Jump to content

Menu

Can anyone tell me about homeschooling a child with ASD?


Recommended Posts

I have homeschooled for 12 years, but I have no experience with autism.  I keep hearing that school is the best option for these kids because their social needs are different than "normal" kids.  But I've also heard that having a child on the spectrum is a big reason TO homeschool.  

 

Is there anything that you would recommend for someone considering homeschooling a child with ASD?  Is it a lot different than homeschooling a non-spectrum child?  

 

Thank you for any help or thoughts.  I'm feeling confused about what I am capable of doing and what will be the best for my child.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I homeschooled my Aspie all the way through. I don’t think that he would be the successful young man that he is today if we hadn’t homeschooled. (Though what do I know?).

 

ASD is a pretty big spectrum and challenges and opportunities will be different for different kids. What homeschool did for us: allowed me to give the structure that Ds needed, allowed us to let him fly in subjects because he is 2e, allowed me to work with him on social needs, allowed him to be in a bullyfree zone ( because honestly, my kid would have been a bully magnet).

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

ASD embraces a wide range of severity. Out 26 yr old is on the spectrum. I homeschooled him, but I wouldn't say without issues, but neither would I say the school system would have done a better job. He has a very high IQ, very (very) low processing speeds, left-side weakness (appears clueless and clumsy), OCD, ADHD (not as prevalent now as an adult), severe anxiety, and when he was younger ODD.

 

My biggest regret as a parent is that we were in denial about how he would progress to adulthood. He is incredibly smart and academics was never an issue. When he was around 14, one of his therapists said to me that all the education in the world wasn't going to matter if he couldn't hold a job. I remember being furious with him for that comment bc ds was so smart. But, he was right. Employment requires a completely different skill set than school. He cannot hold a job commensurate with his intellectual abilities bc his anxiety and his methodical/hyper-intense focus interfere with how he functions. He is a living example of the "~80% underemployment" statistic about Aspies/high functioning autistics. He is employed full-time, but it is through Goodwill's placement program.

 

If I could go back and do it all over again, I would focus on developing skills for self-employment vs standard high school/college. I would use the boatload of $$ we spent trying to launch him to adulthood via the traditional path and use it to establish a business for him. (A Magic shop/video game type store would have been the perfect fit for him.) But, instead, we spent everything we had for him (plus tapping into what we had for our other kids) on college and an autistic program on the college campus.

  • Like 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is not something where you can make a blanket statement!

 

It depends so much on the individual child.

 

There are kids who thrive socially with homeschooling.

 

I think it depends a lot on the placement you would have, and your individual child.

 

Sensory needs are a huge factor. Anxiety is a huge factor.

 

For my older son, he does not have autism, but he has “spectrum traits.†This is what we were told when we took him for an evaluation. He has had some run-ins with anxiety but he is not diagnosed with anxiety.

 

For the way his run-ins with anxiety have been, and our family dynamic, I had a period of time of almost 2 years when I could not really get him to leave the house except for public school. I could not get him to church. I could not get him to anything. We had one very hard summer when he barely left the house and he was not very happy.

 

There are some kids with autism who are like this, or have phases like this, where it’s easy to become a battle to leave the house. For a kid with tendencies this way, I think it is hard to overcome the advantages of having a high structure and consistency on weekdays. Just my personal opinion.

 

For this son, even when he was a small child he did not like it when we had any kind of activity. He didn’t like changes to his routine very much. An activity that was one day a week was always a change in routine for him and he wouldn’t get used to it.

 

However he’s doing better this way now, he is 12 and this is not currently an issue. I would feel like if I homeschooled now I wouldn’t worry about this.

 

For my younger son, he is in a special education placement, he has an autism diagnosis, autistic disorder under dsm 4. He does not have anxiety. However with him, I feel more like I work with him a lot, I work with him a lot in many ways. But I can’t work with him all the time, all day. He gets so much 1:1 at school I think it really benefits him. He needs a lot of 1:1 and..... I need to not get burned out. But he is in a placement I like, his needs are really met. He is happy at school.

 

I think a lot of kids don’t have their needs met because the services they qualify for aren’t very extensive. Some kids get bullied at recess and things like that.

 

My son is not likely to be targeted because he doesn’t interact much at all with peers unless he is prompted. He also has aide support throughout the day.

 

It’s just a vastly different situation than for a child who doesn’t need an aide but could be bullied at recess.

 

I know several parents who have withdrawn their kids to homeschool and it has gone really, really well for them. I know one-two who have had problems with a school (in a different school district) and withdrawn them to homeschool, and then their kids do all computer learning and don’t seem to really leave the house. My opinion about that is I think they should move into a better school district for autism, because their kids don’t seem to be doing that good alone all day doing online school. I think this is (maybe) what people are seeing who say school is good for social. But I think they don’t know what it is like for kids in a bad school district for autism, and I also think they aren’t seeing the kids who do very well socially with homeschooling.

 

Just with people I happen to know I think it is a real issue, but it’s also such a little subset. It has *nothing* to do with my younger son, nothing at all. It would be ridiculous for me to listen to a generalization based on kids nothing like him except for an autism diagnosis because it is so, so broad.

Edited by Lecka
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I keep hearing that school is the best option for these kids because their social needs are different than "normal" kids.  But I've also heard that having a child on the spectrum is a big reason TO homeschool. 

 

As an autistic individual, I'll be upfront here and say that nobody, ever, should have to go through the hell I went through at school.

 

I strongly believe that my treatment at school made my social issues worse. It certainly was a contributing factor in my depression*. I have multiple autistic friends who report that they have PTSD from being mainstreamed in school - and the odds aren't better in autistic-specific programs, either.

 

Not all schools are the same. Not all autistic children are the same. But personally? If one of my kids was autistic, I'd be extremely cautious about sending them to school.

 

* Autistics are significantly more likely to suffer from depression than NTs. It's not clear how much of this is due to neurology and/or genetics and how much is due to the disabling attitudes of society, but I don't think I'm going too far out on a limb here to suggest that a miserable school environment doesn't help.

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My autistic son (with ADHD and anxiety disorder) is just about to turn 9.  

 

I cannot imagine him thriving in public school.  Socially and emotionally he struggles in his 1 hour art, Spanish and gym classes each week...and those are highly structured environments, with mixed age students, high teacher to child ratios, and almost entirely preferred activities.  Those classes are really good for him, they are vital opportunities for him to practice interacting with others, but equally important is him being able to come home before he reaches his limits.  

 

Homeschooling allows us:

- to customize his education...spending lots of time on social thinking, computer programming, his other strengths and passions, etc.

- to meet his 2e academic needs (extreme acceleration in some areas)

- to support his weaknesses (handwriting, spelling, reading comprehension, math facts, etc) without letting them drag him down

- to manage his anxiety

- to provide amazing (largely bully-free) social opportunities

- to closely supervise and scaffold during social interactions

- to allow him large amounts of free time to play, read and decompress

- to have him constantly practice daily social skills like approaching a librarian with a question, making a purchase at the grocery store, etc

- to closely manage his diet and medication schedule

- to make sure he gets enough sleep, exercise and time outside

- to spends lots of time explicitly teaching hygiene, chores, routines, responsibility, etc.

