hygiene?

[bettyandbob]

How do you get a kid to "get it" about hygiene?

 

 

ds has serious si issues and I think that has contributed to the problem. He just stinks. All the time. Puberty really sent this problem through the roof. We make him shower, but I can't get in there with him and make sure he actually washes. He's bigger than me. We make him put on deodorant, but I doubt he actually applies it in the amount expected. He smell bad. I can smell him from 20 feet away. His music school just called me about it. The other kids are complaining. His teacher, who does like him, is complaining that he can be in the small practice room with him.

 

In many ways this is one our lesser problems, but it's so obvious and I don't want ds to loose the friends he's begun to make after so many years fumbling with other social issues, but this is a big social issue and he doesn't want to hear it from mom and dad.

 

I just told the music school they are authorized to refuse to let him have a lesson or participate in a rehearsal for this problem. This will kill ds. He loves his drum lessons.

 

Anyone have a kid this bad. I'm quite certain this is not caused by a medical problem.

[Parrothead]

Maybe he will get it when the music teacher talks to him about it. Otherwise, hopefully one of the guys will clue him in soon.

[bettyandbob]

I forgot to mention people at the music school (the owner, director, and ds drum teacher) have all talked to him informally about this. Tonight, the director will tell about the new policy of sending him home. So, ds has been talked to by adults he respects and still hasn't gotten it. Hopefully, harsh terms will help.

[athena1277]

Is there an older (than him) male you trust to have a one-on-one with him about it. Maybe give him some pointers to get rid of the smell when he washes? If not, I'd start sending him back to the shower every time he came out and still smelled. Eventually he'll get the point.

[Parrothead]

Can he smell it? I mean if he raises his arm and turns his head can he smell how bad it is?

[Ria]

I cannot imagine any horror worse than a teacher telling a child that he stinks. The humiliation could be damaging. While your son might not want to hear that he smells bad from his parents, I really think that it is your responsibility to deal with his hygiene problem. You know he stinks....and as his parents you MUST deal with it. Make rules. Enforce them.

 

If he doesn't follow proper hygiene procedures (and you might need to give him a checklist) and pass the smell test, tell him he doesn't leave his room, doesn't get meals, doesn't get to be around the family or anyone else. Be firm, give him guidelines, and follow though. But please, don't pass the buck on this one. It's a parent's responsibility.

 

Ria

[hornblower]

If you as the mom no longer feel comfortable with going over this & supervising as necessary, then the boy's father should do it, or another trusted adult male.

 

Unless the child is suffering from some developmental delay, I don't see why they would not 'get it'. If there is some sort of problem, then the adults need to take responsibility for this until he's able to take it on.

 

Give him a checklist:

 

1. Wet yourself all over, rub soap thoroughly on all these areas _____,_____,______.;) Rinse.

 

2. Apply shampoo. Rinse.

 

3. Come out of the shower, towel dry thoroughly, apply foot powder.

 

4. Apply anti perspirant. (you said deodorant - that might not be enough for a teen boy; an anti perspirant is much stronger at preventing b.o.)

 

5. Put on clean, unworn, clothes.

 

6. Brush teeth morning, evening and after every meal.

 

 

An active teen may need to shower more than once a day.

 

Also, there is a medical condition which causes excessive sweating all over & can result in b.o. I think there are a few other disorders which can cause b.o. so if increased hygiene doesn't take care of it, I would take him to the dr.

[hornblower]

I cannot imagine any horror worse than a teacher telling a child that he stinks. The humiliation could be damaging. While your son might not want to hear that he smells bad from his parents, I really think that it is your responsibility to deal with his hygiene problem. You know he stinks....and as his parents you MUST deal with it. Make rules. Enforce them.

 

If he doesn't follow proper hygiene procedures (and you might need to give him a checklist) and pass the smell test, tell him he doesn't leave his room, doesn't get meals, doesn't get to be around the family or anyone else. Be firm, give him guidelines, and follow though. But please, don't pass the buck on this one. It's a parent's responsibility.

 

Ria

 

:iagree: Should have read before I posted :001_smile:. You said it all.

[Guest Katia]

I cannot imagine any horror worse than a teacher telling a child that he stinks. The humiliation could be damaging. While your son might not want to hear that he smells bad from his parents, I really think that it is your responsibility to deal with his hygiene problem. You know he stinks....and as his parents you MUST deal with it. Make rules. Enforce them.

