So frustrated...

[BookMamaLade]

My little guy is doing kindergarten. He has known his letters/sounds for ages, and has has shown that he is capable of working out CVC words. (We're using Explode the Code.) He's driving me up the wall with his resistance to phonics lessons though. I aim to keep it brief - sometimes just half a page at a time. I walk him through each word. But it's like pulling teeth to get him to look at the 3 letters on the page instead of the wall. (Vision is fine and doesn't show signs of ADHD this far.)

Advice appreciated.

[ChocolateCake]

My dyslexic daughter used to do this.  She just wasn't ready yet.  If he is resisting, I would respect that. Maybe you can work on something else for a while.  You could do phonics games if you still want to do work on phonics. Maybe counting toys for math.  He's still little.  Maybe just play learning games for now. 🙂

Edited February 9, 2022 by ChocolateCake

[HomeAgain]

I really like a more multisensory approach to early lessons.  Things like, pulling down magnetic letters as they say the sound, turning over cards, putting together silly sentences, touching sounds, crashing them together...

When a kid is ready, they will want to learn, but also, the learning should be age appropriate.  5-6yos do best when they are interacting with material in different ways.

[LMD]

Don't panic. Adding stress to the situation will escalate, not help.

How old is he? Is it just reading he's resisting or writing too?

I would think about what your goals are with this. Is your priority that he learns/practices the phonics? Then I'd just get a whiteboard or piece of paper and write the words bigger/in colours for him. Those explode the code books can be a bit visually overwhelming, if the goal is the phonics I wouldn't turn it into a power struggle.

Is part of your priority to get him used to reading that size text or being able to concentrate on something not-super-fun or something like that? Sometimes that really is a necessary goal but it's good to be honest about it. If so, I'd literally go one line at a time, taking a break between, and build up that stamina slowly. Half a page seems like nothing to you but to his little kid brain it might seem insurmountable.

Sometimes changing the scene can help, maybe he would be more amenable to doing it while sitting outside in the sun, in bed at bedtime like a bedtime story, or on the couch with a pillow and juice. Sometimes making other parts comfortable makes the uncomfortable thing easier to handle.

I wouldn't be so super nice to a slacking off 9 or 10 year old 😉, but if he's under 7 or so, you really can afford to take a breath.

Eta - ESPECIALLY for little boys! 

I really recommend listening to SWB's workshop on writing with little ones https://welltrainedmind.com/p/a-plan-for-teaching-writing-focus-on-the-elementary-grades-mp3/

Edited February 9, 2022 by LMD

[Frances]

I’d wait and revisit this summer or fall. I had a highly verbal child who likely could have been reading sooner, but I chose to hold off teaching reading until around seven. He very quickly progressed from reading three letter words to reading chapter books. Meanwhile surround him with complex language through lots of read alouds, audio books, conversation with adults, etc. Ultimately, I think this is much more important than learning to read in kindergarten. My son went on to ace every reading/verbal test he ever took including the SAT, PSAT, GRE, and the notoriously difficult verbal portion of the MCAT.

Edited February 10, 2022 by Frances

[regentrude]

Sounds like he's not ready yet. How old is he?
Keep in mind that in many other countries, formal schooling does not begin until age 6 or 7, and that there is no evidence that the push for early academics in the US is giving the students a better education.
Try again in the fall.

[Rosie_0801]

Leave it for a few months and focus on foundational stuff like read aloud and fine and gross motor skills.

[BookMamaLade]

He likes doing math and looking at/watching science stuff. He's not enthusiastic about handwriting, but that's not a high priority. It's really just the phonics. It doesn't come as easy for him as math does. That's probably the real issue - teaching him to stick with something that isn't so easy. 

I'll try changing the scenery/scaling back. 

[Clarita]

I was at this point in the fall with my 5 year old. 

Here was the advice that really worked for me in the fall. (You know who you are if you were the ones to give these golden nuggets; it's all jumbled in my head so it's hard for me to give credit.)

1. Phonics lessons don't have to happen everyday. You don't have to move forward everyday. (I think someone suggested 2-3 times a week).
2. Start phonics lessons when CVC words are fluent. Meaning he doesn't have to sound out most CVC words.

In the mean time do lots of read aloud, get beginner books with BIG font. Occasionally when you see a word in the wild that he may be able to read (doesn't have to be CVC but with all sounds he knows) pretend like you have a hard time sounding it out and ask for his help. If he helps great; if he doesn't then sound it out yourself (if it's in a book run your finger along the bottom or cover up the letters to the left - whatever you are comfortable with). Work on rhyming and counting syllables. Rhyming is going to really help him get fluent. Counting syllables is going to help him figure out long words (which won't happen in the phonics lessons for a while, but could help him read more exciting words like dinosaur names before then).

This past fall, a phonics lesson was we would sound out a word like d-o-g that's all my son could handle, so forget half a page of anything.   

