Pros/Cons of Repeating Kindergarten

[Diane in CO]

My youngest DS is currently attending Kindergarten at a local PS. He is receiving special ed services for speech and is also receiving additional services as he is considered "developmentally delayed".

 

We are working with him on a daily basis and he has made great strides this past year. That being said, I met with his teacher and therapists today to discuss his progress and while all admitted that he is improving, there was discussion of retaining him in Kindergarten for another year.

 

What says the Hive mind in regards to this? My DH does not want DS to repeat Kindergarten at all. DH truly believes that DS will mature and outgrow these delays. He would like to have nothing to do with PS and the "labels" they put on children. We would like to be homeschooling however DH is f/t grad student and TA and I work f/t to support our family. Our plan is to homeschool in the next 3-4 years, but in the meantime we are dealing with PS and all of the bad and good things that come with it.

 

Sorry this is so long....I want what is best for DS and am not quite sure what that is. If you have any personal experience with this please share!

 

Thank you!

 

Diane

[Tap]

How is ds at the end of the day? Is he stressed and agitated? Is it too much for him? Is he retaining what he needs to know going into first grade?

 

If K hasn't been an easy (ish) year for him, then I would repeat. Then when he comes home to homeschool you can always bump him back up to grade level.

 

If he is coming home happy and is content where he is, then I would allow him to move on until it is no longer fun. He can always stay behind in 1st grade if he needs to, but it is much less noticeable in K.

 

 

ETA if you do keep him back, I would skip the last month or at least 2 weeks of school to minimize the confusion of 'graduation' and moving up to the new class room ceremonies.

[chiguirre]

My 8yo hser went to ps PK and we pulled him for K. In his case, his label does reflect reality (he has high functioning autism) but the ps let his disability be an excuse to not challenge him at all. Only you can be the judge of your ds's situation. If holding him back is just their way of making their jobs easier, I wouldn't accept it. If you think your ds will receive a better foundation for learning, I'd consider it.

 

If I could go back in time, I would have called ds a PK again that first year of hsing. As it is, I've started "holding him back" one year for outside activities. Since he's very skinny this works well. He fits in better with younger kids and feels more comfortable. It's easier for him to participate in groups and make friends if he's with slightly less mature kids. I try to pick activities where they will let me do this. Most sports are very strict about age limits, even when a child has special needs. Some museum and zoo programs are also very strict. Hsing activities tend to be more laid back about ages/grades.

 

In schoolwork, ds is holding his own with reading, one year behind in writing because of his fine motor delays and in between in math. OTOH, he is learning so much general history and science just from reading aloud. Hsing lets him proceed at his own pace. I'm a pretty strict taskmaster and he works hard, but I can change things up if he's becoming frustrated.

 

I guess the bottom line is that I would hold back a child if he was more comfortable with a younger group of kids and he was better able to succeed socially. I would continue to challenge him academically at home and try to keep him as close to his age/grade level as possible.

 

Good luck!

[Hillary in KS]

Well, not knowing your son, here's my take:

 

I think there is often potential for greater harm done by pushing a child ahead than by holding him back.

 

If moving your son to 1st grade next year means another year of struggle for him, then I would hesitate to do that. He may very well mature and catch up, but what if that happens in 6th grade? Would you want him to struggle for so long? Will another year of struggle harm his attitude towards school and learning? Would it change his classmates' perceptions of him?

 

Another year in kindergarten couldn't hurt, and may allow him to mature and feel successful. I would ask, though, what would be different. Would he be with the same teacher? Do you want him to be? how would his educational goals change?

 

My dh repeated kindergarten (he has no memory of it). His first year he cried a lot, struggled academically, and had other issues. His parents chose to hold him back, and that gave him a year to mature, and the rest of his school career is uneventful.

 

There's sort of a stigma attached to being held back. I understand. But it could be a good thing for him.

 

Do you trust his teachers? Do they know your son well? Make sure you get all your questions and concerns addressed before making a decision.

