Can we talk about kids?

[thewellerman]

There was a thread recently about ideas of things to do all day, but what do you do when you need a little margin for yourself?  I used to be really good at finding interesting things to occupy the younger kids while I got something done, but I feel like I've used up all those ideas.  What do you do to keep a 3 and 7yo busy for 20 minutes or so?

Secondly, what about older kids, like tweens and teens?  If you are staying home, what are you doing to aid their social development?  I wasn't concerned at first, but now we are entering the 3rd year!  I think the gap is getting even worse because of so many people going back to life.  It feels like a scrabble game score and we have to subtract our leftover points and add it to theirs.

[bookbard]

We have four different kinds of swings on our verandah (if you live in a cold land, maybe in a playroom?) My kids spend hours out there reading, talking, playing while swinging.

Re social for the older ones, Outschool has been fantastic for mine. They can be in daily contact with a small group of the same kids, and they have their own moderated 'chat' board for their topic interest too.

 

 

[JustEm]

Play doh, paint, drawing, have the 7 year old read to 3 year old, duplos/Legos, kinetic sand, pretend food toys, blocks, and basically any of their normal toys. I know most people would let kids use lots of art supplies unsupervised but we are pretty intentional with allowing them to get real messy. And the area that we do arts is fine to make mess.

My older kids talk to friends and cousins daily on discord and while using their oculus. They also play sports with neighborhood kids and their cousins

[thewellerman]

Do your kids have a daily outschool class?  

[bookbard]

13 minutes ago, thewellerman said:

Do your kids have a daily outschool class?  

Not right now (we're doing a daily outdoor swim class), but in the past they've attended outschool 'camps' which have been every day. 

[fraidycat]

At those ages, for 20 -30 minutes or so of downtime for myself, I used a t.v. show. Mine were a little older before we got an iPad for school stuff, but when we did get it, I also let them play games on that.

[Harriet Vane]

Train them to enjoy a thirty-minute, self-directed quiet time. Let them pick a happy spot and a quiet activity. Set a timer. Play quiet music. Treat the quiet time as though it's wonderful treat for all. It's really a good skill to learn how to occupy oneself productively. Once this is the daily routine of the house, you'll all look forward to the respite each day for years.

Your three-year-old may struggle more, so consider setting the timer for twenty minutes and increasing that time over a month or two.

My dd liked books, paper dolls, knitting and crafts. My son tended to choose books or Legos. I let them choose whatever they could do totally alone and staying in one place. For a younger child, that meant asserting staying on a bed or on a couch--something with easily definable and obvious boundaries.

The timer was important--my son in particular needed to know he would be allowed to run free and that the quiet time wouldn't stretch on for all eternity.

Another option--at 3 and 7 years old they are in the ideal age range to enjoy and benefit from Mr. Rogers, which is available on Amazon. I consider his show to be downright therapeutic and in a category of its own for kids.

[Spryte]

For the older crowd: art supplies; how to draw books; get them going on projects and crafts that interest them. 
 

It’s been a while since I’ve had younger kids, but we did a lot of quiet time boxes (I googled and gathered materials), and then later lots of solo logic games. Also, Rube Goldberg machine challenges. Audiobooks. Sooo many audiobooks, and if we could coordinate a toy, all the better (think Jim Weis Egyptian audiobooks while playing with playmobil Egyptian toys, that sort of thing). That progressed to art while listening.

[prairiewindmomma]

Back when we had a younger crowd, I played audio books after lunch. The baby and toddler would nap, I lay down on the couch or work with older kids and everybody else would listen to an audiobook.  The younger kids had rotating sets of bins they would work through: little people or play mobil, blocks/building tools, trains, and kitchen stuff.  As they got older, it became lego time.  I would aim for audiobooks that had engaging storylines but complex vocabulary.  We would do this for at least an hour. Usually I could return phone calls, switch loads of laundry, switch loads of dishes, and take 20 min for myself in this time.  After audiobook was time, the littles had playtime until 4pm or so when we would start the cleanup routine.

For teens and tweens, it's very much in the personality of the kid.  I homeschooled my oldest k-12, and I have my middles in public school currently. I don't know that there's a "falling behind" in homeschooling, socially, unless you are living lives of isolation. If your kids are able to work towards independence, are seeing people at some point through outside classes and experiences, and have friends--I think most teens are better off socially being at home.  Last year, when everyone was home, my teens wrote books, did a lot of video calls, made art, had a few outside get-togethers, and had full lives even though we were mostly homebound.  It was a way healthier place emotionally than the trash the bathrooms/watch fights/instagram everything culture my kids are current observing.  They report that everyone else apparently were left feral during the early pandemic and aren't coping well with the real world. The notes from the principals seem to possibly reflect that....lots of fights, anxiety attacks, trashed bathrooms, and other indicators of social strain going on. 

