senior helper type person

[DawnM]

many of you know my dad has moved to be closer to me.  he is currently renting a room in a basement type place of a friend, it is a walk in basement and he can walk directly into his room where he has a private bathroom and microwave/fridge.   I make all of his meals and shop for him and he just heats them up.

the truth is, we have an area of our house that is nicer than where he is.   it even has a small kitchen area that has plenty of cabinets and a sink.   it is essentially a wet bar but a bit larger than that.   the room was supposed to be an oversized 2 car garage in the floor plan but the first owners decided they wanted a pool/game room.   it has a gas fireplace, 12 foot ceilings, and is a wonderful space.    it would just need a door for privacy.

but here are the limitations

• no bathroom.   if you walk up 5 steps, you go. up to the laundry room.  we are considering renovating that to a bathroom with handicap features
• getting up the steps is an issue.   we can put in a lift of some sort or a ramp, but my dad has prostate issues and when he has to go, he can't wait that long.   I guess a bedside commode or something would be ok during the nights.

one thing a friend mentioned was that getting a senior helper in twice a week or so to help with bathing and cleaning, etc....might be helpful.   it would be cheaper than a facility but not as much oversight, we would have to do that.    I would still get his meals and I could even do his laundry and cleaning for the most part, but I do work full time and have my family and things I need to do, so I can't be a full time caregiver.   

right now my dad doesn't need full time care, and he might never need a nursing facility, we just don't know.

I don't really know what I am asking.....but I would like to know if any of you have hired a senior helper and what kinds of things they helped with.   and would you hire through a company or just individually?   do you know about what the cost is?   I was told around $30/hour, does that seem right or too little?

his main limitations are walking.   his health is pretty good otherwise.   but he had hip replacements and has fallen a few times, not recently, but in the past.

I am realizing that if he had gone directly to a senior care facility when he moved here, I probably wouldn't even see him at all.   

[Navymom]

I am going through this process right now. My parents currently live in a senior villa community, basically all of the exterior maintenance is done for them. 

My mom is showing some signs of dementia, leaving the stove/water faucet on, questionable spending, forgetfulness, etc.

My dad is healthy, but at nearly 85, it is quickly becoming overwhelming.

The amount you were quoted seems about right. The company I am meeting with today quoted me $26 per hour. (I consider this a heck of a good deal for us!) Much (MUCH!) less than a memory care unit and assisted living apartment that is in their future.

Personally, I prefer hiring through a company. This way I can verify training, driver's license and background checks easily.

I will have the helper assist with dr. appointments, medication, grocery orders, cooking meals, light house keeping, stay with my mom while my dad runs short errands. I am hoping for 3-4 hours per day of help.

It is VERY important to us that we have someone who can drive them to appointments as my sister and I both live 40 min. away from them.

If that is important to you, make sure to ask, as not all companies do this.

 

 

[historically accurate]

My FIL had dementia, and he passed at the end of 2019. MIL used senior helpers before FIL was moved onto hospice. 

It was $22 per hour, so $30 seems is probably correct. MIL did find a local grant that covered 2 hours per month. 

Senior Helpers [that is actually the name of the company MIL hired from] could do anything within the house she asked. They could not take him to doctor appointments or run errands. They could, however, be asked to put away groceries, dust or vacuum, etc, as well as any CNA jobs like bathing, feeding, changing of adult diapers, giving medication. 

I found (MIL was a little fuzzy and dither-y during this time due to stress) that the helpers did much better if they had a list at the beginning of their shift. Otherwise, MIL was often paying them to play on their phones sitting next to FIL sleeping. Then, I would get phone calls from MIL that she was overwhelmed and the senior helpers weren't doing anything. So, I (I asked for help from my SIL but received none) made up a schedule of housework. Monday - put away groceries (I picked them up before the Monday shift). Tuesday - vacuuming & laundry, etc. This was to be done if FIL was sleeping or sitting in his recliner. He didn't like chatting with the helpers, so we tried to keep that to a minimum as it stressed him. He didn't know who they were, and he was never a talker. He was ok if they would read him a book, so for 15 minutes of their 2 hour shifts we asked they do that. 

