naturally Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 We've been around family lately and I've noticed something with my youngest - he's 1. He went to a couple extended family members on my side even though he's never really "met" them. However, he still hesitates to go to my in-laws which I know bothers them a little. Our 2 sides are never together so in-laws don't know how he is around my side but they do ask if he does the same thing with my parents, which he doesn't. I find it interesting. Does he know that it's Mama's family and is comfortable? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fhjmom Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Are you more comfortable around your own family than the in-laws? He may be picking up on your feelings. That may not be it l. I do think here are some people that are naturally better with babies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 That's a tough one. I think the grown-ups involved need to realize that babies do these kinds of things and they should get over it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpecialClassical Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 My first thought is that your mom might sound like you and your dad could have similar mannerisms. The other thing is that ba bies can sense when someone is nervous, so maybe that is it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristyB in TN Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 My best friend has a 1 year old who will come to me but not the elderly woman who lives next door to her and is around her all the time. I think it has to do with natural rhythm and stress. The woman is so sweet but is just a little ball of stress and her veins in her neck are always popped out. The baby is a sweet little relaxed child and simply does not like the stress and never has! I wonder if babies are naturally tuned in to all of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 He is likely reading your body language without you realizing it. If you subconsciously tense up even a little while they reach out for him he will pick that up as being not safe kwim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I don't think my mother ever got over the fact that my kids preferred my in-laws when they were babies. For my kids it was simply the fact that my in-laws are better with babies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petrichor Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Are you around your family more than the inlaws? Do the inlaws act strange/loud? My DS3 still does this at the most uncomfortable moments, and I tell the person that sometimes he just needs time to get to know a person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 (edited) That's a tough one. I think the grown-ups involved need to realize that babies do these kinds of things and they should get over it. :grouphug: :iagree: Seriously. Why individuals are drawn to certain people and not others is a complicated question, and babies are people. It's not that your baby doesn't like the in-laws. They should understand that. My DS didn't really take to MIL for awhile and she handled it perfectly, even though she was extremely disappointed. She just gave him his space, didn't insist on hugs or anything, and continued trying to interact with him but from a distance he was comfortable with. He adores her now, but not the same way dd does and always has. Personalities mix differently with different people. That's all. ETA: MIL is very good with babies, so it wasn't about that at all. Both of our grandmas are great with babies. Dd takes to MIL more and DS takes to my mom more. It's just the way their personalities interact. Very interesting. Edited November 12, 2012 by infomom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I think some people are natural baby magnets. When I am around luscious babies, I play it cool. I know eventually they will let me hold or play with them, but I need to be patient. Inside I am not patient. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I think the grown-ups involved need to realize that babies do these kinds of things and they should get over it. :grouphug: Yep. I had one that was like that literally from the day she was born until after she was 3, and she still takes a while to warm up to new people. People just have to deal. It's her personality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpecialClassical Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I just remembered an incident in our family. My daughter was the first grandchild and she was/ is very reserved. She warmed up to my mom and my husband's dad, but not his mom or my dad. My dad is tall and very gregarious, so that made sense. With my mother-in- law, she has never been a baby person, but desperately wanted to connect with my daughter. AND she made it into a big,sad deal. Her feelings were hurt and she made comments. Being a first time mom I was very defensive on behalf of my baby, so I was thinking things like, "I can't believe she is putting this kind of pressure on a baby. She needs to stop worrying about it and give me a break." Before I know it she is in the bathroom crying. My family is not very emotional so I was wondering what was going on. I asked my sister-in-law who said MIL heard me say something similar to the above. :ohmy: I might not be emotional, but I hate to hurt anyone's feelings. To this day I swear it was all in my head and she really shouldn't go around reading my mind like that! :tongue_smilie: My MIL is awesome, so this was just a blip in our newish relationship! