The relative merits v drawbacks of…

[Ginevra]

…digital invitations vs snail mail paper invitations. Shall we discuss? 
 

I used card stock invitations up until last year. For my dd’s shower, I went with Paperless Post. I loved that it was faster and easier to use PP; no waiting for my cards to come, only to send them out and wait for replies. 
 

But. And I know you know what I’m going to say. It is more difficult to get RSVPPPPs (Please! Please! Please!) digitally. And then you have to go either a second mode of contact to follow up on all the “Opened - no response” people. And any that bounce back. And finally, there is the problem that digital invitations do not hang on your fridge and it is easier for people to think it was next week or forget what time or…whatever details. Out of sight, out of mind. Plus, more people probably have badly-managed emails than not. 
 

In some ways, I think the paper invitations are more work at the front end but digital is more work at the back end. 
 

I think when my youngest graduates I might do both. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[regentrude]

Probably depends on the kind of event. I usually do emails, but I did Evites for the first time for this year's end-of-semester party (usually 30-50 attendees). I got VASTLY more RSVPs than ever before - because pressing a Yes/No/Maybe button is easier than writing an email.

The biggest drawback I saw is that for some recipients, the Evites landed in the Spam and they only found them when I followed up on the non-responses with a direct email.

With paper, I dislike the waste.

ETA: With Evite, you can schedule reminder messages a week and 2 days before and send additional messages to the entire guest list whenever you please. Much more effective than another piece of paper on the fridge (IF that's what they do, and IF they happen to look)

Edited July 17, 2022 by regentrude

[rebcoola]

It seems wrong for more formal events but the best and most accurate responses come from making it a Facebook event.

[kbutton]

For digital, I've had decent luck with Facebook invites, but I always end up needing to invite multiple ways and follow up on at least some. I try to be good about responding, but sometimes if it's a blanket invite (everyone in x group was invited, but I know I'm not really a priority guest), I sometimes forget. 

I do like that with Facebook, I can say Maybe, and then I get a reminder of the event and can give a firm answer when it's close enough that I truly know if I can make it.

[gardenmom5]

There are still people who don't do that much media, and it is more difficult for them to use a digital invite.  I'm capable on a computer - but I've seen digital invites that have made me not want to participate because the technical specs were NOT "user friendly".

2ds's friend did paper - with a QR code for more information than what was printed.

[gardenmom5]

6 minutes ago, rebcoola said:

It seems wrong for more formal events but the best and most accurate responses come from making it a Facebook event.

My kids aren't on FB.  While 2dd and 2ds have FB accounts - they don't use them.  1dd and 1ds do not have FB at all.
eta: all are adults. 

Edited July 17, 2022 by gardenmom5

[kbutton]

5 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

2ds's friend did paper - with a QR code for more information than what was printed.

I can see this being helpful for real-time updates if something had to change last minute due to weather, etc., but I would be a bit annoyed to get a paper invite that left out relevant details (such as time, place, etc.). 

[regentrude]

With Facebook, I find that people often respond Yes and then don't show up. Maybe it depends on the type of event, but in my experience,  people don't seem to consider their Yes on fb a true commitment. 

[Guest]

1 minute ago, regentrude said:

With Facebook, I find that people often respond Yes and then don't show up. Maybe it depends on the type of event, but in my experience,  people don't seem to consider their Yes on fb a true commitment. 

That could be. Or it could be a mistake in replying. I recently had a thin that was a Blues Music Festival. I looked at the event because I wanted to see the details. Later, though, I noticed my page said I was *going* to the festival. I was quite surprised about that. 

I don’t know if that could happen with a private party, though. 

[Katy]

People take paper invites much more seriously/formally IME. 

[JustEm]

I do all my invites electronically or for people who don't use electronics often I verbally invite, unless it is an major event like a wedding.

[catz]

I like FB events for certain types of things.  But if I were actually organizing a personal event with a need for a firm count, I would definitely not use it.  I feel like you need to know your guest list too.  I use FB, but I don't follow it super closely.   Lots of younger people don't use facebook at all.  

For some events, I have liked evite.  Especially for potlucks.

For something like a wedding, I still like to recieve something in the mail with at least general information.  I'm not a fan of invites with 20 inserts and registry info, etc.  I got married going on 23 years ago and we sent paper invites.  But we also had an online website to RSVP as an option.  To be fair, we were both working as software engineers and had a pretty tech savvy crowd.  I kind of think for an event like that where you really NEED the RSVP, the more options for success, the better.  Without being overwhelming anyway.   For a wedding that was exotic enough to need a save the date (lots of travel, etc), a digital save the date seems like plenty though.  

Showers in theory should be smallish and for the near and dear, I think communicating in a way that makes sense for a small group is best.  Maybe that means Grandpa and Aunt Sue get a phone call while everyone else gets a text thread and/or e-mail.  I do think elctronic communication is fine for most events.  

[Grace Hopper]

I am an analog, paper all the way gal. Well not all the way I guess. I prefer to send paper invites that include a number folks can call or text to RSVP. 
 

