BTDT Moms: Talk to me about alone time

[GoFigure]

How can I make occasions for my children to be alone?

 

I remember needing time to myself when I was a child. I'm an extrovert (barely) but I loved that time to think and to pray and to just be on my own. I have four sisters, but with different public school schedules or if I stayed home "sick" from school I was able to get that time alone. I was also able to wander the neighborhoods we lived in and woods and such on my own.

 

My oldest is only four so I know that when they are older, there will be more "alone time" opportunities but I'm a little anxious not being able to foresee how that will play out. I don't think it is as culturally acceptable to let children wander off and I imagine it would be frustrating to constantly be around Mom and sisters all the time no matter what. 

 

I know I'm worrying about nothing, but I'm hoping some mothers with more experience will set me at ease with obvious solutions that I haven't thought about yet.

[Guest]

I made it clear that anyone who wanted to be left alone had that right in their own home.

 

I modeled it by insisting on being left alone every once in a while, myself.

 

My kids do share a room but it's never been an issue. If someone's days they want to be alone, we just don't bother them. It's not wise to try to be "alone" where everyone is hanging out, so it behooves then to go to bed or outside on the porch or something. But they figure that out.

[HSmomof2]

It will work itself out.....my kids are older now (13 & 11), and don't wander the neighborhood alone. But, they will spend time in the backyard, on the porch, or in their rooms alone. Dd is much more introverted than Ds and needs more time to herself than he does. She just tells us, I'm going to hang out in my room for awhile, and we let her be. It truly hasn't been an issue here.

[happypamama]

We provide multiple spaces where people can be alone. My oldest two have their own rooms, but we have various other rooms that anyone can use for quiet work or reading or whatever. We will adjust the boys' rooms if their needs change when they're older.

[kalusignan]

We've always kept a quiet time every day (2 hours), where everybody takes a break and spends time alone in their rooms (playing, coloring, listening to audio books, whatever). I agree that time away from siblings is needed, especially when homeschooling (mom too!) and this is how we manage it in our house. Other than that, I haven't encountered any other issues. Neither of my kids are extremely introverted, and they generally enjoy each other's company.

[Farrar]

At that age, my kids had quiet time for an hour alone in a room every day. It was enforced. Only come out for the bathroom. They had clocks with little pictures and only a minute hand so that when they went in I could say when the hand gets to the bird (or house or whatever) time will be up.

 

I do think it's acceptable for kids to wander. Depends on the age and the space and so forth. But sometimes mine go take a neighborhood walk alone and have for a little while. They're much older though - nearly 12.

[Hobbes]

I have one daughter who deeply desires alone time and one who benefits even though she wouldn't ask for it. We do a daily 1-2 hour quiet time in separate rooms (they share a room but one has a special space in the basement). They listen to audio books or read and/or play Playmobil, write, etc. They have both been known to ask for more time and they are always allowed to have it if we don't have to go somewhere.

 

It's seemed to fulfill the need so far. Helps me get my alone time too!!! I time it to coincide with the boys' naps.

[Rachel]

We utilize quiet time and everyone goes to a different place in the house. My boys share a room so one goes in their room and one uses the living room, play room, or my room.

 

My kids also play outside on their own, they can go around the block on their own (not the 4 year old yet), and my oldest has a work bench in the garage where he enjoys building things.

[Meadowlark]

We quiet time daily too-as Rach described above.

 

However, if given the choice...EVERY one of my 5 kids would choose to be with one of their siblings for quiet time. Somehow, I have managed to give birth to what seems like 5 extroverts...with 2 of them being extremely extroverted. So much so, that it actually pains them to be alone even for a short amount of time.

 

Ironically, I am an introvert. And so for us, it has to be forced with this daily quiet time. My kids never EVER just go to their rooms to be alone. I think it's pretty odd, right? SIgh. I wish someone would just one time just go do something...anything...on their own. So far, nope.

[dragonflyer]

Another vote for 1 hour quiet time in their room every day.  I have a MP3 player doc that allows the music/audiobook to turn off after 1 hour.  If they are asleep, the music turning off does not wake them up, if they are deep in a book, the music turning off does not pull them out.

[My4arrows]

We also have a set time where Each of us goes to a space each day we are alone. Since my youngest still naps this is during his nap times and the other kids stay in their rooms or playroom and do quiet things. It's my time to recharge too and get things done without the kiddos hanging on me.

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 5, 2016 by cathey

[Sarah0000]

My four year old has quiet time when his little brother is napping. He must stay in his bed but can read or do an activity book or quiet game. He can also play by himself in the backyard if he wants, but mostly he'll just go to his room and close the door when he wants to be alone.

[BlsdMama]

How can I make occasions for my children to be alone?

