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It doesn't matter. I tried my best.


DawnM
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"I did my best" grates on my nerves. It implies there's no use in trying harder and you might as well give up asking for more effort. Because if that really is your BEST, then you can just sit back and be happy that you did your best, because the task at hand was just too big to be completed with any level of competence.

 

I have a child who says that when she does poorly on various things. She was supposed to scrub four pots and pans, but only did two of them and there's still grease on those two? Oh well, she did her best. Um, no, that's pretty much not anyone's best. And certainly not hers. I have pointed out that that's not going to cut it in the work force. Does she think the manager at a fast food place is going to be ok with it when she can't be bothered to clean the kitchen and just says, "Well, I did my best." Her "best" is going to get her fired.

 

I would be ok with it, if it really and truly was her best. But it's not. It's simply the best she feels like doing right now.

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I don't know when this became a thing but clearly it is a thing. My oldest learned it in school, and since it never worked at our house the younger two never took it up. But, yeah, drove me crazy when the oldest would be like, "It's fine that I missed all the math problems. All that matters is that you do your best." Nope, not with math, what matters with math is getting the right answers. When I would make her do the math problems over she would say, "In school real teachers don't care if the answers are right or wrong they only care about doing your best." That wasn't true, but it was the take away that she had gotten somehow. 

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I've repeatedly heard it phrased as 'I tried, therefore no one should criticize me'.  There's an excellent SNL skit about this from like 5 years ago. 

 

It's funny in the skit but not in real life, and I encounter it fairly often as a math tutor and a mom. 

 

 

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As a person who does not need to hear one more word of criticism right now, I like the converse:  "why didn't you do this right?"  [usually for something that is a new process still in progress / testing, since I am not a person who does things half-assed.]  My retort tends to be "because I'm stupid!"  I mean why else would I *decide* to do a thing wrong?  :P

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But I have to say I don't get a lot of "I did my best" in real life.  My kid who struggles in school wants to get good grades, and I'm not one to rub it in if a test is too hard (I know it's too hard because we've worked on it at home every day).  My other kid hasn't tried the "it was my best," probably because she knows it would not fly.  :P  She would just hear for the 999th time that she needs to review her work before turning it in.

 

With employees, all have their talents and limitations, and I try to figure them out early on so I can adjust my expectations to what they can do.  So far that has worked pretty well.

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As a person who does not need to hear one more word of criticism right now, I like the converse:  "why didn't you do this right?"  [usually for something that is a new process still in progress / testing, since I am not a person who does things half-assed.]  My retort tends to be "because I'm stupid!"  I mean why else would I *decide* to do a thing wrong?  :p

 

I dunno, because you'd rather play video games? :p At least, if you were my daughter, that'd be why you would do something wrong.

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When did this become the catch phrase for, "I don't want to work anymore."

 

Just a vent.

 

I believe it was around the time people started getting trophies/prizes/raises/bonuses for just showing up (and that's kids and adults a like) and "being themselves." 

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Well...sometimes I say something similar to myself to keep myself from being discouraged that I couldn't do something the way I thought it should have been done.  More of a "I did what I could, now I really need to let it go and move on".  I don't say it to others as an excuse for doing a crappy job though.

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I think it needs to be followed up with - "okay, if that's your current best then we have a lot of work to do, because your actual best could be phenomenal!"

 

Eta- in the spirit of the thread, used primarily when a kid has a case of the don't wannas. Not for adults at breaking point *hugs*

Edited by LMD
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