teachermom2834 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Dh's brother just had a baby with his girlfriend (he is 31, she is 21). They are very immature and have tons of debt. We hear constantly from MIL and FIL how they don't have any money, having to borrow to pay the rent, etc. Dh and his brother are not close. They talk maybe twice a year. We do not do adult gifts. We give MIL a small token item each year because she is alone but that is it. No adult gifts. We've been saying this for our 13 years of marriage. MIL and FIL still gift us but that is their choice and every year we ask them not to. We do give gift the kids. We sent a baby gift when the baby was born and I sent a small toy ($10) to the baby for Christmas. I figured I was setting a precedent that there would be a small gift for child each year. Yesterday ( a month after they received our gift in the mail so they knew what we were spending) we get $100 Old Navy gift card from them. What??? I do not want to accept $100 gift card from people that need to beg and borrow to pay rent. I do not feel like we can take this. I don't want it. If it was $25 I would have said "they shouldn't have" but I'd have accepted it. But, $100 ??? Dh wants to call BIL and say, "Thanks but babies grow quickly and you'll need clothes for him." and send it back. I am unwilling to up the ante on my gift giving to match and make everything even out. What to do? Marie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Maybe even wait until spring/summer stuff comes out. Old Navy has some cute and pretty durable baby/children's clothing. But, that wouldn't address the underlying issue. I'm not sure that you saying anything will change their underlying issue. But, I understand you don't want them sending $100 type gifts for holidays. I will say that the underlying issue is the reason they are in debt. We have family that think nothing of putting gifts on credit cards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I'd let hubby handle it his way. Sounds like you married the wiser brother! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 You could always spend the card on the baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
at the beach Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I think your husband's idea is splendid. I would not accept this gift from them because it will just set up a situation for future difficulty in deciding what to do. Thank them for the generosity but send it back. Anita Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I'd do the same. Take the card to Old Navy and spend it on the baby. Thank them and tell them that you'd rather them spend the money in the future on baby, not you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 You can't control how they spend their money, nor should you. I'd accept the gift, but continue to give the gifts you want to. They are adults, even if they act immaturely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Maybe even wait until spring/summer stuff comes out. Old Navy has some cute and pretty durable baby/children's clothing. But, that wouldn't address the underlying issue. I'm not sure that you saying anything will change their underlying issue. But, I understand you don't want them sending $100 type gifts for holidays. I will say that the underlying issue is the reason they are in debt. We have family that think nothing of putting gifts on credit cards. :iagree: That is very wise indeed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dawn of ns Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Your husband has a good solution and it's his brother. I think you should let him handle it, go grab a drink and a good book and forget about it. Really not your problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I agree with your husband's thought. There is no need to go into why you don't feel comfortable accepting the gift (i.e. that they are constantly borrowing to meet daily needs), just tell them you can't possibly accept such a generous gift and that it should be spent on the baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 I hadn't thought of just spending it on the baby. That could even be fun. I certainly wouldn't get into their habits and why I don't want to accept it other than that it is just too much and (again) we don't do adult gifts. I'll let DH decide whether we send it back or spend it on the baby. I just cannot keep up with this gifting dance every year. We go through this every year but to a lesser degree and they have only increased the amount of the gifts and it is just too much. Thanks. Marie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I wondered if maybe they regifted something they got? Maybe they feel like they need to do something for you kids (not sure how many you have), and they sent that? I like the idea of spending it on the baby if you decide to do that.... but i agree, let dh deal with it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Your husband has a good solution and it's his brother. I think you should let him handle it, go grab a drink and a good book and forget about it. Really not your problem. :iagree: Dawn has been handing out great advice all over the place! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Although spending it on the baby, relieves your guilt about accepting the gift, it just perpetuates the gift, for a gift problem. It could make them feel like they need to buy you more gifts! Either return the card to them, give it to your inlaws who pay for everything, or save it for birthday gifts back to them. Then next year, set a spending limit, and get everyone to agree to it. I would set a birthday limit too! Another posibility is that they didn't mean to send that particular card :0/ are they typically overly generous? Sometimes people who go from being single and having extra money, have a hard transition to family life, and the budget. It can also be a his/her family difference. My bil had a hard time with his first wife in that they spent Lavish amounts on each other for holidays. His family didn't so there was always a tension around the holidays of expectations and reality. Personally, I would send the card back with a very sweet note that says you think there was a mistake, and that maybe they sent you the wrong card. You could also say that, if it was on purpose you soooooo would love to be able to exchange such generous gifts, but that you couldn't possibly accept it and hope that they will use it on the baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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