StaceyinLA Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I mean with your spouse. If dh and I argue, and I mean it can be a blow up, yelling match, he can come in 5 minutes later just fine. I stew for a couple of hours. I just can't seem to cool off that quickly. Am I the only one who can't bounce back that quickly? Please don't let me be the Lone Ranger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 We never really have big fights, and there's never any yelling, but if I get very annoyed about something important, I don't bounce back in 5 minutes, either. Small stuff, sure, no problem, but if it's a big deal to me, it takes me a while to get over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 My dh is like yours, quickly over it and ready to be chipper while I still need some space. I wouldn't say I hold a grudge, but I do need some decompression time. We rarely have a serious argument, just disagree from time to time. If we had big passionate fights, we'd probably both need a little heel-cooling time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 Well I shouldn't have made us sound like we were violent screamers, but I tend to raise my voice when I'm angry. I am just a pretty emotional person I guess. Dh slams doors. I yell. Oh, and cry. Yeah, REAL mature! ;-p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I know what you mean. Even though I apologize (or he does), I can't calm down that quickly. I don't believe in that "never go to bed angry" thing. The argument may be over, but I need time to calm down and sometimes that means going to bed with nothing more than a "goodnight" (we still sleep in the same bed though. I can't remember a time when I was that angry). Dh tends to be able to move on quickly. We've been together long enough to understand how each other handles anger and disagreements. He gives me space. I'm gracious when he gets over it waaaayyyy before I do. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I don't need hours. I need days. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Once I am all jacked up, I have a terrible time trying to come back down again. My brain can recognize rationally when there is resolution, but my emotions take longer to cool. It also takes a while for the adrenaline to dissipate. With time and solitude I do calm down, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 As I've said to Wolf, I'm not a lightswitch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I don't need hours. I need days. :D We don't have really big fights. But the odd time we have had a disagreement I need days... so does DH. so we tend to avoid each other for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 If the argument is resolved then I can be okay within an hour. If it's not, I will be upset for longer. If I have an argument with someone and they either a) walk away or if I B) go to bed with it all unresolved I *never* get over it. Not ever. Period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 We both bounce pretty quick, but I think it's because our arguments are usually really stupid. We don't fight about big stuff. I can get really steamed but I'm able to let it go quickly since it's usually not about anything really important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 My ex used to say I filed everything he did wrong away in my "bitch-o-dex" like a rolodex of complaints. Those things were never forgotten. I can forgive, but I never forget. So no grudges per se, but do not make the same mistake twice because you will regret it when I have to list all your previous ways of screwing up kwim. It is pretty similar with others, I may not list everything like I did with my ex, but like with him, I do not hold a grudge, but I do not forget either. I may forgive the person in that moment but I do not forget the action that crossed me in the first place...make sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 Makes a lot of sense. Forgiving is easy (even if it takes a few hours, or days). Forgetting? That's a whole 'nuther ball game. Thank goodness my dh really doesn't do much that requires forgiving or forgetting. He's really a pretty good guy. Now my first husband - THAT was bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Stacey, I'm Cajun. That should speak for itself ;). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoot Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I mean with your spouse. If dh and I argue, and I mean it can be a blow up, yelling match, he can come in 5 minutes later just fine. I stew for a couple of hours. I just can't seem to cool off that quickly. Am I the only one who can't bounce back that quickly? Please don't let me be the Lone Ranger. You are not the only one. DH seems to think that leaving the room and returning means that the slate is wiped clean and it's all good. I beg to differ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I don't need hours. I need days. :D or months....I am a grudge holder. That being said DH and I have had maybe 4 fights in 22 years. He won't fight-makes me madder! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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