Is the South really that friendly?

[3littlekeets]

I live in Alabama and quite honestly, I have found this particular college town to be very divided -- town and gown. Town is divided by Old Southern Money and Junior League versus "the rest." There is a pleasant facade, but ultimately, the biases run deep. The "gown" is comprised of well-educated people from other parts of the country. I find those affiliated with the University far more open-minded and sociable.

 

Friendly to me has become nothing but a buzz word for "fake politeness." Even the students from the south here admit to not liking "non-southerners." One even said, "You can put cat in the oven at 350 degrees, but it will never be a biscuit," referring to the fact that even my children, if raised here, will never be "southerners." :lol:But, my experience is this one town, in one state.

Edited March 27, 2009 by 3littlekeets

[lionfamily1999]

So, being polite is being two-faced?

 

Well, if that's the case, the hells yes, the whole south is nothing but a bunch of two-faced poseurs. Beg pardon for being raised well enough to say excuse me when I bump into someone, even if I don't know them. Calling people sir or ma'am, even if I have no reason to offer them respect and withholding negative comments, because it's not my place to judge.

 

I cannot believe that being polite is considered two-faced, down here we just call it civilized.

[Mommyof4ks]

I have lived all of my life in Texas, so depending on how one describes 'the south' we fit the bill. It never occurred to me that people in other places were not friendly or more blunt than we are here until we moved to a mobile area. Oh my, I grew up with people telling me gently when they disagreed with me, but some of our 'transplant' friends are very blunt and hurtful even though they may not see it that way.

 

We do talk with 'random' people and help others as part of our daily routine which some of my northern friends were surprised by when they moved here lol.

 

On the other hand we know a family that went to NYC, and they had a wonderful experience with the people there and even had their wallet returned when it was left on the subway. It is a matter of one's own experiences I guess.

[OhM]

HOWEVER - there is definitely the "Bless Their Heart" mentality. As in, you can say whatever unkind thing you want, as long as you say it with a smile, and add "Bless their heart!" afterwards. Such as, "Well, now, honey, she just doesn't know how to clean her house, now, does she? Bless her heart. . . . ." Northern translation: "Wow! It's a pigsty in here!"

 

 

I didn't even read the rest of the posts; just had to comment that this was exactly what I was thinking when I read the OP's question.

 

I'm a northerner, and my experience with southerners is that they're much more friendly than us northerners, in a "bless your heart" sort of way.:D

[Nakia]

I think the South rocks!! I've lived in the same county all my life in Western NC. I do agree that there is a lot of the "bless your heart" mentality and a lot of the older people still carry a lot of racism. But overall, I think the South is the place to be! :D

[Geo]

I am glad I am not the only one that see's through this southern hospitality. Here's an example. My sil is a southern bell to the core, born and raised in Alabama. She's sweet as pie, graduated for Auburn, a choice SEC school but if things don't fit in perfect southern bell world, watch out. I went to her dd's birthday party and mama was there, pure southern bell through and through with all her smiles and small talk, "bless your heart".....Towards the end of the b-day party there was some left over vegetables, I was standing in the kitchen with my sil, her sister and her sister in law. Sweet, southern mama went around the room asking everyone individually if they wanted to bring home these vegetables, that is every except me:001_huh::tongue_smilie::lol:. You see I just don't fit in the south so I was not good enough to be offered her vegetables. Yes, I was standing right there in the kitchen with the other ladies. Now, where I am from in New England those vegetables would have bagged up and probably put right into your bag no questions asked.

 

 

This is not particularly a southern trait. This is a lack-of-character trait.

 

 

Geo

[lionfamily1999]

This is not particularly a southern trait. This is a lack-of-character trait.

 

 

Geo

Amen, bless her heart ;)

[Geo]

"Gone with the wind" would be a good example of

individual character displayed within the southern culture. Scarlett was selfish and spiteful but Melanie Hamilton always saw the good in others

and was without guile. I think some of you are talking about the general character makeup of individuals rather than a cultural one.

 

Geo

[Annie Laurie]

Okay. Now I'm going to cry. :crying:

 

I consider myself "from" a small rural town just north of Waco, TX - erm, that's halfway between Dallas and Austin, right on the highway... remember David Koresh? Yeah. Anyway.

