New dental office: advice (and commiseration)

[Arctic Bunny]

My kids (and us adults) need to go for some regular dental cleanings/checkups. We haven't been for a while, but I really want us to start going for regular cleanings every nine months (which is what our insurance covers, I believe). We just moved, so I need to find a new dentist. It's making the appointment that's the hardest part. It's very selfish of me. I really do not want a lecture. My inside voice would like to call up and make an appointment and tell them that if they don't lecture me I will come back every nine months. I promise. Is there any way to avoid being looked down upon and chided and lectured for not having brought them in more regularly? Am I being really really silly?

[wendy not in HI]

We move every couple years, and the first visit with a new dentist is the worst.  They don't know your history, so they feel the need to teach you all about brushing or something.  I had a lot of cavities as a child and while pregnant (and vomiting multiple times a day).  I wish I had done something different as a child and as a new mom, but I didn't.  My last new dentist was terrible at our first visit, he asked if we used well water as a child or if I went to the dentist as a child (yes, 2x a year).  He felt like he needed to know my history to be able to treat me. It was embarrassing.  And I wanted to find a new dentist, but I stayed with him for the next visit, and it was not a big deal.  At that point,  I was in their system and they could see that I don't have any new cavities (haven't had anything new in about 15 years) and my gums are in good shape, etc, so no more lecture.  

 

My advice: start flossing now (if you are not currently.)  Make your appointment and get it over with - I find it helpful to mention that going to the dentist makes me nervous.  It might be painful, but it might not - you might end up with a kind hygienist and dentist!  But if not, the second visit is always easier.  Make your appointment now! Do it!! 

[displace]

I think avoiding regular dental care is something most dentists understand. The person making an appointment probably won't ask.

 

If you have a reason for not going (fear, finances), that may help them understand your situation better and feel more empathy for you.

 

And, if there are problems, deal with them efficiently and then start routine care. It will be ok!

[prairiewindmomma]

Make the appointments.  When the hygenist comes in, just tell her upfront that you haven't been able to come in because of finances, and while you know that dental hygiene instruction is important, you don't want to be chided.  

 

Start flossing now! :)

[gardenmom5]

you're being silly.   they get many patients who don't floss, brush, or come in regularly- even with insurance.   most don't lecture their patients.

 

just make the appointments.  if you are still paranoid when they come in - you can say how glad you are to finally be in a position to start going to the dentist regularly.

 

[kroe1]

Wear earplugs

[SparklyUnicorn]

I hate dentists.

 

I know, that's not useful, but it's the truth. 

 

 

[G5052]

After college, I had dental insurance for the first time and went after five years of not going. When I was growing up, my parents made sure we went twice a year and had orthodontics. But I put myself through college and didn't have the money to go to the dentist.

 

It was probably the office, but they were completely non-judgmental. The cleaning was agony, but I got through it.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I will say I like my newest dentist, but I hate the hygienist.  I was very firm with her though.  She went on and on about some stuff and I was like back off... She backed off.  I'm done with these crazy people.  LOL 

[solascriptura]

If during the appointment the dentist or hygienist starts scolding, just smile and tell them that you already know what to do but life's circumstances didn't permit it. So basically, just nip the lecture in the bud.

[PeachyDoodle]

:grouphug:

 

I know what you mean. We go faithfully for cleanings every six months and brush twice a day. DS STILL has four cavities in his baby teeth! And of course our dentist (one of the few covered by our insurance) is terrible with kids so we had to get a referral to the pediatric dentist, who proceeded to berate me up one side and down the other about our dental hygiene. Until he finally looked in ds's mouth, when he finally admitted that we clearly take good care of his teeth; they are just very tight and that has resulted in decay in between them.

 

Fortunately the dentist was very kind to ds and his first round of fillings went well, so he isn't scarred for life (even if I am, LOL).

 

I get you. But it will be ok. Sometimes we have to do what's best for our kids even when it's uncomfortable. I survived, and you will too.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I make my husband bring the kids.  I already have crazy bad anxiety when I go so it wouldn't happen otherwise.  He doesn't seem to care when they go on and on.  But one of mine is so upset about it at this point that he is majorly anxious now.  I'm so angry about this.  He is very good about brushing and flossing.  He is so upset and feels like he can do nothing right.  Meanwhile, my other kid is so lazy about brushing and never flosses and they barely say anything to him. 

 

Maybe people need to be more honest with dental people about how they are coming across.  I wonder if that is their intention. 

 

 

[fralala]

Well, on the most recent forms I've had to fill out at a new dentist, they have questions about level of fear at visiting the dentist. (Instead of answering the question, I bolted, which means I probably shouldn't even be responding here...)

 

They lecture everyone. Don't take it personally. In fact, don't take it personally that you DO floss faithfully daily, and have for the last 25 years, and still the hygienist tells you, "You should really start flossing." (Sorry. That was me, not you.)

 

They will have seen worse than your mouth, much worse. They will have seen smokers who haven't visited the dentist in 40 years. They will have seen children who were weaned on soda pop. As much as I laugh about how terrible dentists are, many do volunteer work in communities without access to adequate health and dental care, or proper nutrition, or regular brushing/flossing habits (I have relatives who simply do not brush their teeth at all).