- to strengthen his bonds to the family

 

Wendy

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

While every child with ASD is different, many of them (most) have significant elements of anxiety that makes a brick and mortar situation torture. Contrary to popular belief, it isn't usually that these kids are oblivious to social cues but that they have high levels of anxiousness that causes their interpretations to be way off the mark.

 

My little buddy is almost 7 and since babyhood it has been a wild ride. Since pulling him from the private school he was at we have dealt with near zero behavior issues we had prior. He is so incredibly happy and adjusted. I cannot speak for others but my little guy is flourishing and doing so well. He knows his home schedule, loves his curriculum choices and making huge gains.

 

We attend an umbrella school a couple times per week so he takes classes with other kids and has social opportunities. He does great in the majority of these classes. He has one class that is crowded with a ton of transitions and that one stretches him. My friend and I each have our ASD kiddo in that class so we tag team being on there for support. If he gets overwhelmed he steps out and does a quick walk around the building and comes back in. He has learned to self regulate well because he knows he always has an out. I never make him be there. He knows he can walk over to the library or step outside. Knowing he has that out usually helps him to make the decision to come back in and try again.

 

It really has been day and night for us. People who knew him before are stunned at his growth. Another big help or us, and again, this is just our situation is I cut out every single therapist except for speech. They were making his behaviors way worse. I have my own thoughts about how his particular therapy needs to go and I work with him myself. Best decision ever.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for all the replies. 

 

I realize these kids vary significantly, but I want to hear about all different experiences because I don't know how high functioning my child will be.(She's just turned 4) I just want to hear that there are people that have homeschooled successfully and don't regret that choice.

 

I should also clarify- I'm not considering putting her in the public school.  She is currently going to a private school for kids with speech and language issues and some learning differences.  She started in August right after we got a diagnosis.  She has made amazing progress with her speech.  There are only six kids in the class with 3 teachers- one of them a speech pathologist.  She enjoys going and we couldn't be happier with her progress. 

 

But-  we drive close to an hour each way, 4 times a week. Next year it would be 5 times a week.  And she would need to leave the house even earlier because the start time is earlier and we'd hit morning rush hour traffic.  It makes it hard to participate in some activities for my other two kids still at home because of the schedule.  And it's very expensive.

 

I guess I'm trying to decide if I can provide a home program that is as good or better than they can provide at the school.  I will definitely continue with speech therapy as well.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We bought a house to be closer to the program my son attends. It’s not our first-choice place to live but it is worth it. However we were moving anyway! Depending on what your other kids do and their ages, and whether you would find them new activities if you moved, you might just trade one drive for another. But for our situation it’s a given for us at this point we are going to be taking my son’s needs seriously into account when we decide where to live, and at the expense of other preferences we have.

 

However — I don’t think you are obligated to stay in the same school.

 

You would probably have pros and cons at home, but mainly just differences. It would be different.

 

I don’t think it’s good to look at it like re-creating the private school. The private school is designed to make the best of what it has and do things in a good way with the constraints and advantages it has.

 

I think your homeschool would have its own things that could be really personalized, and then those would be the things to capitalize on. They are advantages for homeschooling.

 

I think the question is if you can provide well for her and she can do well. Not if it’s better than school, or the same as school. It just doesn’t work to compare things that way, in my opinion.

 

Also it’s worth bringing this up, but sometimes with speech kids make a lot of progress when they are starting, and then they plateau some. Like — they’ve caught up some, and now they’re caught up. Sometimes things are really good at a certain time. But that doesn’t mean you have to keep on doing it. (Edit — I mean, just because she has had amazing progress for this period of time, doesn’t mean it’s really a hands-down better option than other options that could also be good.).

 

I think I would also wonder if it is hard for her to be in a place she likes. Like, is it amazing that she is in a place she likes? Or is she a kid who could do well a lot of places? If she is a kid who could do well in a lot of places, then I think you have a lot of options with homeschooling and participating in the community. If other things are very hard for her but she does very well at this school, then I think that is harder. That’s what I feel like with my younger son in a lot of ways. But for a lot of kids they can do well in a variety of places.

 

You could try some things like you might do if you homeschooled, and see how it goes. That might help you make a choice, or feel good that you would like her options with homeschooling.

 

It’s also really normal to feel really close to teachers and speech therapists, and think they know a lot, but I think over time you appreciate how much a parent matters, too. A lot of information you can learn over time, even if you don’t know it at the beginning. I still really like teachers and therapists, but over time I know a lot about what works with my son, too. I think you will probably develop a lot of confidence that way! Maybe ask to observe in the class or ask for a book suggestion from the speech therapist or teacher, if you feel like they really have more expertise than you do. You can learn a lot that way and get the benefits of their knowledge and experience.

Edited by Lecka
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks, Kinsa.  I'm going to post this on the Learning Challenges board.

 

I appreciate all the thoughts.  

 

 I think my problem is that I DO feel the therapists are experts and I have no clue what to do!  I think it's kind of silly, but that is why I feel so nervous homeschooling her.  I feel like they have some sort of knowledge that will help her and I'm missing it! I never felt this way homeschooling my other kids.  Part of the problem is I don't think I understand autism very well if that makes sense.  I've tried reading about it, but she seems different than books. : )

 

We did consider moving to be closer to the school, but we were told she may not need the school for more than a couple of years.  So it's probably not worth a move anyway. And it is an extremely expensive area of town, and we don't really want to live in the city- we like our acreage.  But we haven't completely ruled it out.

 

Are there any books you all can suggest or anything I can do so I will feel more prepared?  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My 17-year-old is on the spectrum. We have always homeschooled. I do not regret that decision, but it has been a lot of work, definitely more difficult than homeschooling my two NT children. We have always been involved with an active co-op so all of my kids have had an opportunity for classes/social interaction there, plus my spectrum kid has had various interventions and therapies over the years.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think there is a difference between therapies and academics. What you are describing her receiving at her school at 4 may not resemble anything she would experience in school at 9.

 

Based on your description, I would tend to leave her where she is until they say she no longer qualifies if you can afford it bc what they do when are little has such long term impact. (I wouldn't forgo therapies, myself, unless I knew exactly what I was doing.)

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, one, you could be open to keeping her in the school one more year if you do feel like right now there really is a lot of benefit for her. That is really okay, too! But you probably don’t need to decide yet, you probably have months left to decide. You can also potentially see how things go in summer and see if you think it’s working well or not. Those are some ways to keep your options open.

 

Then, what kinds of things have you been told about your daughter? That will help you get better ideas for books to read.

 

Then, what methods or programs are being used with her now? What kinds of goals does she have? Could you continue with things going well at home?