 

We're currently living right smack in the middle of (okay in southeast) Austin. It's a whole different world here. People do NOT smile and wave on the streets, do NOT let you in traffic (don't get me started on traffic!), do NOT smile when you pass them in the isles, and look at you funny if you say anything other than "thanks" in the grocery store line. It drives me insane! You don't know how long it took me to STOP waiving at people when I pass them on the roads. (Yes, that waving from the truck thing is true.)

 

 

So, it might entirely depend on exactly where you are. In the big middle of a place like Austin or Dallas... a small-town gal like myself feels like I must have woke up in the big mean north! :lol:

 

*says she who is looking to buy a house 10 miles south of Austin because the people in Kyle said HI, HOWAHYA to me in the pie store!!*

 

I only read the first page and a half but was thinking the same thing as you. People *do* honk if you don't go right when the light turns green, people are aggressive in traffic here, and I don't think it's friendly here. But I'm in DFW, so maybe everyone else is referring to small town life in the south?

[Haiku]

 

Look I don't mean to step on anyone's toes here but a generalization is a generalization no matter who you make it about and no matter what side of the fence your on.

 

This only goes to show how quickly people can jump on the judgemental bandwagon.

 

I was responding to this question:

 

Generally speaking is it really like this?

 

That's why I said "generally." I think you jumped on me a little harshly. I am glad to hear that you have not experienced prejudice for being Muslim. I can't say the same. Well, I guess I could, because I am not Muslim, so I haven't experienced prejudice for being Muslim, but I have experienced prejudice for being the religion that I am and having the children that I have ... generally speaking, more from Southerners than from Northerners. Does this mean I think all southerners are racist bigots? Of course not, and I never said such a thing. Neither do I think that all northerners are non-racist and embrace differing religions.

 

I responded to a "general" question with a "general" answer.

 

And I'm not going to touch all your F-you stuff because I have no idea where that came from. :001_huh:

 

Tara

[Peri]

I was responding to this question:

 

 

 

That's why I said "generally." I think you jumped on me a little harshly. I am glad to hear that you have not experienced prejudice for being Muslim. I can't say the same. Well, I guess I could, because I am not Muslim, so I haven't experienced prejudice for being Muslim, but I have experienced prejudice for being the religion that I am and having the children that I have ... generally speaking, more from Southerners than from Northerners. Does this mean I think all southerners are racist bigots? Of course not, and I never said such a thing. Neither do I think that all northerners are non-racist and embrace differing religions.

 

I responded to a "general" question with a "general" answer.

 

And I'm not going to touch all your F-you stuff because I have no idea where that came from. :001_huh:

 

Tara

 

The first part of my comment where I was addressing my experience as a muslim woman in the south was definately in response to your post. But the rest of my post was meant to be towards everyone. I did not mean to throw that all at you lol. The F-you suff was towards a joke about southern "belles" and not towards you. I am sorry if you got offended.

[runamuk]

I grew up in Iowa, Wisconsin and Missouri (and I still pronounce Mizzura like a native ;)) and have lived in CA, IN, TN, NC and VA. I think the south is like other areas - you have your friendly people and not-so-friendly people. I've been waved at and helped with my groceries in Milwaukee and cut off and given the finger in traffic in Wilmington. I've made life-long friends in Richmond and Fort Wayne, but I've also met a lot of people who would "bless my heart" in both places.

 

Sweet tea is an art form not to be taken lightly. It must be created under carefully controlled circumstances to taste as it should. Kind of like a fine wine. So just adding a couple of cups of sugar ain't gonna do it. :001_smile:

 

Would you like to share the secret to the art form of sweet tea? I grew up drinking it at my grandmother's table and haven't mastered the art of making my own. :)

[1bassoon]

 

Would you like to share the secret to the art form of sweet tea? I grew up drinking it at my grandmother's table and haven't mastered the art of making my own. :)

 

 

Wasn't there a thread on it lately? I'm too lazy to find it, but I'm pretty sure there was. I just figured out how to make it with Stevia - ya hoo!!!

[Scarlett]

The funniest thing I heard when I was down there: I was at a homeschool function with my boys and my youngest (who was adopted from Korea) was sitting with me. An older gentleman walks right up to me and says:

 

"Where'd ya'll find HIM at?" :lol::lol::lol:

 

I was like, "Up north they are practically GIVING them away! They are on every corner!" :tongue_smilie:

 

I about fell out of my chair laughing at this. :lol: Hilarious! I hope it didn't hurt your feelings or your ds's feelings.