 

If he doesn't follow proper hygiene procedures (and you might need to give him a checklist) and pass the smell test, tell him he doesn't leave his room, doesn't get meals, doesn't get to be around the family or anyone else. Be firm, give him guidelines, and follow though. But please, don't pass the buck on this one. It's a parent's responsibility.

 

Ria

 

I agree with this. It is the parent's responsibility. However I can also sympathize as I had a ds that had the same problem; he just didn't seem to 'get it'. His idea of a good shower was standing under the water until it turned cold and then getting out.:tongue_smilie:

 

So, when he was 13yo, I had had enough. I told him that as his mom, it was my responsibility to make sure he was clean and that he knew how to clean himself but that he obviously wasn't doing it, so I took him into the bathroom and gave him a shower: showing him how to put soap on the washcloth and where to scrub and how...etc. He was all kinds of embarrassed.....at first. But then he saw that what he was doing in there was not at all what I had been telling him to do. He actually NEEDED to be shown. (yes, I had shown him how for years when he was younger, but I think young men lose their brains when puberty hits)

 

Anyhow, he improved rapidly when I told him if I smelled him at all I would be scrubbing him up myself yet again......and I have grabbed him and re-washed his hair in the kitchen sink....because he thought all the bottles in the shower were shampoo and didn't realize he had been washing his hair with conditioner (can we say greasy, greasy, greasy!)

 

If you are uncomfortable doing this, give the job to dh. My dh did this for my ds for his more private parts (I did his pits, hair, feet)

 

It works. And if you have to actually shower him before he walks out the door each time: do it or don't let him out the door.

 

And if you need to brush his teeth: do it. I have put my ds on the floor and straddled him to brush his teeth when he was a teen. He thought swooshing around some mouth wash was 'good enough'. His teeth were turning brown and getting fuzzy!! Gross. And if he wouldn't let us help him brush them, I made appts. for him to get cleaned at the dentist (which he hated so would then brush again for a while).

 

Teen boys are dense and it takes some time to get these hygiene habits established. But YOU must DO IT.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

I agree with this. It is the parent's responsibility. However I can also sympathize as I had a ds that had the same problem; he just didn't seem to 'get it'. His idea of a good shower was standing under the water until it turned cold and then getting out.:tongue_smilie:

 

So, when he was 13yo, I had had enough. I told him that as his mom, it was my responsibility to make sure he was clean and that he knew how to clean himself but that he obviously wasn't doing it, so I took him into the bathroom and gave him a shower: showing him how to put soap on the washcloth and where to scrub and how...etc. He was all kinds of embarrassed.....at first. But then he saw that what he was doing in there was not at all what I had been telling him to do. He actually NEEDED to be shown. (yes, I had shown him how for years when he was younger, but I think young men lose their brains when puberty hits)

 

Anyhow, he improved rapidly when I told him if I smelled him at all I would be scrubbing him up myself yet again......and I have grabbed him and re-washed his hair in the kitchen sink....because he thought all the bottles in the shower were shampoo and didn't realize he had been washing his hair with conditioner (can we say greasy, greasy, greasy!)

 

If you are uncomfortable doing this, give the job to dh. My dh did this for my ds for his more private parts (I did his pits, hair, feet)

 

It works. And if you have to actually shower him before he walks out the door each time: do it or don't let him out the door.

 

And if you need to brush his teeth: do it. I have put my ds on the floor and straddled him to brush his teeth when he was a teen. He thought swooshing around some mouth wash was 'good enough'. His teeth were turning brown and getting fuzzy!! Gross. And if he wouldn't let us help him brush them, I made appts. for him to get cleaned at the dentist (which he hated so would then brush again for a while).

 

Teen boys are dense and it takes some time to get these hygiene habits established. But YOU must DO IT.

 

I too had to take drastic measures with my son who is easily a foot taller than I am. There is no man living in my home, so it was quite embarrassing for both of us, but we got through it.

 

Now, if I even wrinkle up my nose in his direction, he heads for the bathroom with a quickness. :lol: I believe this fear of his Mom seeing him naked is a good thing, LOL.

 

But it took a LONG time to get to this point. He missed parties, field trips, social events, and I had to take a loss on a class that I had paid for in advance (but he DID pay me back in lots of back-breaking work) before he understood that I indeed meant business.

 

Boys take an extremely firm hand.