 

Can you get parent training or observe? If nothing else, if she is going to have summer off, you need to be prepared to meet her needs and provide some review over the summer. You can maybe tell the school you don’t feel prepared and see what options they suggest (observing, more time to discuss things with you).

 

If it’s the kind of place that doesn’t do much in that way, maybe there is a therapist you can see who would do more with parent training and educating you.

 

What happened for me, is I thought at first people just had some magical way of doing things, that they just happened to be wonderful people who could make things go well.

 

I didn’t understand how much of that came from specific techniques (that work for me too) and that came from being around other people who acted as role models (and I could have role models too if I observed).

 

It made a big difference for me to see I could learn some of the same techniques and observe people who were good too, and then I didn’t feel like “well they’re good at it and I’m bad at it†like I had felt.

 

I think it just takes time!

 

I think for parents too we start to see things we are good at and then things where the teacher or therapist is particularly good or particularly bringing something to the table. I still have that, but I think I bring a lot to the table, too.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think too, the therapists and teachers DO probably know things you don’t know. They have experience and training you don’t have. You can address the training side by looking for training. I think a lot of training is hands-on with you seeing people work with her and discussing things, there are things hard to get from a book.

 

Then on experience, I am never going to have the insight that comes from working with many kids over time, and seeing kids go from being in pre-school to growing up, that a lot of therapists have. They have followed kids grow up, and I can’t do that. It does bring insight, and I think more insight than can be had just from a book.

 

Though I am in favor of books, too!

 

But as I have learned more and more about my son, what he is like, what works for him, etc, then I have a lot of knowledge pertinent to my son, and I have a lot of experience with my son. And that is very valuable, too.

 

There are different approaches with autism and if you like what she is doing at school, there may be a certain approach they follow, or they may use a lot of “best practices†that are used in a lot of approaches. They may have methods or strategies they like.

 

If you know the name of an approach, method, or strategy, that’s a first step I think in learning more. But for me it takes time and asking or being told to know that “right now they are using a method and the method is called such-and-such.†I don’t know that. That’s the kind of thing where if there is a name, you can google it, and learn more about it.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't regret it.  But some days really suck. today is one of those hard days. if it weren't so hard of a day with her right now, I'd type more.  I may even return to this thread and share more later.

 

youngest dd is high school age.  homeschooled from her kindy year forward to now.  did special ed preschool and regular needs preschool.  function level: extreme impairments in communication, presents as extremely IQ impaired on verbal based IQ tests, and low average on non verbal ones.  Is not a danger physically. 

 

I'm trying hard to not let the really bad day of emotions today impact my posting.  I'm thankful that she gets to be home so that she can do stuff that she is capable.  We attend a church these days that has a special needs department. Plenty of autism kids in the group.  I see what the private high schools that work with disabilities do and they would treat her as "poor and pitful" and non capable.  I've seen that the public school would not even try with her labels.

 

I will never feel like an expert.  ever.

 

My oldest daughter probably would have received the diagnosis once called aspergers.  She's a senior in college now.  She would not have done well in group schools.  Teachers would have hated her. she's too smart.  Other girls did not like her.  she was too awkward of a fit.  finally in college she has a tribe of misfits that she likes. (you know, the stereotype right?  they all do LARP together, and all hang at the comic book store and run and organize the comic convention in town, and do D&D on Friday nights with the math professor.  can't make that stuff up.  her math major advisor is her DM in d&d)

 

I don't really regret homeschooling her either.   She was quite active in church youth group in high school and heard all kinds of stuff and she still says she's glad she didn't have to experience that life.

 

middle gal: no ASD, but other disabiltiies (auditory processing, inattentive adhd, very "slow").  She would have been eaten alive in group school.

 

I'm not an expert at it either.  I did the best I could with what I found.  back 15 years ago (when middle gal was starting homeschooling), there was so little for us. I know there's more now.

 

Wish I were having a good day of homeschooling where I could tell about the resources that I do have.  but when I have these hard journey days, I really don't believe a word I read in a book or a therapy out there. so I'm too cynical to type.

 

Last week, you would have received a different answer. I would have told you how my youngest (the 15 y.o) with classical autism and low IQ woke up early and got home therapies done (with lumosity, eyeqadvantage, equipping minds, brain reflex thingy, and some time in Monarch from aop), and then made me a birthday cake and decorated it and even started clean up.  "I made it myself. " and she did.  it was a beautiful cake. not the best she's made, but not the worst either.  something went wrong and it was dense.  maybe that was the intention?  giggle.  But then I would have say oh yeah baby, this is why I homeschool in spite of her autism and my lack of expert knowledge. 

 

somewhere in the years of her visual strength of learning she watched all of that at home and that's what she learned and was taught and caught.  I don't regret that.  I regret math lesson this morning.

 

thanks for listening. I don't really have a point in it.  It's hard work.  but you know that with homeschooling other children. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have homeschooled my almost 10 year old spectrum boy from the beginning.

 

I cannot fathom how he would function in a school. He’s a bully-magnet, needs constant adult support to function socially, has severe ADHD (off the charts), is gifted, has very, very slow processing speed, cannot function in a noisy environment (possible APD), has learning disabilities, has enough motor deficits to result in clumsiness/strange movement patterns, and through it all, appears to the uninitiated (and his peers) like he’s “just annoying,†not like he’s spectrum. He attends a one day a week charter for homeschoolers where all of these issues are constantly apparent.

 

That said, I’m also reaching the end of my rope and don’t know how to continue homeschooling him. Educationally, I’m fine. My patience and ability to manage his deficits are drained. We’re beginning ABA (finally) and I keep panicking about all the “extra†work they’ll ask he to do to create new structure. I can’t even keep up with what I have.

 

We’ve done a lot of therapies. Every single time, I’ve realized that the “experts†don’t really know more than me. Usually, I end up teaching them how to work with him effectively. Maybe I haven’t found the right therapist yet? But I keep looking because I know I have so much to learn and I WANT to be better (even though I’m afraid of more work).

 

So, I kind of lots and lots want to send him to school. But not because I think he’ll do better. I don’t think he will. I think he’ll stagnate educationally (those LDs plus his processing speed plus inability to function in a noisy environment will mean he can’t advance in the areas he’s gifted in) abs emotionally (he’s such a HAPPY kid, but that bullying just one day a week wears on him). I don’t think he will do better in school, but I might need him to go. I’m still considering how one draws the line between the health of mom and the potential of a child. (impossible...I know).

 

So, if I could offer suggestions to someone considering homeschooling an ASD kid, it would be: you have to take care of the parents (you) too. Hopefully, you have relatives or friends who can offer weekly respite. Schedule it and use it. You won’t know you need it until it seems too late. Hopefully, your spouse is engaged in parenting and supporting you. If not, consider how much more support you’ll need abd where you’ll find it. Set up support to help you with LDs or behaviors or OT or whatever. Get LD testing early, not later. Work with your district to set up an IEP in case he/she needs to suddenly go to school (you get sick, for example). You don’t need to be in the school to set up an IEP. Leave the house ALONE regularly. Figure out a way to have your family leave you alone in your house regularly also. Basically, do everything I didn’t do (not for lack of trying).

