I have retirement envy JAWM

[Laura Corin]

I am surrounded by people who retired at 60 or so.  My mother essentially retired at 57 when I left home (she wasn't working outside the home before that either - alimony).  My father retired before 60.  I know lots of people of my own generation who are doing the same.   My stepmother paints, but her income from the time of my father's death when she was 56 comes from his pension and some inheritance.

 

There are good reasons why we won't be retiring before state pension age (67 for me) - we had children late so we need to keep earning; Mum lives with us so we can't move to a smaller and cheaper house (yes, she does contribute); we lived overseas so our state pensions (SS equivalent) are not fully paid up.  

 

But I'm still really jealous.  I'm healthy and I do do things for me in addition to working full time.  But I just want to do a bit less adulting.

Edited November 13, 2016 by Laura Corin

[Code Lyoko]

Hugs.

[maize]

:grouphug:

 

Totally understandable. I'm tired after four decades of life, I expect to be a lot more tired after six.

 

Retiring early is uncommon though among my family and acquaintances.

[littlebug42]

Recently, the hospital where I worked offered a bunch of employees the opportunity to retire early.  I was so jealous.  I would have taken it in a heartbeat.  But, alas, I am only 45 and you had to be 62 to get the offer.  I understand. 

[kewb]

Totally get it.

[Laura Corin]

:grouphug:

 

Totally understandable. I'm tired after four decades of life, I expect to be a lot more tired after six.

 

Retiring early is uncommon though among my family and acquaintances.

 

I'm not so much tired (I'm exercising more than before, and that is giving me energy).  I'm more tired-of.  I suspect that the retirement I am envying is as much a sloughing of of family responsibilities as it is about work.

[Anne in CA]

I feel you. We had some unfortunate things happen real estate wise and lost a bunch of our retirement and if we can't figure out how to make our seasonal restaurant busy more of the year we will work until we die. Not such a big deal for me, I'm 46 and I am happy for work a while longer, dh is 55 and is getting nervous. 

[Guest]

I get it. My neighbors all retired at 50-55 on pension and full medical. Our pensions were replaced by 401ks, we will have to purchase medical in retirement out of that. There hasnt been enough increase in salary to let us invest enough to be anywhere close to retirement until we are in our late 60s and eligible for Medicare. The only consolation is that the economy is good enough for ladies to go back to work full time when the nest empties.

[Laura Corin]

. The only consolation is that the economy is good enough for ladies to go back to work full time when the nest empties.

I work full time, but Husband was laid off in his mid fifties and makes almost nothing freelance. We are fine because we have a rental property, but it's not what we expected.

[TranquilMind]

I am surrounded by people who retired at 60 or so.  My mother essentially retired at 57 when I left home (she wasn't working outside the home before that either - alimony).  My father retired before 60.  I know lots of people of my own generation who are doing the same.   My stepmother paints, but her income from the time of my father's death when she was 56 comes from his pension and some inheritance.

 

There are good reasons why we won't be retiring before state pension age (67 for me) - we had children late so we need to keep earning; Mum lives with us so we can't move to a smaller and cheaper house (yes, she does contribute); we lived overseas so our state pensions (SS equivalent) are not fully paid up.  

 

But I'm still really jealous.  I'm healthy and I do do things for me in addition to working full time.  But I just want to do a bit less adulting.

 

I hear you. I'm sorry.

 

We still have high school aged kids.  I'm going to be a museum exhibit when I become a grandma:  "World's Oldest Living Grandma". 

 

I became a great great Aunt last month.  :0

 

[TranquilMind]

I work full time, but Husband was laid off in his mid fifties and makes almost nothing freelance. We are fine because we have a rental property, but it's not what we expected.

I hope something great turns up for him.  Glad you have a rental!

[regentrude]

I am sorry you feel this way. How much longer do you have?

 

I do not know anybody who retired early. I have many colleagues well in their seventies who are not retiring. My dad took on another job when he retired from his main one at 65, and my grandmother worked part time until she was 85.

[Laura Corin]

I am sorry you feel this way. How much longer do you have?

 

I do not know anybody who retired early. I have many colleagues well in their seventies who are not retiring. My dad took on another job when he retired from his main one at 65, and my grandmother worked part time until she was 85.

