WWYD—Christian private school worth the cost?

[Pen]

12 minutes ago, HSmomof2 said:

Discussed all the options with dh this evening. He agrees the further school should be off the table. Dd can do a full shadow day at the closer school. (She doesn’t want to because she says she hated it when we visited). Dh said that’s fine, then her options are 1. to visit the co-op on Monday and plan to continue to homeschool for 9th/10th grade then do dual enrollment at CC. He agreed she can take an additional dance class if she’s homeschooled, which she wants to do but wouldn’t have time if she goes to school. 2. We visit the guidance counselor at the ps and discuss options at the school, but she will have to be on the college-prep, AP track for him to even consider her going there. 

 

That sounds fairly reasonable, but do try for more than one shadow day if at all possible.  At both the local options. 

If  she decides on homeschooling and she can take just a few classes at local public that might help a lot with things hard to find or do like art or lab science—even if not enough to make friends.  But if something very interactive like drama were taken maybe she would make friends.  

[HSmomof2]

I’m hoping to at least convince her to visit the co-op with me. It’s a large co-op, and we went there when she was much younger. We only stopped going because of my work schedule. She’s not wanting to go because she didn’t have any friends there before......she was in 3rd grade! I’m guessing it’s not quite the same group it was then. They are offering some good academic classes for high school next year.....biology lab science, art,  Spanish. I thought 14-year olds were more reasonable than 13-year-olds, but I’m not so sure now.😳 

[Storygirl]

I don't know what the school schedules are in your area, but high schoolers are starting finals now here. DD17's first final is tomorrow, and next week is the final week for the school year. They are not having a typical class schedule from here on out.

So you may need to do the shadowing very quickly. If you are in an area where school continues into June, you will have more time, of course.

[HSmomof2]

5 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

I don't know what the school schedules are in your area, but high schoolers are starting finals now here. DD17's first final is tomorrow, and next week is the final week for the school year. They are not having a typical class schedule from here on out.

So you may need to do the shadowing very quickly. If you are in an area where school continues into June, you will have more time, of course.

Thanks. Yes, the private school said shadowing needs to be done in May. The public school does not allow shadowing at all. We can just talk to the guidance counselor there.

.

[kiwik]

You say you may have to work full time.  I think spending 3 hours taking a day doing the school run would make it very hard to do a full time job and spend time for your family, 15 hours a week driving is another part time job.  As for the Christian aspect I think some of the self righteous "everyone who doesn't go to our church is going to hell", "the Christchurch earthquakes were caused by gays" and "all Moslems are terrorists" attitudes by some of the kids at my son's Christian school make them people I don't really want my son friends with.  I will not be looking at a Christian High School 

[J-rap]

As far as answering your initial question whether it's worth the cost, I think that's only for you to decide!  

I'd probably eliminate the further one -- as it seems you already have. So that leaves the co-op, public school, or closer private school...

Checking out the closer private school is definitely worth it!  I'd probably be interested in that myself.

Just out of curiosity though, is it possible to attend your PS part-time?  We're able to do that in our community, and that's what my kids did most years.  (Most of my kids took on increasingly longer schedules at the PS and ended up being there nearly full-time in the end.)   It worked out great for us.  Yeah, there will be typical PS problems, but depending on your dd, it might still work out.  (Or you might decide no and not want to even offer it as an option.  You know your dd best.)

I think you should visit the co-op too.   I will say about homeschool co-ops and our experience....  If you haven't been part of that particular community from the get-go, it can feel very cliquish to come in mid-teens.  In our experience, homeschoolers are every bit as cliquish as PS-ers, so be prepared for that.  

Honestly, the most welcoming environments our kids have been in were with the PS!   But that's just our experience.

ETA:  I also agree with Kiwik's assessment of some Christian schools.  I'd definitely want to know the school's philosophy before sending my child there.

