A plea from one of those "once-a-year" people

[Jenny in Florida]

I've been reading the various threads about Christmas cards with a certain amount of sadness. And, having just come back from yet another disappointing trip to the mailbox, I just wanted to share how I'm feeling.

 

We've received exactly three cards this year, one of which was from our lawn guy as a thank you for the small monetary gift I sent him. Our card list isn't long by most standards, but I think I sent out about 25. Many of those went to people with whom such cards are our primary contact throughout the year. I would like to keep in touch more often, but seem to be the only one making the effort. And now, apparently, my family and I are not worth the trouble and expense of a single card each year.

 

I am incredibly sad and hurt.

 

Today, I was excited to open the mailbox and see the envelope of what was obviously a card, but it turned out to be addressed to my father-in law, who died over the summer. (My husband is the executor of the estate and receives forwarded mail.)

 

So, while many people may not feel that it's "worth it" to mail cards to people with whom you correspond only once per year, I can tell you that, from my end, that gesture would mean the world to me. Please consider reaching out to your own once-a-year people. You never know which of them may be crying his or her way home from an empty mailbox this season.

[CAMom]

:grouphug:

 

We've received far fewer cards this year than others. I've been wondering if some folks just can't afford the cards and stamps due to financial struggles.

 

It does seem sad, though, as receiving the cards in the mail from people I don't normally hear from is truly one of my favorite things about the season.

 

:grouphug:

[Colleen]

while many people may not feel that it's "worth it" to mail cards to people with whom you correspond only once per year, I can tell you that, from my end, that gesture would mean the world to me. Please consider reaching out to your own once-a-year people.

 

I mentioned in another thread that I receive fewer and fewer cards each year. I send/give quite a few ~ somewhere in the neighborhood of 80-100 ~ and I've learned not to expect anything in return. I know that in the case of our Swiss friends and family in particular, sending Christmas cards isn't the norm. Still and all, it's a bummer to get cards almost exclusively from farm-related businesses. I do make a real effort to keep in touch with people, and I'm truly appreciative when they do the same.:)

[Parrothead]

This had been the worst year for cards. Usually I'll get about 20. This year I got 3. Although I haven't sent mine out yet. I was going to get them out today, but the main highway out of town is closed due to the storm and I know the mail won't run for a few days.

[Brindee]

We have recieved less cards this year than usual as well. With all that's been happening, and more recently the snow storms here, I haven't sent mine out....YET! We've been known to send New Year's cards or, one year, even Spring cards! Since I have a hard time getting them out, I usually don't worry when I don't receive cards from others. Many people, as someone else said, are hurting financially, and sending out cards can really add up! Others rely on e-mails, which are cheaper!

 

That said, I, too, enjoy getting cards and pictures from friends!

 

I'm sorry you haven't received many, and I soooo hope you receive more!

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Blessedfamily]

We got fewer this year as well.

[Kris]

So, while many people may not feel that it's "worth it" to mail cards to people with whom you correspond only once per year, I can tell you that, from my end, that gesture would mean the world to me. Please consider reaching out to your own once-a-year people. You never know which of them may be crying his or her way home from an empty mailbox this season.

 

Thanks for the reminder. I get frustrated because I send out cards, and don't get any. So the next year I don't send them out, and the people I sent them to the year before may send some. So the next year I send them, but don't get any.

 

I'm sure it wasn't that many, but it seemed like we got hundreds of cards when I was a kid. My mother decorated the house with them. They were so pretty.

 

I get so depressed this time of year, it's hard to get them done. I guess the thing to do is get them ready to go in October, before the Holiday Blues settle in. I'll put that into the calendar for next year!

 

I'm sorry you're hurting! Thank you for the help getting this figured out. :001_smile:

[Sparkle]

(((Jenny))), I know what you mean. It is a bit of a hassle to send cards, but for those people that you rarely see, I agree that it does mean a lot to them. We sent one to our former neighbor, an elderly man, and he called us yesterday to thank us and said he always keeps our picture from each year. It was really nice to catch up with him.

 

We also got less cards this year. I'm guessing it's the economy in part, and maybe with all the new technology, sending Christmas cards by snail mail just seems too old-fashioned to people? It's a nice tradition though, so I hope it never gets completely abandoned.