[Diane in CO]

At the end of the day he is tired and a little grouchy. We typically come home, have a snack, a little play time and then we work on copying letters (his handwriting is poor) and putting together sounds to form words. By the time we are done with homework he and I are both tired and frustrated (not all days, just most).

 

At school, he loves the interaction with his classmates....just not the work that he has to do ;)

[JoyfulMama]

Unfortunately, when you deal with the PS, you have to fit in one of their 'boxes'. The hard part, at times like this, is determining which round box would be the best fit for your square peg dc. (Excuse the poor metaphor.)

In homeschooling we can teach at their level vs their age. Do you want the PS to teach to his level, or his age?

 

Now, ya know this was a while ago.. but there was a boy in my K class, who repeated K with my younger brother - and he did great that second year. He would have been miserable in Gr 1 with me, which would have crushed his spirits even more. In K he was still able to have some freedom of movement, which is what he needed at that time.

[chiguirre]

Poor handwriting is a real problem in public school, but it will get better with time. Ds's hwing has improved sooo much this year over last year. It's made schoolwork much easier and less frustrating for him. This is something that time really helps, although, of course practice helps too. I wouldn't send a child that struggles with hwing to 1st grade because it would be such a struggle. If you wait a year, a lot of that just resolves itself. In the grand scheme of things whether you learn to control a pencil well at 5 or 6 is such a minor thing, but it makes such a difference in the ability to do schoolwork.

[Diane in CO]

Oops, I posted my reply to Tap, Tap, Tap and then there were several more responses...sorry for the confusion ;)

 

I am leaning towards having DS repeat Kindergarten....if I can convince DH.

 

My only hesitation really (and I am almost embarrassed to say it) is that he has formed such great friendships this year and I know that if he stays back a lot of those friendships will not continue (1st graders will want to play with 1st graders not with the little Kindergartners.....UGH!) Also, how do I explain to him that he needs to stay in K when all of his friends are moving up to 1st? Reason 369 I wish we were able to homeschool at this time.

 

Diane

[Diane in CO]

ETA if you do keep him back, I would skip the last month or at least 2 weeks of school to minimize the confusion of 'graduation' and moving up to the new class room ceremonies.

 

Wow, I hadn't even thought about this....thank you for the heads-up! I would really hate for DS to go through this and be confused.

 

Diane

[Diane in CO]

Well, not knowing your son, here's my take:

 

I think there is often potential for greater harm done by pushing a child ahead than by holding him back.

 

 

 

Thanks for the insight Hilary! I think you hit the nail on the head with this comment. One of my greatest fears is that he feels "less than" because he can't do everything that everyone else around is able to do. My understanding is that when a child repeats a grade they typically would have a different teacher so that although he would be essentially learning the same thing...it would be done a little differently. I do like his teacher a lot, but I also like the other K teachers at this school and would feel comfortable making a change. My understanding about educational goals is that they would meet him "where he is". Right now there are children in the class that are reading on a 1st/2nd grade level, whereas mine is not reading at all. I think they really do try to make sure that the child is neither bored (repeating stuff they already know backwards and forwards) or frustrated (because they just can't pick up the info as fast as other students).

 

Thank you again!

 

Diane

[newlifemom]

Dianne,

 

Is there absolutely no way you could hs him next year?

 

When my ds was in spec ed pre school (speech and ot), they the powers that be stated he was not ready for kinder. They were right. I have always hs'd my dc, but ds did get these services. I waited until the end of Sept of 2007/8 school year and then gently eased him into Kinder. He still went to PS 2x a week for speech and OT. Some of the things the OT wanted him to do regarding fine motor I did not agree with and did not make him do. A five year old does not have everything together yet for most of the writing they are made to do in Kinder IMHO. By the middle of the year I had him tested academically and he rated as an average Kinder which was where he should be. We schooled most of the year and didn't finish Kinder until right before 1st grade. Part of the reason for this was a cross country move, but also I wanted a slow and steady pace for him. He is currently doing 1st grade work, reading and his handwriting is pretty good. All that said, if he was in a public school for kinder, I am positive they would have wanted to hold him back. He is very high maintainence and they don't have the man power to attend to him like I could. Granted I still have other kids etc, but still 1:4 is a lot better. I firmly believe he is doing as well as he is b/c of my hsing him. (Not b/c I am great, but like I said the one on one.)

