AnneBlessedx4 Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 tried on the pajamas in the midst of everyone opening presents....in the same room. We need more of that funny. Anyone? The best I can think of right now is a day before Christmas eve we had given our 8 yr old daughter an activity tracker. She also sleep walks. She was up around 2 am the next day. I put her back to bed and was telling hubby about it the next day. She heard me say she was sleepwalking and said "I wasn't sleep walking-- I was getting more steps for my activity tracker!" 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joules Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I once said, "I did not lose my car, I'm taking a walk in the nice shady parking deck." I've always wanted someone to make me a meme for that ;-) 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 My 7yo DD overheard me telling my mom "Jane must have a sixth sense" To which she exclaimed, "she only has six cents??? An adult with only six cents???" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara in AZ Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 That was my mother in law! I've got plenty where that came from! She is also known for her completely inappropriate birthday cards. I am not sure if she even looks at them or not when purchasing or signing them. My all time favorite is one she sent to DH like 10 years ago. On the front is a picture of a hot guy running on the beach. And on the inside it says, "It's your birthday. You may as well get what you want." Seriously. For reals. She sent that to her heterosexual son on his birthday. My youngest DD turned 6 last Friday. The card she sent her had a picture of a vintagey looking housewife holding a bucket with the caption: "First thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine." Inside: "Put fun on your birthday list." I am 100% not making this up. 😂😂😂 but also 😳😳😳 35 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 That was my mother in law! I've got plenty where that came from! She is also known for her completely inappropriate birthday cards. I am not sure if she even looks at them or not when purchasing or signing them. My all time favorite is one she sent to DH like 10 years ago. On the front is a picture of a hot guy running on the beach. And on the inside it says, "It's your birthday. You may as well get what you want." Seriously. For reals. She sent that to her heterosexual son on his birthday. My youngest DD turned 6 last Friday. The card she sent her had a picture of a vintagey looking housewife holding a bucket with the caption: "First thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine." Inside: "Put fun on your birthday list." I am 100% not making this up. 😂😂😂 but also 😳😳😳 Hahaha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Not as funny, but my MIL, who has no other discernible memory loss has sent dh the same birthday card three times over the years. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara in AZ Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I think that's pretty funny! I could see myself doing that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I think that's pretty funny! I could see myself doing that. My great grandmother, when she hit 90, started giving out birthday cards that read things like "To my dear grandmother" or "To my favorite 2 year old" to her daughter sort of things. They are all sort of old looking cards as well, but unused. After about a year of this, we were all really concerned she was developing dementia. Finally someone worked up the courage to ask her(she was very nice, but very sassy) Turns out, she had bought about three hundred birthday cards cheap at a going out of business sale sometime in the early 80s. She'd been giving them out all these years appropriately, but when she turned 90 she decided that she wanted to use them all up before she died, so she started handing them out regardless of what they said. She died at 98. She'd gotten rid of the last of the birthday cards about a month before she passed. I miss her. 42 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rose Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Sister to my mother: "Do you have any ob tampons?" Mother: "No but I have these regular tampax ones." Sister: "Those ones are terrible they just constantly leak. I can't even imagine how they're supposed to work." Mother: "You are removing the applicator, right." Sister: "Huh? What's an applicator?" Believe it or not she was 30 when this conversation occurred. She's absolutely notorious for these kind of things. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in SJ Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Once my MIL and her mother were in the front seat of the car talking about the completely bizarre behavior of a family member not present. One of my MIL's comments was, "Well, she's always had a mind of her own!" I reminded them that I was in the backseat with my 5yp dd and the conversation was not particularly appropriate for her. My MIL claimed that dd couldn't understand what was being said & my dd piped up with: "I understand everything, but doesn't everyone have a mind of their own?" Amber in SJ 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in SJ Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Or the time I was sitting with my MIL, her mother & my SIL and somehow the topic turned to being an organ donor. The conversation went like this: SIL: Our pastor told us not to be an organ donor because if someone receives your reproductive organs they could have kids that are biologically yours. Me: I'm sorry? What? MIL: Really? That would be terrible. I am going to change my donor thingy, right now. Me: That doesn't even make sense. MIL: I don't want someone to be going around having my kids after I am dead. Me: OK, even if this were a real thing....... SIL: It is real! My Pastor said it happens all the time. Women using dead women's wombs to have babies. Me: It isn't real. And...