Note: we did have a few helpers who we asked not to be put on FIL's schedule anymore. Ones who did very little or seemed not to know how to handle him once he went downhill. 

[Tiberia]

This is what I do as a job (in-home senior care). I work for an agency that charges $35 per hour, and the caregiver (me) gets about half of that. We are licensed and insured, and I had to go through training (low level). The benefit of an agency is that if you don't like a caregiver, you can ask for another one. And, if the caregiver can't come for some reason, the agency would send a substitute. If you have a problem with a caregiver, you take it up with the agency. Alternately, you could hire a private, non-licensed caregiver for less money. Search the internet for people, and you could find a gem for a great price. Some private caregivers are fantastic, and they generally charge less than an agency would.  

Agencies and individual caregivers are both legitimate options. Caregivers are a strange lot; some are a little rough around the edges, and some are amazing angels. You just have to find the right fit for him/you. If you are not comfortable with a caregiver, don't hesitate to replace them. There are some wonderful people who do caregiving, both licensed and unlicensed. Be detailed about what kind of help you are looking for: driving, bathing, companionship, meal prep, light housekeeping, etc. If you get someone who's on their phone all day, fire them. Look for someone who is willing to work, is patient, and experienced. 

Good luck in your search.  

[history-fan]

We used a home health aid and the price you stated sounds similar. The aid was for bathing needs. There were options for more services with added cost. 
Would adding/building a bathroom in the space be an option? I had priced out converting part of our house and it wasn’t  as costly as I would have thought. I also talked with a realtor regarding the effects on resale and was told it would increase it more than the expense to remodel. Just a thought.

[J-rap]

We had a home health aid for my mother for about 8 months.  They were all very good, and enabled my parents to live semi-independently for awhile longer in their own home.  If they don't help with actual medical needs, then the price is usually a little less.  They helped my mother with things like dressing, showering, doing her hair (even using a curling iron), preparing her meals, helping her on the toilet.  It can also include doing light housework in-between, when they otherwise might just be sitting around.  (They actually did a lot for my parents!  Laundry, prepping meals, serving them their meals, cleaning the kitchen, ironing, putting away clothes, cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming, etc.)

If you throw in anything medical, even just getting medicines ready for the week, it often becomes more expensive because then that requires a higher-level aid to supervise (a nurse?), at least if you do it through an agency.  

Agencies are more expensive (the one we worked with was between $35 and $50/hour. They all seem to be that much in this area.)  They do the background checks, and provide substitutes if the main aid is sick or can't make it.

We actually did a mix:  three days with an agency, and two days with a private aid.  We had a good private aid too;  some relatives highly recommended her and we trusted them.  She was great.  Private aids can sometimes do more things outside of what an agency might allow.  I think her cost was $35/hour.   We learned that private aids often have their own network of private aids.  So if you really like and trust the one you have, they can often recommend others.  Ours recommended another one when she was going to be out of town for two weeks, and that worked out fine.  

[mlktwins]

2.5 years ago I found myself taking on a lot of responsibility for my dad.  I posted a lot about it already -- LOL.

While we were waiting for dad to move closer to me, I needed someone to take dad to his PT appointments to help me out some.  Sitting in rush hour to get him, take him, wait while he was getting PT, driving him home, and driving myself home in bad traffic again made this a nightmare for 3 times a week plus the other appointments I was taking him on the non-PT days.

I ended up going with a local company to get some help.  Normally they don't do temp work and want at least 4 hours a day.  They worked with me for those 3 months thank goodness.  Dad paid $25 an hour.  He wasn't happy about it, as he would prefer I "work" for free, but it was needed for my sanity.  I will use them again when needed.

Not trying to discourage you as I know how hard all of this is.  Considering dad lives in his own apartment, I provide for most of his care, including cleaning his place since we cancelled his cleaning service last March.  With COVID, DH and I are also taking on much of the responsibility for helping my in-laws and keeping them safe.  It is hard.

Didn't your dad stay with you for a few days before he moved here and he was very noisy?  You said he couldn't live with you because of it?  Would this still be an issue?  