Edited May 16, 2019 by J-rap

[HSmomof2]

5 hours ago, kiwik said:

You say you may have to work full time.  I think spending 3 hours taking a day doing the school run would make it very hard to do a full time job and spend time for your family, 15 hours a week driving is another part time job.  As for the Christian aspect I think some of the self righteous "everyone who doesn't go to our church is going to hell", "the Christchurch earthquakes were caused by gays" and "all Moslems are terrorists" attitudes by some of the kids at my son's Christian school make them people I don't really want my son friends with.  I will not be looking at a Christian High School 

No, I wouldn’t want her or myself to be in that type of environment. Though from both of the schools we visited, that’s definitely not their belief or attitude, and I wouldn’t expect that from the kids that go there. Sadly I’ve seen that more in some homeschool groups.

[HSmomof2]

4 hours ago, J-rap said:

As far as answering your initial question whether it's worth the cost, I think that's only for you to decide!  

I'd probably eliminate the further one -- as it seems you already have. So that leaves the co-op, public school, or closer private school...

Checking out the closer private school is definitely worth it!  I'd probably be interested in that myself.

Just out of curiosity though, is it possible to attend your PS part-time?  We're able to do that in our community, and that's what my kids did most years.  (Most of my kids took on increasingly longer schedules at the PS and ended up being there nearly full-time in the end.)   It worked out great for us.  Yeah, there will be typical PS problems, but depending on your dd, it might still work out.  (Or you might decide no and not want to even offer it as an option.  You know your dd best.)

I think you should visit the co-op too.   I will say about homeschool co-ops and our experience....  If you haven't been part of that particular community from the get-go, it can feel very cliquish to come in mid-teens.  In our experience, homeschoolers are every bit as cliquish as PS-ers, so be prepared for that.  

Honestly, the most welcoming environments our kids have been in were with the PS!   But that's just our experience.

ETA:  I also agree with Kiwik's assessment of some Christian schools.  I'd definitely want to know the school's philosophy before sending my child there.

Oh yes, I know all too well about the homeschool cliques....it’s a big part of the reason her current group has dissolved, more like imploded.....with the exception of the kids who are moving, the rest is a bunch of junior high drama—caused by some of the moms, not even the kids! 

[katilac]

On 5/14/2019 at 5:32 PM, HSmomof2 said:

She could take up to 3 classes at ps, which I’ve suggested. She’s opposed to it saying she’d feel ‘weird’ only being there part of the day. The ps is a big school (2000 students), I doubt anyone would notice.

With college a few short years away, I think the public school really needs to be considered. Public schools also often have considerably more electives and higher level courses, I would definitely check on that. Assuming that I felt okay it myself, I personally would probably say that her choices were between part-time and full-time at the public, partially because of finances (or possibly all because of finances). 

On 5/14/2019 at 11:18 PM, Lori D. said:

Perhaps consider moving much closer to the private school that she likes?  

 

On 5/15/2019 at 6:24 PM, Pen said:

Could she live with another family who is near the farther away school during the week instead of commuting every day?  

 

Wow, y'all are willing to do way more than I am for my kid to go to a certain school, lol. I wouldn't let mine (theoretically, they are already in college) live with someone else during the week and I can't definitely can't imagine offering to let a teen live with me! And I wouldn't move so they could go to a school they think they might really like. I actually wouldn't move even if I somehow knew for a fact that they would really like it. That's a tremendous amount of upheaval and effort for the entire family, and it's like I told my kids about college: you can be happy almost anywhere, you can do well almost anywhere. 