14 years. I wouldn't mind following a passion and working part time into old age. It's all a bit grey and endless right now though. Edited November 13, 2016 by Laura Corin

[regentrude]

14 years. I wouldn't mind following a passion and working part time into old age. It's all a bit grey and endless right now though.

 

:grouphug:

 

Any chance you can change what you work?

[Laura Corin]

:grouphug:

 

Any chance you can change what you work?

 

I plan to change move on up through the organisation, so there should be new challenges.  It's fine.

 

As I think about it, I think that what I am yearning for is less responsibility.  The job is only part of that, and probably not the biggest part.  One of my children may be difficult to launch, and my mother is with us for the long term.  I thought that my responsibility for others would be becoming more a matter of choice at this stage, but it's going the other way.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well I have "other people got a real life" envy sometimes.  I don't want a job I hate, but I'd love a job I don't hate.  Which will probably never happen.

 

But yes I agree.  It stinks when you can't be doing what you really want to be doing.

 

 

[regentrude]

As I think about it, I think that what I am yearning for is less responsibility.  The job is only part of that, and probably not the biggest part.  One of my children may be difficult to launch, and my mother is with us for the long term.  I thought that my responsibility for others would be becoming more a matter of choice at this stage, but it's going the other way.

 

That makes sense - and it is different than retiring from job. Thinking of my parents and grandparents, I am not sure responsibilities ever end ...

[Guest]

We are aiming for 'early retirement' to avoid this - sericjing to employment and interests instead of having to stay at a job primarily for benefits and income. Some people do something essentially like sabbaticals interspersed with secondary and tertiary careers and that seems to work well too.

 

But I hear you!

[G5052]

DH is retiring early in December, but for medical reasons. His health is poor, and he's very immobile with a wide range of orthopedic problems. This week he's having surgery; his fifth in 12 months. With each one, he has a host of complications leading to more lost ground. I'm already a caregiver in so many ways already, so I only see that increasing. 

 

He has grandiose plans of losing 70 pounds and getting fit so that he could work part-time, but I'm not counting on that at all. A doctor once told me that unless you control your eating and stay active in your 40's and 50's, your 60's and later are likely going to be one medical problem after another with little chance of turning it around. His brother recently was forced into retirement because of medical reasons related to not managing his weight and diabetes. They've been talking for years about embracing a healthy lifestyle, and here they both are, retiring early for health reasons.

 

Anyway, I'll keep working. That's tough too, but I truly love my work and could see doing it well into my 60's. 

 

So I really don't know what my retirement will look like. Certainly not what I pictured in my 20's and 30's. We'll figure it out though, one day at a time.

 

[elegantlion]

I'm a 49 night year old college student, who hopes to at least obtain a Master's. So I'll be about 53 when I enter the work force again, hopefully. I will need to work for a long while as I have no retirement. I'll probably work until I am not physically able to do so. Right now I am so overdue for a break. I cannot seem to sleep well unless I have a few days to unwind. 

[creekland]

I was going to suggest changing jobs and/or locations, but I see you have other difficulties with that.  It's what we've decided to do - and I plan on keeping in mind the idea that my mom might come with us.  I want her to.  I'm not sure she wants to (full time anyway).

 

I think it's pretty common for many to have thoughts of wanting to do something else when they grow up.  The tricky part is being able to do it.

 

Best wishes for you if you start contemplating if you have options.

[Guest]

I've been retired for a bit and it is GREAT. BUT it is not without its challenges. It's harder to structure a meaningful day and week and month than you think it will be. And knowing that you have fire gone income-producing activities colors your decisions. And it can cause a change in your relationships with others.

 

So yeah, it's great. But so was every other part of my life. Sometimes I was smart enough to know that.

[Arcadia]

The job is only part of that, and probably not the biggest part. One of my children may be difficult to launch, and my mother is with us for the long term.

:grouphug:

My brother was late to launch, he was still financially unstable (due to economy) when my parents hit 70s. No student loan debt but hard to get jobs in manufacturing.

My dad was happy when he reached pension age because his pension was secured. It is possible to be sacked before pension age and lose your pension in my country. He did continue working pass pension age to support my brother's college education and also for expenses since pension by itself is inadequate.

[Happy]

If it helps, 'they' say that keeping a job helps a person stay mentally sharp longer into old age. That's good because I will be working until I toddle off into a grave--almost no retirement for either of us. We've had some hard years.