 

And, though I know nothing: listen to the people who do. Thanks, 8FillTheHeart again for sharing what you’ve learned. The older my boy gets, the more I’m realizing (just me...no one else wants to consider it yet) that adulthood launching isn’t going to look anything like we thought.

 

If she’s doing well, I’d leave her where she is. If you begin to see that she’s struggling, you can pull her then. I don’t see any reason to mess with something that’s working.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm an expert on my kid.  I got to be that was through 20 years of blood, sweat and tears!  Things have not always been easy.  In fact, the first four years of elementary were filled with multiple daily tantrums.  A ps school teacher (and I am one and specialized in special ed.) would not have had the time or patience to work with him on the self regulation and self talk needed to manage his emotions and anxiety.  The late elementary years were easier tantrum wise but once he hit about ten or eleven then hormones made things very challenging.  From his tweens to about 16 were filled with meltdowns again.  He would have been suspended or worse, might have ended up like one of the shooters we hear about - everything was catastrophic for him in his thinking.  A therapist could have helped but I learned what I could do do "therapy" daily in the moment.  I doubt most people would be able to afford that.  We took two years for his 12th grade year.  He was capable academically but we actually focused more on him getting a job and in having those skills in the first of his "senior years".  Because that was so important to him and to us, we let academics bleed over to a second year.  Through the help of some supplements (lithium orotate) he has a much better handle on his emotions and anxiety.  He's successfully working a fulltime job right now in his field (IT), will be finishing up some community college courses next quarter and then will be transferring out of state to a university.  He's come a very long way.

 

But that is just my kid and his journey.  As others have said, it varies so much. 

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I greatly appreciate all your replies!  You all have given me a lot to think about. It sounds like it can actually benefit a lot of kids tremendously, but it requires a lot more work from the parent than homeschooling a typical kid. 

 

The class she is in is basically a preschool class with group speech therapy.  It still covers all the regular preschool type activities- shapes, colors, cute themes.  She also does individual speech therapy twice a week.  We will definitely continue with the individual therapy.

 

If the school was closer then I think I would continue with it for another year, maybe two.  The cost is an issue, but it is doable.  It's primarily the commute time.  Sometimes my husband can take her, and sometimes my mother can pick her up, but there isn't a consistent schedule.  My 5 year old son and I are in the car for 3-4 hours on the days we drive.  I  feel it's really unfair to my little guy.  At least when we get to the school my daughter gets to do something fun, but my son has to turn around and get back in the car again.  : (  It's not ideal.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I’d like to revise my answer a little. I am of course an expert on my child. But I’m not an expert in general on autism and education even if my daughter’s psychologist thinks I should open a homeschool consulting business to help others who want to homeschool  special ed (and autism) to feel more confident. LOL. Seriously, at the last eval the psychologist told me I should open shop. At that moment, I never feel less of an expert than I thought I could. hence my reluctance to claim expert.  Heee heee.  y'all laugh with me on that, right?

 

So I rambled earlier about what it is like years down the road. We wiped away the tears of math today and did homeschool PE and feel a lot better.

 

Let me go back in time and remember when youngest was that age. We were only driving 15 minutes or so to the speech and language preschool at the university, and 10 minutes to the regular needs church preschool that allowed her to be there. We stayed an extra year in that. I’m sure I would have not dealt with it if it were an hour drive however. I was younger, and if it had been the only option, I might have. The place we were at sounds like what you’re doing now. Our was 10 kids and 5 teachers (3 of whom were getting their license for speech pathologists, one who was their clinical supervisor and the other was a preschool teacher.) We also did private speech and OT at the time.

 

I was glad when that daughter could join us at home in her kindy year.

 

My suggestion from that experience is that if there is any way you observe the classroom regularly in some fashion then try to do that as well. At the university speech based preschool, there was an observation window. I learned a lot watching and listening. At the speech and OT clinic, I asked for more information (tell me what to do to have homework). I mean homework sounds silly for preschool age, but it was similar idea. During that final year I started in on a boxed preschool thing (it was old version of mfw preschool with toys) and learned from the school’s techniques how to do more with it. I gained a lot of confidence from watching. They were ok with me doing that because they knew the parents that did watch and learn would then go home and do (even those who went to brick and mortar schools). I asked for individual conference to learn.  I told them I didn't want their job. I just wanted to help my daughter.

 

I don’t have answers for how to help juggle the rest of the family’s needs. But ask around and see who would help with the other family members who are younger. Or who could take older student to something. I’ve done the homeschool in waiting rooms routine. It was never fun, but it got it done.  (if it we me, I'd find something so that the 5 y.o has something to do?  do they offer the concept of "peer model siblings" at reduced rate?  there was a session or two where my middle daughter was in the classroom with younger sister in that role.)

 

And in terms of girls vs boys autism difference. Well, at our church there are several girls on the spectrum other than my daughter, and they don’t seem to be in the same book descriptions with each other either. Some things are similar with the girls, but not all. some stuff in the books don't apply.  You know the saying out there, right?  If you've met one person with autism you've met one person with autism.

 

Things that long term I am glad we were able to homeschool her: able to get out in the community (volunteering as a jr. high and high school age person). Piano lessons. Learning baking and cake decorating (she’s good at that) and cooking in general. Lots of time to let her have down time she needs. Easier to teach all of that girl hygiene stuff at home than having it be at school. It’s been hard work.

 

But I also do not regret staying the extra year in special ed preschool and letting her get older and me get more information and training.

Edited by cbollin
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can you visit some other options?

 

Do you already have a good speech therapist lined up, or do you have names?

 

I think there could be other options for a pre-school type program that would be more convenient.

 

Or you could do a program in conjunction with a therapist, but do it at home.

 

I think there are options there.

 

I think though, is there something more to the program she is in? It got recommended to you for a good reason, there is probably something about it.

 

I’m guessing you don’t have much time to talk to people there, because you have your other kids with you. But if you can hang around or talk to them, you can find out more about what they are actually doing.

 

It’s nice you have a close-aged child, you can do little group activities if it works out. I mean — in practice, can you do little group activities with them? Would your daughter be engaged and participate?

 

I think too the speech therapist will probably be straight with you...... is she providing a lot of intensive therapy, or is she doing the kind of thing that is good but it’s not intensive therapy? If she’s doing a lot of good practices but a smaller amount of intensive therapy, you may be able to do a lot of the good practices if you know what they are. You can see if you are able to do it. If you talk to her and she says the time on intensive therapy is actually pretty great, it may be more than you can provide with speech therapy.

 

My son did a home ABA program in the morning and special needs pre-school in the afternoon, so that was an option we had.