[Annie G]

I prefer paper invites, which I post to the fridge. Keeps the event on my mind, reminds dh about it, and is easy to grab on the way out to give me the address, etc.    Otherwise I need to either create an event or keep track of the email so it doesn’t get buried.  Facebook invites never appealed to me.

Have I mentioned I need that paper invite to post so dh knows about the event????

[HS Mom in NC]

The majority of older people in our lives (my kids' older Baby Boomer/young Silent Gen grandparents and their siblings) are not on any social media and only about 50% of them have smart phones, so it's been paper invites with numbers to call to RSVP for them. Everyone else younger than that is fine with evites and responding with texts. Many Millennials and younger are not on FB, so I wouldn't use that for invitations.

Society is now at a transition point between the old world and the new, so it's been necessary to do a variety of types of invitations for the last 10 years.  I imagine 10 years from now it will be the norm to only do digital invitations.

I think the end of the RSVP age is already upon us.  I no longer expect anyone to RSVP even though I include contact info to do it-I plan things so that I'm able to save whatever wasn't used due to people not showing up.  I'm a cold hard realist, so I'm not wasting my time lamenting the fact that so many people don't reliably respond. They don't; I'm over it. I do a lot of bulk cooking and freezing anyway.

I also won't go killing myself planning a shin dig that requires a lot of cooking or catering with people I'm not certain will reliably give me RSVP feedback.  No point it setting myself up for a hassle. I've hosted neighborhood events where it was just people showing up and I bought premade 2 liter containers of lemonade, water, and store bought cookies. I only open the packages according to how many people actually show up.  Easy peasy.  Another option is cake or cupcakes and drinks.  Not everything needs to be a meal.  If people don't show, baked cake goods can usually be stored in the freezer and in the future thawed on the counter without losing their texture or flavor-not ones with very wet insides like rum cake, but most sponge cakes will be fine.
 

[JustEm]

One thing I will say is I don't have the mentality that hunting down an rsvp is annoying, unless it is for an event where I absolutely need a head count, which so far in my life has only been my wedding.

But if a person is difficult to pin down their attendence ability or they no show more than once or twice, they stop getting invites. 

[Clarita]

Digital invites are less work. Paper invites make people feel more special. Most of my people are more reliable at responding to my digital invites because it's easy and automatically get put on their calendar, and it automatically sends them a reminder email, etc.

2 hours ago, HS Mom in NC said:

I think the end of the RSVP age is already upon us.  I no longer expect anyone to RSVP even though I include contact info to do it-I plan things so that I'm able to save whatever wasn't used due to people not showing up.  I'm a cold hard realist, so I'm not wasting my time lamenting the fact that so many people don't reliably respond. They don't; I'm over it. I do a lot of bulk cooking and freezing anyway.

I don't think this is the end of RSVP age. Although I do specify on my invitations (and I've seen others do so) when it's imperative that an RSVP is made. I've been burned too badly I will put on an invite if you do not RSVP there will not be a spot for you. I think RSVP-ing is back in vogue though and at worst people will RSVP saying they aren't sure if they can and state the issue. There were a couple of years in the past where there were people would not RSVP or tell me any information whether they would be at my party or not. I don't know if I've just stopped inviting those people or if there is a real shift in the tides.

 

[gardenmom5]

5 hours ago, kbutton said:

I can see this being helpful for real-time updates if something had to change last minute due to weather, etc., but I would be a bit annoyed to get a paper invite that left out relevant details (such as time, place, etc.). 

This was a set up that was rather complex - and it wouldn't fit on one small piece of paper.  

[Guest]

1 hour ago, hjffkj said:

One thing I will say is I don't have the mentality that hunting down an rsvp is annoying, unless it is for an event where I absolutely need a head count, which so far in my life has only been my wedding.

But if a person is difficult to pin down their attendence ability or they no show more than once or twice, they stop getting invites. 

I agree about no show-ers. I’ll still put you on my list but I have no emotional investment in whether or not you come. I don’t waste mental energy on them. 
 

In this case, I was concerned about the party being an absolute bust. Several people have Covid right now or Covid exposures. And several others who would usually attend are on vacation. So I was getting anxious about all the people who had not rsvp’d by last week because I only had seven affirmative responses. Ironically, out of the people who did actually attend (besides siblings), ALL were follow ups who did not see/receive my invitation nor my reminder. It went to spam or got buried in too many emails. One family (5 guests), one niece and one set of friends (2 guests) all ghosted for different reasons. Covid/calendared wrong/“plans changed”. 
 

So. I would like to avoid that scenario in future if I can. Because, while it’s true that I’m not too pressed about whether unreliable Uncle Bob rsvp’s or not, I do care if literally nobody comes. 😏

[HS Mom in NC]

1 hour ago, Clarita said:

Paper invites make people feel more special.

This is personality and generation specific, not generally true. Many think paper invites are just wasteful and bad for the environment for no good reason: the tree cut down,the  water wasted on making/coloring the paper, the land contaminated with water run off, the fumes released into the ozone during processing and transport, etc. instead of just sending a digital evite.