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Do you feel the need to explain your baby's preferences *to* your IL's -- or do you just want to muse your way towards understanding it yourself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Sometimes it's just a personality thing. My dad was always a loving Papa, but my dd took to him much more than my sons. She was a Daddy's girl right from day one and I think that was part of it. She was always more comfortable with my dad, my bils or my fil, but not my MIL or my mom. She's been a little lost the last few months because my dad died this July and she's taking it really hard (he was only 61). So if they are asking about it I would just tell them, that's just the way he is. Just like they gravitate toward certain people so will children. Things may change over time, so they shouldn't take it personal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naturally Posted November 12, 2012 Author Share Posted November 12, 2012 Do you feel the need to explain your baby's preferences *to* your IL's -- or do you just want to muse your way towards understanding it yourself? Just for myself. Our older kids were a little like this but I was a bit surprised by how easily the baby went to extended family. Thanks all. Glad to know it's not just us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Well, in my experience, kids don't run to me, but I don't go all coochie-coo on them either. I tend to keep a respectful distance and let them warm up to me at their own pace. Then we get along grandly. But this only works if I put some time in and be patient. I think some babies love the coochie-coo stuff (which gets old fairly quickly for most involved), while others are happier being given a little space to make up their own minds in their own time. I agree that the grown-ups need to get over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 My daughter has always been extremely receptive to my sister, who has lived overseas since before my daughter was born. Whenever my sister is in town, and ever since my daughter was weeks old, she's shown a definite preference for this sister - even over another sister of mine that my daughter sees on a daily basis LOL. All three of us look pretty much the same - skin, face, hair - so it's not necessarily appearance; I've always wondered if it wasn't pheremones or something, instead. Maybe my Overseas Sister and I share a familiar scent, whether biological or external (like the same undernotes in lotion or shampoo or something), that registers as familiar to my daughter. I'm not a kid person, and yet children flock to me. Kids that know me, kids that don't; kids I'm related to, kids I'm not. Kids love me. I don't get it either. I wish they wouldn't sometimes LOL, as it makes me the de facto kidsitter at family and friendly gatherings! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I don't think you can explain it. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I don't think you can explain it. :) :iagree: You never know with babies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Babies just prefer different people at different times. There was a time when my kids only wanted me or only wanted my dh. Who knows what kids are thinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 When one of my second cousins was young she was standoffish to several people. I didn't have a problem with her. I said hi and when she didn't want to answer back I started talking and playing with her sisters. Tickling, playing chase, laughing having a good time. It didn't take long for her to want to join and it was easy from there on. She came to people on her own terms and if she was pushed she resisted pretty hard. She was somewhere around the age of 2 or 3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 I say "he's a baby... don't take it personally." Although I think that people with lots of baby experience tend to be better with them. They have the spot on your hip where babies fit, and they fall right into that baby-bouncing rhythm :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 I think some people are natural baby magnets. When I am around luscious babies, I play it cool. I know eventually they will let me hold or play with them, but I need to be patient. Inside I am not patient. ;) Oh my goodness. I'm with you. Within about four seconds I want to roll up the baby's sleeve and squeeze the chubby forearms. That's just who I am. But I've learned to play it cool, too. I probably make babies nervous without even knowing it. *makes note to learn self-control before grandchildren arrive* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 :grouphug: my hunch is that trying to explain it would just make it worse. trying to understand it yourself may be good though ;). my girls all go right to my mom; as they grew up, they were able to say it was because she sounded like me. one of my nephews cried a blue streak from birth. i arrived on day 3, and he slept on my chest for hours.... and everyone else slept, too. we couldn't figure it out, but i remember saying that he was the only baby i'd held that smelled like my own, but wasn't. my hunch is that he knew that, too. so it may be a combination of many things. or nothing. he'll sort it out in his own good time, kwim? hopefully, they will too. fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeking Squirrels Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 My 4 months old does not like my MIL. At. All. Everyone finds it hilarious, actually. Even MIL. It's kind of a running joke right now. We were headed over there Sunday and DD1 says "I'm sorry A, we're going to grandma's!" Or when DD1 is playing with grandma and grandma tells her she's going to go in the other room to see baby, DD1 says "oh grandma, don't make her cry." MIL laughs about it because baby is so cute about it. She'll go to others but then if she sees grandma is the one holding her she gets this huge frown and starts crying. MIL knows babies just do these things sometimes and that A will like her soon enough. I have no reason to be tense around MIL and feel fine in her house. Baby has been around her just as much, if not more than my mom. We all trace it back to MIL trying to put a hat on the baby when she was about 6 weeks old. She hated it. We've decided this baby can hold a serious grudge. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 We had a baby in our extended family who was only happy with men. Any man would do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cottonmama Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 With us it was my parents that the babies were shy around, and in contrast my MIL is really a natural with babies. My parents are louder and more intense than my in-laws -- and to be fair, I get louder and more intense around them. ;) So the kids aren't picking up on any anxiety on my part; instead, they're used to a very quiet home environment, and a home with TV or music playing loudly and loud conversation is just uncomfortable for them. My parents try to adjust the volume a bit for our babies, but it's hard for all of us when we're so excited to see each other and have so much to say. Anyway, the babies always grow out of it, and my parents do great with the preschool and older crowd! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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