 

[Clarita]

5 minutes ago, BookMamaLade said:

It doesn't come as easy for him as math does. That's probably the real issue - teaching him to stick with something that isn't so easy. 

It sounds a lot like my son. Just gently get him to fluency in CVC words - let him sit there for a while. If he is good at math it can mean he's good at spotting patterns. If he's good at that then just watching you show him how you sound things out and figure out words, he will speed through the phonics lessons once he's "ready". 

[Rosie_0801]

58 minutes ago, BookMamaLade said:

 That's probably the real issue - teaching him to stick with something that isn't so easy. 

Save that lesson for tasks that aren't affected by developmental readiness, otherwise the lesson they learn is that they are stupid and the topic is stupid and there's no point even trying.

When my daughter needed to relearn that she can learn hard things if she sticks at it, I made her learn to spin. It was not a calm and pleasant process, and it seemed stupid on the surface since spinning is hardly an important life skill in this century. She had expressed interest, but wanted to give up because it wasn't as easy as it looked, but I explained why I was forcing the issue and helped troubleshoot. Now she has one up on me because I can't spin. And now I can't learn either or she wouldn't have that one up on me any more. lol Now she's pleased to have the skill because she finds it soothing and was able to give her bestie lessons for her birthday because it is the only handicraft she's better at than her domestic goddess bestie.

You hit plateaus in skill subjects now and then. It's okay to let them sit a while to consolidate. It's more than okay. It's the best way to handle it. My dd couldn't learn new material in both reading and maths at the same time. We had to maintain one while she worked on the other, then switch when she hit a wall.

[Kiara.I]

Put away the lessons. Read aloud.

In four months, try lessons again.

 

[Green Bean]

Echoing the others to put it aside for now. My rule, even with my advanced kid, has always been just because they could doesn't mean they should right now. He will grow so fast. You will never regret slowing down.

Go where he is interested. He likes math? Do that! Likes science? Watch Magic Schoolbus and Wild Kratts. Toss in some Leap Frog Letter and Word Factory viewing every once in a while. Read aloud. So many great book lists around. Five in a Row is a good one to get you going. Make messy art using printouts of letters. MP's My Very Own Scissors Book covers every letter, for example.

Also, ETC is not the most engaging choice to a small person. I would encourge you to choose something else for main lessons and use ETC for supplemental lessons when he is more ready. AAR, LOE, McRuffy, even MP FSR, plus so many others are out there.

 

Edited February 10, 2022 by Green Bean

[Clarita]

7 hours ago, BookMamaLade said:

That's probably the real issue - teaching him to stick with something that isn't so easy. 

Teach this through play. Just don't readily offer help when he is struggling with a plaything. Any building toy or toy that requires building (like anything with tracks or legos), don't help him so quickly realize his plans. Encourage him to try his ideas (as long as you are comfortable safety-wise), even if you think it's not going to work at all. Just say "I don't know how I would make that happen, you should try."

My son is into sports or running around with ball things. For us this is where he learns to stick with challenging things. He likes to throw balls (or anything really) set up something for him to throw at, increase the distance or reduce the target when he gets good. 

[Frances]

7 hours ago, BookMamaLade said:

He likes doing math and looking at/watching science stuff. He's not enthusiastic about handwriting, but that's not a high priority. It's really just the phonics. It doesn't come as easy for him as math does. That's probably the real issue - teaching him to stick with something that isn't so easy. 

I'll try changing the scenery/scaling back. 

The real issue is more likely that he might not be developmentally ready. That’s the beauty of homeschooling, there’s no need to rush anything he is not ready for, especially when he is still so young. Waiting until he is ready will likely spare both of you much frustration and the time can be used instead to immerse him in a language rich environment which will have much greater lifelong dividends than learning phonics in kindergarten.

Edited February 10, 2022 by Frances

[HomeAgain]

On 2/9/2022 at 7:07 PM, BookMamaLade said:

He likes doing math and looking at/watching science stuff. He's not enthusiastic about handwriting, but that's not a high priority. It's really just the phonics. It doesn't come as easy for him as math does. That's probably the real issue - teaching him to stick with something that isn't so easy. 

I'll try changing the scenery/scaling back. 

I just want to address the bolded here.  You have a long time to teach this skill, and at this age there are really two very good choices:

1. teach him when it's something he's interested and likes.  When he hits a hard patch, it's easier to remember why he wants to push through.

2. teach by showing the payoff.  You want him to understand how far he's come.

We use both of these as long term strategies.  My son likes to play the violin.  He likes to play hockey and chess and a lot of other things.  There are times when it gets hard.  Right now, it's hard to remember a specific finger pattern.  He's willing to push through because he can see the end goal and knows from experience that it will develop eventually.