[Halftime Hope]

at our Community Carol sing when one of my elderly church friends, a widower for two years now, made it a point to thank me for the handwritten card I had given him yesterday morning at church. He said, "I just don't get too many, anymore." Wow--that was sad! Now, our relationship is such that I threw him back, "Well, Robert, what did you do to tick everyone off?" :) You'd have to know how we three, who stand at the door greeting together every. single. Sunday morning., rib each other. But the underlying truth was there: it meant a lot to him.

 

I'm sending out real, mailed, Cmas cards today (a vast improvement over my usual mid-January!) to a few folks.

[Haiku]

And now, apparently, my family and I are not worth the trouble and expense of a single card each year.

 

 

Gently, I think you may be taking this too personally. I have never sent out Christmas cards, and I would imagine that I never will. It's just not my thing to do. A few people have implied that I am somehow a bad friend/family member for not doing so, but from my point of view, someone who thinks I don't like or care about them because I didn't send a Christmas card is spending too much time worrying about what other people do. The idea that Christmas cards are a social/familial obligation turns me off for precisely the reason you stated in this thread: people get offended if they don't get them instead of appreciating them for what they are (supposed to be).

 

I am sorry that you are upset, but, again, I don't think it's as personal as you seem to be taking it. I'm sure it has nothing to do with your family not being worth the cost of a card and stamp.

 

Tara

[Jenny in Florida]

Gently, I think you may be taking this too personally. I have never sent out Christmas cards, and I would imagine that I never will. It's just not my thing to do. A few people have implied that I am somehow a bad friend/family member for not doing so, but from my point of view, someone who thinks I don't like or care about them because I didn't send a Christmas card is spending too much time worrying about what other people do.

 

Oh, I have some friends who never send cards, and that's just who they are. But what about those who have in the past and just didn't bother this year?

 

And I would assume that you do somehow keep in touch with friends and family? I think what's getting to me is that I can't think of one single "friend" who makes that effort. And, before you ask, yes, I do. I send e-mail and Christmas cards and so on. It's just not reciprocated. Ever.

 

And, hey, I just feel like a card at Christmas--and at this point, I'd settle for something no more elaborate than a mass-produced photo card with no signature or even an e-card--would be so much better than nothing.

[5knights3maidens]

I have given out (so far) at least 120+ cards at church. I know I have forgotten some because I can't find the directory!(This is bothering me)..I love to give out cards. Anyway, We have gotten about 5 cards and a can of cookies (from a wonderful new married couple) and someone gave us a gingerbread house. But I almost cried last night when someone was giving things out to my daughter's class and they past my smallest daughter and they just looked at me. We go to a very large church. My dh said to keep giving out the cards and keep writing my little notes (which I haven't done in awhile) and to just not let it bother me. But it does.

[Haiku]

even an e-card--would be so much better than nothing.

 

Send me your email address and I will send you an e-card. Seriously, I will!! :)

 

Tara

[Tree House Academy]

We have also not received a ton of cards this year...but I am okay with that. We don't send out that many either. However, I am of the belief that if you receive a card, you should at least acknowlege it with a return card. I do this for everyone...except the people who work for my dh and are just brown-nosing. LOL I let them sweat it out. ;)

 

Please remember too that the economy has hit people hard this year and, while it may seem trivial to not send a card, you have to realize that it may have been a corner that some people chose to cut so they could have a better Christmas for their kids. Stamps are expensive...almost $1 to mail just two cards. Then you have to buy the cards too. I can see why some may have cut out card sending this year. Honestly.

[yvonne]

I've found that our family and friends in France send out New Year's cards rather than Christmas cards. I don't know if that's the tradition in Europe or just within our circle of friends, but I think it is such a good idea.

 

I find that it's so hard to find time to sit down and write anything worthwhile before Christmas that I tend to just not do it & then, when things settle down after Christmas, I figure it's too late to send out a card. But a New Year's card.... I could do that. I feel so much more relaxed between Christmas and New Years when all the Christmas prep & excitement is done. I think I'm going to try that this year, at least for all my "once-a-year" friends.

 

Maybe something like that would work for some of you, too?

