahoo group for a while, too, and so got to know even more unschoolers. Sadly, I can't recall their names now, and I don't know if the catholic group is still active. I don't think the other one is. Btw, in looking for links, I just saw they have nice new blogs and websites. What a treat!

[brookspr]

Welllll, take my info for what it's worth... I am not conventional as you can see from my post about unschooling. :) However I probably shouldn't use the term unschool. Unschoolers are very quick to tell you that if you have any... "structure" (not the word I am looking for but it'll do) that you aren't an unschooler. It can't be workbooks and text unless the child wants to do it themselves. You can't "push" it on them. I am not quite like that.

 

Wait. Scratch that.

 

I am no longer going to be like that. I do want them to have some structure so we are doing some things from texts and workbooks and others are a free for all. Math, Grammar, Spelling and Writing are all structured. Regardless of what the unschool community says my 13yo son would never pick up a writing utensil, unless to write down a game cheat code, again if I didn't make him.

 

It just depends on how far you are also willing to sluff off the society norm too. I see the merit of having kids learn things at particular ages but I also don't like to sit for 3 hours while my kids toil away at a math lesson. Been there done that, didn't buy the t-shirt. My youngest is the only one that is "behind". I wish I had the foresight to wait with my older son. I had to really beg him to do things when he was the age of my youngest. My oldest? Not so much. She has always ate up learning. Always. She has always been a couple levels ahead.

 

It boils down to what it your goal for your children? What do you want them to learn and more importantly, what do they want to learn? I have done things with my kids by asking them, what do you want to learn today? They actually learned a bit of Morse Code. They did it for two days before they got bored and went onto something else. My 13yo is doing Code Academy. He says he wants to be a programmer and learn HTML/CSS/Java (and any other acronym out there). My daughter wants to go into the Air Force and work her way up to an Officer. No, she doesn't just want to go in as an officer. She wants to work her way up from enlisted. We haven't talked to a recruiter yet so that may change. I have no earthly clue what my youngest wants to really do yet. Right now he says he wants to be a train conductor, we'll go with that until he changes his mind.

 

So ask them, what do you want to learn and go for it. Try it for awhile. A few weeks won't matter. The math, Latin and writing will still be there. But again, take what I say for what it's worth! :)

 

I had to laugh out loud at this, because my 12yo son is EXACTLY the same way. I would love to unschool, but he would spend all day on the XBox or computer. If we had started homeschooling from the beginning, I could see unschooling working for us. But we started two years ago at the beginning of middle school and I feel like it would take another two years to completely deschool him and get him to a place where he would happily read, write and learn without accountability. Instead, I let him pick what he wants to learn about within each subject, and we don't really do workbooks or texts (except for math) and I give him adequate time to work on his Minecraft mods and game designing so we are both happy.

 

[Raising Little Shoots]

I am not an unschooler, my thoughts would be that you are just *tired* of school. I wonder if you could unschooled one subject? Or look into project based home schooling? (Lori Pickert has written a book & has a great blog: Camp Creek )

 

Best wishes to you!

[Carrie12345]

I want to be an unschooler.  I spent a lot of time reading and thinking about it this summer.  But it's just not me.  I don't have the energy to facilitate that for 4 kids.  I need an "end" time, I need my "quiet" (haha) time, and I don't handle spontaneity very well.

 

All that said, I keep the principles of unschooling in mind while I'm schlepping the kids around to hikes, picnics, Lego club, and park days while we fall behind with our "official" work.

[Chrysalis Academy]

Resurrecting this thread to share something: I just watched a Julie Bogart periscope/podcast about homeschooling philosophy, specifically talking about unschooling  People who were drawn to this thread might really enjoy this talk:

 

https://www.periscope.tv/BraveWriter/1yoJMNgQPBDxQ

[MerryAtHope]

A few thoughts (though I see you posted last month)...

 

You have "great" workbooks and subject areas--what makes them great? The kids enjoy them, you like how they teach, they cover topics the kids have expressed interest in...  Think this through carefully. If they are really great--why change to pursue some other ideal? ("If it ain't broke, don't fix it!") On the other hand, are they as great as you think?

 

Unschooling is messy, and I don't think it's for everyone. For the most part, it wasn't for us, though we occasionally did some unschoolish things (and I'll post about that below). The process would not be so much about YOU providing what your kids need at the exact time in their areas of interest, but having materials available so that THEY can do this learning. I think that kind of style suits some kids but not others, quite honestly. It "sounds" like an ideal--but I don't think it IS ideal for all kids and I don't think you should think "less" of your homeschool or your methods if it's not ideal for you.

 

I wish I could let go of history and reading comprehension and spelling and vocabulary and critical thinking and just let them explore topics as they arise, in whichever form they choose.

 

I have one child who probably would never have explored history, given the choice, other than to read historical fiction. (And, I like to incorporate historical fiction, but not as the soul source of history studies!) Not every child's interests fit into "academic" types of categories--and frankly, I would not be okay with that as an educator. Here are ways I made compromises though:

 

History--I let them choose books they were more interested in from a selection I was considering. I let them choose topics to delve deeper into for reports (and later for research topics). I let them choose activities from a selection of activities to reinforce history. In this way, they explored some of the things that interested them most from things we were learning. I didn't "abandon" the idea of studying US history or doing a cycle of World history, but worked their interests into our studies. One of my kids was very into history--he did a high school semester of Japanese history for fun, using a combination of resources that I found, and resources that he found. Some of his English papers came from research he did in this subject area (such as a compare and contrast essay on the Japanese Code of Bushido vs. Christianity).

