Euthanizing a dog question

[hjffkj]

So our dog is 11 and her health has been going down hill pretty quickly in the last month. One thing that is new is she seems to be deaf. Another is her back legs are starting to go out. 

For me, the 2 hard lines in the sand for when the right time to put a dog down is when they can no longer walk to go outside to relieve themselves and when their behavior has changed to the point where their scared and in enough pain to be unpredictable. Well tonighty dog, who has never shown any signs of aggression bit my niece in the face. She is visiting and so for the next 2 weeks the house will have many kids coming and going (there are 20 grandkids and some days all of them will be here.) 

Because of this dh and I decided it is time to euthanize the dog because it is the humane thing to do for her and the safe thing to do for the families visiting and my own family.

The problem, how do I explain to all these kids, my 5 and the 2 who are staying with us that this is not any news fault. My niece, who is ten, will likely blame herself. I want to try to make it clear that it isn't her fault but I don't know how to do it.

[LifeLovePassion]

I'm sorry, that is a tough place to be. Can you explain you saw signs for a while now? Could the dog stay anywhere until the visitors are gone and handle it then? 

[Scarlett]

Wow.  I am so sorry.  Was that unprovoked?  My 13 year old Brittany was always very gentle and she stayed that way as she was dying..her health declined rapidly.  I was shocked at how quickly.....it was an infection in her feet that wouldn't get well which led to her not being able to stand and go potty.  The last day I was holding up her body so she could pee.......still makes me so sad.  

So I am with you....I don't know how to explain it  to kids beyond, 'pet is so sick and we don't want her to suffer any more or be a danger to others.'

[hjffkj]

4 minutes ago, LifeLovePassion said:

I'm sorry, that is a tough place to be. Can you explain you saw signs for a while now? Could the dog stay anywhere until the visitors are gone and handle it then? 

Not really because anyone who normally takes them when we are away has kids too.

We knew this was coming soon because of her health, we just didn't think this soon. So our kids are a bit prepared. I just fear it'll be associated with the attack by the older kids andy niece in particular will feel bad.

[Scarlett]

I would just frame it as 'people are more important than animals and the beloved dog is obviously very sick to bite a family member and thus her time has come"

if I could delay it all until the family leaves I would.  

[hjffkj]

2 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I would just frame it as 'people are more important than animals and the beloved dog is obviously very sick to bite a family member and thus her time has come"

if I could delay it all until the family leaves I would.  

They didn't intentionally provoke her, they just weren't paying attention to her cues to back away. The kids were all playing in the room she was in and apparently she started growling at them, which she has never done. The almost instantly my nephew accidentally pushed my niece into the dog. That is when she bit her. 

For the last 11 years of her life she has just walked away if the kids were in her space and she didn't like it. It is pretty common for an animals behavior to change when they are in pain and scared.  I think being deaf has really scared and confused her.

[hjffkj]

6 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I would just frame it as 'people are more important than animals and the beloved dog is obviously very sick to bite a family member and thus her time has come"

if I could delay it all until the family leaves I would.  

I'm going to try to delay it but if I can't find a place for her to stay then I have no choice. Leaving in her in a room by herself scares her and she barks constantly 

[LifeLovePassion]

19 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

Not really because anyone who normally takes them when we are away has kids too.

We knew this was coming soon because of her health, we just didn't think this soon. So our kids are a bit prepared. I just fear it'll be associated with the attack by the older kids andy niece in particular will feel bad.

That is so hard, what about gating the dog in a laundry room or something where kids can't be by her until they leave? 

 

ETA, oh shoot, I just saw your reply above. 

Or if you have to do it before they leave, I'd go with a white lie and exaggerate the lack of ability to use her legs and that she couldn't get outside to do her business reliably.

[hjffkj]

11 minutes ago, LifeLovePassion said:

That is so hard, what about gating the dog in a laundry room or something where kids can't be by her until they leave? 

 

ETA, oh shoot, I just saw your reply above. 