[katilac]

5 hours ago, HS Mom in NC said:

The majority of older people in our lives (my kids' older Baby Boomer/young Silent Gen grandparents and their siblings) are not on any social media and only about 50% of them have smart phones, so it's been paper invites with numbers to call to RSVP for them. Everyone else younger than that is fine with evites and responding with texts. Many Millennials and younger are not on FB, so I wouldn't use that for invitations.

 

Wow, that's surprising to me! I think my dad is the only older person I know without a smart phone. My mom has one (83) and basically all of the aunties/uncles/older people in our life. 

Younger people not being on FB holds true in my world, though. They don't email, either. 

[rebcoola]

1 hour ago, katilac said:

Wow, that's surprising to me! I think my dad is the only older person I know without a smart phone. My mom has one (83) and basically all of the aunties/uncles/older people in our life. 

Younger people not being on FB holds true in my world, though. They don't email, either. 

Yeah I would say Facebook works for everyone I know 25 to 75. My husband's great grandma wouldn't get it but the aunts and uncles who take care of her would and make the arrangements anyway.  If their are young people being invited we just message them through discord or whatever app they like.

[mom2scouts]

2 hours ago, katilac said:

Wow, that's surprising to me! I think my dad is the only older person I know without a smart phone. My mom has one (83) and basically all of the aunties/uncles/older people in our life. 

Younger people not being on FB holds true in my world, though. They don't email, either. 

My parents have NO internet. They have never had a computer, smartphone, or social media of any type. There's an older couple in one of my church groups who don't have computers or smartphones either. Many people I know don't use any type of social media. I believe it's more common than you think for people not to be connected to technology.

[heartlikealion]

12 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

There are still people who don't do that much media, and it is more difficult for them to use a digital invite.  I'm capable on a computer - but I've seen digital invites that have made me not want to participate because the technical specs were NOT "user friendly".

2ds's friend did paper - with a QR code for more information than what was printed.

I only learned, within the last few months, how to access a QR code app on my phone. I went through a drive-thru and they advertised some rewards and a code. I asked the employee how to get my phone to scan it and she said to pull up my shortcut but there was no shortcut (beside my flashlight app etc) we discovered so she helped me get the QR app there. So that begs the question for me… does everyone else just have this set up? I have an iPhone 11 and I was clueless. 

OP, I can see both sides. I think paper is nice but I’d have to weigh the cost of the invitations + stamps vs my time I guess. 

[Kassia]

5 hours ago, katilac said:

Wow, that's surprising to me! I think my dad is the only older person I know without a smart phone. My mom has one (83) and basically all of the aunties/uncles/older people in our life. 

Younger people not being on FB holds true in my world, though. They don't email, either. 

 

3 hours ago, mom2scouts said:

They have never had a computer, smartphone, or social media of any type. There's an older couple in one of my church groups who don't have computers or smartphones either. Many people I know don't use any type of social media. I believe it's more common than you think for people not to be connected to technology.

My dad (gone now) wasn't connected to any technology and wouldn't be if he were still alive.  FIL is also gone and used a computer for things like financial stuff and some email but never social media and no smart phone.  MIL can barely handle email.  Definitely no smart phone or social media.

 

It really bugs me that so many places require or assume smartphone access/usage.  I have a smartphone but am not all that great with it and prefer not to use it for many things.  I have a friend who is fine with her smartphone but tries to avoid companies/establishments that require usage for things over principle.  

 

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

I only learned, within the last few months, how to access a QR code app on my phone. I went through a drive-thru and they advertised some rewards and a code. I asked the employee how to get my phone to scan it and she said to pull up my shortcut but there was no shortcut (beside my flashlight app etc) we discovered so she helped me get the QR app there. So that begs the question for me… does everyone else just have this set up? I have an iPhone 11 and I was clueless. 

OP, I can see both sides. I think paper is nice but I’d have to weigh the cost of the invitations + stamps vs my time I guess. 

I have no idea how to use a QR code but DH does.  Anything that requires/uses it, i have him do.  I really need to learn how to do it myself.  

 

I prefer paper but can also see both sides.  

 

[Guest]

4 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

So that begs the question for me… does everyone else just have this set up? I have an iPhone 11 and I was clueless. 

I have used QR Codes recently; it did not require a particular app. I just act like I’m going to take an ordinary picture, hover the phone over the code, and the phone “knows” what I’m trying to do and a link pops up. Like, “Go to Menu?” I tap the suggested link and finish what I was trying to do. 

[regentrude]

5 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I only learned, within the last few months, how to access a QR code app on my phone. I went through a drive-thru and they advertised some rewards and a code. I asked the employee how to get my phone to scan it and she said to pull up my shortcut but there was no shortcut (beside my flashlight app etc) we discovered so she helped me get the QR app there. So that begs the question for me… does everyone else just have this set up? I have an iPhone 11 and I was clueless. 

I don't have an iPhone, but with Android,  all you need is your normal camera app. There is nothing special to  "set up".