[mcconnellboys]

LOL, I've been wondering that ever since I got here, too. KY gets included in articles for both Southern Living and MidWest Living. I tend to lump them with Indiana/Illinois/Ohio as a sort of "industrial north or northeast".....

 

KY is definitely not like the "true south" that I've lived in up until now.....

[brehon]

Okay. Now I'm going to cry. :crying:

 

I consider myself "from" a small rural town just north of Waco, TX - erm, that's halfway between Dallas and Austin, right on the highway... remember David Koresh? Yeah. Anyway.

 

We're currently living right smack in the middle of (okay in southeast) Austin. It's a whole different world here. People do NOT smile and wave on the streets, do NOT let you in traffic (don't get me started on traffic!), do NOT smile when you pass them in the isles, and look at you funny if you say anything other than "thanks" in the grocery store line. It drives me insane! You don't know how long it took me to STOP waiving at people when I pass them on the roads. (Yes, that waving from the truck thing is true.)

 

 

So, it might entirely depend on exactly where you are. In the big middle of a place like Austin or Dallas... a small-town gal like myself feels like I must have woke up in the big mean north! :lol:

 

*says she who is looking to buy a house 10 miles south of Austin because the people in Kyle said HI, HOWAHYA to me in the pie store!!*

 

 

Sweetie, I live outside Leander and we still wave, strike up conversations with just about anything that breathes, and "bless their hearts" with the best of 'em. Well, to be honest, my dh does that -erm, not blessing their hearts so much, though - I'm way too introverted to randomly strike up conversations. I will, however, respond in kind.

[mommyrooch]

Hmm, I grew up in the South and will defend it to the death, but for the most part we are very clannish. In Ttown you had to go to the right church, school, belong to the right sorority, country club, move in the right circles. Which we did. I had no clue what snots we were.

 

I completely agree with Remudamom. I live in Oklahoma and have been a "southerner" my whole life and I definitely see the "clan" aspect. In general, people of the south will be the kindest people to your face but they are the first ones to gossip behind your back. It's very hard to find a "true friend" down here. You have to be a member of their clan or click to even warrant a chance at gaining their friendship. Also, in my experience, southerners are very quick to pass judgements. They are also very set in their ways. They seem to not like change or lack a willingness to see others views and respect them. They often have the mindset of "if you don't agree with me then you are just wrong."

 

Don't get me wrong. I love it down here. I love the small town life and the everyone knows everyone feeling. And there are amazing people down here. We have had 2 tragedies close to where I live. The Murrah Building bombing in 1995 that killed 160 + people and the May 3rd tornado in 1999 that killed many people. You wouldn't believe how our communities pulled together during these times. It can be a great place to live but just like anywhere, it has it's negatives.

[Rebecca in GA]

In general, people of the south will be the kindest people to your face but they are the first ones to gossip behind your back. It's very hard to find a "true friend" down here. You have to be a member of their clan or click to even warrant a chance at gaining their friendship. Also, in my experience, southerners are very quick to pass judgements. They are also very set in their ways. They seem to not like change or lack a willingness to see others views and respect them. They often have the mindset of "if you don't agree with me then you are just wrong."

 

Very descriptive but patently false. Caitlinsmom, if you really want to know what it's like in the South, come visit. You'll find the people here much like people anywhere else -- just peculiarly maligned and stereotyped.:mad:

[AnnetteW]

I'm moved down here from MA almost 30 years ago and would never want to go back. I have always thought that people were much friendlier down here which was a big difference than MA. I think you have the "stab you in the back gossipers" everywhere.

 

Another thing that is different from up in MA is that children are taught to say "Yes, sir" and "Yes, ma'am" which was totally foreign to me. I realize children brought up in a military family may be taught to treat their elders respectfully as well. And I acknowledge that there are plenty of families that are Southern that are not as well brought up. It was just unheard of to hear "Yes, sir " or "Yes, ma'am" when I was growing up.

 

I think our culture is so much more informal now. We are a lot more disrespectful as a culture as well. However, I believe genuine kindness and compassion can be found in every state. Our friends are people we share similarities with.

 

Annette

[threeturn]

Would you like to share the secret to the art form of sweet tea? I grew up drinking it at my grandmother's table and haven't mastered the art of making my own. :)

 

Here is my method:

 

Put five regular sized (or two family sized) tea bags into a small saucepan about 3/4 filled with water. Bring to a gentle boil -- turn it off when it just starts to bubble.