Or if you have to do it before they leave, I'd go with a white lie and exaggerate the lack of ability to use her legs and that she couldn't get outside to do her business reliably.

 

I am considering that but I have always been really honest with my kids and it just doesn't seem right to lie. But I haven't decided against it. 

I think in the morning I'm going to call the vet and see if I can get an appointment for that day or Friday. Then just tell the kids that her health is declining so quickly that we don't want to see her suffer anymore. And then see how they respond to that and just field questions/reassure them it isn't anyone's fault

[LifeLovePassion]

7 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

 

I am considering that but I have always been really honest with my kids and it just doesn't seem right to lie. But I haven't decided against it. 

I think in the morning I'm going to call the vet and see if I can get an appointment for that day or Friday. Then just tell the kids that her health is declining so quickly that we don't want to see her suffer anymore. And then see how they respond to that and just field questions/reassure them it isn't anyone's fault

I guess it wouldn't be a lie, since she does have the other issues going on, I just wouldn't focus on the bite, but rather her overall health and then relay that the vet said it's time (assuming that is what you hear). If anything, saying that was a clue to you that she wasn't doing well, so you followed up with the vet and they confirmed there are things going on and it's time. 

Again, I'm sorry you are in this position, I hope my late night ramblings can help you decide what's best. 

[Pen]

Can she be crated near others so she is not alone—but also has a safety barrier?

[sassenach]

I don't know that I would delay it. The dog is in pain. I would just explain that you brought the dog in because you could tell she's in pain and that the vet and you and your dh decided that the most loving thing to do would be to help her to not be in pain anymore. I wouldn't even mention the bite. If the kids bring up the bite, I would just say that it wasn't because of the bite, it was because the dog was in pain. 

[Innisfree]

For myself, I'd want to consult a vet before making that decision.

If the dog is in pain, he might react uncharacteristically, but the pain might be treatable. Extra children around do compound the problem. Could the dog stay at the vet's office for observation for a few days?

The hind leg issues are a problem, I know, but how big a problem depends on severity, and I'm not sure exactly what your situation is. We have one dog currently with leg issues which don't cause any real problem: he slips sometimes, and we give him a bit of help with stairs, but he's small enough that we can carry him easily. But I've also dealt with a large dog who lost the use of her hind legs suddenly, and when the vet saw her, the vet basically told us it was time. That dog did have other issues as well.

Once you consult with the vet, assuming she agrees with your assessment, I'd tell the kids she advised euthanasia because the dog was in pain and confused. This is always hard; best wishes as you work it out.

[Pawz4me]

Is she on any pain medication? If not, be prepared for any decent vet (at least the urban/suburban type ones who deal almost exclusively with dogs and cats, I don't know about farm vets) to ask you about that and suggest--perhaps strongly--that you try at least some type of pain management before agreeing to euthanize. Just like people, older dogs almost all have some degree of arthritis and pain medicine can help dramatically and provide a dog with a couple (or more) years of  good quality life. Deaf dogs tend to startle easily, but other than that most older dogs adapt to being deaf so easily that many owners don't even notice the dog can no longer hear. Going deaf isn't normally much of a QOL issue for a dog.

I'm sorry you're having to make this decision, and especially under these circumstances.

[hjffkj]

5 hours ago, Pen said:

Can she be crated near others so she is not alone—but also has a safety barrier?

Not really.  She has separation anxiety, always has, and even being in a crate near people brings it out badly.  If it were just a case of her barking to be let out I might consider it but she will frantically squirm in the crate and will most definitely hurt leg that causes her the most pain.

[hjffkj]

44 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

Is she on any pain medication? If not, be prepared for any decent vet (at least the urban/suburban type ones who deal almost exclusively with dogs and cats, I don't know about farm vets) to ask you about that and suggest--perhaps strongly--that you try at least some type of pain management before agreeing to euthanize. Just like people, older dogs almost all have some degree of arthritis and pain medicine can help dramatically and provide a dog with a couple (or more) years of  good quality life. Deaf dogs tend to startle easily, but other than that most older dogs adapt to being deaf so easily that many owners don't even notice the dog can no longer hear. Going deaf isn't normally much of a QOL issue for a dog.