 

Hence, the ? for you. Is there no way to make it work? I am not trying to be pushy, it's just that when you described you ds, he sounded so my like mine that my heart went out to him.

[Laurie]

I used to be a Kindergarten teacher, and as a parent I also understand the challenges of having children with developmental delays/speech problems. Another year of Kindergarten will give him the gift of time to develop at a more comfortable pace. You said that he's tired when he gets home...I would expect that in most Kindergartners in September but since he's still tired and irritable when he gets home this in itself is a signal about his readiness to move on to first grade.

 

I taught at a private school where we had an entrance exam to get into Kindergarten! This readiness test made it less likely that we'd have to hold children back at the end of the year. Some of the children who didn't get into our K program would attend public school K and then come back to our school for their second year of K. I understand that it's harder when both years of K are in the same school, but for your son's sake in the long run I wouldn't let this be the deciding factor.

[Ellie]

ITA with your dh.

[SonshineLearner]

There aren't charter Montessori's there, are there? I'm sure with your husband being in school and you working full time, daycare is out of the question? I would be tempted to see if there's room in the budget for daycare/ being in someone's homeschool for next year.... (Is that legal in CO?)

 

Carrie:-)

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

My youngest DS is currently attending Kindergarten at a local PS. He is receiving special ed services for speech and is also receiving additional services as he is considered "developmentally delayed".

 

We are working with him on a daily basis and he has made great strides this past year. That being said, I met with his teacher and therapists today to discuss his progress and while all admitted that he is improving, there was discussion of retaining him in Kindergarten for another year.

 

What says the Hive mind in regards to this? My DH does not want DS to repeat Kindergarten at all. DH truly believes that DS will mature and outgrow these delays. He would like to have nothing to do with PS and the "labels" they put on children. We would like to be homeschooling however DH is f/t grad student and TA and I work f/t to support our family. Our plan is to homeschool in the next 3-4 years, but in the meantime we are dealing with PS and all of the bad and good things that come with it.

 

Sorry this is so long....I want what is best for DS and am not quite sure what that is. If you have any personal experience with this please share!

 

Thank you!

 

Diane

 

If it were me, I would push hard to have him repeat K. My ds was typically developing, but immature. And I would give up something very precious to go back and give him an gap year -- somewhere. I regret that I didn't do it in K, I regret that I didn't do it between 8th and 9th, and I regret that he was unable to do it between high school and college.

[Laurie]

I would be tempted to see if there's room in the budget for daycare/ being in someone's homeschool for next year.... (Is that legal in CO?)

 

:-)

 

Daycare?! Her son is receiving special ed./speech services through the public school. What kind of daycare would be able to provide this for him and why would this be an optimum situation for him?

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Oops, I posted my reply to Tap, Tap, Tap and then there were several more responses...sorry for the confusion ;)

 

I am leaning towards having DS repeat Kindergarten....if I can convince DH.

 

My only hesitation really (and I am almost embarrassed to say it) is that he has formed such great friendships this year and I know that if he stays back a lot of those friendships will not continue (1st graders will want to play with 1st graders not with the little Kindergartners.....UGH!) Also, how do I explain to him that he needs to stay in K when all of his friends are moving up to 1st? Reason 369 I wish we were able to homeschool at this time.

 

Diane

 

I wouldn't let friendships drive the decision unless these are kids that he is tied to in lots of other venues (church, sports, neighbors). I have moved several times with kids at this age. Sometimes it has meant leaving behind good friends. And yet, in each new situation, they have made new friends.