[flyingmommy]

My brother had this problem. He was the only kid I've ever heard of who could come out of a shower sweaty. Not wet. Sweaty. And stinky. And I swear to you he bathed every single day and his clothes were clean.

 

Years ago I worked for GNC and lots of people would buy chlorophyll tablets because they worked as internal deodorizers. I bought some for my brother and they did wonders. Of course, once he ran out and I refused to keep buying them for him, he didn't smell so great. :)

 

I don't remember a lot about them and I don't know whether they would be contraindicated for kids. But, it might be worth a shot. At least to look into.

 

Good luck!

 

Jeannie

[Erica in PA]

I cannot imagine any horror worse than a teacher telling a child that he stinks. The humiliation could be damaging. While your son might not want to hear that he smells bad from his parents, I really think that it is your responsibility to deal with his hygiene problem. You know he stinks....and as his parents you MUST deal with it. Make rules. Enforce them.

 

If he doesn't follow proper hygiene procedures (and you might need to give him a checklist) and pass the smell test, tell him he doesn't leave his room, doesn't get meals, doesn't get to be around the family or anyone else. Be firm, give him guidelines, and follow though. But please, don't pass the buck on this one. It's a parent's responsibility.

 

Ria

 

I agree. This is a lesson parents must teach their children. Some children might need more help/enforcement/oversight than others, but you cannot leave this up to the child to figure out or to a teacher or other kids to teach your own child. Imo, it's sad that it has been allowed to get to this point, where other kids and teachers are complaining. A smelly child should not have been allowed to leave the house, period. Actually, a person should not be allowed to exhibit poor hygiene at all, in or out of the house. For your son's sake, please teach him this important life lesson.

[Miss Sherry]

Here's a link to a site with a few more tips regarding hygiene.

 

http://www.health911.com/remedies/rem_bodyo.htm

 

Do your son's shoes get smelly ? If so, you may want to get him a shoe dryer . But a shoe dryer needs to be used before the shoes are old and already smelly.

 

If his clothes are smelly after being washed try putting white vinegar in the wash with his clothes to get the odor out. Also, he may need to avoid wearing synthetic fibers if they hold onto odor.

 

If he is cleaning himself well with soap and rinsing well, but still has body odor, he should try also rinsing his skin off with white vinegar , and then rinsing off the vinegar. If you don't believe that vinegar will remove odors from your skin, just try rubbing some fresh onion on yourself or put on some perfume and then clean it off using white vinegar. The vinegar smell may remain momentarily but it will soon go away or rinse off with soap and water.

 

I think you should check to be sure he is not putting on smelly clothes and that his hair is also getting clean and does not smell. His hair can also be rinsed with white vinegar, and still shampooed with shampoo.

 

Ask him if he is sweaty when he gets out of the shower. If so, maybe he is taking too hot of a shower.

 

Edited February 20, 2009 by Miss Sherry

[Plucky]

If it's really hygiene make the list others mentioned, waterproof it, tell him in no uncertain terms that if he cannot get himself clean Dad or Mom will be helping. If you have to show him, get him a speedo for the shower and show him what to do. It shouldn't take long for him to know you are serious. Privilege loss is acceptable as well.

[KJB]

If I were in your shoes, I'd start having him shower every night before bed. I'd give him a kit of his own of new hygiene products. A nylon bag with his own comb, brush, shampoo, soap with soap holder, toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, lotion, deodorant, and anything else he might need. I'd do night because it's less hectic than morning when you're trying to get school rolling.

 

Anyway, I'd give him specific instructions about shower length, soap application, deodorant, dental care, etc. I'd also give him some fresh smelling lotion to apply after his shower in addition to the deodorant. Then, I'd make sure he had fresh clean pjs and undies to put on. I'd also have him changing his sheets once a week (himself!) if he doesn't already.

 

After shower time, I'd give him the smell test. I do this with my 9 year old son. Smell his breath; examine his teeth. Smell his hair, his elbows, his armpits to make sure deodorant is doing its job. I'd also smell him whenever he leaves the house to make sure he smells OK. If not, he'd shower before he left.

 

I'd also make sure his laundry is kept up with and his room is tidy.

 

I agree that this is a parental responsibility, and quite frankly, a parental source of shame if it's not handled properly. If my son doesn't smell good, than neither do I. Kwim? I wouldn't allow a third party to knowingly humiliate my son when I could help him.