On 5/15/2019 at 11:01 PM, HSmomof2 said:

I’m hoping to at least convince her to visit the co-op with me. It’s a large co-op, and we went there when she was much younger. We only stopped going because of my work schedule. She’s not wanting to go because she didn’t have any friends there before......she was in 3rd grade! I’m guessing it’s not quite the same group it was then. They are offering some good academic classes for high school next year.....biology lab science, art,  Spanish. I thought 14-year olds were more reasonable than 13-year-olds, but I’m not so sure now.😳 

 

I would not give her a choice, she would be visiting. Would I require her to attend if she still didn't want to? Probably not, but she can take a day of her life and visit. All options need to be reviewed and considered, it's not going to hurt her to go check it out. I made my kids visit a local university they absolutely did not want to visit. The visit didn't change their minds, but it also didn't kill them, kwim? It's silly not to check out such a strong possibility. If you can stack the deck by going on a 'fun' day (quite possible so close to the end of the year), then do that. 

OP, I would take a long, hard look at your finances. Then I'd take a long, hard look at college costs and what it takes to retire. The private schools sound like a big stretch and, if I'm remembering one of your posts correctly, you're not even quite sure that you can pull it off even with more work hours. I know parents who sent their kids to private all the way through but were then unable to offer more than the barest minimum of help with college. In at least one case, that help was, well, you can live at home, that's all we've got. And I'm not knocking people who can't offer more help, I'm just saying that it's well worth the time to crunch the numbers. If you could swing private high school OR substantial help for college, which would you choose?  If you send her to private school, how will that affect your ability to help ds with college? There's no right answer, but you want to make an informed decision. 

 If push came to shove and the public school was a complete no-go, I'd probably go for homeschooling and the co-op, with added dance classes and other interesting activities that wouldn't happen if she were in private school. 

Edited May 17, 2019 by katilac

[katilac]

Regarding the faith aspect, have you looked for a strong youth group? I would be driving her to a farther away youth group way before I'd be driving her and my money to private school every day. 

[Storygirl]

I do agree with katilac about the finances. If you really cannot afford the private school comfortably, first investigate whether they have financial aid, then cross it off of your list, if you need to. I did say that Christian school was worth the cost for us, and four kids in private school was definitely a huge investment for us. But the truth is that we could afford it.

DD13 attends a private dyslexia school that costs much as private school tuition for the other three children, combined. It has been worth it, because she needed it. Next year, though, she will go to the public school, because she doesn't NEED the dyslexia school any more, even though it is still GOOD for her. With oldest DD heading to college in a year, we had to look at our whole financial picture. And the truth is that we COULD still afford to send DD13 to the dyslexia school -- it would not cause financial hardship. But we won't, because it is not financially responsible to do so when it's not necessary for her.

The financial issue is a big piece, and katilac is right that it's not just about the high school years but also affects what you may be able to do for college and your retirement or other future plans.

I agree with looking seriously at the public school. With a school that big, she should be able to find a community of like minded friends, because those kids will be there. She may need to work at finding them by joining some extracurriculars. When you meet with the guidance counselor, I think you can describe what kind of friends your daughter would like and ask what clubs, etc., she might find them in. Also, I agree with youth group, if she is not involved with one.

[Pen]

6 hours ago, katilac said:

With college a few short years away, I think the public school really needs to be considered. Public schools also often have considerably more electives and higher level courses, I would definitely check on that. Assuming that I felt okay it myself, I personally would probably say that her choices were between part-time and full-time at the public, partially because of finances (or possibly all because of finances). 

 

I think this is worth consideration.  The thread seems to be asking exactly this—is private school tuition worth it.  The problem is that outsiders can’t know how bad (or good) the public school option is compared to the private, nor how tight the family finances are.

 

6 hours ago, katilac said:

 

Wow, y'all are willing to do way more than I am for my kid to go to a certain school, lol. I wouldn't let mine (theoretically, they are already in college) live with someone else during the week

 

 

This can depend on life experience.  I live somewhere that some people do do this.

Sometimes local children live with someone in the city to get an opportunity for a child in the city.   Or kids who live really isolated rural, live with someone nearer a school, whether rural or city because they live somewhere that a daily commute isn’t feasible.  Even more common where I am we have a few kids who normally live in our state’s biggest city, but are going to school at our little rural high school to get away from serious problems (particularly gang related) at the big city school.  Sometimes they come by families working it out privately and sometimes via a judge’s orders .  We also have a very active exchange student population.  This year around 5% of the students at our little rural high school were exchange students from other countries.