 

Which is all to say, you are not being silly at all, your fears are the fears of many of us going to the dentist, and this is the pep talk I give myself.

[heartlikealion]

Last time I went to the dentist I got really embarrassed. I wasn't flossing and I bled a lot during the appointment. The dr. commented on it a lot, said I had gingivitis. She said some people have to work harder at certain things and I may just need to work harder than others at flossing. I started flossing and read online that you can reverse gingivitis in like 10 days or so. I was excited, bleeding stopped, inflammation went down. I flossed a lot, then stopped for a bit and bleeding happened again. I'm flossing a couple times a week or more, but not every night like I should. I kind of made it into a challenge for myself... I'm gonna show this dentist LOL! But then I got sick and had to cancel my appt. which was this summer and now can't figure out a time they can see me where dh can take off work.

 

I knew a guy that basically said he never flossed and just used a mouthwash. I wouldn't recommend it, but I'm sure the more things you do, the better. I use Glide brand floss. It's one of the only ones I can stand. They have some coupons for it online I've printed recently, too.

 

Anyway, I go about every 6 months and for a time I didn't go for a long stretch due to finances. It happens. Even going every 6 months my check ups aren't without their moments. They always ask about x-rays at the first visit with a new dentist so if you have any, see if you can send them over. If not, just tell them you haven't been in a while and they'll probably say ok if you don't have any current records we need to do some today.

 

I would think insurance covers it every six months. X-rays varies, might be every other year or so. Which is okay for me because I do not like getting more radiation than necessary, even if it's minor digital x-rays. I just really dislike x-rays, at least the ones with the bitewing thing. Hurts my mouth.

[Arctic Bunny]

Aw, thank you guys SO much!!! I sent an email first, asking if they were accepting new patients, we've moved and want to start coming regularly. They sent me a very nice email back, saying they were booking into October, just so I knew, but to give them a call.

And so, October will be a crazy month, but I wrote down all the dates that either DH or I would be free to take them after school, and bit the bullet and called 10 minutes before closing.

Super nice receptionist, just so friendly. I could go for coffee with her. Anyway, the kids and one parent are booked in, I'm calling back in the morning for the other parent, because I didn't write down our entire schedules together, etc. *eyeroll*. But I did it!

 

Thanks again, guys!

[Arctic Bunny]

And thank you for the laughs!!

 

Health cards, insurance info, and.... ear plugs!

 

And in the future, they are open one evening a week and every second Saturday morning :)

[scholastica]

Wow. I must be really lucky. I have never been lectured by a dentist. Not for me or the kids. I'm so sorry for all of you who have had that experience. That must be awful. I wonder how many people don't come back because of the browbeating. I wonder if these dentists need better training in dental school on how to talk with patients or if they're just taking their frustrations out on patients. Geez.

[Arctic Bunny]

Wow. I must be really lucky. I have never been lectured by a dentist. Not for me or the kids. I'm so sorry for all of you who have had that experience. That must be awful. I wonder how many people don't come back because of the browbeating. I wonder if these dentists need better training in dental school on how to talk with patients or if they're just taking their frustrations out on patients. Geez.

It's always the hygienist, for us. But yes, it's absolutely the only reason I didn't go back. DS was having a cavity filled, and she was telling him to floss (okay, good), and DS said he did (he does), then added that he uses mouthwash, too. And she just tore a strip off of both of us, how mouthwash isn't good enough. I was stunned, and yes, browbeaten, by the time she was done.

I wonder if dentists make hygienists be the "bad guys" so they can be the "good guys"?

[meganrussell]

I have also never been lectured by a dentist. We move around a slot because of my husband's job so we see a a lot of dentists. My kids have all had cavities and we are adamant about brushing twice daily, etc. My seven year old had two fillings done last October that got abscessed in April. He had to have two molars removed and a space maintainer pit in. That was of course the dentist's fault for not sealing the cavity properly. I still hate it! Even when my kids have cavities the dentists always comment on how clean their teeth are, the good hygiene they have, etc. I felt bad about my five year old getting a filling and the dentist said "We see children with very bad teeth. This cavity is nothing. Kids will get cavities." Put me at ease and made me feel much better.

[J-rap]

Aw, don't worry, just make the appointment!  We didn't have dental insurance (still don't -- but my kids are older now), so we never went in yearly.  We'd rotate the kids, each one going in once every two or three years.  If they lectured me I probably just smiled.  They can think what they want.  Once my kids were old enough, I'd simply drop them off.  Then my kids would have to deal with any lectures!  :)  I would always tell my kids to tell the dentist that they want no unnecessary x-rays.  (Because of cost.)  Generally the hygienist would end up calling me in the middle of their appointments to verify this.

 

But really, I don't remember being lectured except for the end-of-the-appointment reminder to try and come in more regularly.  

 

You are the customer, you are the one paying them.  Don't let them intimidate you!

[displace]

Congrats on making the appointments! I hope they are nice. Maybe when you see the hygienist, just start already apologizing, " we haven't been lately and I know we should and we're worried about our teeth and I know I should floss but I don't... ". That sort of thing and maybe they won't feel it necessary to say you need to floss.

 

I think they just say it all the time because that's the majority of advice that can help people with their teeth. Iow, they don't really have other things they can tell you to do.