 

Good luck to you. Parenting isn't easy and I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but take the bull by the horns. You'll be glad you did.

Edited February 20, 2009 by KJB

[bettyandbob]

Like I said we are juggling many issues. We do work on this problem. Some of you think I have ignored it. No, we haven't gotten through. We are juggling anxiety, depression, AD/HD in an intellectually gifted kid with sensory problems and muscle/skeletal coordination problems. After a massive evaluation at the local children's hospital at age 7, I was told my ds had a particular profile mentally/physically/intellectually and he would do great in graduate school (not college), I just had to keep him alive until then. It's been a tremendous effort to "keep him alive" and I'm not half way there.

 

Since starting at the public high school my son has found friends and is genuinely happy. I don't recall him being happy for an extended period ever. We walk a very fine line. Unless you have a kid with other issues you couldn't understand that it's not as simple as shaming him. Quite honestly, I don't think he can smell it. He physically senses touch differently and that makes everything involving touch very difficult, but yes, he has to learn to tolerate a good scrubbing (we did do OT a couple times a week for a few years). For him learning to do that will be very hard. I would be lucky if this were the run of the mill kid who I just had to push into the shower after club soccer.

 

Those of you who don't know all the issues or cannot relate to all the issues are truly judgemental.

 

I have a friend IRL who has a child with similar issues, I will save my talking for her.

[ChristusG]

I agree with True Blue and was going to post just what she said. If you have to have him wear his swim trunks in the shower, stand there in front of him and tell him to bathe correctly. And you'll do it like this until he stops smelling.

[Ria]

Betty, you posted on a public board and received honest answers meant to help you son avoid the shaming that you yourself suggested in first place. If you choose to view those responses as judgmental, so be it. Ultimately, your son will pay the price for your actions, or lack thereof. He's in public school, and kids can be very, very cruel. Those of us who responded felt sorry for your son and didn't want to see him suffer humiliation. It's not about judging you.

 

Ria

[bettyandbob]

Ria, it's the suggested that we have done nothing at all and just waited for the school to say something. We've been living with so many things for 14 years. We work on so many issues, constantly.

 

The original question was. Does anyone have a kid like this. Not, wwyd if your kid was like this. B/c I know if you've never experienced it you wouldn't know. And if you have experienced it you have tried. I wanted to hear from the people who tried. Not from someone who kids have never had the extremes I've had to deal with.

 

***correction "Anyone have a kid this bad." Again my post does not ask WWYD, because if you don't live with it you really don't understand.

[Ria]

Ria, it's the suggested that we have done nothing at all and just waited for the school to say something. We've been living with so many things for 14 years. We work on so many issues, constantly.

 

The original question was. Does anyone have a kid like this. Not, wwyd if your kid was like this. B/c I know if you've never experienced it you wouldn't know. And if you have experienced it you have tried. I wanted to hear from the people who tried. Not from someone who kids have never had the extremes I've had to deal with.

 

I understand what you are saying, and I apologize for the misunderstanding. I certainly don't doubt that you've been trying, and I can feel how frustrating this is from your words. I'm sorry that your son has these struggles, and I give you a lot of credit for continuing to try hard. That said, it hurts to think about a child being ridiculed for something so personal, and it does sound as though your son is being noticed because of the odor. I hope things work out for you and him.

 

Ria

[HootyTooty]

Is it possible to get him back into OT for a while? My friend's older son has SI and got referred back to OT and it has helped with some of the SI problems they had been having.

[Alexandra]

I wondered if he wears his shoes without socks. This can really be a smelly problem. Also some sandals with rubber soles are real smell-producers. Beyond that I would just absolutely make personal hygiene non-negotiable. The car to music practice leaves when you are presentable. Period.

[Pongo]

Betty,

:grouphug: My bf has a9 yod son with such similar issues. He recently has talked about suicide and my bf is a mess over the whole thing. He also has sensory issues and getting him to brush his teeth has been a fight for years. He also has very strong body odor. My ds and her son were best friends for years until his body odor. Sadly my ds has a crazy gag reflex with anything with smell and sight(like the inside of a pumpkin:)) just like my dh. I had to tell my bf what was going on, that was hard. But she still struggles to bath him, and he still allows her to although the scrubbing, like you said is hard.