I'm sorry you're having to make this decision, and especially under these circumstances.

Yes, she is on pain medicine that seems to do the job well sometimes and do nothing other times.  So we knew this time was coming we just thought we'd have a bit more time. She does startle easily now and it wasn't a problem until last night.  When she gets startled she used to just get up and walk away to get out of whatever situation she didn't want to be in.  Last night instead of moving she bit. That unpredictable behavior worries me because we have have babies and toddlers all over the house right now, and normally 1 toddler who loves the dog to death.

[hjffkj]

Thank you all for your suggestions and thoughts. We have told our 9 year old and 5 year old.  The others are still sleeping and we'll tell them as they wake up.  I framed it in a way that it was about her being in pain and scared.  My 9 year old mentioned the biting but he himself said it wasn't the kids fault, it just happened. Dh and I thought he would rebel and have a meltdown(he did last week when we said the dogs had to stay somewhere because my brother was visiting with his cats.) So I'm glad that didn't happen.  My 8 year old is going to take it really badly when she wakes up.

[Chris in VA]

I'm so sorry. We had to euthanize our dog because he just couldn't walk anymore. We waited too long, actually, if you go by any decent criteria. But we felt God's mercy--he was so ready, just the relaxing meds helped him pass, and we didn't have to give him the final shot. It still hurts. I hope your sweet dog leaves you with the gift of many wonderful memories. ❤️ I will say an extra prayer for your children. Many hugs. 

[ktgrok]

You don't tell her that it is because the dog bit her. You tell her it is because the dog is hurting. I generally tell my kids that the dog is very old, and dying, and we can't make them well again, but we can help make dying a more comfortable and keep them from hurting. 

[sassenach]

4 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

Is she on any pain medication? If not, be prepared for any decent vet (at least the urban/suburban type ones who deal almost exclusively with dogs and cats, I don't know about farm vets) to ask you about that and suggest--perhaps strongly--that you try at least some type of pain management before agreeing to euthanize. Just like people, older dogs almost all have some degree of arthritis and pain medicine can help dramatically and provide a dog with a couple (or more) years of  good quality life. Deaf dogs tend to startle easily, but other than that most older dogs adapt to being deaf so easily that many owners don't even notice the dog can no longer hear. Going deaf isn't normally much of a QOL issue for a dog.

I'm sorry you're having to make this decision, and especially under these circumstances.

I think most decent vets will also agree that when a dog, who lives in a house with kids, bites a kid in the face, it’s probably time. 

[Pawz4me]

1 hour ago, sassenach said:

I think most decent vets will also agree that when a dog, who lives in a house with kids, bites a kid in the face, it’s probably time. 

Maybe. Maybe not. The vets I know would want to figure out (and rightly so, IMO) if treatable pain was a factor. They’d feel an obligation to educate the owner about that first rather than immediately euthanizing a dog who was at least somewhat justified in defending itself (although it doesn’t sound like that was an issue here). 

[Katy]

When you call to make the appointment say that you want it to euthanize the dog.  The dog has been in pain for some time and recently bit a child in the face.

I agree that you shouldn't mention the bite as the reason, but the dog's declining health.

Is your niece okay?

[hjffkj]

8 minutes ago, Katy said:

When you call to make the appointment say that you want it to euthanize the dog.  The dog has been in pain for some time and recently bit a child in the face.

I agree that you shouldn't mention the bite as the reason, but the dog's declining health.

Is your niece okay?

Yes, my niece is fine. Thanks for asking.  It was not a serious bit but it did break the skin and left her lip swollen for a bit.  Less than 24 hours later and you can't tell without her flipping her lip up that it happened.  When I told her what we were doing I didn't mention the bite but I could read it all over her face that she was thinking it was her fault.  I told her that it wasn't and she thanked me and immediately seemed relieved.