 

yvonne

[rafiki]

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[Daisy]

I get a little down in the dumps this time of year also. The cards have been fewer this year and I cherish each one. I'm not a big "card" person but it is the one time of year when I could usually count of folks at least thinking of our family for a few minutes. We live 3,000 away from family. They blog and email all about the family Christmas parties, family events, decorating parties, church cantatas, and honestly, I get a little jealous and a little lonely.

 

I asked our pastor if we were having a Christmas Eve service and he said, "No, everyone wants to have their family parties and get togethers that night." He's probably right but I left feeling like we were the only ones on the planet who don't have family get togethers. So we hunt for a church with a Christmas Eve service so the four of us can share the evening with strangers.

 

Okay, lame, I know, and a bit whiny.

[GailV]

at our Community Carol sing when one of my elderly church friends, a widower for two years now, made it a point to thank me for the handwritten card I had given him yesterday morning at church. He said, "I just don't get too many, anymore." Wow--that was sad!

 

Wow. I didn't send a card to one of my over-80-years-old people because I thought she might feel burdened -- like she was obligated to reciprocate, and maybe she couldn't afford it. Now, though, I wonder if I made a bad assumption, and I should let her decide for herself if she wants to send a card to me.

 

By the way, we just got a card from one of our friends who is usually a first-of-December mailer. I figured they weren't sending one, since for the past 10 years they've sent their cards the first weekend after Thanksgiving.

 

And I just got an email from someone who was trying to mail me something but can't get to her mailbox due to ice ... I'm thinking she's not alone right now, with so many people without power due to ice storms or without a way to get around town due to the weather. Whoops -- I just noticed that Cadam/Christina pointed out the same thing, that there are huge swathes of the U.S. with spectacularly crappy weather conditions.

[Jenny in Florida]

Maybe something like that would work for some of you, too?

 

 

We have one friend who usually sends a New Year greeting. And I do look forward to that, although I'm afraid to take it for granted this year . . .

[Gretchen in NO. CA]

We have also received less so far - only about 4-5. But we haven't mailed out ours yet either.:blushing: Usually we send about 50-60 but we rarely get them out before mid-January! So I'm hoping other people are just late with their cards too. Many people we only keep in touch with once a year, and while I wish it was more, I don't have time to write either. But I hope that we'll at least hear from them once a year. I'll be sad too if I don't get any more cards. :(

 

Gretchen in NO. CA

[Colleen]

Is it really THAT difficult for people to keep in touch with those they care about?

 

No, it isn't, but people are too used to speaking (and hearing) the standard cliches. "I just never have the time...", "Life has been crazy around here!", "I'm so-o-o-o busy!" ~ yada, yada, yada. And yet, as you said...

 

We are ALL busy.

 

Yep. D'ya ever notice that the people who are truly the busiest ~ the most active, the most selfless ~ are the least likely to announce how busy they are? I have a few friends who fit the bill and they're a pointed example to me. So often conversations seem to be based upon people exchanging details about their busy lives, as if they're trying to top one another. Bottom line, more often than not, is that we get done what's most important to us; we do what we want to do.

[kewb]

Stamps are expensive. I have received fewer cards this year and I have sent fewer this year. I love receiving and sending Holiday cards but I had to cut costs. A lot of once a year people were cut from my list.

[Halftime Hope]

Wow. I didn't send a card to one of my over-80-years-old people because I thought she might feel burdened -- like she was obligated to reciprocate, and maybe she couldn't afford it. Now, though, I wonder if I made a bad assumption, and I should let her decide for herself if she wants to send a card to me.

quote]

 

I hadn't thought of that!

 

I'll have to mention that to him--that I don't want one in return--that it was just my way of letting him know I care about him...how to do that in a funny way though??

[Doran]

Oh, I have some friends who never send cards, and that's just who they are. But what about those who have in the past and just didn't bother this year?

 

And I would assume that you do somehow keep in touch with friends and family? I think what's getting to me is that I can't think of one single "friend" who makes that effort. And, before you ask, yes, I do. I send e-mail and Christmas cards and so on. It's just not reciprocated. Ever.

 

And, hey, I just feel like a card at Christmas--and at this point, I'd settle for something no more elaborate than a mass-produced photo card with no signature or even an e-card--would be so much better than nothing.