 

It will just depend what is available where you live, but maybe there are more options you could look into.

 

I think if you can observe more you can get more of a sense like “wow they are working with her a ton†or like she spends time doing things you could do with her and your other kids.

 

You can get a sense like “this is very different from other pre-schools.†Or you might get a sense like she would need a good fit, but could attend a closer pre-school, maybe you could visit and find one that would also be good for her.

 

It will depend on your local options and on what you see with your daughter.

 

I know someone who rented her house out and then rented an apartment, to be closer to services. It also saved them money. I didn’t know them very well but it seemed like it worked out. I think they did it for two years.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If the school was closer then I think I would continue with it for another year, maybe two. 

 

Looked at another way, these next two years might be the ideal time to trial keeping her at home.

 

My autistic son needs a lot of structure and consistency.  I can provide that at home, even in a busy house with 4 young kids, but only because we have been building it up via trial and error slowly over the last many years.  I devoted his preschool and kindergarten years to establishing routines and rhythms and coping strategies...we did some light academics, but only in service of laying down structure.

 

For us, it would have been much harder to bring him home in 1st grade when we would have needed to balance his social and behavioral needs with an increased academic load.

 

Wendy 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I’m going to mention some books.

 

 

https://www.amazon.com/Early-Start-Your-Child-Autism/dp/160918470X

 

This is a nice book and it’s for your daughter’s age. It talks about nice at-home things to do, and it talks about autism.

 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1483448282/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1519844039&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX223_SY320_QL65&keywords=play+project&dpPl=1&dpID=31VfAvyEbcL&ref=plSrch

 

This is a book about Play Project. It’s a program some states have, they have a facilitator visit every so often and go over things parents can do with their kids. It’s a parent training model in a lot of ways, where a therapist trains a parent every so often, but most of the time the parent is working with kids.

 

You can see some ideas from them, for your daughter’s age.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is an article called “the parents’ role in ABA therapy.†It gives a lot of good general ideas for being involved in therapy. If you wanted to look into ABA therapy there might be someone who would come to your house or there might be a closer location. The website is https://www.bacb.com you can look up your zip code under “find a certificant.â€

 

http://www.iloveaba.com/2017/11/the-parents-role-in-aba-therapy.html?m=1

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 I think my problem is that I DO feel the therapists are experts and I have no clue what to do!  I think it's kind of silly, but that is why I feel so nervous homeschooling her.  I feel like they have some sort of knowledge that will help her and I'm missing it! I never felt this way homeschooling my other kids.  Part of the problem is I don't think I understand autism very well if that makes sense.  I've tried reading about it, but she seems different than books. : )

 

How well do you understand your child?

 

 

Lots of people get lots of help from the experts, and that's great.

 

Mine didn't. The experts couldn't do a thing for him because he was already operating at his personal best.

 

Keep learning, because knowledge doesn't spontaneously appear in our heads, but you are still parenting the kid in front of you, just like you did with your other kids. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How well do you understand your child?

 

 

Lots of people get lots of help from the experts, and that's great.

 

Mine didn't. The experts couldn't do a thing for him because he was already operating at his personal best.

 

Keep learning, because knowledge doesn't spontaneously appear in our heads, but you are still parenting the kid in front of you, just like you did with your other kids. 

 

Agree.

 

An expert who only sees the child on occasion is going off of generalities.  Even a teacher who sees a child everyday has her or his attention on a group of kids (usually).  And the constraints of a professional setting means that some things just can't be addressed.  A good daycare is actually trying to replicate things that happen in a learning rich home. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Agree.

 

An expert who only sees the child on occasion is going off of generalities.

 

agree.

that reminds me of something one of the professionals said at the most recent eval.  LOL.  "what do you mean your child is taking Spanish 1? I'm used to writing recommendation for exemption for foreign language requirement for children with ASD to graduate". 

 

yet my child for some reason enjoyed taking Spanish this year.  My guess is that in a regular brick and mortar system, she wouldn't have been able to have been offered that.  Again, that's high school and not preschool.  but all the same, it's one of those things in the this is what it is like for me homeschooling child with asd.

 

When my youngest was preschool age, books on Floortime were recommended in our area.  can't remember the name.  author was stanley greens..... something.  I used to check it out of library or I'd look for it.  I don't know if that book and strategy/therapy is still recommended or not, but we liked it.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

That strategy/therapy is called DIR or Floortime. The name is Stanley Greenspan. The Play Project uses this approach.

 

Edit: my personal opinion, but the Play Project book is more usable to me than the older books.

 

Also I have read a biography by a mom who uses a lot of Floortime techniques: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/006174381X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1519848094&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=elaine+hall&dpPl=1&dpID=51ikkQf7CiL&ref=plSrch

 

I really liked this book.

Edited by Lecka
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

agree.

that reminds me of something one of the professionals said at the most recent eval.  LOL.  "what do you mean your child is taking Spanish 1? I'm used to writing recommendation for exemption for foreign language requirement for children with ASD to graduate". 

 

yet my child for some reason enjoyed taking Spanish this year.  My guess is that in a regular brick and mortar system, she wouldn't have been able to have been offered that.  Again, that's high school and not preschool.  but all the same, it's one of those things in the this is what it is like for me homeschooling child with asd.

 

When my youngest was preschool age, books on Floortime were recommended in our area.  can't remember the name.  author was stanley greens..... something.  I used to check it out of library or I'd look for it.  I don't know if that book and strategy/therapy is still recommended or not, but we liked it.

 

Wait - my aspie wasn't supposed to take 9 years of Latin (3 at the high school level)?  This reminds me of when I successfully taught Japanese to kids with Downs Syndrome.  The school administration was floored (in a positive way).  Obviously some kids have a receptive or expressive language delay but I always thought the trick was more exposure to language, not less. 

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is a rhetorical question, but I’m not clear if you’re feeling like you aren’t up to speed and it’s because you just don’t know too much about what they are doing and feel like they just know more than you, but a lot of it is feeling that way, and not having a chance because of your other kids to be more involved. If your other kids could stay with a babysitter sometimes maybe you could go in more and not feel like it is too fancy for you.

 

Or maybe you are really seeing “wow my kids needs therapy, this is more than I can do alone,†and that’s more realistic, and you need to look at options because the drive is not working. Then you might look at other options combined with doing things at home, you might have parent training or you might work on goals at home from your child’s therapy.

 

But I can’t tell, at first I thought your daughter might have a high need for specialized therapy. But now I wonder if a lot of it is you feel unqualified but really a lot is things you are totally capable of doing with the right guidance or with observing what they do in the pre-school.

 

Or it may be somewhere in the middle!

 

But I think taking a greater role and having more confidence would be really helpful. It’s good for parents to be involved. It’s not desirable to “leave it to the experts.†You can be involved. It may take leaving your other kids with a babysitter sometimes, though, I don’t know. Maybe you have other options that way though.

