Jenny in Florida Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 (edited) So, today is my birthday. I'm not a big birthday person. I don't take time off work or plan anything, and I absolutely do not want anyone to make a big deal about it or make me the center of attention. However, there is a certain sweet spot that I do appreciate, the one at which my family wishes me a nice day and does a couple of small things to let me know they care about me. (Bringing in take-out for lunch or dinner, doing any chores that need doing, laying in a treat in the form of something gluten free and vegan . . . ) Today has not been that day. Way back in March, my husband (whose birthday is almost two months before mine) and I agreed to buy tickets to a show we wanted to see as our gift to each other. I was completely in favor of this, because I am, to put in mildly, awkward and uncomfortable about receiving gifts and I never really seem to do a good job buying or making gifts for my husband anymore. So, no gifts today is not just fine, but a good thing. We went to the show this past weekend and had a lovely time. I did take off work today, because, although I don't care about my birthday, I do like Halloween, especially giving out treats. Wednesdays are my late shift, meaning I would have completely missed trick-or-treaters. My husband-- who LOVES Halloween -- routinely takes off the day, in theory because he wants the day to decorate and such, but also because, despite years of my telling him I really don't want a big thing made, he remains convinced that he should be here for me. This is how today has gone so far: I was up later than I wanted last night, because my son's girlfriend had been camping out with us for a couple of days following a blow-out with her parents. She had planned to have my son drive her home when he got home from a gig, but he ran later than we anticipated. I was keeping her company until we heard from him and had volunteered to drive her home if it turned out he wasn't going to be available. He did eventually make it home, but by then it seemed to make more sense for her to go home this morning, instead. Because my son had two gigs scheduled back-to-back today and was already tired -- and I was, after all, going to be home today -- I said I would run her home. I got up and walked the dog as usual, then did all of the usual morning pet chores. I drove my son's girlfriend home. While riding in the car with the dog, I realized just how smelly and badly in need of a bath she (the dog, not the girlfriend) was. This house does not have a bathtub (showers in both bathrooms) or a sink large enough to easily accommodate the dog. Since I was already tired and sore (after falling down while doing some tasks in the backyard two days ago), I decided to try out the self-service dog wash station at a nearby grooming place. That went fine. I then came home and found my husband in the front yard trying to resolve the issue that dimmed the lights we put around the Halloween decorations in our front yard. I stepped in to help, because he has been in especially terrible condition lately. (He has a doctor's appointment on Friday to discuss his issues.) We fixed that, talked briefly about whether I might bring home take-out for lunch or dinner when I came home from a work-related errand I needed to run during the afternoon. He let me know that he planned to take a nap and, since I would likely be coming home during that time, I should feel free to do whatever I wanted for food and not worry about bringing home anything for him. Then my husband went inside to rest while I took care of a couple of other Halloween-related tasks that had been waiting "until one of us had time." My daughter texted this morning to let me know that she wanted to call and chat on her lunch break. By the time I finished the above, I had just enough time to shower and get dressed before she called. She wished me happy birthday, and we had a pleasant chat, although it morphed pretty quickly into discussion of what she might make for her SO's family for Christmas and what I might make for the SO. (This will be the first time we meet in person.) I then went out to do my errand. On the way home, I texted my husband to say that I was stopping at the Indian grocery store and that, unless he had another plan, I would pick up an assortment of packaged and frozen stuff to nuke for dinner. He replied that sounded good to him. I did the shopping, came home and unpacked the stuff, then ventured out into the garage to dig out the cauldrons we use to hold treats. I washed/wiped them out and helped my husband fill them with the edible and non-edible treats I bought over the weekend. At some point during this process, I noticed that he seemed really down. I asked what was up, and he said he just feels really badly that he's not doing more for Halloween. I asked what else I could do or help with, and he said it wouldn't matter, that even if I set up every decoration we own (which would take days of work), he would still feel badly that he isn't doing enough. Then I pulled together dinner. My husband did the dishes. My son has not so much as checked in. He was asleep when I left to drive his girlfriend home and had left for his first gig by the time I got home. And, to top it all off, we have not sighted a single trick-or-treater yet, although it is already getting dark and the younger ones here usually start early. I feel unaccountably cranky and sad about it all. I briefly considered taking tomorrow off work and treating myself to a day of my choice, but I have three classes to teach and a project due early next week that won't get done unless I am there to work on it. So, yeah, just sigh. Edited October 31, 2018 by Jenny in Florida Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Happy Birthday, hon! This too shall pass. Blah appears to be the word of the day, but it doesn't have to be the word of the year! You're getting your blahs over with all at once! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Happy Birthday! (I hope it gets better before midnight.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Happy birthday, Jenny. sorry you are having such a lousy day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Happy birthday, Jenny! I’d feel the same way you do. You don’t want a big deal made, but it would be nice for the day to be at least a little special. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Happy Birthday! I hope you have fun! Maybe go out to see a movie or a late night cafe run or a redbox ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Happy Birthday, Jenny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Hugs! I understand about the sweet spot. I'm sorry things haven't quite worked out in your favour today. Even if it isn't tomorrow, I hope you can create an opportunity soon to celebrate you. Happy birthday! ????? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Sending more good wishes for a happy birthday!!! Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Happy Birthday! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Happy Birthday! How many ToTers did you end up having? We had around 600ish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Happy Birthday Jenny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Happy Belated Birthday! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Ah man, I am sorry. Happy Birthday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Happy belated birthday! And I'm sorry. I've had times where I have purposefully minimized my expectations (for birthday, Mother's Day, anniversary, etc.) but then felt deflated anyway. I wonder if thinking about what you could do differently next year might help? You might not be ready yet, because sometimes we just need to vent and not try to fix it. But, I wonder if you could reset the expectations just a little bit. No gifts, but perhaps also no daily chores, either. Plan something that you would enjoy, whether it is going out for lunch (by yourself, with family, or with a friend, whatever) or taking a walk in your favorite park, or playing a board game, or going to a movie. Whatever would take you out of the house and give you something particular to look forward to. I wonder if your family is taking your instructions to downplay your birthday a little too seriously. Maybe explain that while you don't want gifts, you would love to spend time with them. Perhaps plan ahead for a favorite meal for dinner and ask your family to just come and spend time with you. I wonder if you could plan ahead to get the Halloween tasks done a day early, so that you don't need to do any work but just get to have the fun in the evening. Around my house, it's not always easy to plan ahead, because things come up. But if you have it as a goal to always be ready for Halloween on 10/30 so that 10/31 can just be fun, maybe it could make a difference. Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 One Christmas, I spent so much time shopping and wrapping gifts for the kids and DH and his extended family. Not to mention all of the other holiday preparations. And gifts are not my love language, so I possibly may have said that I couldn't think of what I wanted. But I spent so much time on others. And DH gave me one DVD. I didn't really think I needed the gifts.Gifts are nice in a low key way when I open them, but I don't feel gushingly happy about them. But I realized that it wasn't about the stuff. It was knowing that someone was thinking and caring about me, and the gifts represented that. I realized that even though when I think about gifts, I feel ambivalent, when it comes to the day of the celebration, I feel let down if no one makes an effort. So I need to feel that my day is important to my loved ones. Even when I feel blah about it, which I often do. I need for THEM not to be blah about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.