(Turning to MIL) You are in your late-50s. I don't think anyone wants your uterus and you had a total hysterectomy almost 20 years ago so you don't even have one any more. Completely bonkers. Amber in SJ 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in SJ Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 When I was 12 my grandmother gave me a sweatshirt with teddy bears all over it. Upon closer inspection my mom discovered the bears were all drinking bottles of beer & were in various stages of intoxication, including some that were passed out in puddles with little x marks for eyes. Amber in SJ 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Sister to my mother: "Do you have any ob tampons?" Mother: "No but I have these regular tampax ones." Sister: "Those ones are terrible they just constantly leak. I can't even imagine how they're supposed to work." Mother: "You are removing the applicator, right." Sister: "Huh? What's an applicator?" Believe it or not she was 30 when this conversation occurred. She's absolutely notorious for these kind of things. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Or the time I was sitting with my MIL, her mother & my SIL and somehow the topic turned to being an organ donor. The conversation went like this: SIL: Our pastor told us not to be an organ donor because if someone receives your reproductive organs they could have kids that are biologically yours. Me: I'm sorry? What? MIL: Really? That would be terrible. I am going to change my donor thingy, right now. Me: That doesn't even make sense. MIL: I don't want someone to be going around having my kids after I am dead. Me: OK, even if this were a real thing....... SIL: It is real! My Pastor said it happens all the time. Women using dead women's wombs to have babies. Me: It isn't real. And...(Turning to MIL) You are in your late-50s. I don't think anyone wants your uterus and you had a total hysterectomy almost 20 years ago so you don't even have one any more. Completely bonkers. Amber in SJ :lol: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I'm not sure if this is funny or just plain annoying, and apologies for using "Friends" characters, but names are changed to protect the... delusional. This happened last night. Random unsolicited opinion: Rachel to Chandler: You should shave your head and get hash marks shaved in. Monica: No, yuck, shaved heads are not attractive. Rachel to Monica: Nobody asked your opinion. Phoebe to Rachel: Actually, nobody asked yours either. Rachel to the room: You guys are all a-holes. Why is everybody else allowed to have an opinion except me?... Stomps off to pout alone elsewhere. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Or the time I was sitting with my MIL, her mother & my SIL and somehow the topic turned to being an organ donor. The conversation went like this: SIL: Our pastor told us not to be an organ donor because if someone receives your reproductive organs they could have kids that are biologically yours. Me: I'm sorry? What? MIL: Really? That would be terrible. I am going to change my donor thingy, right now. Me: That doesn't even make sense. MIL: I don't want someone to be going around having my kids after I am dead. Me: OK, even if this were a real thing....... SIL: It is real! My Pastor said it happens all the time. Women using dead women's wombs to have babies. Me: It isn't real. And...(Turning to MIL) You are in your late-50s. I don't think anyone wants your uterus and you had a total hysterectomy almost 20 years ago so you don't even have one any more. Completely bonkers. Amber in SJ This is why I'm thinking of not identifying as a Christian any more even though Jesus Christ is the most important thing in my existence. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Or the time I was sitting with my MIL, her mother & my SIL and somehow the topic turned to being an organ donor. The conversation went like this: SIL: Our pastor told us not to be an organ donor because if someone receives your reproductive organs they could have kids that are biologically yours. Me: I'm sorry? What? MIL: Really? That would be terrible. I am going to change my donor thingy, right now. Me: That doesn't even make sense. MIL: I don't want someone to be going around having my kids after I am dead. Me: OK, even if this were a real thing....... SIL: It is real! My Pastor said it happens all the time. Women using dead women's wombs to have babies. Me: It isn't real. And...