Ear piercing or not? (my daughter is asking too)

[Janeway]

I am hoping to get opinions and/or advice. I do not want my daughter to get her ears pierced. My ears are pierced and I do not wear earrings and I have never liked it. Plus, daughter seems to have ADD or something. She constantly loses things and her room is a mess. Dropping things, forgetting things, heading to the park and realizing she forgot her shoes, is a common thing. And it is not like ear piercing is her only request. She is all about the girly nails done, make up, etc. I do not want to squash who she is and I actually do not have objection to make up and such, it is just the extreme she has gone with thinking she NEEDS it to be pretty and such. But, I am not sure I should be saying she cannot have earrings over these things. However, there is the looming feeling that I would rather she not have earrings. It feels like a permanent change to her body (which it is) and I am not eager for my nine year old to have. On the other hand, many little girls in American society do. 

So I told her I would ask you all and we would see what you all think. Please give me your opinions. Thanks!

[SKL]

Our family tradition is to do it at 12yo if they want it.  That is what I told my girls and that's what they did.  They are aware that I got mine pierced but never wear earrings.  If I could do it over, I would not have had mine pierced.  But it's not like I lopped my arm off.  Nobody cares whether or not I have tiny holes in my ears.

My youngest is kind of slovenly too, but she did OK with the earrings ... we used the solution provided by Clare's and even bought extra.  She does wear her earrings, although she isn't really a girly girl.  My eldest is much more of a girly girl, but she doesn't always wear her earrings.  In any case, it hasn't been a big deal here.  None of their ears got infected or anything like that.  It's just a small choice they get to make each day.

So you could tell your daughter that she needs to wait until a certain age, and if she still wants it, then OK.

[MercyA]

Like SKL, we told my daughter she needed to wait until she was 12. She's 12 now and still planning on having it done when Covid is not such a concern.

From everything I've read, the method and sterilizing done at reputable tattoo parlors is much superior to most mall-type shops. At a tattoo parlor, a needle is used to make a hole in the ear and then the earring is inserted. At a mall shop, a gun is used, and the earring itself pushes away tissue to make room for itself. A hole made by a needle heals better and more cleanly. Also, tattoo parlors are often required to follow higher standards of cleanliness and have autoclaves (I believe?) for sterilizing. You can't put a plastic piercing gun in an autoclave. Finally, someone who does piercing for a living is going to have more experience than a quickly trained jewelry shop employee. The parlor to which we're going has a dedicated piercer who is reputably great with kids and very precise.

I had mine done at Claire's as a preteen and they were never right--I had infections, had them redone, and then the holes closed up overnight. 😞 I still develop cysts in my ears. 

Edited November 6, 2020 by MercyA

[Bootsie]

One of the biggest struggles I  had with my parents when I was growing up was getting my ears pierced--my father was adamantly against it and we argued round and round if I could make the decision for myself when I was 18 or 21.  Finally I talked him into if I saved my own money I could get it done when I was 13; Once I did that, he apparently decided it wasn't such a big deal, because my sister who is 6 years younger than I  am went to him six months later and asked to get her ears pierced--he took her and paid for it.  Yes, over 40 years later I am bitter about it 🙂  

It is a fairly minor change to one's body--no one has to continue wearing earrings when they have had their ears pierced if they don't want to.  And people who don't have their ears pierced wear earrings also--with less comfort and a greater chance of the earrings getting lost;  another advantage of pierced ears is that smaller, more discreet earrings can be worn than if you wear clip-ons. 

[Familia]

1 hour ago, MercyA said:

Like SKL, we told my daughter she needed to wait until she was 12. She's 12 now and still planning on having it done when Covid is not such a concern.

From everything I've read, the method and sterilizing done at reputable tattoo parlors is much superior to most mall-type shops. At a tattoo parlor, a needle is used to make a hole in the ear and then the earring is inserted. At a mall shop, a gun is used, and the earring itself pushes away tissue to make room for itself. A hole made by a needle heals better and more cleanly. Also, tattoo parlors are often required to follow higher standards of cleanliness and have autoclaves (I believe?) for sterilizing. You can't put a plastic piercing gun in an autoclave. Finally, someone who does piercing for a living is going to have more experience than a quickly trained jewelry shop employee. The parlor to which we're going has a dedicated piercer who is reputably great with kids and very precise.

I had mine done at Claire's as a preteen and they were never right--I had infections, had them redone, and then the holes closed up overnight. 😞 I still develop cysts in my ears. 

I would have never considered this - something to consider for the grandchildren.  Sorry your ears are not quite right!  There were likely no reputable tattoo parlors way back when I got my ears pierced haha (at the popular age of 12=)

[freesia]

Our family rule is 11 because of dh.  I would have had them done at 7.

It took me years (until I was 14) to get my mother to let me do it.  I agree with the pp that is a very minor permanent change and one that is completely in line with the culture we live in.  To me not letting a girl get pierced ears would be like not letting them wear sneakers.  I know some subcultures might forbid that, but you seem to have more of a your own preference objection.  There are so many other hills to die on imho.