 

[Scarlett]

I seem to be the only one who would pretty much insist on continuing to homeschool.  Especially since you have found a new Co-op.  I think she just has her heart set on that far away private school, but I don't think the cost of time and money would be worth it and if she won't be happy at the closer private then she is back to making homeschool work.  She doesn't understand how rapidly her life is going to change in the next 2 years.  She will be old enough to DE and drive and that makes friendships evolve in ways she can't predict.

 

[HSmomof2]

Yes, finances are definitely a big determining factor in our decision as well, especially with college costs in the near future for Ds. His next 2 years of dual enrollment are tuition free, but then he will likely  go to a 4-yr school, and we will help him as much as we can. I always planned to return to full-time work at that time. 

The current plan is to shadow a day next week at the closer school. We will also likely apply there and also for tuition assistance. At this  school, if they are not able to give a tuition assistance amount that will be enough, our application money will be refunded. So, we’re not out anything by applying and asking for assistance.

The farther school is no longer an option, and even dd is in agreement after talking about what it really would be like going to a school so far away and the social impact it would have on her likely not being included especially in last minute things.

We will also register for the co-op, since after next week it will no longer be an option for next year  if we don’t. Losing a small registration fee for that if she does end up at school would be worth it to hold her place if we do homeschool 2 more years. After the shadow day, if the closer school doesn’t look to be a good fit for her or us financially, we’ll visit the ps.

The ps is really the last option. We had personal experience with the middle school, my dc have friends currently attending the ps and are unhappy with it, and I have 2 close friends who are teachers there that also have little good to say about it and send their own kids to private school or the ps in the next town. So, it’s last on the list of options. 

[TechWife]

9 hours ago, katilac said:

...

And I wouldn't move so they could go to a school they think they might really like. I actually wouldn't move even if I somehow knew for a fact that they would really like it. That's a tremendous amount of upheaval and effort for the entire family, and it's like I told my kids about college: you can be happy almost anywhere, you can do well almost anywhere.

 

One of my regrets about my son's education is that we chose homeschooling over moving to be near a private Christian school that is an hour away from our house. It's a marvelous school with fantastic teachers, some of whom we know personally. It would have been so much better for him than homeschooling was. We just couldn't see it at the time, mainly due to all of the stress the Christian school he was attending at the time was causing our family. Then, we were committed to home school. Choosing where and how to educate children isn't  about happiness for us.  It's about finding the right combination of Christian discipleship, education, opportunity for growth and friendship. I think we struck out on all of those with our home school years, coming closest on Christian discipleship than the others. but we totally bombed the others and it wasn't because we didn't try, it's because it wasn't a good choice for us and we couldn't see it at the time.

OP, I wish you the best, it's hard to make these decisions when in the middle of the situation. I wish we could bottle and sell "hindsight!"

 

[Lori D.]

10 hours ago, katilac said:

...Wow, y'all are willing to do way more than I am for my kid to go to a certain school, lol...  I wouldn't move so they could go to a school they think they might really like... If push came to shove and the public school was a complete no-go, I'd probably go for homeschooling and the co-op, with added dance classes and other interesting activities that wouldn't happen if she were in private school. 