 

Having a home program with a therapist coming to my home was much better as far as my other kids, in our situation. They could do peer programs and things we might work on in therapy were then easy to do from then on for me, without the therapist there. Not perfect or anything but it was helpful to me.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is a rhetorical question, but I’m not clear if you’re feeling like you aren’t up to speed and it’s because you just don’t know too much about what they are doing and feel like they just know more than you, but a lot of it is feeling that way, and not having a chance because of your other kids to be more involved. If your other kids could stay with a babysitter sometimes maybe you could go in more and not feel like it is too fancy for you.

 

Or maybe you are really seeing “wow my kids needs therapy, this is more than I can do alone,†and that’s more realistic, and you need to look at options because the drive is not working. Then you might look at other options combined with doing things at home, you might have parent training or you might work on goals at home from your child’s therapy.

 

But I can’t tell, at first I thought your daughter might have a high need for specialized therapy. But now I wonder if a lot of it is you feel unqualified but really a lot is things you are totally capable of doing with the right guidance or with observing what they do in the pre-school.

 

Or it may be somewhere in the middle!

 

But I think taking a greater role and having more confidence would be really helpful. It’s good for parents to be involved. It’s not desirable to “leave it to the experts.†You can be involved. It may take leaving your other kids with a babysitter sometimes, though, I don’t know. Maybe you have other options that way though.

 

Having a home program with a therapist coming to my home was much better as far as my other kids, in our situation. They could do peer programs and things we might work on in therapy were then easy to do from then on for me, without the therapist there. Not perfect or anything but it was helpful to me.

 

I also read the earlier posts as sounding like it was more than a preschool, but a specialized school with built-in therapies b/c of the comment of only needing the program for a couple of yrs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, there’s a lot of difference between a specialized school program and an enriched pre-school program with more focus on language. There’s a lot of leeway in there.

 

Just to give an example, for my son’s special needs pre-school, it was 3 hours 4 days/week, and all the kids had push-in speech therapy and a trained teacher and a low ratio.

 

But my son also had 45 minutes daily of intensive (1:1) therapy addressing some IEP goals with an ABA-style program. That most of the kids didn’t get and they didn’t need it. My son did need it.

 

That’s probably more stark bet there can be a range, where it’s things where truly an involved parent can do it, especially when there siblings to work on group skills with.

 

And then there’s programs where a LOT is built-in and it is a LOT of work the adults are doing, and it would be hard for one person to do it, and it would be hard to teach and care for two other kids, because it is just a very intensive level of therapy. And then it can get hard if you both want a group (siblings) and you also want a very, very high level of support for one of the kids.

 

What she does when left to her own devices matters a lot, too. Once my son had some independent play skills that was a huge difference. But he used to not benefit (this is a euphemism and I mean he would either be wild or he would withdraw in a way that was not healthy for him) from being left to his own devices, and it made it hard for me to focus on my other kids.

 

Really a 1:2 ratio is a pretty high ratio and depending on how it’s set up it could be a mix of the kids being in a 1:4 group with lots of 1:1 time built in. That could be pretty intense. And then the 1:1 could be the kind of thing a parent can do, or the kind of thing that is hard for parents to do. (I mean — they could have a schedule where for parts of the day two kids at a time work 1:1 while four kids are in a 1:4 group.).

 

Edit: for his home ABA often he would spend 45 minutes-1hour or so doing intense therapy I wouldn’t be able to replicate. Then the rest of the time would be things I could continue throughout the day. A lot of things would really be daily life kinds of things that can be done through the day.

 

The books I linked do have a lot of ideas for things like that.

Edited by Lecka
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lecka, thank you for the book suggestions.  I just ordered two off Amazon and the Play Project one on kindle.  I'm going to start reading on kindle and then possibly buy the book- it wasn't prime. : )

 

I'll try to clarify a little more.  The school is a therapy center that offers group classes for kids with language/speech issues. In a group setting they work on expressive/receptive language, social/play skills, gross and fine motor skills, and sensory processing.  It is 2 and half hours a day 4 times a week.  They work on those skills while acting like a traditional pre K/ mother's day out with playground time, weekly themes, arts & crafts etc..   Next year my daughter would go from the therapy center class to "school" which is Pre K- 6th grade but is only for kids with speech/language disorders as the primary issue.  Many of the kids have ASD, but they are all more high functioning.

 There is no ABA therapy at all. 

 

As far as reasons why I'm not sure I feel confident homeschooling her- I think it's a little of both.  I am worried that if I take her out of a group setting she may not progress socially.  I'm also worried that I don't know all of the techniques the therapists use.  And I still feel that I don't understand autism- I know that sounds silly.

 

If I'm working with her at home on social skills, and we practice with siblings and family and when we're out doing activities, is that enough?  Is there something magic about being in a small group of kids her age?  

 

I'm going to request to view the class.  That was a great suggestion! I will either feel that I absolutely CAN learn what they are doing, or I'll know that I need more time to learn.

 

And I should probably elaborate a little more on her diagnosis. The psychologist who did the evaluation said she was "borderline" or "mild" ASD.  She met some criteria but not all. I was told she needed speech therapy and group social skills, but not ABA.  She said my daughter was not a good fit for ABA.  At the time I had never heard of ABA so I didn't think to ask more.  She did give me some information about Floor Time, and I've been doing  that with my daughter.  It seemed like how I was already playing with her previously. 

 

I'm going to start reading about the play project tonight- hopefully I'll start to feel more confident as I learn more.  The whole thing is sort of overwhelming!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It sounds like you are already doing good! If ABA wasn’t recommended then don’t worry about it. Really. Especially if she is doing well with what she is doing. If she wasn’t doing well with what she was doing, that would be different.

 

You have a 5-year-old so you have a small group there for her. She can practice social skills with siblings. Yes she would need non-siblings sometimes too, but you can do that in other ways.

 

I think see what you think when you observe: you will get a feeling like you can do it, or you might get a feeling like some things you can’t. But you can observe and then try doing some similar things on Friday or the weekend, and see how it goes!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Allison TX,

 

[i read through this entire thread last night just before bed. I really wanted to respond right away but I needed to sleep! So, here are my thoughts, based on everything I read --- which has all been fantastic info, by the way!]

 

Not sure I can add much to what the others have told you here but I wanted to chime in & say that we decided to begin homeschooling our DS8 (3rd grader) half-way through his 1st grade year and so far, we have been very happy with our decision. We've continually discussed homeschooling with both his speech therapist (he no longer gets speech but I keep in touch with the therapist) and his ABA therapist, and both have said they think our son has thrived at home. He's the type of ASD-kiddo who would have tanked at school because he doesn't have any cognitive delays so he can do the work; his issues lie in the behavioral & social realms. So, his teachers would have spent hours trying to "fix" his behavior rather than teaching him.