 

 

[Julie Smith]

I've been retired for a bit and it is GREAT. BUT it is not without its challenges. It's harder to structure a meaningful day and week and month than you think it will be. And knowing that you have fire gone income-producing activities colors your decisions. And it can cause a change in your relationships with others.

 

So yeah, it's great. But so was every other part of my life. Sometimes I was smart enough to know that.

 

I was wondering about this myself. In what ways has retirement caused a change in your relationship with others?

 

Edited November 14, 2016 by Julie Smith

[Guest]

I was wondering about this myself. In what ways has retirement caused a change in your relationship with others?

I will post later we are on our 35th wedding anniversary junket. :0)

[FaithManor]

I feel your pain. I need to return to the work force and work a good long time after our last graduates in 2018. College money pressures along with aging parents who never saved a dime for when they would be physically unable to work and who now have an expectation that they will absolutely be supported are making me feel very stressed. My brother had a stroke recently and his insurance is paying out very low on the bills so he will end up bankrupt at 53. I can't ask him to help with them. My sister is a student in France, not likely to ever live stateside, and several years away from having any kind of money with which she could help our parents. So it is all on dh and I.

 

And they make terrible, terrible choices, so ya I get it because I'd really love right now to have some down time from adulting.

 

That said though, dh is going to try really hard to get out of the workforce at 62. My parents have ten years, eight of which will be earning years for me, to figure out there mess or they will unfortunately be in a nursing home on medicare instead of a better situation because I don't think I can earn enough to get them into nice assisted living or senior retirement.

 

I have friends whose parents retired out of GM and other such companies at 48-50 years of age with nice pensions. They'd also worked a lot of overtime whenever they could get it so paid their houses off early and when they hit 55 and could take their home exemption without capitol gains tax sold their big, nice houses before the real estate bubble burst, and banked a lot of money. Still in good health, they are all enjoying traveling and such. I would like for dh to have that chance to relax after all these years, but sometimes I wonder if it will be possible and especially so since property values tanked so badly here and the county essentially bankrupted leaving us with NO equity. We will just about have to give this property away when we move to something smaller.

 

Less adulting. I could really go for that!

[vonfirmath]

:grouphug:

 

Totally understandable. I'm tired after four decades of life, I expect to be a lot more tired after six.

 

Retiring early is uncommon though among my family and acquaintances.

 

Mine too. My parents turned 71 this year. My dad retired 4 years ago when he became physically unable to do his job anymore. (HE was self-employed). My mom is retiring in two years -- she will be 73.

[G5052]

 I guess I had my "retirement" getting to stay home with the kids for 32 years. 

 

LOL.

 

For a good ten years I taught just a college class or two, so I was indeed semi-retired. LIttle kids are time-consuming, but I wasn't having to get my act together as much.

 

This semester I am teaching six classes and have over 100 students. I have to definitely be together!

[Guest]

I was wondering about this myself. In what ways has retirement caused a change in your relationship with others?

The changes haven't been intentional or malicious; they are akin to the changes one experiences when acquiring children vs having none. When marrying. When homeschooling vs school-schooling. You have different free time. We travel off-season, now, so we are away from our group when most people expect you to be there. We are away a lot more than we used to be, which disrupts continuity (the Tuesday book club, e.g..), which is part of relationship. Even simple things like going out in rush-hour times--I'd usually rather stay home. So the after-work gatherings aren't for me anymore--and I'm also not part of a work group anymore, so I would say that my friendships are maybe ...truer ... but there is definitely less light social time. It's a little harder to make friends unless you get into hobby or interest groups.

 

It also depends a little on your marriage relationship. My dh and I get along just fine, but we don't share too many interests/hobbies, so I rely on my initiative to get out and do stuff I like to do. I think early retirement has been harder for him than for me as fewer men are around just to hang out.

 

There's other stuff re retirement issues, but that's the gist of the answer to your specific questions.

 

I guess the best summary statement is that the number one response I get when a friend calls on my cell phone:

 

Me: hello?

Them: where are you?

 

Because you just never know. :0)

[Georgiana Daniels]

I so hear you, Laura.

 

The only way I can cope with the knowledge that I will be working until I die, or become too disabled, is by reframing my choice to stay home with the kids as having taken my retirement early in life. It was a funny kind of retirement!

 

I LOVE this! What a beautiful way to think of it. That's where my head needs to be, as well.