 

And you have to consider how less than friendly these other kids might be in a couple years if academic weakness becomes your sons defining trait.

 

Is there another elementary school that is about the same distance? If you hold him back, could you put him in the other building so that it is a totally new situation, not one where others have moved ahead and he hasn't (there are downsides to this too, especially if he's the type that takes a while to get comfortable with a situation).

 

As for explaining it, I'd put it in terms of having talked to his teacher and deciding that you didn't want to push him ahead of what he was ready for in the same way that you wouldn't give him a bigger size pair of pants just because that's what other boys were wearing.

 

Do you have a grandparents' home or other friends who might take him for a couple week Camp Grandma toward the end of school?

[KJB]

I would try really hard to get him into a different school. If he could go someplace else, he wouldn't have to deal with seeing the other kids as first graders or any other negative social consequences.

 

Also, it would feel more like a moving forward instead of feeling like he was being held back, kwim?

 

 

Hug your little guy! I have a 5 year old kindy guy and they are just such good little fellas at that age. I'm sorry this has been a tough academic year for you guys. :grouphug:

[bettyandbob]

My experience, I have a son who is definitely delayed. He has downs syndrome. He has been in inclusive classrooms since K. (inclusive is the new term for mainstream). Ds has done 2 years of K and is now midway through 1st.

 

I pushed for repeating K--and the school thought it was a good idea because ds has a late birthday. The first year he was in K he was the youngest in the class--on top of a disability that was hard! His second year of K he was much more like a Ker. If we had moved him up and not repeated, he would not have been able to continue in the inclusive setting. I don't expect he will stay in inclusive classrooms much longer, but it's a year by year decision. Anyway, repeating K was the right choice for my ds.

 

You don't say the nature of the your child's delays. For some kids being held back is just the thing to help a child. The child gets an extra year of maturity and extra year of services like speech to work on issues and then they hit the ground running (and confident)--they don't spend the next 12 years treading water trying to keep up.

 

For some kids you need to consider whether the child's issue will never go away. If that's the case, how will the repeat help. In my ds's case it's better for him to be slightly older than the group than the youngest and the extra year gave him a chance to be with typical peers a little longer. For other kids, there is no benefit.

 

Finally, I would urge you and your dh to examine your dc issues carefully and be honest about the prognosis, this is a very hard step. I say this, because sometimes when a parent says "he just needs time" it's a way of putting off finding out the depth of the issues. It may be that your ds's issues aren't a big deal, but your statement of your dh feelings was a red flag to me.

[Peela]

My son repeated what is called kindergarten here. It was for 4 year olds, but he has a late b'day and he was immature and not ready to be away from me as much as they wanted at that age (4 half days a week). He just wasn't ready, so we pulled him out halfway through the year and put him in again the next year- with the teacher's support. It was a good thing to do but in the end he still struggled. Then he had a great pre primary experience, no pressure, great teacher, no comparisons, lots of encouragement and support.

But by the end of first grade (age 6/7) he was significantly "behind" and being labelled. By half way through year 2, I was homeschooling him and he was quite damaged and his self esteem was shot.

The system doesnt like kids who arent ready to read and write at the same time as the majority, who jsut cant get their head around those skills as early or easily as most kids.

I suggest it is far better to have a kid stay back than move forward, if they are that age. No, they dont always catch up easily- my son is homeschooling because he was slowly geting lost. He wasnt noisy, disruptive- just super quiet and not getting any attention. He couln'dt write. Or read. the teacher told me he would need me to work with him at home. But he was so upset by his inabilities to do what other kids found easy, he couldnt work with me and go to school- he would come home literally distraught.

Of course your situation is different and unique, and your individual teacher will make such a difference. I jsut wouldnt push a child forward who isnt ready- the teachers probably do know what they are talkng about to some extent.