 

 

All that to say,

She was told by a dermatologist and the OT to use gel/liquid soap with anti bacterial in it. Anti bacterial for the odor issue and the gel because of sensory. Not wash cloth but those things that look like cloth paper towels. They are flat. I think she uses Irish Spring liquid anti bacterial soap. She was also told to use a dandruff shampoo, supposedly it cleans the scalp deeler and better. He is still young enough that she can muscle him into the shower in the morning and before bedtime. She said even when he showers before bedtime he wakes up really smelly. It's working, the kids never talk about smelling him anymore, or not wanting to sit next to him. Although I don't know what your going through, I can understand the stress it causes. My bf is in tears about his issues.

I pray you find a way to help him.

[Pamela H in Texas]

My kids are clueless.....still....drives me batty. I would guess this is my biggest failure as a parent. But I'm not sure that anything works. I keep thinking that one day, it'll become important to them for some reason or another and it'll all change. I hope.

[Danestress]

I'm just wondering.

 

I have three boys and none of them has ever had this kind of problem, so I am not sure what to think, but when I am around their friends, I've never noticed any of them having a true problem with odor unless they just came off the tennis court after a long match!

 

But I think odor is caused by bacteria that grows in the skin. Perhaps you need to find out what people who have a true body odor problem do to solve this. I'm just thinking that he might be cultivating a very massive bacterial colony. Wash all his clothes in something really strong, make him shower really well with a new soap - maybe an anti-bacterial one, and get him a stronger deoderant. I would approach this as solving a problem rather than blaming it on his poor hygeine, though I would certainly make him scrub and use deoderant, and if he smelled bad in my presence I would make him reshower. Can you tell when he's extra "ripe?" I would not let him leave the house that way.

[stephanie]

Like I said we are juggling many issues. We do work on this problem. Some of you think I have ignored it. No, we haven't gotten through. We are juggling anxiety, depression, AD/HD in an intellectually gifted kid with sensory problems and muscle/skeletal coordination problems. After a massive evaluation at the local children's hospital at age 7, I was told my ds had a particular profile mentally/physically/intellectually and he would do great in graduate school (not college), I just had to keep him alive until then. It's been a tremendous effort to "keep him alive" and I'm not half way there.

 

Since starting at the public high school my son has found friends and is genuinely happy. I don't recall him being happy for an extended period ever. We walk a very fine line. Unless you have a kid with other issues you couldn't understand that it's not as simple as shaming him. Quite honestly, I don't think he can smell it. He physically senses touch differently and that makes everything involving touch very difficult, but yes, he has to learn to tolerate a good scrubbing (we did do OT a couple times a week for a few years). For him learning to do that will be very hard. I would be lucky if this were the run of the mill kid who I just had to push into the shower after club soccer.

 

Those of you who don't know all the issues or cannot relate to all the issues are truly judgemental.

 

I have a friend IRL who has a child with similar issues, I will save my talking for her.

 

Betty, I have a ds13 who has ADHD with SPD. I noticed the other night when I kissed him that his head still smelled funny even though he had just gotten out of the shower. I asked him about his washing and he said he washed well. I then talked to him about maybe being more thorough in his baths since he's pubescent and hormones can do funny things. However, because of his sensory issues, he actually likes the weird smells. I always catch him smelling his arm pits, shoes, fingers (who knows where they were), books, socks....anything. He used to take big whiffs when we would go into a public bathroom, and he enjoyed it. So saying all that, I think it's a balance for kids with sensory issues. I understand that it's something that he feels like he needs to do, but then he needs to be appropriate. We too did OT which helped tremendously with the sensory issues. I guess I'm saying all this because I wonder if your ds could possibly enjoy the scent? If his sensory issues are greater than his concern for what others think or his own image? I understand the challenge that a child like ours can be and how very consistent and specific you have to be in instructing them. I usually ask my ds if he likes the smell so I can better understand it. I hope that helps you a bit!

Just a thought....could it be something in his diet that causes him to smell? There are many foods and oils that come out in the form of a smell....does he take fish oil as a supplement?

[st_claire]

Have his father shower with him to make sure that he knows how to clean himself. (Not a big deal, guys shower together at the gym all the time). Tell him he will shower every morning when he gets up, and everytime after exercising. I agree with the other poster to get him antiperspirant. Make sure he knows how to use that also, and have him use it after very shower. Brush teeth after every meal and use mouthwash. Clean clothes only. And make sure his room doesn't smell. Open windows, etc... That should take care of anyone's smell. If it doesn't, see a doctor.