 

I remember needing time to myself when I was a child. I'm an extrovert (barely) but I loved that time to think and to pray and to just be on my own. I have four sisters, but with different public school schedules or if I stayed home "sick" from school I was able to get that time alone. I was also able to wander the neighborhoods we lived in and woods and such on my own.

 

My oldest is only four so I know that when they are older, there will be more "alone time" opportunities but I'm a little anxious not being able to foresee how that will play out. I don't think it is as culturally acceptable to let children wander off and I imagine it would be frustrating to constantly be around Mom and sisters all the time no matter what. 

 

I know I'm worrying about nothing, but I'm hoping some mothers with more experience will set me at ease with obvious solutions that I haven't thought about yet.

 

 

You're really not worrying about nothing - I actually think you're very wise.  Have you read "Last Child in the Woods" by Muir? You might really enjoy it.  To me, it's more than alone time - it's alone OUTDOOR time.  Do you have trees?

 

I can tell you that we recently built a very wide, very pretty tree swing under a large tree.  There is something very peaceful about going out there when everyone else is busy and just swinging.  Several of my girls do this.  I think the nuance of what you're trying to do is very difficult in this day and age but very worthwhile.

[GoFigure]

Thanks for all your thoughts. I appreciate the insight.

 

You're really not worrying about nothing - I actually think you're very wise.  Have you read "Last Child in the Woods" by Muir? You might really enjoy it.  To me, it's more than alone time - it's alone OUTDOOR time.  Do you have trees?

 

I can tell you that we recently built a very wide, very pretty tree swing under a large tree.  There is something very peaceful about going out there when everyone else is busy and just swinging.  Several of my girls do this.  I think the nuance of what you're trying to do is very difficult in this day and age but very worthwhile.

I have not read that. It's at the top of my reading queue now. Thanks!

[Hobbes]

Thanks for all your thoughts. I appreciate the insight.

 

I have not read that. It's at the top of my reading queue now. Thanks!

Excellent book, I've gone back to it more than once. The author's name is Richard Louv, unless there is another book by this title.

[BlsdMama]

Excellent book, I've gone back to it more than once. The author's name is Richard Louv, unless there is another book by this title.

 

 

Oh drat- you're right! Sorry, I was thinking of John Muir.

[Desert Strawberry]

It has helped us to designate different areas of the house and yard as separate spaces. Bedroom, office, dining room, kitchen, this desk, that desk, carport, sofa, back yard, front porch, etc. I don't think kids tend to divide the space that way, so we end up with a pile of kids fighting over the same small table. Even though we live in a small house, and have a lot of kids, there are plenty of nooks and crannies for everyone.

Now we live out in the open desert, my kids can disappear for hours, walk for miles, and not encounter another soul, while still in sight of our house. I encourage them to do that. We also like to hike and camp. I encourage them to break off into small groups of go it alone. I'm always last, and we all end up in the same place. 

[momacacia]

I thought this was about moms getting alone time. Nevermind. ;)

[Peaceful Isle]

I thought this was about moms getting alone time. Nevermind. ;)

Haha, me too! I was gonna say, never! Okay, in the shower, bathroom, and sometimes at night. ;)

[MerryAtHope]

When my kids outgrew their naps, we transitioned to a daily "rest time" which was alone-time. They could read, play with toys, listen to audio books etc... 

[Tanikit]

My children have their own rooms and can go there to be alone or out into the backyard. My youngest loves being alone and spends hours in her room playing with her toys. My eldest hates being alone though she will happily walk to the shops alone - seems there needs to be a task involved.

 

In general with my children though, I have found that they will either solve their own problems - as in find the space they need to be alone if that is what they need, or if a need is not being met and they cannot think how to meet it then their behaviour deteriorates, they may become withdrawn or more angry or irritable and then it is up to me to find out what it is and to fix it. I wouldn't make alone time a problem unless it genuinely is one.

[Garga]

My house is small and there are only the four of us and we manage to find places.

 

I get alone time in the small bathroom where I head with a book. I can easily spend an hour in there "brushing my teeth" (reading the book the entire time.)

 

One son will sit on my bed alone playing with a Gameboy while the other boy is in the play/schoolroom alone. I tell them they can go to their room alone if they like, but it's the only room on the 2nd floor and isn't hooked up to the house's heating/cooling so in the summer they have to remember to turn on their window a/c and in the winter to turn on their heater. They don't like going up there and waiting for the room to cool/heat up.

 

DH...he doesn't really get alone time...except that he has a two hour round trip drive to work. I think he gets his alone time then, listening to podcasts (it's an easy, traffic-free drive.)

 

I think the kids will naturally find the place they like best. If not, you can help point them in a direction where they can be alone.