 

We kept him in public school starting with 2-year old preschool. For his preschool & K years, he had fantastic teachers who loaded his IEP with everything they could. My school district is famous for being stingy with their IEP accommodations but our son lucked out with preschool teachers who knew the ropes & went to bat for him.

 

We ended up pulling him half-way through 1st grade because we started getting hints from the school about their wanting to remove accommodations, coupled with a teacher who just didn't do much more for him than teach.

 

The key factor for me was that he entered school everyday in "fight or flight" mode, and I figured he couldn't possibly be learning anything if he was constantly stressed. So, bottom line --- school worked for us...until it didn't.

 

I agree that there is a huge learning curve but I have also found, time & again, that a lot of the learning is really about us adults developing different habits. For example, I know from ABA that my son does well with checklists and timers but I didn't implement them in his homeschooling until recently. When I use the checklists & timers, he's a happier student & happier kid. When I forget and try to do lessons off-the-cuff, they crash & burn.

 

You are right that teaching yourself about autism (and how to teach kids with autism) can be overwhelming! But stuff like that, unfortunately, often takes time and "steeping yourself" in the subject. You know...you start researching an issue and find rabbit trails that hopefully lead you to what you need. I found, for example, that my son was really good at reading words on a page but he had no idea what they meant. So, I learned the lingo of reading teachers --- he's good at "decoding" but needs help with "comprehension." I found posts on these boards to be very helpful for finding good rabbit trails!

 

I will also add that homeschooling my son has been challenging in terms of keeping up with my daughter, who is a 7th grader and neurotypical/gifted. For example, she's really good at math but she's fallen behind a bit because I haven't been available to teach her consistently. Her lessons get crammed in wherever I have a free moment, which can be tricky because I'm so involved with my son's work. As a result, I'm having to outsource her entire 8th grade year because I know she'll at least get consistent instruction and I can come in & work with her on homework during the odd hours.

 

Final thought --- when my son first started therapies, he was also flagged as needing speech but not ABA. That changed over time. And while we were really resistant to getting ABA for him at the beginning (and I know there's some controversy tied up with ABA methodologies), we discovered an ABA therapist who did ABA but loosened its rigidity to fit the needs of kids like my son. I'm just throwing it out there that you may find an ABA provider who can incorporate some flexibility so it's not so much discrete trials at the table. Now, my son's sessions work on flexible thinking, social behaviors, etc. It's been a huge help!

 

When I read your post over on the Special Needs board, I couldn't help but think that your daughter might have autistic traits that are similar to my son's. So, I wanted to reach out & let you know that if you decide to homeschool your daughter, it's do-able! And I think it will be rewarding for everyone in the family, even for your son who may feel like he's getting the short end of the stick. My daughter has gained so much in just watching her brother's therapies and seeing what it takes to make him happy & successful. She's got far more compassion for the human race than the average tween. Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions or want to talk specifics.

 

For everyone who posted on this thread --- Thank you!!!! for sharing your thoughts & experiences. There is so much fantastic information here. I really appreciate the depth of knowledge of this group. You've given me some more things (hard but necessary things!) to think about.

 

Carol

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My daughter is ADHD, SPD and I suspect high functioning ASD but I haven't had her re-tested. I pulled her out of school and it was the best decision we could have made for her. She was quirky as a little kids, as a 12yo now she would just be considered weird by other kids. She hasn't always been the easiest kid to homeschool and it's been a big learning process for me all around. She did poorly in school, was always below benchmark and now she is working at least a grade ahead in most subjects. That being said, that's her not anyone else. She was overwelmed at school. She would shut down at home. She couldn't get through the work the way they wanted her to and spent recesses and lunch in the classroom trying to finish. I didn't try the IEP route, I just pulled her out. I think due to her sensory issues though, the whole process of being out every day with so many people would have been overwhelming even with IEP's. 

 

We are just about to start the evaluation process on my 6yo and I think for me emotionally he's been the harder one to deal with. I'm really not sure about a diagnosis for him but he's very violent and frequently loses control.  My 6yo is very bright also so academically I have no doubt he is doing better at home but definitly the services are what I do wish we had. It's not easy at all. I spent 15min in the car crying yesterday after he had a monsterous melt down at the store. He's a twin and his brother gets upset when he's upset so it's double work trying since his twin doesn't understand why he's so upset. It's hard to know what the best choice is since you only have results from the choice you've made. My reasoning for homeschooling is that no one else is going to fight for my child the way I will fight and I'm willing to put the extra effort into finding what works. I don't regret our decision and I have no plans to change course but I also don't want to mislead people into thinking it's easy or doesn't require quite a bit of research, reading, and dedication. 

Edited by Momto4inSoCal
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

That 3-4 hours a day commuting is insane. If the school is 1 hour away, you go, stay in that town while she's in session, and drive home. You can't commute 3-4 hours for something that would only take you 2 hours to do yourself. Nothing there is THAT good. Can you get ABA in your town? You need to look for more options. You've gotten way too in the box and intimidated here, sounds like. Remember, the aides in these classrooms are sometimes entry level people with nominal training. You CAN DO what needs to do be done at this level. It's more like do you have time? But yeah, that driving has gotten out of hand. I like the suggestion to enroll your 5 yo as a peer model. They'll have that option probably, and it will probably be dirt cheap. Then you go to the mall, use the Y in that town, work out, eat lunch, have a good life. Make this work instead of letting it work you into the ground. 

 

It's ok to have autism be a *different* trip. It's not ok to let it be a *bad* trip. Think about that. Have you read the Welcome to Holland poem? It will make you cry, but google for it. This is a journey, a different trip, and that's ok. It's ok to re-envision homeschooling or raising your kids a different way. That's fine. But spending so long that nobody has a good life, that's a BAD trip. That's not ok. So steer that boat back and say no, this is what our cruise needs to look like. 

 

Several people mentioned outcomes, and I think right now you're feeling like it's mysterious. If you go to Michelle Garcia Winner's Social Thinking site and search for her Social Thinking Communication Profiles, you'll get info that will help. By about age 8 those profiles are pretty fixed. The child at that point matures relative to HIMSELF but not relative to peers. So yes, at 3/4, you've still got some flux. At some point though it's going to become more apparent. And like 8Fills, yes, I'm WAY more worried about life than academics. 

 

I try to sit in on therapy sessions, especially when I get really good therapists. I've got a really golden OT right now, which is unusual. What I find, having gone through the IEP process a number of times, using a lot of professionals, etc. with my ds is that the thing they bring to the table that I *don't* is perspective on where this could go. Sometimes they'll set higher standards or know where he COULD get too with enough support. I really like having that outside vision on how to challenge him and step things up. I'm BETTER with that assistance and that way to reference. But for some things, like therapy, sometimes I'm at least as good. I'm really not bad. I can pick up materials from Super Duper and use them, and you can too. There's definitely stuff you'll be able to do just as well. I just really like having those outside eyes. We're getting ready to start with a new SLP this week to work on expressive language, and that's going to be interesting. I haven't met her yet or even corresponded, so we'll see how it goes. I'm always nervous about that, because if they're doing stuff I could have done myself then I'm wasting my time with the commute and wasting money. What I WANT is someone to collaborate with, someone who brings more to the table, someone who helps me connect dots and see how to do things better. And sometimes what I'm learning is how to work with him better. It's ok to do things for a season, rather than thinking oh this has to be permanent.

