What do you do just for you ?

[inashoe]

This comes from the burnout thread -

 

I friend of mine cornered me during the worst of my burn-out and gave me a huge piece of advice. She said that in her house, HER needs come first.

 

She gets the best vitamins (okay, she's a health freak), she gets a major weekly break from the house and the kids, she buys herself small reward-gifts or new books. Then, she went on to explain that this was not selfishness on her part but an acknowledgment of the importance of the mother to the home.

 

Her dh had noticed that whenever mom got sick or was run-down or stressed, the entire house began to suffer. And, he noticed that when mom was content, the kids thrived and the home was a happier place. He calculated (he's a money freak) that what they spent on mom was far less than what they lost when she was not feeling her best.

 

She ended the conversation by asking me where my needs were placed in the family hierarchy....and then she walked away. My needs were at the bottom (or maybe the sub-basement). That conversation was convicting and eye-opening. Now, when I feel stressed, I "try" to reassess where I've stuck myself in the ranking of needs. If I've been stuck on the bottom of the pile for too long, then it's time for me to tell my dh that I need a break and that it's time to shake up the family system a bit. It's help a lot.

 

So, where are your needs in the ranking of family needs?

 

Do you have anything that you do just for yourself, to rejuvenate yourself ?

 

I go to a once a month Mom's Night Out. We meet at either a restaurant or someone's house.

We talk - lots - about nothing in particular and everything in general.

[Susie in CA]

I go to a work-out class twice a week.

I take classes of all kinds just for the fun of it.

A couple of times a month I go out with a friend; sometimes to see a movie, sometimes to the book store. The 'friend' varies.

Once a month the kids go to a sleepover. We have three families the kids sleep over and they have their kids sleep over at our house in return.

 

That's it.

 

Susie

[Pam in MA]

My husband also noticed the correlation between my state of mind and harmony in the house. It takes more than your husband just agreeing that it's good to homeschool to make it work. It requires providing regular breaks and support for you on a continual basis. And it's important for the kids to see that their mother has a life other than theirs!

 

What does he do for me or do I do for myself?

 

I'm in a community chorus that meets Monday nights with concerts several times a year.

 

I don't have to do too much cooking on the weekends, unless I want to! (Which I often do. . . )

 

A weekend away to my childless friends whenever I need it.

 

And usually once a year he takes the kids to his parents/my parents for 4-5 days and I get to stay home alone (which is happening in 11 days. . . but who's counting?)

 

My feeling is that his actions, rather than words, offer the support I need to educate the kids and run the house. I feel awfully lucky.

[Closeacademy]

I help run a playgroup. We meet every Friday, send the kids off to play on the equiment while we talk. This does wonders.

 

Also, I take them to drop-off programs at the library at least once a week and I either talk with friends or take some time to find books for me to read.

 

:001_smile:

[Linda...inOwasso]

I completely agree with and understand what your friend is talking about. I think she's got the right plan in motion for long-term home education.

 

I'm working toward getting to where she is, though I'm nowhere near there yet.

 

The only thing I do "for myself" currently is attend a once a month mom's night at a local restaurant... which is wonderful, but we're all home educators so it's hard for the discussions not to focus on some aspect of homeschooling.

[Lizzie in Ma]

:D

Seriously though, for me, I get up every morning at 5:30 and revel in the peace and quiet of that time of day. I put on coffee, feed the animals, make lunch for dh and get on the computer. Sometimes I get on my orbit trek and watch an episode of something I like for a change.

 

At 5pm, sometimes earlier, depends on the day, I take an hour break, have a beer or two and watch the news.

 

After supper I do that again but we watch something for school. Right now Elizabeth R. AND I put my feet up.

[mazakaal]

I know that I should, but I just can't manage to put my needs first. They're at the bottom of the pile. I really feel like I'm being selfish if I do things for myself. Sometimes I try to, but there are just so many other needs, that my own continue to slip back down to the bottom of the stack. I did resolve a few months ago to take a Saturday a month for myself. The first was good. The second I only got a few hours that day for a long walk. The next I didn't do anything because I couldn't find anyone to go out with and the weather was too horrible for a walk. And this month's day out was spent running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to get all my Christmas shopping done in one day. I had even planned a lunch at a good restaurant and had to skip it for Subway on the run because I was so short on time.

 

How do you all fit in time for yourself on a consistent basis? Even right now while I'm typing this my 6yo is sitting on the floor next to me asking me to come read her bedtime story. Aaaaaargh! Got to go.

[Guest 4boys]

I don't necessarily go out, but I take a break after lunch is cleaned up. I drink coffee and sit at my computer. The kids either play or the little ones are having naps. Also, our kids all go to bed at 8 pm so DH and I have the evenings to relax. Other than that, I don't really do anything but lately even these small things have been keeping me sane.

[Mommyfaithe]

FOR ME????

 

I am supposed to do stuff for ME???

 

I think I forgot who that person is...sigh....

 

I need to think on this one. It makes perfect sense...but it is oh so easy to lose yourself when their are so many someone else's clamoring for a piece...kwim???

 

Oh,,, I do happen to do one thing for me...I walk for 45 minutes almost every day with my friend...no matter the weather etc. keeps us both sane. We walk and talk and walk and talk. We must look really funny, but it has worked for the last 12 or so years.

