Night Elf Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 We haven't been real strict with bedtimes. DH would like to make some changes (more changes I should say) and is trying to figure out a reasonable bedtime. Dd11 tends to go to bed very late like 2:00am and not wake up until 11:00am, sometimes as late as 1:00pm! She has a problem trying to lay down and sleep. If she goes to bed before she's dead dog tired, she lays in bed for up to 3 hours before falling asleep. I've had the same problem so I can sympathize with her. We've tried melatonin and even a sleep aid (with benedryl stuff in it). Even when we force her to wake up earlier, she spends an hour or so crying and dragging because she's so tired, but it doesn't help her go to bed any earlier that night. We've tried keeping the evenings low key with no excitement. She likes to read, work puzzles, or draw. Ds12 tends to go to bed at the same time but is often up early like 7:30am. I guess he doesn't need as much sleep. He plays video games more than we'd like so we're giving him a limit on them. He likes to read comic strip books in bed before he falls asleep. I'd love some suggestions! Now that I know I am bipolar, we are recognizing why my parenting skills have been inconsistent. :blush5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 You need to sloooowly adjust your kid's bedtimes - just move things up 20 minutes per night (and make sure to wake them 20 minutes earlier the next day) until you get them on a more reasonable schedule. You might even do 20 minutes earlier - like 1:40 instead of 2a.m., for a couple nights in a row, then move to 1:20 for a couple nights, etc. Are they each also getting a solid hour of physical activity during the day??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Yep....they need some exercise.....I have found that kids that have trouble falling asleep don't get enough exercise.....get them outside doing some yardwork, LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Niffercoo Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Austin's bedtime is 10 PM, but he also takes a dose of melatonin to help him fall asleep. I wake him up at 8:30AM, and he acts like he could sleep another 2 hours! LOL He sleeps more now than he did when he was a toddler! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Even when we force her to wake up earlier, she spends an hour or so crying and dragging because she's so tired, but it doesn't help her go to bed any earlier that night. If she's spent a long time staying up very, very late and sleeping late into the day, then it's going to take her a while to change her rhythm. One day, or a few days, or a week isn't going to do it. It might take a month or more. Imo, the solution is to enforce a bedtime and wake-up time and keep them consistent even through her tiredness and crankiness until her body adjusts. For an 11 year old, depending on your family's schedule, I'd say going to bed at 9:30 and getting up at 7:30 is reasonable. If you tend to be night owls and your day gets started late, then going to bed at 11 and getting up at 9:00 is reasonable. I also have trouble falling asleep if I am not extremely tired. In 35 years of life I haven't figured out a solution, but I do think that having a consistent bedtime and wake time helps. Our kids go to bed at certain times (my 14 year old goes to bed at 8:30 but can read until 9, but she also gets up at 6 to go to public school) but they can read for 1/2 an hour to an hour depending on their mood that day. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 My ds has a 10pm bedtime on school nights. We don't start school until 10am but he's up by 7:30 -8 am most mornings. My dh works long hours and his bedtime is later so he can spend time with Dad. I have insomnia and am not a morning person. If I miss two nights in a row of good sleep I'm a bear most of the day and I'm an adult. No advice really, just I understand about being awake but not functional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Only me Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 She has such a difficult time sleeping. We have tried all the usual solutions: no caffeine, getting enough exercise, limiting computers and TV at least 1 hour before bed, etc. I took her to see a sleep specialist last week. DD has been going to bed at 10:30 but not falling asleep until 2 am. The doctor had dd stay up until 2:00 and getting up 9 hours later. The next night she was supposed to go to bed at 1:30 and get up 1/2 hour earlier and so on. I was giving dd 1.5 mg of melatonin but apparently that is way too low. The doctor wants me to give her 6 mg., although that seems to be too much for dd. It makes her super groggy in the morning. It's really frustrating for dd because even with the melatonin and other suggestions she still can't fall asleep at night and now is waking up several times during the night also. She seems to wake up more when he takes more melatonin. The doctor did say it was very important for pre-teens and teens to have consistent sleep patterns. She also said that teens need at least 9 hours of sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I agree with the exercise and moving bed/wake time back 20 min at a time. The exercise shouldn't be done within 3hrs of bedtime, though. I would also recommend getting sunshine for at least 30min/day. How about their diet? Cutting out sugar, caffeine, and white flour may help. Do they sleep in a perfectly dark room? No nightlight? I've recently read that this helps sleep more than I had realized. Our dc read for 30-60min in bed. This relaxes them. Could you have your dd read an especially slow (boring) book right before bed? HTH!:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Bedtime was 9pm for 11 and 12....at 13+, they do whatever they want as long as they are able to do whatever *I* want the next day (chores done by 9am, schoolwork done by early afternoon, etc). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 My 11 year old son has a 10pm bedtime. We have dinner around 6pm every night and then he plays outside from 6:30-8:30 and then in for shower and snack. It's quiet time from 9 to 10pm. He reads and at 10pm the lights are out. He sleeps until 8am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 My 12yo dd goes to bed at 10:00 and is up by 8:00 in the mornings. She would go to bed much later if I let her and sleep until noon, which she does on Friday night/Saturday. My 9yo dd and 10yo ds go to bed at 9:30 are are both up by themselves between 7:00 and 7:30 every morning. I would move it back and deal with the crankiness until her body adjusts. I did this a couple of times with my kids with jet lag coming back from Asia and it didn't take a week. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I just wanted to mention a couple of things in case they are issues. Computer screen flickers cause excitability in me, so I was wondering if that is a problem. Also, caffeine past 2:00 could be an issue. I also agree with the exercise -- when I exercise regularly (which I do in the morning), I am ready for bed much sooner. I would also work on soothing nighttime rituals, like chamomile tea, a book, dim lights, no fast music, intense movies or video games. I know you mentioned this, but do you stay up until 2:00 am as well? If not, perhaps there's something she's doing later that could be avoided. I also think a gradual waking up earlier would make her more tired at night. If she stays in bed until 11 or 1, she wouldn't be tired until that late. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 Thank you for the responses. I'm going to try pushing up their bedtimes and have a consistent wake up time. When I tried talking to our ped dr. about it, she said since we were homeschoolers it should be easier. She didn't think a specific bedtime was important, rather the amount of time sleeping was the priority. The main problem we're facing is that my dd11's sleep habits are affecting her ability to do schoolwork each day. I've only scheduled 4 full days of school work per week. We take Wednesdays off because of a full schedule of activities outside the house. Unfortunately, I'm lucky to get 2 full days out of her by her doing a half day, if that, per school day. Her complaint is that she is always tired. Well yeah! Duh! The kids don't get any physical activity. I really miss our trampoline!!! Our home insurance made us get rid of it or they'd cancel our policy if we didn't comply. We've tried bikes, scooters, and various types of ball play. There are no kids in our neighborhood to play with either. There are only a few younger kids and one older kid and none of them can play outside. Our lifestyle is just nothing like mine was when I was a child! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 (edited) Agreeing with the exercise idea: I sleep badly unless I exercise every day. Even a brisk half hour walk makes a difference. Is there anywhere locally where you could have daily family walks? ETA: Calvin is in bed with the light out at some point between 9 and 10pm. He gets up at 8. Best wishes Laura Edited April 20, 2009 by Laura Corin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Unfortunately, I'm lucky to get 2 full days out of her by her doing a half day, if that, per school day. I don't think that it should be a matter of luck. I think it should be a requirement on your part that she complete her schoolwork. I would take the tack of, "If you are too tired to do your schoolwork, you are also too tired to [watch tv, use the computer, go shopping, etc.]." I would require that schoolwork be completed before anything else is done. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I'd insist on daily exercise, and it's not that hard to get a walk or jog in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefly Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 (edited) My 11 year old DS has to be down in his room by 9-9:30. For half an hour he can read, listen to music (quietly!), meditate, etc...anything that is calming. He has trouble falling asleep sometimes too, so having that decompression time really helps him. ETA: on school days we get up at 8am to start school at 9. On vacations, weekends, and during the summer we have no required set sleep/wake times. Edited April 20, 2009 by Firefly more to add! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa B Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I have always had a really hard time going to sleep as well. Starting around 7th grade my parents dictated a couple of morning rules for me that have continued to work fairly well. I have to shower first thing - as soon as I get up. And then I have to spend about five minutes outside standing or walking. Today, I take a cup of coffee outdoors and just stand on the porch. I have found that a shower and fresh air really help. By the time I come back in I have resigned myself to the fact that I am up and might as well get going. :D My kids can stay up as late as 10:30 once they turn nine. But they have to get up between 6:30 and 7:00. We walk every morning around 8:00 as that seems to improve everyone's mood before school (besides being good exercise.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I don't think that it should be a matter of luck. I think it should be a requirement on your part that she complete her schoolwork. I would take the tack of, "If you are too tired to do your schoolwork, you are also too tired to [watch tv, use the computer, go shopping, etc.]." I would require that schoolwork be completed before anything else is done. Tara I agree. There's no reason she cannot do her school at night. I'm folding laundry at 1:30 am sometimes. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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