[Erica in PA]

Like I said we are juggling many issues. We do work on this problem. Some of you think I have ignored it. No, we haven't gotten through. We are juggling anxiety, depression, AD/HD in an intellectually gifted kid with sensory problems and muscle/skeletal coordination problems. After a massive evaluation at the local children's hospital at age 7, I was told my ds had a particular profile mentally/physically/intellectually and he would do great in graduate school (not college), I just had to keep him alive until then. It's been a tremendous effort to "keep him alive" and I'm not half way there.

 

Since starting at the public high school my son has found friends and is genuinely happy. I don't recall him being happy for an extended period ever. We walk a very fine line. Unless you have a kid with other issues you couldn't understand that it's not as simple as shaming him. Quite honestly, I don't think he can smell it. He physically senses touch differently and that makes everything involving touch very difficult, but yes, he has to learn to tolerate a good scrubbing (we did do OT a couple times a week for a few years). For him learning to do that will be very hard. I would be lucky if this were the run of the mill kid who I just had to push into the shower after club soccer.

 

Those of you who don't know all the issues or cannot relate to all the issues are truly judgemental.

 

I have a friend IRL who has a child with similar issues, I will save my talking for her.

 

The only reason anyone posted is out of a sincere desire to help your son avoid humiliation and ostracizing. I personally think the variety of advice given has been good, and could be applied in a variety of circumstances. Some had experience with special needs, some didn't. If it doesn't work for you, then look elsewhere for what will, of course. But no one came on the board and took the time to post suggestions just to be mean or with the intention of judging you.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

I hope my post didn't come off as mean or judgmental. That is the last thing I wanted to do to you.

 

I posted because I have dealt with this issue. My son's body odor was so extreme that I wanted to move into a tent in the backyard and let him have the house. It reeked!

 

It is, however, something that simply must be handled.

 

I had to really strong arm my son, who thought he could just continue to ignore it and that I would too. He does have extreme medical issues, not the same as your son, and I'd rather not discuss them in an open forum, but believe me when I say extreme. They contribute greatly to his body odor, but I believe that his medical problems are ours to deal with and funky body odor should not be imposed on the public at large. This just gives them more reasons to judge him, which he has already experienced and doesn't wish to endure any further.

 

Someone else mentioned it, but I would like to add a second recommendation for white vinegar. I wash all of my son's clothing and bedding with a cup of white vinegar added. It has done wonders. I also spritz the bathroom toilets, down the sink and tub drains, and even do a little misting with it (like Febreeze) in his room from time to time. It really is a miracle odor absorber. I buy it by the drum-full at Sam's. Joy!

 

Please take my suggestions in the spirit they are given. Good luck!

[SapphireStitch]

Betty, I think many of us might have missed your mention of his sensory issues in the original post. I went back just now and reread it, and I see it there, but sometimes I scan really quickly and don't see the whole picture of the situation. When you clarified I could see a much more complicated situation than what you first stated.

 

I don't have a boy that age, nor a boy with diagnosed issues, so I can't give you any specific advice. I hope you'll find some answers that will help! The suggestion about chlorophyll tablets sounded interesting, and I also wondered if he drinks much water? I know that personally I notice my perspiration smelling more if I do not get enough fluids.

 

This has been a good discussion, other than the unfortunate misunderstandings that led to hurt feelings, I know I'm gleaning a lot of info that I hope will be helpful when my son is older.

 

Right now, at age 7, he does a lousy job of getting himself clean and as a result we often have him shower with his dad so he has some supervision. Left to his own devices he will stand in the shower (with maybe a part of him under the water if we're lucky) and sing until the hot water heater is empty. And, yes, he has been instructed on method time and time again.

[Miss Sherry]

Like I said we are juggling many issues. We do work on this problem. Some of you think I have ignored it. No, we haven't gotten through. We are juggling anxiety, depression, AD/HD in an intellectually gifted kid with sensory problems and muscle/skeletal coordination problems. After a massive evaluation at the local children's hospital at age 7, I was told my ds had a particular profile mentally/physically/intellectually and he would do great in graduate school (not college), I just had to keep him alive until then. It's been a tremendous effort to "keep him alive" and I'm not half way there.