 

How much are you willing to sacrifice with your 5 yo to help your 4 yo? That's going to become the question at some point. Right now he's spending an excessive time in the car. I drive a lot for my ds' stuff, but wow that's just a lot for the sibling. And if you bring your 4 yo home, then what? You can't clone yourself. How much interaction does that 5 yo really need, and at what point are you like ok someone is going to need to have their own person, ie someone is going to school. Who would you rather school? My kids are 10 years apart, so I sent my dd away a fuzz early to solve the problem. Now it could actually be really good, with them being so close together. Wendyroo mentioned structure. If you go VERY HIGH STRUCTURE, and you have a super clear plan, I'm talking flow charts clear, I'm talking serious structure, you could do them. Back and forth, back and forth. It can work because you're working on transitions, giving breaks, using visual supports, working on using a choice board. It can really work! If you want it that much, if you're willing to bust your butt, yes you could do that. The place to look for those visual supports is Christine Reeve's store on TeachersPayTeachers. She has GREAT stuff. Or make your own. 

 

Yeah, I'd be at burnout level with that much commute daily. That's absurd. 

 

Ok, something others are kind of talking about with school. If your dc has behaviors and they are placed in school, the school CAN step up supports, sure. But at some point the trade-off is less and less instruction. That's the thing I had to accept, that nobody is any more Wonder Woman than I am. If they're working on behaviors, they ain't working on academics. And if the dc is not green zone and not calm, he's not in ready to learn. And they CAN bring in these behavioral supports and put them in a different classroom with higher support, blah blah, but the instruction drops. Before we got our diagnosis, we were doing the opposite, focusing rabidly on academics, not on behaviors. He was astonishingly hard to work with and making exceptional progress, both at the same time. It wasn't SAFE and it wasn't SUSTAINABLE. But does the school have placements for kids like mine, sure. It's just that to handle that level of behaviors he'd get crapola instruction, ensuring he'd be so SO BORED that he'd have even more behaviors, a dreadful cycle.

 

I suggest you focus on solving problems right now. The school placement you have for preschool is working, and the problem is the commute. So solve the commute. Enroll the 5 yo or stay in that town and do your school work with the 5 yo at the library. Identify the real problem and solve the real problem. Don't be lost on tangents. When you've got a good thing going, keep milking it till it stops working. Like right now, I've got a good OT. She's going on maternity leave, meaning in 1 month I lose my good thing. You've got to milk what is giving you good while you can, learn from it what you can, then take the next step after that. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We got that from our first diagnosing psych about oh no, don't do ABA. Well sometimes places will say ABA and mean it more umbrella, meaning the behaviorist is trained in Floor Time AND Play Project AND RDI and ABA (DTT) and the newer stuff like PRT. This is all stuff you can read about. The Pivotal Response Therapy book is interesting. Play Project is good. 

 

Have you looked to see what other therapies you could get closer? If you could get Play Project or something else closer, that would be good. It sounds like what you've got now is charming but too much of a drive to be sustainable. 

 

Do your dd's siblings enjoy having her around all day or find her fatiguing? That's really important. Because you're asking whether they can be her peer models, and it might need to flip to whether they need a break. Most kids who are with my ds want a BREAK after a few hours. It's a pretty big deal.

 

I think that if you identify with the Play Project stuff and felt like how you were working with her was in that vein, it probably was. You can get consultants who will work with you and help you do better at home. It's not SO rocket sciency. We just started RDI, same gig, where a consultant videos you working together and then gives suggestions and homework. It's such fun stuff to do together. I don't think it's necessary to say ok only "experts" can do this. However it does take hours, someone actually doing it, and we aren't yet to a place where we can clone ourselves. So when we pay someone else to do it, that's as close to cloning as we get. When I PAY a behaviorist or SLP or OT or ABA worker to work with my ds, sometimes it's not so much about what I can/can't do as just being really pragmatic that it needs to get done. 

 

What drove you to get evals in the first place? What was going on? Is what you're doing now solving that and addressing the problem?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

PeterPan, the main reason I got an evaluation was for a speech delay.  Out of my five kids, 3 had speech delays so we weren't surprised by the fact that she wasn't talking a lot.  She was my easiest baby and toddler by far- maybe that should have been a red flag.  The only other thing that seemed odd was she occasionally wouldn't respond to her name.  Since it wasn't all the time we weren't concerned about that either.  When I took her to the pediatrician for her 3 year well check everything was fine- except the speech.  And even that the pediatrician wasn't overly concerned about because of our family history.  And she did speak- she was just sort of stalling instead of advancing in speech. She had always met all developmental milestones on time.  Between 3 and 31/2, she became a little more withdrawn, and then I became concerned.  But everyone around me said she was perfectly fine.  When I finally went for a speech eval (because I was concerned) the therapist thought it would be worth having her evaluated by a Psychologist.  She also mentioned that her eye contact wasn't great.  It wasn't bad enough for me to notice, but after she brought it up I noticed it more.  So I decided to get her evaluated for any developmental issues.  I was a  little surprised by the diagnosis, but now it seems to kind of fit.  

 

I went back and looked at the paperwork I received from the psych and all it says is- Some behaviors and her language delay were consistent with mild ASD.  No number.  The recommendations were for enrollment in a preschool program with teachers trained to work with children on the spectrum, speech, and OT. And she should be retested in 6 months to assess progress.

 

She has always been really sweet and mostly easy going.  She loves to play- by herself and with others, she has a great sense of humor, she doesn't mind change, she has no sensory issues.  In some ways she doesn't fit the diagnosis criteria.

 

The biggest difference that I've seen since she started therapy is with language.  She talks a lot more now, we can have short back and forth conversations, and she seems more engaged with us and others. 

 

 

I want to thank all of you for sharing about your experiences and giving suggestions.  You have all been super helpful!  Sometimes just knowing that you are not the only one going through something makes it seem not quite as difficult. : )  I have read and re-read all your posts.  There is a lot of useful information, and I have a lot to think about now!  Thanks again!!! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some autistic kids need to attend school. Some need to be homeschooled. Both of my sons are autistic. One needed to be homeschooled after 1st grade. I have no doubt that without homeschooling he wouldn’t be able to do the things he wants to do now (attend a rigorous magnet type STEM high school, work towards a selective Engineering school for college). The other is homeschooled but probably could attend school given the right level of supports and accommodations.

 

My advice is that ASD in girls looks a bit different and is often underdiagnosed. I wouldn’t assume that her dx has changed just because her adaptive skills have increased with therapy.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...