 

I look forward to the answers on this thread. I would love some ideas.

 

~~Faithe

[vettechmomof2]

I do activities with my family.

We have family movie night 1 time a week. Family game night is before the movie.

My daughter and I take horseback riding lessons together.

We all do karate and kickboxing together at the dojo and we exercise together at home.

I train the dogs and help my daughter work on training the puppy.

I go to work on Sat. mornings and sometimes take my daughter with me.

Allene

[Annie Laurie]

We have a two hour quiet time every afternoon and I allow myself to fritter time away on the computer, read a book, or take a nap. Although, we're on Christmas break right now, and when we're not, at least an hour of that gets alloted to working with oldest son. Often, it's the entire quiet time. When that happens, I try to get dinner going later and then give myself a little time while it cooks. The kids go outside then or I've even been known to let them watch a dvd so I can get that time.

 

I also buy books, which are major therapy for me, and dh is fine with budgeting for that. I want to work on finding more time to work on areas of my own education- latin, reading through the classics, and writing each day. Those are all rejuvenating for me.

 

I need to tackle exercising every day too.

[Doodle]

I just started taking karate lessons last week. I am sore since I am now using muscles I didn't know I had. But, I LOVE doing something that is just for ME! :D

[angela in ohio]

(I couldn't disagree more with her Oprah-esque beliefs :), BUT...)

 

I do make sure I take time to "re-charge," which means that my dc have a set bed-time and I take time to relax with dh and/or read for a little while almost every evening. It brings me back down at the end of the day, and I am ready to sleep peacefully.

Edited December 17, 2008 by angela in ohio

[elegantlion]

I do two things right now. I take a daily siesta for at least an hour after school. I seem to get wound up easily lately and it helps me to decompress.

 

I also write. We have a wonderful group here in the Social groups, WLyHiOF (Writing like your hair is on fire), that we just started. Writing is very cathartic for me and I'm anxious for Christmas break so I can focus more on it.

 

I have to have time for me or everyone suffers.

[Tami]

There was a time in my life when I thought "self-care" was equal to "selfish." I now know that taking care of myself is the most unselfish thing I can do! Burned out mamas are no good to anyone.

 

I weight train. For MYSELF! I love how strong I feel, and I love how my body is changing.

 

I insist on an early school day so that I can have the afternoon flexible to see friends or to have free time.

 

I refuse to wear ugly clothes or ugly UNDER clothes. I get my hair cut - at a real salon! Yes, I have a modest monthly budget to maintain a professional appearance. (Professional Mom, that is!) I shop clearance, I shop thrift stores, but I do shop for myself and keep up my appearance.

 

I maintain personal friendships. I have a couple good girlfriends that I am so thankful for!

 

I have quiet time to cook and listen to CD's for an hour every afternoon.

 

I limit my responsibilities to what I can do in joy, and in peace.

 

I am not perfect, but I am really happy with my life right now. I let go of the self-imposed matrydom that led to being tired and resentful! It is in everyone's best interest to have a happy Mom, and it is OUR responsiblity to take care of ourselves so that we can minister to our families. Just do it.

[Peela]

I completely agree that mum's needs need to take a high priority.

I take expensive vitamins and supplements and I often cook what I need to eat rather than what the faily woudl prefer (as in, I eat healthy, they are not so keen!). I take a week off a year for a silent meditation retreat. When spiritual teachers who inspire me come to town, I go and see them and the kid's classes etc often take 2nd place for a few days.

I have two daily spas with dh (the spa is outside and the kids know to leave us alone).

I make sure we start school early so that I can have an afternoon rest/nap/alone time.

I dont do weekend sports for the kids (apart from their Scouts sailing etc, where I just drop them off) because I would hate to spend weekends sitting on a soccer field with other parents.

Edited December 17, 2008 by Peela

[GWOB]

Only occasionally, though:tongue_smilie:. I get up an hour before the kids and enjoy the peace and quiet. I usually try to read a devotion and/or veg out in front of the computer. At night, I climb into my lovely claw-foot tub, sometimes accompanied by the good Captain, and soak my cares away.

 

I need to do more for myself. I want my kids to have the best mom ever, I just often am at a loss as to how to give them that great mom.

[G5052]

Because of medical problems, DH can't watch the darlings on a regular basis or for long periods either, so my time is waiting in the lobby of the local gymnastics studio while my kids do Aikido twice a week. I read what I want to read or call my "best bud" (who is 88 years old).

 

DH thought it was funny that one of my arguments for continuing Aikido was that I need the alone time!

[Trivium Academy]

I do a lot more NOW for myself than I did just two months ago. But for me, it isn't just about doing stuff for yourself, but forgiving and loving yourself- laughing and just 'being'. Ever since going back to work, I put make-up on every day, I dress myself better and every night I have a 'night' routine for myself and while that feels good...there's nothing like cranking up a Shania Twain CD and letting loose singing and dancing through the house as if no one's there. "Man, I feel like a woman....owww!" Lol.

[skylark]

I have not had a whole lot of time to myself lately, but a close group of friends and I get together every couple of months or so for dinner.

 

I love to be able to spontaneously meet up with my close friend, Angela for coffee and dessert.

 

It definitely is necessary for decompression and to renew the spirit.