 

Let the tea sit for a while on the stove. Usually about 15 minutes. You need it to steep for strength, but you don't want it to cool too much -- this is VERY important.

 

Put sugar into the bottom of a gallon pitcher. I use 1 and 1/4 cups for a gallon of tea. We like ours pretty sweet. This is really personal taste, though. Want it sweeter then by all means use more.

 

Pour the still hot tea onto the pitcher retaining the bags in the saucepan (restrain the bags with the back of a spoon, pressing them lightly to squeeze out more flavor).

Don't add anything else to the pitcher at this point. Simply stir well until all of the sugar is dissolved. Refill your saucepan with water and repeat the restrain and press step once more adding the water to the pitcher. Then fill the remainder of the pitcher with cool water and enjoy.

 

The tea will still be pretty warm so it is better to chill it first, but if you don't have time simply fill your glass with lots of ice.

 

Hope it works for you!

 

Pam

[JWSJ]

I've lived in both Philadelphia and NC for years.

 

Philadelphia is far less nice than The South...

 

People can be xenophobic anywhere.

 

I worry about the places that can kill you for being different.

 

The present day South is not that place.

[runamuk]

Here is my method:

 

Put five regular sized (or two family sized) tea bags into a small saucepan about 3/4 filled with water. Bring to a gentle boil -- turn it off when it just starts to bubble.

 

Let the tea sit for a while on the stove. Usually about 15 minutes. You need it to steep for strength, but you don't want it to cool too much -- this is VERY important.

 

Put sugar into the bottom of a gallon pitcher. I use 1 and 1/4 cups for a gallon of tea. We like ours pretty sweet. This is really personal taste, though. Want it sweeter then by all means use more.

 

Pour the still hot tea onto the pitcher retaining the bags in the saucepan (restrain the bags with the back of a spoon, pressing them lightly to squeeze out more flavor).

 

Don't add anything else to the pitcher at this point. Simply stir well until all of the sugar is dissolved. Refill your saucepan with water and repeat the restrain and press step once more adding the water to the pitcher. Then fill the remainder of the pitcher with cool water and enjoy.

 

The tea will still be pretty warm so it is better to chill it first, but if you don't have time simply fill your glass with lots of ice.

 

Hope it works for you!

 

Pam

 

Thank you!:001_wub:

[Kelli in TN]

Here is my method:

 

Put five regular sized (or two family sized) tea bags into a small saucepan about 3/4 filled with water. Bring to a gentle boil -- turn it off when it just starts to bubble.

 

Let the tea sit for a while on the stove. Usually about 15 minutes. You need it to steep for strength, but you don't want it to cool too much -- this is VERY important.

 

Put sugar into the bottom of a gallon pitcher. I use 1 and 1/4 cups for a gallon of tea. We like ours pretty sweet. This is really personal taste, though. Want it sweeter then by all means use more.

 

Pour the still hot tea onto the pitcher retaining the bags in the saucepan (restrain the bags with the back of a spoon, pressing them lightly to squeeze out more flavor).

Don't add anything else to the pitcher at this point. Simply stir well until all of the sugar is dissolved. Refill your saucepan with water and repeat the restrain and press step once more adding the water to the pitcher. Then fill the remainder of the pitcher with cool water and enjoy.

 

The tea will still be pretty warm so it is better to chill it first, but if you don't have time simply fill your glass with lots of ice.

 

Hope it works for you!

 

Pam

Dang Pam. That's almost my exact recipe. Except I use 1 cup of sugar. I tried cutting us back to 3/4 of a cup for awhile based on some diet recommendation (probably from a yankee) but my kids were not impressed. Then I tried using half sugar and half Splenda (probably another yankee invention) but I thought the whole family was going to up and leave home.

[mommyrooch]

Very descriptive but patently false. Caitlinsmom, if you really want to know what it's like in the South, come visit. You'll find the people here much like people anywhere else -- just peculiarly maligned and stereotyped.:mad:

 

I don't know what things are like in GA but here in OK this is not patently false. I suppose things could be very different between the two locations. Things are slowly getting better here as new generations are emerging but racism, clan mentalities, and general narrow mindedness are still very much alive here. I have lived here for over 30 years and I have seen this type of thinking my whole life.

 

Anyway, this is just my personal experience having lived in this state my whole life. Please keep in mind. It is just my opinion. As I said in my original post. There are amazing people here as well. This is just a generalization.