(Turning to MIL) You are in your late-50s. I don't think anyone wants your uterus and you had a total hysterectomy almost 20 years ago so you don't even have one any more. Completely bonkers. Amber in SJ OMW, you win this game today and possibly for all time. That's hilariously insane on so many levels. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Or the time I was sitting with my MIL, her mother & my SIL and somehow the topic turned to being an organ donor. The conversation went like this: SIL: Our pastor told us not to be an organ donor because if someone receives your reproductive organs they could have kids that are biologically yours. Me: I'm sorry? What? MIL: Really? That would be terrible. I am going to change my donor thingy, right now. Me: That doesn't even make sense. MIL: I don't want someone to be going around having my kids after I am dead. Me: OK, even if this were a real thing....... SIL: It is real! My Pastor said it happens all the time. Women using dead women's wombs to have babies. Me: It isn't real. And...(Turning to MIL) You are in your late-50s. I don't think anyone wants your uterus and you had a total hysterectomy almost 20 years ago so you don't even have one any more. Completely bonkers. Amber in SJ Oh the fun an evil person could have with this... Dear MIL, didn't they tell you you were donating your female parts to another woman when you had your hysterectomy? They totally sold it to make more babies! :D :D :D 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Fraidycat, you and I should never meet in person, lol. No one would be safe. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rose Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Oh the fun an evil person could have with this... Dear MIL, didn't they tell you you were donating your female parts to another woman when you had your hysterectomy? They totally sold it to make more babies! :D :D :D I thought of that too! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneBlessedx4 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 oh my! You all did not disappoint! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 DH and I are cracking up over this thread, especially the MIL and organ donor part! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Or the time I was sitting with my MIL, her mother & my SIL and somehow the topic turned to being an organ donor. The conversation went like this: SIL: Our pastor told us not to be an organ donor because if someone receives your reproductive organs they could have kids that are biologically yours. Me: I'm sorry? What? MIL: Really? That would be terrible. I am going to change my donor thingy, right now. Me: That doesn't even make sense. MIL: I don't want someone to be going around having my kids after I am dead. Me: OK, even if this were a real thing....... SIL: It is real! My Pastor said it happens all the time. Women using dead women's wombs to have babies. Me: It isn't real. And...(Turning to MIL) You are in your late-50s. I don't think anyone wants your uterus and you had a total hysterectomy almost 20 years ago so you don't even have one any more. Completely bonkers. Amber in SJ If you don't accompany them on their field trip to the Creation Museum and livestream everything they say I'm writing you out of my will. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Sister to my mother: "Do you have any ob tampons?" Mother: "No but I have these regular tampax ones." Sister: "Those ones are terrible they just constantly leak. I can't even imagine how they're supposed to work." Mother: "You are removing the applicator, right." Sister: "Huh? What's an applicator?" Believe it or not she was 30 when this conversation occurred. She's absolutely notorious for these kind of things. I will confess that I have never ever used an applicator and wouldn't know how to use one. I don't think they are common in Australia as mostly on the shelf in the supermarket are ones without applicators. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rose Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 I will confess that I have never ever used an applicator and wouldn't know how to use one. I don't think they are common in Australia as mostly on the shelf in the supermarket are ones without applicators. You're excused. :) The ones are packaged in a cardboard tube that you use to aid with insertion. You push it in as a unit and then pull out the tube but leave the actual tampon. Anyone that can't figure out that the card board has to be removed when they see it and can't be bothered to read the package gets the dummy award. If you've never seen one then you've got an excuse. She doesn't. :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 This is why I'm thinking of not identifying as a Christian any more even though Jesus Christ is the most important thing in my existence. The term Christian has become somewhat negative and/or more of a heritage thing ("I grew up in a Christian home." Which probably means they went to church every Sunday but that was it.) I've come to use the term, for myself, "Devoted follower of Jesus Christ." My son, when he was roughly preschool age, was with me at a small local bookstore. He found a book, looked at the sticker price and said, "Mom, this is two dollars and zero cents. No cents at all!" read that aloud and you'll get it! B-) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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