Don't know about anyone else, but I'm just brainstorming ideas -- sometimes an extreme idea can help open up realistic possibilities one hadn't thought of before. 😉

And -- no, I wouldn't move either unless their were a *number* of *other* factors/reasons/circumstances that made moving a good idea. Like you, my personal leaning would be to homeschool and work to add in a lot of opportunities to support the child's artistic interests and social needs. 😉

[HSmomof2]

Yes, moving closer to the farther away school isn’t an option. Dh already commutes 1.5 hours for work, and moving closer to that school would add an additional 45 minutes onto his already long commute. Plus, while I like the farther school, the area it’s in is not a nice area at all. I wouldn’t want to be driving through that area at night. It’s sketchy during the day. Prior to having kids, I worked in that area and used to pray every day that the lights would just be green, so I could cruise right through the area. On two occasions at a stoplight, I witnessed someone punch the side window out of the car in front of me to steal the person’s purse on the car seat. So, no, I definitely don’t want to move to that area.  We live in a high COL area and already live as close to dh’s work as we can afford to live, and the area we currently live in is pretty nice. 

[Pen]

1 hour ago, HSmomof2 said:

Yes, finances are definitely a big determining factor in our decision as well, especially with college costs in the near future for Ds. His next 2 years of dual enrollment are tuition free, but then he will likely  go to a 4-yr school, and we will help him as much as we can. I always planned to return to full-time work at that time. 

The current plan is to shadow a day next week at the closer school. We will also likely apply there and also for tuition assistance. At this  school, if they are not able to give a tuition assistance amount that will be enough, our application money will be refunded. So, we’re not out anything by applying and asking for assistance.

The farther school is no longer an option, and even dd is in agreement after talking about what it really would be like going to a school so far away and the social impact it would have on her likely not being included especially in last minute things.

We will also register for the co-op, since after next week it will no longer be an option for next year  if we don’t. Losing a small registration fee for that if she does end up at school would be worth it to hold her place if we do homeschool 2 more years. After the shadow day, if the closer school doesn’t look to be a good fit for her or us financially, we’ll visit the ps.

The ps is really the last option. We had personal experience with the middle school, my dc have friends currently attending the ps and are unhappy with it, and I have 2 close friends who are teachers there that also have little good to say about it and send their own kids to private school or the ps in the next town. So, it’s last on the list of options. 

 

This sounds like an excellent plan!

Is there one more option here: the same ps in next town as your friends are using, perhaps with your dd being able to get rides with your close friends?

[HSmomof2]

4 minutes ago, Pen said:

 

This sounds like an excellent plan!

Is there one more option here: the same ps in next town as your friends are using, perhaps with your dd being able to get rides with your close friends?

Possibly on the other ps, though it can be hard to get a waiver, because many students try to waiver there than attend our ps. But we could try.

[Pen]

1 minute ago, HSmomof2 said:

Possibly on the other ps, though it can be hard to get a waiver, because many students try to waiver there than attend our ps. But we could try.

 

Probably like application for financial aid, it would be worth trying for too. Maybe you’ll get it, maybe not. But if you don’t try you definitely won’t get it.  

 It probably would be easier to move into full time work if your dd were in school rather than homeschooling — though I know some people do  manage homeschooling and full time work together.  

[Pen]

Also, is there any better ps in any nearish town than the local one that might have room and that would either be a place dd could get to with dh, or other parents?

our public school for awhile actually had some kids traveling in from another district together in a taxi as that was cheaper than a private school and a better school for their child than their local public one.  Then I guess one got a driver license and to the point where minors could be driven and now drives that little group instead of a taxi

Edited May 17, 2019 by Pen

[HSmomof2]

6 minutes ago, Pen said:

 

Probably like application for financial aid, it would be worth trying for too. Maybe you’ll get it, maybe not. But if you don’t try you definitely won’t get it.  

 It probably would be easier to move into full time work if your dd were in school rather than homeschooling — though I know some people do  manage homeschooling and full time work together.  

Yes, if she homeschools, I will continue working part-time and plan to return to full-time when she starts DE. 