[squirtymomma]

Ok, as a far northerner, I would agree with many from the northern US. I have found the Southern friendliness to be pleasant....many posters are right, in that there will be a casserole on your doorstep when you need it, and word of encouragement, a kind enquiry....very sweet. However, my experience has been that that friendliness can be superficial. Up north, if someone makes friendly overtures to you, it means that they enjoy you and want to be your friend. I have had several situations which I read incorrectly down here....thought someone was interested in friendship but it never went past the sweet "neighbourliness". If you are a transplant, it can make you feel a little crazy at times. ;0

 

Aren't the friendly overtures necessary to find out if you might want to be someone's friend? In the North, how do you get to know someone if you never talk to them? I just moved from TX to the Seattle area, and although people are polite enough, it's rare for people to express any interest in getting to know me at all. :001_unsure:

[sarahli]

Yes it really is, BUT.

 

People in the south have no trouble looking you in the eye with a great big smile and reaching around behind you to stab you in the back. It can be very difficult to read people if you are a transplant.

 

Barb

 

:iagree:DH was a minister in West Texas, and being that we came from Michigan, we definitely didn't read people correctly. It's NOT that people are more mean or less mean. It's just less easy for a Northerner to TELL how a Southerner really feels when they put on a friendly polite front but are secretly saying hateful things about you. Or when they say hateful things and then back it up with religion. I experienced that much more in the South. It's quite the let down. The same thing has happened in the North, but we find out pretty quickly if someone is upset so it doesn't seem like "backstabbing" as much, kwim? I think it's just what a person is used to. I think the lack of sunlight in MI makes many people depressed/ grumpy too.

It's weird, but in coastal CA, well, everyone here so far has been friendly AND open. I really like it.

[chaik76]

My experience is that people in the midwest are stuffy and judgemental. Northeast, sotheast, and southwest are all friendlier than they are here.

Maybe because we lived in a city it wasn't like that?

I found the people in Minneapolis so much friendlier than in PA (where I was raised for the most part). Everyone says hi, smiles, takes the time to talk to you. I found it so refreshing. But maybe it was just where I was...

[Blessedfamily]

..... I think you have the "stab you in the back gossipers" everywhere.

 

Another thing that is different from up in MA is that children are taught to say "Yes, sir" and "Yes, ma'am" which was totally foreign to me. I realize children brought up in a military family may be taught to treat their elders respectfully as well. And I acknowledge that there are plenty of families that are Southern that are not as well brought up. It was just unheard of to hear "Yes, sir " or "Yes, ma'am" when I was growing up.

......

Annette

 

I've lived in both Philadelphia and NC for years.

 

Philadelphia is far less nice than The South...

 

People can be xenophobic anywhere.

....

 

My personal experience being born and raised in the south, from an old southern family- Nice people, nasty people, friendly people, racists live all over the country. The most hate filled racist I have met happens to be from Connecticut. Doesn't affect my opinion of the state one bit.

 

And Annette, you're right. The kids on my street call me "Miss Yvette". The tradition is.. if the person is as old as your parents you call them "Miss" or "Mr." and their first name. :001_smile:

[AuntPol]

I am from NC and lived here most of life, with some jaunts to California and Florida and travels all over. I definitely agree that people are friendlier here and overall have better manners. My husband is from Long Island and it always shocks me how rude people are there. No one will give up their seat on the train for a pregnant woman or little kids. No one chats, etc. Driving is miserable.

 

I have never once heard anyone in the South say "bless her heart" except when joking about Southerners.

 

However, I now live in Raleigh and I don't feel it is that Southern. There are so many northern transplants here. My neighborhood doesn't have that Southern feel as hardly anyone on my block is actually from the South. The number of rude drivers around Raleigh is high. It is completely different than living in China Grove, NC where I grew up.

 

I've seen racism in the South but mostly in the older generations and among the lower classes. I see way more "reverse" racism among the younger generations. The biggest racists I know though are from the North.

[TXMomof4]

And Annette, you're right. The kids on my street call me "Miss Yvette". The tradition is.. if the person is as old as your parents you call them "Miss" or "Mr." and their first name. :001_smile:

 

I grew up here in TX and did call all of my friends parents Mr. or Mrs. whatever. It is so hard for me now when the kids I've known since they were babies have graduated from Ms. Annie to Mrs. P----. My dd's friends have all started that and I seriously have to think "Who are they talking to?" much of the time. Mrs. P is my mil! Surely I'm not that old!