[Ria]

He would like to have nothing to do with PS and the "labels" they put on children

 

I simply do not understand this line of thinking. Those "labels" are what are getting your child the help he obviously needs due to his delays. Without those labels your son would have received none of the therapies and extra help that have helped him make strides this year. Why pretend something isn't there, when it is? Your son, by your own admission, has delays. Does your husband really want the school to ignore those issues and treat your son just like any other kindergartner?

 

Ria

[Diane in CO]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply and providing your insight!

 

Some of the things I want to respond to (I don't know how to do multiple quotes). Would it be possible to homeschool next year. I do not think that it is. Maybe I am not open minded enough, but the idea of working full time, managing the house, laundry, groceries and his education seems absolutely daunting. DH is literally gone 70+ hrs a week at the University, and he is completely tapped when he gets home.

 

In regards to looking at Montessori, Charter schools, or possibly putting him in a different school than the one he is in now....this is a REALLY good idea! I will need to check about costs for Montessori (my first choice) and see if this would be doable. We tried this a few years back for him but the only Montessori school in our area (Northern CO) kicked him out as he was not "mature" enough and was not on same level with the other kids. We are now in NM (just moved this past summer) and I am not as familiar with the programs in our area.

 

In regards to "labels"....I think my husband is extra touchy about this because he was held back in third grade and "labeled". Today he has accomplished more things (pursuing PhD in Archaeology) than would have been expected of him.

 

Again, thank you for sharing your personal stories and experiences. They are definitely great food for thought and have helped me to see things clearer!!!

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think what I would do is go ahead and retain him. Generally, kindergarteners don't hold the same stigma as when it's done later. But this will enable him to succeed NOW. You are correct in thinking that ds will probably catch up. My ds was MANY years behind for a LONG time, even at K-1 ages, but even through part of middle school. It worked out. He is now on grade level (it's been about a year). If he were in school, this would be an issue because they aren't in a position to deal with late bloomers and kids that need A LOT of extra help. So they get held back but can't later catch up. But you're planning to pull ds from school later. If he has caught up by then or can when you have him home, you can in essense, skip him back up. And yet, sometimes it is thought to be better to be a year older anyway so maybe you won't.

 

Anyway, just based on what happened with us (and other family members), I would go ahead and hold him back for Kindy, but know that can always be reversed if necessary when you bring him home or later.

[Pamela H in Texas]

In regards to "labels"....I think my husband is extra touchy about this because he was held back in third grade and "labeled". Today he has accomplished more things (pursuing PhD in Archaeology) than would have been expected of him.

 

Yeah, schools and their lock step ways really make it hard for people. My hubby was held back in 2nd grade, labelled also. But then in middle school was in honors classes. In his case though, he gave up (9th grade) thinking he was stupid because of how things were done when he was little. I'm glad your hubby showed them!

[jenn-]

I can just tell you our experience. DD was recommended for either being held back or moved into our Pre-1st classes at the end of K. We had signed the Pre-1st paper work so that she wouldn't actually be repeating all of the beginning K work, but would still be getting the extra help she needed. Literally the last week of school she passed the requirements to advance into 1st grade and we were forced to decided what to do, continue with the Pre-1st selection or go into 1st. DH did not want her held back and encouraged the decision to push onto 1st. Against my better judgement I went along with the decision and she went on. First grade was a struggle all year, but she managed to pass into 2nd. The lack of a solid foundation caught up to her in 2nd grade. Her first 9 wk report card was bad (you know that's the stuff that was supposed to be "review"). She was passing spelling and that's about it. There was no way she was going to make it into 3rd grade and instead of letting her "fail", I pulled her out and we now homeschool. We have spent the last year trying to build the foundation that should have been there since the beginning. I wish I had gone with my gut and had her do that middle step grade, but I can't go back in time so now we are working with what we have. If your gut and the teacher's recommendation is to retain, then you need to seriously consider it. In our school district if the students cannot master certain skills, they are retained no matter what.