[KungFuPanda]

I used to feed the kids their lunch then send them outside for recess while I ate my lunch blissfully alone. 

[Clarita]

I only know for the littles. We do Quiet time around here for an hour. They get to bring quiet toys and books to their room, if they make too much noise or bother me it's lights off. They are allowed to go to the bathroom. They aren't allowed to hangout with each other; we tried that they need a break from each other. That's my break. For the pandemic I've had to be firm with myself that I don't even do housework, meal prep or school prep during that time.

Otherwise I trained my kids to occupy themselves. So I would tell them it's free time sometimes during the day to do the things I needed to get done. In that case they can choose to help me with whatever I'm doing or figure out something to do without me. I did have to institute a no TV-time unless the playroom was clean before dinnertime because for a while this led to all their toys all over the floor all the time. If it's clean they get 2 episodes of TV while I make dinner which I allow to leak into dinnertime. 

This has been smooth for me for a week. We recently decided we needed to cut naptime for my youngest which led to the changes. 6 months ago both my kids were napping for 2 hrs still in the middle of the day. I'm lucky my eldest didn't quit nap until he turned 5; just to be clear that has nothing to do with my parenting skills.

[Tree Frog]

When my kids gave up napping, they started having 2 hour quiet times in their rooms instead. They each had their own room and toys. It gave me breathing room, an opportunity to return phone calls, and it really reset the way the rest of the day went. At the beginning, I drew lines on a cheap analog clock to show what time they could come out of their room, but as they got older, they didn't need it. Even as older kids, they would choose to have a quiet time even if I didn't request it.

[thewellerman]

I'm realizing the strain I'm feeling right now is because it is cold.  When it is warmer, they do play outside a lot, and that is what we are missing.  I think I will look to add some more equipment in the backyard when it warms up in a few months.  

We do have quiet time, and I do let them watch a show sometimes.   There is just a lot of day...after day...after day...of the same things.  Thank you for all the ideas.  I'm going to see if any of them click with my littles.  

[Starr]

We worked into an hour quiet time in their rooms. Eventually if we were out and about they would still ask for it when we got home. It's worth taking the time to work up from 15 minutes to an hour.

[BlsdMama]

18 hours ago, thewellerman said:

There was a thread recently about ideas of things to do all day, but what do you do when you need a little margin for yourself?  I used to be really good at finding interesting things to occupy the younger kids while I got something done, but I feel like I've used up all those ideas.  What do you do to keep a 3 and 7yo busy for 20 minutes or so?

Secondly, what about older kids, like tweens and teens?  If you are staying home, what are you doing to aid their social development?  I wasn't concerned at first, but now we are entering the 3rd year!  I think the gap is getting even worse because of so many people going back to life.  It feels like a scrabble game score and we have to subtract our leftover points and add it to theirs.

These are pretty separate points… so I’m going to address them separately. 
 

We did and do nap/read time. You can nap. You can read. You can listen to audiobooks. But you’re going to do it your room, practically every day, for 1-2 hours. Love you. I needed the quiet for a bit. I love my tiny humans but they are always on. We are generally in the same AO and we aren’t quiet and we are many. It’s 24/7. I need the break for mental health and so do they (whether they know it or not.) It’sa good and healthy thing to amuse oneself, know how to be still, and have down time by yourself. 
 

I take really long showers when I shower. I get up early when it’s quiet. Granted, it doesn’t last long as I have early risers.  I’m not a person who needs much recharge time so it’s a little unfair to answer this. I also don’t feel the absence of not getting my time very deeply. If we have something come up, I don’t dwell or feel hurt that I didn’t get that time that day.

i think a routine and a plan is under appreciated. I had a “go to” plan. People call it morning time or whatever, but it made me feel great - I did things with the kids that made me feel like an effective, productive mom. We read a story, dang a song, listened to music, did some table work, did play dough or painting, or whatever… We made sure we were outside pretty much every day that it wasn’t negative digits. I had littles (age 4 and under) for twenty plus years. Sitting around feeds mom guilt and works against you because as hard as it is to plan, it is harder to deal with bored under stimulated kids. 
Make a master list of ideas and put them into categories, like:

Table Games, Art, Handwork

 then categories of “school” like:

 Math with Manipulative, Lacing, Puzzles, Phonics work, etc. 

Then create a routine with chores you want them to learn. My brain can’t remember what to do next so I had it typed up. Did I always follow it? No. But enough that they consistently had an idea of we wake up, clean up, eat, do routines, lunch, quiet time, outside time, clean up, Daddy home. When we had littles, staying home was our norm, far more than now, even in Covid times. 
 

Tweens and teens are even easier… by then they have “real” schoolwork, know how to appreciate an hour of free reading, have real chores, and have hobbies they’re passionate about that they can sit and work on for 1-2 hours. I’ll caveat that by saying, we’re open here, classes are back, practice (play and mock trial) are meeting in person, and I appreciated (and miss a bit) our closed time - but Iowa‘s closed time was much shorter than other states… we also had 32,000+ “official” positives last week so 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

[Clarita]

7 hours ago, thewellerman said:

There is just a lot of day...after day...after day...of the same things.  Thank you for all the ideas.  I'm going to see if any of them click with my littles.  