 

 

I know what you mean. Traditionally, I've been "the communicator", and have sent an annual letter (I know those two words side by side give some people the shudders) for many consecutive years. But, in 2004, I never got around to it. Managed one in 2005, then blew it again in '06 and '07. I hated like everything to ruin that tradition, so even if I'm not consistent, I'm still going to try.

 

I'm noticing that this year, I've received fewer cards from people. I've been assuming it was because I've let them down for two years in a row. But, it could also be one of the many ways people are trying to save money. At $.42 a pop, some people may feel they just can't go there. I don't know. It also could be something akin to disorganized laziness, which is what I'd say of myself for the previous two years. ;)

 

Just keep sending your love out and don't take it personally. They mean well. They really do.

[tibbyl]

I don't send Christmas cards.

 

I maintain at least occasional contact with the people that I wish to have in my life. I've always been perplexed when I receive a card from relative or acquaintance that I hear from only once a year at Christmas, especially if it is nothing more than a signed preprinted card with no personal note.

 

Here the cards are tossed into trash after opening and reading. Sometimes we don't even open them before they hit the can.

[tibbyl]

 

No, it isn't, but people are too used to speaking (and hearing) the standard cliches. "I just never have the time...", "Life has been crazy around here!", "I'm so-o-o-o busy!" ~ yada, yada, yada. And yet, as you said...

 

 

 

Yep. D'ya ever notice that the people who are truly the busiest ~ the most active, the most selfless ~ are the least likely to announce how busy they are? I have a few friends who fit the bill and they're a pointed example to me. So often conversations seem to be based upon people exchanging details about their busy lives, as if they're trying to top one another. Bottom line, more often than not, is that we get done what's most important to us; we do what we want to do.

 

Grrr. I agree with your sentiments about people who brag about being busy as if it were a status symbol. I make it a point to avoid those people. Everyone has 24 hours in their day; they use the time presumably by doing what they deem most critical.

[Jenny in Florida]

Everyone has 24 hours in their day; they use the time presumably by doing what they deem most critical.

 

Agreed, and I guess maintaining contact with me doesn't make the cut . . .

[rafiki]

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[rafiki]

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[LisaKinVA]

I'm sending out cards for the first time in years... I have two lists, a "snail mail" list and an "e-mail list" -- My e-mail list is pretty much mostly old Navy friends, and it's been the main way we all communicate since e-mail began!

 

One of my goals for 2009 is to get my address book for relatives up to date, including the birthdays of all my nieces and nephews. I'm bound and determined to start sending cards again!

 

When we first got married, I sent to everyone who gave us a wedding card or gift. That list has shrunken quite a bit over the last 12 years -- we're at about 45 snail mail, and about 20 e-mail.

 

Growing up, I know my mom sent out over 200 cards/letters every year, to every relative (close or distant). It was her thing.

 

But in this technological age, I'm finding it easier to keep in touch with people via e-mail, blogs, etc.

 

Lisa

[BlueGator]

I want to personally apologize for not sending Christmas cards to anyone for the last 10 years. It isn't that I don't care it just seems very impersonal.

 

I promise, I will send a handmade Christmas card to everyone who sends me their address and if you ask I'll include a Christmas letter.

 

I find that my life is so different than my families now that I home school. The simple things that bring me joy are foolish to my family.

 

Merry Christmas to all with Kind Regards from the Home School Zealot! ;)

 

PS, that was my e-Christmas Card.

Edited December 23, 2008 by BlueGator
adding PS

[Jenny in Florida]

It isn't that I don't care it just seems very impersonal.

 

Well, I think this is one of those situations in which, as they say, "the perfect is the enemy of the good." Sure, sending a mass-produced card you've done no more than sign is a less than ideal way to keep in touch. However, from my end, as the recipient of the card, it's a whole lot better than not sending anything at all. At least I know you thought about me for the 30 seconds it took to sign, address and send the card.

[Tess in the Burbs]

I sent out over 70 cards this year and have gotten maybe 10.....then our church did a 'post office' and we got a card from everyone in church! it was so heartwarming to feel loved from people I don't even know that well! LOL

 

so yes, send cards...I almost didn't this year...but I love getting them so I did. And I will keep doing it!