[HSmomof2]

3 minutes ago, Pen said:

Also, is there any better ps in any nearish town than the local one that might have room and that would either be a place dd could get to with dh, or other parents?

our public school for awhile actually had some kids traveling in from another district together in a taxi as that was cheaper than a private school and a better school for their child than their local public one.  Then I guess one got a driver license and to the point where minors could be driven and now drives that little group instead of a taxi

That’s a pretty clever idea! I don’t know much about the schools in neighboring districts. Most only have one high school. The area where dh works is known for having excellent schools, and I wish we could afford to live there. But a 1 br 600 sq ft condo sells for $700K+. And he works 10 hour hour days so would be too early and late for dd to ride with him. 

[Pen]

 

2 minutes ago, HSmomof2 said:

And he works 10 hour hour days so would be too early and late for dd to ride with him. 

 

Look carefully at that.

 Maybe school library or other place is open for early drop-offs, and maybe after school activities could be done several times per week to where you would only need to do occasional afternoon pick ups.  

At many public schools, there is somewhere open early (including for teachers’ kids) where a child can go and study or eat or nap before school.  And at many there are sports and clubs after school that could easily make it a 10 hour day there.

For example, At our local school the library opens at approximately 7am.  Then cafeteria has breakfast from 8 till start of classes.   Sports practices end at around 5pm daily.  = 10 hours

[katilac]

6 hours ago, Pen said:

This can depend on life experience.  I live somewhere that some people do do this.

Oh, I know people who are willing to do this, I'm just not one of them! 

[unsinkable]

IME, religious schools are worth it if the adults there have a commitment to the vision and purpose of the school, and are not just there to kill time until they can get to a more lucrative job.

Does the school have teachers and {religious if applicable (nuns, brothers, priests)} that have been there long term? Does it have regular religion classes? regular Mass or services? Clubs and service organizations that service both long and short term needs in the community (ie, not just a food drive once a year). How many students are involved in these? 

what do alumna say about the school?

IOW, I'd choose a religious school that made the religion integral in the students' lives and I think for it to be that way,  it has to be that way in the teachers' lives first.

 

Edited May 17, 2019 by unsinkable

[HSmomof2]

53 minutes ago, unsinkable said:

IME, religious schools are worth it if the adults there have a commitment to the vision and purpose of the school, and are not just there to kill time until they can get to a more lucrative job.

Does the school have teachers and {religious if applicable (nuns, brothers, priests)} that have been there long term? Does it have regular religion classes? regular Mass or services? Clubs and service organizations that service both long and short term needs in the community (ie, not just a food drive once a year). How many students are involved in these? 

what do alumna say about the school?

IOW, I'd choose a religious school that made the religion integral in the students' lives and I think for it to be that way,  it has to be that way in the teachers' lives first.

 

Yes, the closer school has long term teachers, Bible course is required each year, chapel weekly, and a short 2-week term in the spring where every student participates in a variety of service projects either locally or abroad. They also have long term service hours required and available  locally working with kids at the nearby elementary ps, the food bank, clothing bank, or shelter for women and children. I like that the closer school is very involved in our community. 

[Splash1]

I drive 30 minutes to take my ds to school each way.  It is an excellent school, he loves it,  I chose it originally for his older brother who could and did drive himself at the time, then he drove his sister, who drove the next sister until they all graduated.  Youngest is five years younger than the next sibling so now I drive.  I have at least three more years of driving to this school, twice a day, until he is 16 and can drive himself.  It is a lot of driving.  I question myself all the time if it's worth it.  Thankfully it is a charter school so free for our kids but it is definitely a commitment.  For my kids homeschool for high school just wasn't an option.  Each child it was for a different reason but all were valid and some sort of school was needed.  

Our oldest son graduated from local high school, we weren't impressed.  Next son attended a Christian Hybrid school he attended twice a week and made friends but this group of boys was pretty wild and we transferred to the charter school his junior year.  This did not change the friend group or the wildness though, just offered more educational options.  Daughters both started Charter school in high school.  Youngest ds started in middle school as he didn't like being home with just me. I did learn that while I need to consider their feeling and give them some say, it really was just better when dh and I made the final decision and that was it.

I hope you find one that works for you.

Kimberly