We use number 2 when it is something that is deemed necessary or may not be as fun, or he was too young to think long term (under 7s have a difficulty with abstract timelines).  So we instituted Throwback Thursdays for things that pushed him.  Every Thursday, he would go back and do something much easier that he had mastered before.  It built confidence and drive because it wasn't constant plodding.  We still do it years later but on a different scale.  Latin gets hard?  Let's read from the first couple chapters again instead.  Math is a headache?  Let's play with some earlier concepts.  Sometimes, the brain just needs a break in order to break the pattern.

[Clemsondana]

One of the biggest challenges in homeschooling was figuring out when to teach kids to push through something that they don't like and when to realize that, for whatever reason, something is harder than it should be and that you need to wait or switch gears for a bit.  Like, I had a very advanced K kid who could spell and understood basic rules for punctuation.  It seemed completely reasonable that kid could write a few sentences about something a couple of times a week. But...what I didn't know is that while kid was doing fine with handwriting and knew how to make the letters, their apraxia made handwriting difficult.  So, the act of figuring out what to write while they were still consciously having to think about letter formation was too much.  Live and learn...we put off a lot of writing activities until quite late, and kid is doing fine with high school lab reports and writing assignments. 

One other suggestion is that maybe instead of reading you could make it more hands-on.  Using magnetic letters or letter flash cards to spell words, you or kid make a word like cat.  Then ask them to swap the c for an h, or the t for an r, or the a for a u, whatever you are trying to work on.  I did phonics with both kids, but my older though that magnet letters were super fun as a preschooler.  I was pregnant and tired and they could entertain themself for a long time if I'd just lay on the couch and call out letter swaps and then help sound out the word if they needed it.  We also had foam bathtub letters and could do the same thing there.  

[8filltheheart]

On 2/10/2022 at 2:06 AM, Frances said:

The real issue is more likely that he might not be developmentally ready. That’s the beauty of homeschooling, there’s no need to rush anything he is not ready for, especially when he is still so young. Waiting until he is ready will likely spare both of you much frustration and the time can be used instead to immerse him in a language rich environment which will have much greater lifelong dividends than learning phonics in kindergarten.

Definitely agree with the bolded.  Just bc a child is 5 or doing well in math does not mean they are ready to read.  Reading takes brain maturity that just might not be there quite yet.  Pushing something that he isn't ready for is only going to lead to dislike which is the absolute opposite of what you want his attitude to be toward reading.  Learning to read should be a positive, fun experience.  There is no reason to create frustration bc he can't do something.  Put yourself in his shoes.  If you were learning a new skill and couldn't do it and it was making you more and more frustrated, how much would you look forward to it? 

Sometimes, putting something away for 2-3 months and then revisiting allows their brains to process things in the background and when you start back they can do it without any difficulty.

[Lawyer&Mom]

My highly verbal kid knew all her letter sounds at 2.5.  I assumed she would be an early reader. I was wrong.  She resisted and resisted her Bob Books at 4 and 5.  At 6 she went from Bob Books in September to Harry Potter by Christmas.  When they are ready, they are ready. 

[BookMamaLade]

I sat down with little man to talk about it. He confirmed he doesn't like it because it's hard. I said it's ok that it's hard - everybody struggles with learning something new sometimes. I asked if he would want to try doing it a different way - yes. So we've moved away from our usual school spot and he's working through 1 word at a time while I write a short sentence like, "The dog sat on mom." The last couple of days have been much, much better for both of us.

Edited February 11, 2022 by BookMamaLade

[EmilyGF]

On 2/9/2022 at 6:07 PM, BookMamaLade said:

He likes doing math and looking at/watching science stuff. He's not enthusiastic about handwriting, but that's not a high priority. It's really just the phonics. It doesn't come as easy for him as math does. That's probably the real issue - teaching him to stick with something that isn't so easy. 

I'll try changing the scenery/scaling back. 

With my oldest, we did a full year of math (play-based) before any reading. 

The last thing you want is to teach your kid to associate reading with misery. I totally agree with all those who said to wait. Be like the Finns; wait until he's seven. 🙂 

Another thing you could do if you want to keep going is choose a couple reading things, ie flashcards, Bob-style books, phonics book (my favorite is Bear Necessities), and then let the child choose one task to do every day. My daughter (turning 6 this weekend) only reads maybe 6 words a day, but she is making progress and starting to build the habit of turning letters into words. I don't work with her on reading for more than about 2-5 minutes per day. But she's my fifth, so I'm pretty confident. I don't know if I would have had the confidence to be so relaxed with kid #1, when I felt like I needed to prove I could homeschool.

Emily

[LMD]

On 2/12/2022 at 8:23 AM, BookMamaLade said:

I sat down with little man to talk about it. He confirmed he doesn't like it because it's hard. I said it's ok that it's hard - everybody struggles with learning something new sometimes. I asked if he would want to try doing it a different way - yes. So we've moved away from our usual school spot and he's working through 1 word at a time while I write a short sentence like, "The dog sat on mom." The last couple of days have been much, much better for both of us.

Well done mama! Sounds great!