 

Science--I had one child who was VERY motivated to learn science--motivated enough that I felt I was holding her back and that she'd learn more without me. From 5th-8th grade, her science guidelines were to read, nature journal, notebook (drawing or writing) or do experiments as she pleased, as long as she spent a minimum of 30 minutes per day on the subject. She was to put something in her notebook at least once per week, and she was to update me on what she was doing. If she needed supplies we didn't have, she was to put them on a list on the fridge, and we'd get them when possible--or she was to improvise. She did science fair experiments, and she prepped for her oral presentations by teaching her project to me. When she could answer my questions well (which were just based on me trying to understand the particular project), she was well-prepared for the judging.

 

 

In high school, she does use traditional text books, but I let her set her pace and pursue the experiments she's interested in. And actually, the "traditional" sequence has been her choice as we discussed options. My student who was not science-minded was happy to just be told what he had to do in elementary and junior high. In high school he chose one science elective (robotics) but otherwise just did required sciences for graduation.

 

English--I do require certain readers, and I do require writing as they get older, but I gave choices within a framework (for example, 2-3 books to choose from, or choosing the topic for a writing assignment--which inevitably led to papers on Pokemon cards or Bakugon etc... from one of mine!) I remember my son really wanted me to play Pokemon with him--so I told him to write about it for his pursuasive essay in junior high, and that I'd decide after reading the essay. I got him to write, and he got me to play. 

 

Vocabulary--instead of doing workbooks here, I found it best to simply discuss words, phrases, and idioms that we came across in our read-alouds. The kids would ask, or occasionally I would stop and ask if they knew what something meant, and we would discuss or look it up together if they didn't. My husband used to challenge them to use a new word as many times in a day as they could. We never dumbed down our speech--and that coupled with a lot of read-alouds over the years helped them to build a large vocabulary. 

 

Reading Comprehension--I confess that I hate workbooks for this. Never used them. We simply discussed what interested us. I'd say, "What's going on in your book?" and they would tell me. If something didn't make sense, I asked a question. Usually they could answer, but if not, we went to the book together to try to figure it out. This worked even for books I hadn't read, 90% of the time. One time my kids couldn't explain a title to me (Sing Down the Moon), so I read the book--and found out the title had a deep and beautiful meaning that they had missed--so I made up some questions to lead them to discover the answer on their own. 

 

I wish I could make peace with my son watching hours of science experiment videos, but never actually doing any of them for himself.

 

Honestly for elementary--this isn't all bad. Set aside a day once a month or even once a quarter to do some science experiments, but don't worry if you don't do some every week. Or, if dad likes science experiments, see if dad will do something with them once a month or once a quarter. 

 

I want to do math, writing and latin - and then just follow along the trails they pull me onto. The problem is, I'm not sure they will. Maybe they will just sit around and play video games all day or simply stare into space. My son, especially, is not a do-er. He does not play by himself at all, he never has. His "toys" are his friends. He does not make or tinker.

 

My oldest didn't make or tinker until older ages--he didn't really start liking Legos until he was 10. Now he's 18, and he likes to take apart nerf guns and modify them. My dd talks to herself as she plays (we used to joke and ask how many people were in her room with her--she has full-blown conversations, voicing every role!) Anyway...there's nothing wrong with letting your son play the way he wants to play. Maybe his talents are not in making or tinkering, but in imagination or other areas. Limit the video games (don't let "all day" be an option). Don't worry about staring into space (that's either imagination/daydreaming, or he'll get bored and choose to do something! My kids always miraculously thought of things to do if I mentioned there were chores they could do.)

 

How do a marry a rich, fullfilling school experience with allowing my kids to follow their own interests (whatever they may be?)

Right now we work from 8am to 3pm, sometimes even longer. My kids don't complain, but I want something different for them. I want them to be inspired to the point of driving themselves - so different to completing one page in many workbooks.

 

Hopefully some of my above examples will give you some new ideas. For their ages, I'd keep school to about 4 hours to give them TIME to play. Something like:

 

30 minutes each for reading, history, science, math (maybe up to 45 minutes for oldest), writing or grammar, spelling and handwriting (if needed), Latin, elective. That gives you around 4 hours. Save your literature read-aloud for bedtime. If you have an activity for history or science, that could take a bit of extra time--don't do electives on that day or do a slightly longer day (8-1 instead of 8-12 perhaps). You can alternate history and science if you want a longer block each day for those. If you want a recess in the middle, add in half an hour and a snack, and they can still finish by 1ish, have lunch and have free time for the rest of the day. 

 

Free time is pretty key for creativity (but again, limit the electronics options or they may default to those). 

 

With a little bit of relaxing in what you do, adding in some options for choices or pursuing their interests ("tweak" instead of being full-blown un-school), you may end up at the compromise you are looking for. See what you think.