 

[DawnM]

6 hours ago, mlktwins said:

2.5 years ago I found myself taking on a lot of responsibility for my dad.  I posted a lot about it already -- LOL.

While we were waiting for dad to move closer to me, I needed someone to take dad to his PT appointments to help me out some.  Sitting in rush hour to get him, take him, wait while he was getting PT, driving him home, and driving myself home in bad traffic again made this a nightmare for 3 times a week plus the other appointments I was taking him on the non-PT days.

I ended up going with a local company to get some help.  Normally they don't do temp work and want at least 4 hours a day.  They worked with me for those 3 months thank goodness.  Dad paid $25 an hour.  He wasn't happy about it, as he would prefer I "work" for free, but it was needed for my sanity.  I will use them again when needed.

Not trying to discourage you as I know how hard all of this is.  Considering dad lives in his own apartment, I provide for most of his care, including cleaning his place since we cancelled his cleaning service last March.  With COVID, DH and I are also taking on much of the responsibility for helping my in-laws and keeping them safe.  It is hard.

Didn't your dad stay with you for a few days before he moved here and he was very noisy?  You said he couldn't live with you because of it?  Would this still be an issue?  

 

 

the space we are looking at him living in won't be as much of an issue I don't think.   it is far enough away.   he can't hear, which is the problem.

[DawnM]

7 hours ago, history-fan said:

We used a home health aid and the price you stated sounds similar. The aid was for bathing needs. There were options for more services with added cost. 
Would adding/building a bathroom in the space be an option? I had priced out converting part of our house and it wasn’t  as costly as I would have thought. I also talked with a realtor regarding the effects on resale and was told it would increase it more than the expense to remodel. Just a thought.

 

that is what we plan to do, turn the nearby laundry room into a senior bathroom, but it will be 5 steps up to get to.   we thought of tearing out the kitchen/wet bar area and putting in a bathroom, but that takes out the kitchen and it was $35,000 to do.   

[mlktwins]

Just now, DawnM said:

 

the space we are looking at him living in won't be as much of an issue I don't think.   it is far enough away.   he can't hear, which is the problem.

That's good.  I have 3 elderly that can't hear.  I get it!!!  My dad wear's hearing aids with a tv transmitter so I don't hear his tv, but my in-laws have the tv on like 50 for the volume.  Can't be around that very long!  And...all 3 are just louder because they don't realize they are being loud.  Big hugs...

[PeterPan]

2 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

that is what we plan to do, turn the nearby laundry room into a senior bathroom, but it will be 5 steps up to get to.   we thought of tearing out the kitchen/wet bar area and putting in a bathroom, but that takes out the kitchen and it was $35,000 to do.   

Yeah I wouldn't tear out the kitchen. Is there a way to build a bath and have it be on the same level? 

Does he *like* where he's living now? How long has he been there? Moving is very stressful on a senior. I'm not sure how easy it is to get in home care right now. My dad's assisted living went on lockdown AGAIN because another staff member tested sick. If he stays put another two months and gets/finishes the vaccine sequence, that could be good. Gives you time to sort out the bathroom issue. 

Total aside, but the bathrooms where my dad lives are very spacious. They have a walk in shower, walk in attached closet, and floor space in the middle for the assistant. So it's big enough that you can shower/dress someone in a wheel chair. 

[katilac]

Have you done a google search for 'adding a bathroom with no plumbing'? I think there might be a few options of interest. Even something as simple as a Dry Flush Toilet would probably be miles above a bedside commode. You could add framing/grab bars around it. And more elaborate install anywhere toilets that I don't understand, but that look promising, lol. 

I would only move him in with the assumption that he will not be able to handle the five steps for going to the bathroom. 