I think you could absolutely say she needs to pay for it or get it as a gift, though. And keeping track of the earrings is her job.

[marbel]

My daughter had hers done when she was 12 or 13; she let the holes close up within a year. Now at 21 she is thinking about repiercing.

She had said that if she does it, she will go to a tattoo parlor and not a mall place like Claire's (which is where she got her first set done). As Mercy says, the needle is better than the gun. She is also not sure how it will work out with the old holes, scar tissue etc.

I had my own ears pierced for the first time at 16, in a surprise move by my mom, as a birthday gift. Then at around 22 or so, maybe, I had a second hole put in each ear. I sometimes wear two sets of earrings, sometimes only one, now often none at all.

I think it's fine to make a 9 year old wait, especially if she is not careful. Pierced ears do take some care, and earrings - and backs! - can get lost easily.  

You also mentioned makeup - is she wearing makeup now? I think of makeup as something more "adult" than earrings, but that is purely my own bias. 

[kristin0713]

My mom let me get mine done when I was 5 or 6.  It was done in a pediatrician's office and they are not even.  🙄  It's probably not noticeable to anyone but me, but I find it so annoying, and some earrings are impossible for me to wear because the hole is too low on one ear.  

DD started asking around 7 or 8.  I had her prove over a period of time (I forget how long) that she would be consistent with personal hygiene, brushing hair, and keeping the bathroom sink neat.  I think it was a few months of consistency and then I took her to get them.  I took her to Claire's at the mall.  I was extremely picky about the placement of the holes and told the girl several times that I did not want them crooked like mine.  It was fine.  DD loved wearing earrings for a few years, but actually now at 14 never wears them.  I don't think it's an issue at all that she doesn't want to wear them now.  She can if she wants, but it's not like an earring hole is noticeable enough to be a huge regret, KWIM?  I don't see a problem at all with ear piercing as long as the child wouldn't pull on them, mess with them, or take them out before they are ready and if they will be cooperative with the ear care. 

[MercyA]

2 hours ago, Familia said:

I would have never considered this - something to consider for the grandchildren.  Sorry your ears are not quite right!  There were likely no reputable tattoo parlors way back when I got my ears pierced haha (at the popular age of 12=)

It's okay! They are closed up, and my husband of 25 years--who rarely has any opinion on fashion--dislikes earrings. So it all worked out for the best. 🙂 

[MercyA]

2 hours ago, Bootsie said:

One of the biggest struggles I  had with my parents when I was growing up was getting my ears pierced--my father was adamantly against it and we argued round and round if I could make the decision for myself when I was 18 or 21.  Finally I talked him into if I saved my own money I could get it done when I was 13; Once I did that, he apparently decided it wasn't such a big deal, because my sister who is 6 years younger than I  am went to him six months later and asked to get her ears pierced--he took her and paid for it.  Yes, over 40 years later I am bitter about it 🙂  

Hey, I asked for a dog for many years without success. They bought my younger sister a horse. 😉 (Although, as my mom said, "Horses don't live in the house.") 

[kiwik]

Unless there are cultural reasons I would say no if you don't think they can manage them.  I only have boys but with anything like that I said 13.  Ds has been 13 for 6 months without taking me up on any of them.

[ashfern]

We waited until 12 although my youngest DD was 11 last year when she had hers done. The girls were visiting my parents and asked (I agreed that it was ok) so my mom paid for the 2 of them. My 2 oldest girls wear the infinity hoops so no backs to get lost. I had mine done at 10. My dad was adamantly opposed to them so when we visited we had to take them out. I have always had issues with the first set.

[Frances]

On 11/6/2020 at 9:19 AM, SKL said:

Our family tradition is to do it at 12yo if they want it.  That is what I told my girls and that's what they did.  They are aware that I got mine pierced but never wear earrings.  If I could do it over, I would not have had mine pierced.  But it's not like I lopped my arm off.  Nobody cares whether or not I have tiny holes in my ears.

My youngest is kind of slovenly too, but she did OK with the earrings ... we used the solution provided by Clare's and even bought extra.  She does wear her earrings, although she isn't really a girly girl.  My eldest is much more of a girly girl, but she doesn't always wear her earrings.  In any case, it hasn't been a big deal here.  None of their ears got infected or anything like that.  It's just a small choice they get to make each day.

So you could tell your daughter that she needs to wait until a certain age, and if she still wants it, then OK.

This was my experience growing up. I shared a birthday with one of my best friends and we got ours pierced together on our twelfth birthday. Although I haven’t worn earrings in more than twenty years and still have tiny hole marks, I don’t regret getting them pierced. It’s still a very fond coming of age memory from my childhood.

I agree with SKL that choosing an age is a good idea. It gives her something to look forward to as part of growing up and hopefully you can choose an age when you believe she will be able to handle the required self care.

[Tanaqui]

If she wants them and it's not a whim, 9 isn't very young - but in addition to going to a reputable piercing place, I'd also get hoops instead of studs, the type that stay in the ear and you need pliers to remove. You're less likely to have to worry about her losing them that way, and you *can* take them out when she's older.