 

Since starting at the public high school my son has found friends and is genuinely happy. I don't recall him being happy for an extended period ever. We walk a very fine line. Unless you have a kid with other issues you couldn't understand that it's not as simple as shaming him. Quite honestly, I don't think he can smell it. He physically senses touch differently and that makes everything involving touch very difficult, but yes, he has to learn to tolerate a good scrubbing (we did do OT a couple times a week for a few years). For him learning to do that will be very hard. I would be lucky if this were the run of the mill kid who I just had to push into the shower after club soccer.

 

Those of you who don't know all the issues or cannot relate to all the issues are truly judgemental.

 

I have a friend IRL who has a child with similar issues, I will save my talking for her.

 

Betty, I am sorry you are needing to deal with so many issues with your child and perhaps you will find someone else with similar issues that can give you helpful input.

 

Considering all of the info you gave in just your first post it really is unfair of you to come on now and blast those that answered your post just based on that.

People spent time answering you just to be helpful and I think it is wrong of you to unfairly accuse them of being judgmental.

It would have made more sense for you to give ALL of the information you just gave first instead of after people responded.

 

Sherry

[bettyandbob]

I was not wrong. I asked if people had a child like this. I didn't ask wwyd. I got wwyd responses that suggested I hadn't tried to make my kid take a bath. I also noted in the OP that my son has serious si issues. If you aren't dealing with si or hygiene then you wouldn't understand and wouldn't likely have a helpful suggestion.

 

Suggesting I hadn't tried the obvious is quite judgmental.

 

Again, the OP was not a wwyd post. Some people who responded like it was were harsh.

 

Please don't take anymore time to dump on me. If you have something helpful I can do, I'd love to hear it.

[JudoMom]

I was not wrong. I asked if people had a child like this. I didn't ask wwyd. I got wwyd responses that suggested I hadn't tried to make my kid take a bath. I also noted in the OP that my son has serious si issues. If you aren't dealing with si or hygiene then you wouldn't understand and wouldn't likely have a helpful suggestion.

 

Suggesting I hadn't tried the obvious is quite judgmental.

 

Again, the OP was not a wwyd post. Some people who responded like it was were harsh.

 

Please don't take anymore time to dump on me. If you have something helpful I can do, I'd love to hear it.

 

No.

 

While your intention might have been to post a "Do you have a kid like this?" post, you started out with a question:

How do you get a kid to "get it" about hygiene?

 

No one has dumped on you. People read the question and offered suggestions to answer the question you began your post with. You've interpreted people's motives to be harsh and judgmental, when they were just answering the question you asked.

 

If you don't want people who have dealt with the SI issues you're dealing with to respond, then you should specify. People took their time to answer you, trying to help.

[Guest Katia]

Well, I responded because my son did/does have sensory issues and OCD. My response is the same: that is what we did. I guess I didn't add the we switched him to Baby Bath for both his soap and shampoo so he didn't have to worry about it getting in his eyes. No judgement; just our experience with si.

[Paz]

I am sorry things are so difficult for you. This may or may not help but what about baths? My dd has sensory issues and she loves baths with the moisturizing liquid gel soap. Baths have always helped her relax even though she doesn't like water or good smelling things in general. I just bought mango/pomegranate body wash and she loves it.

[Pretty in Pink]

I don't have a kid w/ SI issues but here goes nothing...

 

You said in your OP that (paraphrasing) it's not like you can get in there with him to ensure that he washes thoroughly and that you doubt he is applying his deodorant correctly.

 

May I ask, how does he get to school smelling that way in the first place? Or does he smell okay when he leaves but get stinky while he's away? I would not let him leave the house smelling bad (not saying that you are). You already said that the school will refuse him lessons if he smells in the future; you might as well not even go if he stinks. A missed lesson is a missed lesson, whether it's because he got there and was turned away or because you sent him back to the shower and he missed out, kwim?

 

Why can't you or Dad go in the bathroom w/ him when he bathes? Someone else suggested having him wear a bathing suit while someone assists him in cleaning his hair/body. Forgive me if this is not possible due to his issues; as I said, I am not familiar with these. I don't understand why he couldn't be assisted or supervised while he applies his anti-perspirant but again, forgive me if this is not feasible in your situation.

 

I agree w/ the advice given regarding the routine cleansing of his bed linens, airing out his bedroom, and making sure he wears only clean clothing. The vinegar will do wonders if you give it a try. HTH.