 

[DawnM]

2 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Yeah I wouldn't tear out the kitchen. Is there a way to build a bath and have it be on the same level? 

no

2 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Does he *like* where he's living now? How long has he been there?

yes, but I think they are getting nervous with him there

2 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Moving is very stressful on a senior. I'm not sure how easy it is to get in home care right now.

we would move him

2 hours ago, PeterPan said:

My dad's assisted living went on lockdown AGAIN because another staff member tested sick. If he stays put another two months and gets/finishes the vaccine sequence, that could be good. Gives you time to sort out the bathroom issue. 

that is why we are looking at having him move here rather than assisted living

2 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Total aside, but the bathrooms where my dad lives are very spacious. They have a walk in shower, walk in attached closet, and floor space in the middle for the assistant. So it's big enough that you can shower/dress someone in a wheel chair. 

we don't have a place for that

[history-fan]

7 hours ago, DawnM said:

that is what we plan to do, turn the nearby laundry room into a senior bathroom, but it will be 5 steps up to get to.

instead of steps or beside the steps could a ramp be a possibility then he could have a scooter to go up and down the ramp

[PeterPan]

8 hours ago, DawnM said:

that is why we are looking at having him move here rather than assisted living

Ok, so then I'll just toss this out for your consideration. I agree the lockdowns for assisted living are HORRIBLE right now. I'm getting really frustrated. But the vaccines are coming and I assume/think/hope that means that will change. I think his assisted living is saying maybe mid-Feb on vaccines, which is later than for demographics that can go to a hospital. I assume that means they're taking a more stable vaccine, which is the hold up. But even with that, that means that by like April, May, you'd be talking about a place with a fully vaccinated population (residents and staff) where lockdowns should, in theory, no longer be necessary. Masks wouldn't be necessary.

They aren't promising that, but they are promising the inverse, that if residents DON'T vaccinate they WILL be required to continue to wear masks. So I think there will be no issues with 100% vaccination, lol. 

So it's possible that by the time you got the remodel done and moved him, life would be improving in congregate living. And I don't know how it is for the deaf, but just *in general* assisted living is really nice! My dad has people at all times available and a menu of activities, more than he can even keep up with at a spritely 70. He's like yeah they want me to come do this and come do that, but I'm just gonna NAP, haha. And I think he likes that social, that he can have it or go take a break in his apartment, as he wants. The social opportunities in assisted living might appeal to him.

Or they might not, lol. I'm just saying that's the math I'm seeing. The lockdowns and craziness are not going to continue forever. Maybe within the next 2 months they'll end for the internals of congregate living. If he has money to make that choice, you could scope it out and ask them their timeline and just compare options. I mean, that would be a tough one if the assisted living were more open. I had wanted to bring my dad to my state to live. It has surprised me how much he enjoys living there when it's good. 

[DawnM]

9 hours ago, history-fan said:

instead of steps or beside the steps could a ramp be a possibility then he could have a scooter to go up and down the ramp

we thought of that, but I don't think there is adequate room for that, and he will insist on walking up the ramp, which means shuffling 3" at a time very hard and loud and our room is right above that room.   it is fairly well insulated but I think I will hear that.

[DawnM]

2 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Ok, so then I'll just toss this out for your consideration. I agree the lockdowns for assisted living are HORRIBLE right now. I'm getting really frustrated. But the vaccines are coming and I assume/think/hope that means that will change. I think his assisted living is saying maybe mid-Feb on vaccines, which is later than for demographics that can go to a hospital. I assume that means they're taking a more stable vaccine, which is the hold up. But even with that, that means that by like April, May, you'd be talking about a place with a fully vaccinated population (residents and staff) where lockdowns should, in theory, no longer be necessary. Masks wouldn't be necessary.

They aren't promising that, but they are promising the inverse, that if residents DON'T vaccinate they WILL be required to continue to wear masks. So I think there will be no issues with 100% vaccination, lol. 

So it's possible that by the time you got the remodel done and moved him, life would be improving in congregate living. And I don't know how it is for the deaf, but just *in general* assisted living is really nice! My dad has people at all times available and a menu of activities, more than he can even keep up with at a spritely 70. He's like yeah they want me to come do this and come do that, but I'm just gonna NAP, haha. And I think he likes that social, that he can have it or go take a break in his apartment, as he wants. The social opportunities in assisted living might appeal to him.

Or they might not, lol. I'm just saying that's the math I'm seeing. The lockdowns and craziness are not going to continue forever. Maybe within the next 2 months they'll end for the internals of congregate living. If he has money to make that choice, you could scope it out and ask them their timeline and just compare options. I mean, that would be a tough one if the assisted living were more open. I had wanted to bring my dad to my state to live. It has surprised me how much he enjoys living there when it's good. 