If you find a solution for that I'd like to know. I'm so nervous about Omicron bringing us back to the days when there are no activities again. Things have opened up again where I live so there are some outdoor activities (like zoo, parks, exercise/sports classes) and indoor things have started to open up as well (library). By open up I mean we have to be fully masked regardless of vaccination status. I realized through this forum some places act like COVID doesn't exist. Some places/cities near me adults have to show vaccination status to enter.

When we first started COVID and we had shelter-in-place I taught my then 3 year old how to read. We ended up doing a lot of academics just because we were so bored. 

[ktgrok]

On 1/11/2022 at 5:00 PM, Harriet Vane said:

 

Another option--at 3 and 7 years old they are in the ideal age range to enjoy and benefit from Mr. Rogers, which is available on Amazon. I consider his show to be downright therapeutic and in a category of its own for kids.

I gave up and put a tv in the 4 yr old's room, that has Amazon kids which is curated, and put on MR. Rodgers for her. Heck, I will leave it on the main living room in the evenings when tidying up afters she goes to bed - it's relaxing and I even learn some stuff! 

I swear my kids learned most of the science they know from various PBS kids shows. 

[Harriet Vane]

30 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

I gave up and put a tv in the 4 yr old's room, that has Amazon kids which is curated, and put on MR. Rodgers for her. Heck, I will leave it on the main living room in the evenings when tidying up afters she goes to bed - it's relaxing and I even learn some stuff! 

I swear my kids learned most of the science they know from various PBS kids shows. 

I re-discovered Mr. Rogers when we had a foster child living with us. All his gentle talk about feelings and about the big and little things kids face is sooooooo very, very healthy! And affirming and practical and wonderful. When I saw how beautifully this show dovetailed with the child's therapy sessions, it became something we required the child to watch every single day. And it really, really helped this child--we knew it when we heard the child repeating some of the things Mr. Rogers said.

His biography is absolutely inspiring, and I looooooved the movie starring Tom Hanks.

[Lucy the Valiant]

9 hours ago, Starr said:

We worked into an hour quiet time in their rooms. Eventually if we were out and about they would still ask for it when we got home. It's worth taking the time to work up from 15 minutes to an hour.

We did the same, with the same effect. (Could be with sibling in shared rooms, too - just had to be quiet enough. Legos, books, Polly Pockets, small crafts, Thomas trains, drawing, inventing their own board games . . . I have no idea what they did in there most of the time, but it was quiet, it was profitable, and we ALL benefitted from the space.)

And (don't judge, I have several kids very close together in age, LOL) if the kids themselves could not think of anything profitable / enjoyable to entertain themselves during quiet time, I had a handy list of things like dusting, matching lost socks, cleaning out the silverware drawer, (for olders) vacuuming out my car, etc. *GRIN. The trick was that if they came and ASKED me during quiet time, they then HAD to do the thing I told them. They did not ask for years on end, LOL . . . 

[Lucy the Valiant]

9 hours ago, BlsdMama said:

i think a routine and a plan is under appreciated. I had a “go to” plan. People call it morning time or whatever, but it made me feel great - I did things with the kids that made me feel like an effective, productive mom. We read a story, dang a song, listened to music, did some table work, did play dough or painting, or whatever… We made sure we were outside pretty much every day that it wasn’t negative digits. I had littles (age 4 and under) for twenty plus years. Sitting around feeds mom guilt and works against you because as hard as it is to plan, it is harder to deal with bored under stimulated kids. 
Make a master list of ideas and put them into categories, like:

Table Games, Art, Handwork

 then categories of “school” like:

 Math with Manipulative, Lacing, Puzzles, Phonics work, etc. 

Then create a routine with chores you want them to learn. My brain can’t remember what to do next so I had it typed up. Did I always follow it? No. But enough that they consistently had an idea of we wake up, clean up, eat, do routines, lunch, quiet time, outside time, clean up, Daddy home. When we had littles, staying home was our norm, far more than now, even in Covid times. 

Yes to this, too! Our littles would look forward to the "special" thing each day . . . for example, Uno or card games on Tuesdays, Magic School Bus or Liberty Kids show on Wednesday, etc. When ours were little (way before covid), we also stayed home a lot - which made the outings even more fun, actually. "Library day" would be a regular thing, etc. We talked up the routine, and included food, too - one day for Mexican, one day for *This Child* to choose / make a snack, - tiny things. (Schools actually used to do this, too, sometimes: classroom tasks like pencil sharpening, etc.)

And they felt important when they got to choose things, too (so, conversely, we intentionally did not let them always choose).