 

I don't mind him going to a facility, although the ones I am finding are very costly.    That was one reason to bring him here.   I think a senior helper a couple of times per week would be less expensive.    

[PeterPan]

12 minutes ago, DawnM said:

very costly

Yup. My dad used to be in places the VA hooked him up with, and he said there would be people with knives under the beds, etc. So sometimes if you can afford it, it's not where you want to be, sigh. He's now in a very nice place, and it has gone up I don't know maybe $100-200 per month each year. His service level has not changed, but just the price goes UP. So what looks expensive now gets even more expensive. 

[Harriet Vane]

On 1/14/2021 at 6:46 AM, DawnM said:

many of you know my dad has moved to be closer to me.  he is currently renting a room in a basement type place of a friend, it is a walk in basement and he can walk directly into his room where he has a private bathroom and microwave/fridge.   I make all of his meals and shop for him and he just heats them up.

the truth is, we have an area of our house that is nicer than where he is.   it even has a small kitchen area that has plenty of cabinets and a sink.   it is essentially a wet bar but a bit larger than that.   the room was supposed to be an oversized 2 car garage in the floor plan but the first owners decided they wanted a pool/game room.   it has a gas fireplace, 12 foot ceilings, and is a wonderful space.    it would just need a door for privacy.

but here are the limitations

• no bathroom.   if you walk up 5 steps, you go. up to the laundry room.  we are considering renovating that to a bathroom with handicap features
• getting up the steps is an issue.   we can put in a lift of some sort or a ramp, but my dad has prostate issues and when he has to go, he can't wait that long.   I guess a bedside commode or something would be ok during the nights.

one thing a friend mentioned was that getting a senior helper in twice a week or so to help with bathing and cleaning, etc....might be helpful.   it would be cheaper than a facility but not as much oversight, we would have to do that.    I would still get his meals and I could even do his laundry and cleaning for the most part, but I do work full time and have my family and things I need to do, so I can't be a full time caregiver.   

right now my dad doesn't need full time care, and he might never need a nursing facility, we just don't know.

I don't really know what I am asking.....but I would like to know if any of you have hired a senior helper and what kinds of things they helped with.   and would you hire through a company or just individually?   do you know about what the cost is?   I was told around $30/hour, does that seem right or too little?

his main limitations are walking.   his health is pretty good otherwise.   but he had hip replacements and has fallen a few times, not recently, but in the past.

I am realizing that if he had gone directly to a senior care facility when he moved here, I probably wouldn't even see him at all.   

We are in this phase right now with my beloved father-in-law. He has advanced dementia so our reality has had to evolve based on that and also on increasing frailty, stiffness, and lack of coordination. 

We rehabbed a room on the first floor for him and are so glad we did. Stairs are more and more of a struggle for him. At this point we only bring him upstairs for a shower a couple times per week. We anticipate that at some point we'll have to go over to sponge baths.

The original plan was for him to use the first floor half bath as his main bath. The reality is that in the middle of the night his sleep stupor is such that he has never been able to navigate from his room to the bathroom. It works during the day, but not at night. Having a bedside commode has been a godsend. I buy extra absorbent pads and leave two in there each night. Though the smells have been mostly fine, we try to be proactive about airing the room while he eats breakfast. As his dementia and frailty have progressed, he actually prefers the commode many times. In retrospect, I think there could be some value in a waterless toilet system. In your situation, I think the laundry renovations with a ramp or lift plus a commode or some such would probably work just fine.

We hire caregivers through an agency ($26 per hour, minimum four hours), and they are hit or miss. Our Sunday girls is fabulous, and I have made it clear that if she wants more hours we will give them to her. We have had two other helpers who were truly wonderful as well. One has gone on to other employment or we would have continued requesting her. The other works at the same time as our regular Sunday girl, but we would gladly have her work more if we could coordinate schedules. They do light housework and the basics of feeding and toileting. They can also do bathing, and at some point we will likely get their help with that. For now, we just bathe fil ourselves. One of the helpers that we liked not only did a bunch of housework, but she also read stories to fil and worked on puzzles with him. What a gem! Even though I desperately need household help, I was overjoyed that someone showered fil with attention. He really, really liked her. I would definitely pay for her to continue showing him that friendly attention (especially because she DID also do housework).

We have gone through quite a few helpers on Wednesdays, and they were appalling. The worst of them would not allow father-in-law to get up from his chair. At all. Not ever in four hours. In his own home. That same worker also did the household chores so badly I had to re-do them, and there were things she simply would NOT do that are standard. I made sure her manager knew she is never to come to our home again and that anyone who treats an elderly person like that needs to be fired. Fil was genuinely traumatized from his time with her. We have had three others who did almost none of the expected housework and just scrolled on their phones the whole time. We decided it's not worth the corona infection risk to deal with people who aren't much help and have been trying to soldier on as best we can alone (though as I said, we do have our terrific Sunday helper).

The long and the short of it is that a good helper is worth his/her weight in gold, and the icky ones will make you angry and nauseous. Chances are you'll find someone worth keeping--they ARE out there. When you find someone good, shower that person with praise and material blessings and make it worth their while to stick with you.

Re corona--all our agency folks are required to wear masks. I always crack open the windows in the house as well for the ventilation.

[history-fan]

Have you talked to an architect or remodeling co. It’s become popular to renovate spaces in homes for older people  multigenerational and there are so many options available. There are ideas online yet having a professional see your space and understand what needs to occur might offer you ideas options that only pros would know.

[Anne]

When thinking about private care, don't forget about paying all the appropriate taxes which can be a real pain if you're not prepared.

Anne

[DawnM]

1 hour ago, history-fan said:

Have you talked to an architect or remodeling co. It’s become popular to renovate spaces in homes for older people  multigenerational and there are so many options available. There are ideas online yet having a professional see your space and understand what needs to occur might offer you ideas options that only pros would know.

 

We had a couple of contractors come in, that is where we got the $37,000 quote for changing the kitchen area into a bathroom.   I think the only way to make it a truly independent space is to add on to the outside of the house (adding the bathroom as an addition), but that will be very costly.

Edited January 16, 2021 by DawnM

[Drama Llama]

I would be hesitant to do a lift.  In my experience with people who can't walk, transfers are hard, and a system where someone needs to transfer from bed to wheelchair, then from wheelchair to lift, then from lift to another wheelchair, then to the toilet . . . that's a lot.  I'd do a ramp if at all possible.  If he can use 5 stairs now, and you're concerned about him walking on the steps, the maybe waiting for that?  Are the stairs positioned so a ramp would be easy to install?  You can put up a portable ramp in a day.  

Is there a space on the main level, where you could put a commode when not in use?  Maybe a walk in closet?  How would he feel about having someone help him empty a commode?  I think that would be hard for some people to accept.  We had one of those commode chairs that can also be used in the shower, and over the toilet and it worked well for us.  At night, DS could use it in his room, and otherwise, we could transfer him in his room, and then we didn't have to transfer him again, we'd just wheel him to the bathroom and into the shower.  But we were already providing other physical care, and he was a child, so embarrassment was less of a factor. 

I don't have info about hiring people, as that not something I've needed to do.  

[Scarlett]

32 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

We had a couple of contractors come in, that is where we got the $37,000 quote for changing the kitchen area into a bathroom.   I think the only way to make it a truly independent space is to add on to the outside of the house (adding the bathroom as an addition), but that will be very costly.

More than 37k?

I don’t know what your dads money situation is but that might be money well spent.....don’t your have a son who might never be fully independent?

[DawnM]

42 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

More than 37k?

I don’t know what your dads money situation is but that might be money well spent.....don’t your have a son who might never be fully independent?

37k was to renovate the space already there.   adding space would most likely be more.

 

[DawnM]

48 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I would be hesitant to do a lift.  In my experience with people who can't walk, transfers are hard, and a system where someone needs to transfer from bed to wheelchair, then from wheelchair to lift, then from lift to another wheelchair, then to the toilet . . . that's a lot.  I'd do a ramp if at all possible.  If he can use 5 stairs now, and you're concerned about him walking on the steps, the maybe waiting for that?  Are the stairs positioned so a ramp would be easy to install?  You can put up a portable ramp in a day.  

Is there a space on the main level, where you could put a commode when not in use?  Maybe a walk in closet?  How would he feel about having someone help him empty a commode?  I think that would be hard for some people to accept.  We had one of those commode chairs that can also be used in the shower, and over the toilet and it worked well for us.  At night, DS could use it in his room, and otherwise, we could transfer him in his room, and then we didn't have to transfer him again, we'd just wheel him to the bathroom and into the shower.  But we were already providing other physical care, and he was a child, so embarrassment was less of a factor. 

I don't have info about hiring people, as that not something I've needed to do.  

we could do a ramp, but I know that will drive me bananas.   he shuffles, like 3" forward at a time, and he stomps, so the walk up and down would be very loud.   and if I were sleeping it would wake me up, I am a horribly light sleeper.

[Drama Llama]

Just now, DawnM said:

we could do a ramp, but I know that will drive me bananas.   he shuffles, like 3" forward at a time, and he stomps, so the walk up and down would be very loud.   and if I were sleeping it would wake me up, I am a horribly light sleeper.

Could he do stairs now?  If so, and if it's a ramp that's easy to install, you could probably wait.  

If he's willing to use a commode, a commode on his floor, and help on the stairs, and eventually a ramp for showers might work.  

You could also get some serious carpet padding for the ramp.  

[history-fan]

Another option that has become more mainstay is elder pods or medic cottages that can be built or rented- like a tiny house equipped for seniors or special needs. 
 

you have gotten a lot of feedback, hope you find a resolution that works for your family.

[DawnM]

3 minutes ago, history-fan said:

Another option that has become more mainstay is elder pods or medic cottages that can be built or rented- like a tiny house equipped for seniors or special needs. 
 

you have gotten a lot of feedback, hope you find a resolution that works for your family.

I mentioned that to my husband.   I am not sure what we can do here, we have an HOA, but I thought of asking.

[DawnM]

19 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Could he do stairs now?  If so, and if it's a ramp that's easy to install, you could probably wait.  

If he's willing to use a commode, a commode on his floor, and help on the stairs, and eventually a ramp for showers might work.  

You could also get some serious carpet padding for the ramp.  

I was thinking of a thick rubberized flooring type thing on top, but not sure that will completely take out the sound, guess we can find. out.

[Drama Llama]

1 minute ago, DawnM said:

I was thinking of a thick rubberized flooring type thing on top, but not sure that will completely take out the sound, guess we can find. out.

It probably depends on the type of ramp.  We had a temporary metal ramp that was really noisy.  Now we have sturdy wooden ones at both houses that aren’t. But they took more time to put up of course.  

I don’t have shuffling/stomping on the ramps, our elderly family member doesn’t have that issue.  I have children running up and down which might be different.

[katilac]

Alternately, is there a bedroom on the same level as a bathroom that he could use? And then he could have the other area as private space during the day and to store his things?  I would not be comfortable with my parents having to go up and down steps in the middle of the night, every night, and they don't have mobility issues. 

If not, I'd be looking at dry flush and 'put anywhere' toilets for the private area. 

For the care workers, I highly recommend installing cameras (and of course making them aware), plus a habit of someone checking in via video chat. 

[Navymom]

I would hesitate to make major renovations to my home for an elderly parent.

Their needs can change drastically in a short amount of time. I hate to say that the money would be wasted, but their needs today may not match their needs next month, even next week. I have seen major changes in my mom in just the past few weeks that have required a quick change of plans.

Assisted living was on the table just a few weeks ago, but realistically we are probably looking at a memory care unit.

We have used Comfort Keepers in the past and were happy, but now they have a waiting list. Several of the agencies I contacted have long waiting lists right now for a variety of reasons-covid, extended unemployment, etc.

I ended up choosing Senior Helpers and they start tomorrow. This is temporary, until we get some evaluations, etc. completed and decide on a more permanent solution.