elective "retention" or "reclassifying"

[nonnativeco]

Ok. so here goes.  I have a son who has a mid june birthday.  He just finished 6th grade and is currently scheduled to start 7th grade and middle school in a couple weeks.  So he's 12.   He is bright; tests consistently in the 90th-96th percentile on standardized tests since 1st grade.  He's also a really good athlete; one of the 10-20 best baseball players in the state for his age (not grade but age).   I'm thinking of "red shirting" him for academics, sports, and family reasons.

 

He struggles a bit with self esteem and anxiousness. I've been told it's somewhat normal at this age and common in kids who are bright. Teachers and the principal do not feel he has a social problem.  

 

I have the opportunity to not work this coming year.  Thus I've been considering the idea of home schooling him and reclassifying him as a 6th grader again.  I view it as a possible opportunity for us to spend a lot of time together exploring subjects and activities outside of the standard curriculum and work on his confidence.  I would re-enroll him as a 7th grader in a school the following year. 

 

I've done research on the pros and cons.  I can't help but think that this would give him every advantage to excel when he gets to high school.  High school sounds dreadful nowadays with the expectations and curriculum pressures.  I feel reasonably sure that if he still loves baseball and does well in school, he would have opportunities at colleges and universities that he might not otherwise.

 

Please tell me what you think. 

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

It doesn't sound like he is struggling with academics so I can't see holding him back as very advantageous from that perspective.  It doesn't sound like he is struggling with sports, either (which honestly does not seem like a great reason to have a child repeat a grade, especially if they are doing well academically).  If he is having self-esteem issues then perhaps counseling might be more effective?  Certainly homeschooling for a year might be great for both of you if he is also on board and you can make it a really fun and interesting year.  It could also be very lonely if all of his friends are in school.  Does he have close friends?  Would he still be doing his normal sports stuff during his year of homeschooling?  

 

Here is one of my concerns with your plan:  If he repeats a grade but when he returns to school he is around his classmates that didn't, there is bound to be friction and maybe bullying.  It could really hurt his self-esteem even more.  

 

Have you discussed this with your son?  12 can be a challenging year for many kids, especially boys.  They are trying to transition from child to teen.  Usually there are a lot of hormones in play, the child is starting to need even more separation and independence from the parent as they also seek out more peer interaction, etc.  If you bring him home and have him repeat a grade against his will this could blow up in your face.  Is he on board with this?

[Ellie]

I would not do it, absolutely not. I think it would be a mistake.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I agree with the other posters that this is almost certainly the wrong approach. He is well above average academically, and gifted in sports, as well. He does not deserve to be held back in any way. You need to find other means of addressing his challenges, rather than bumping him down in the areas in which he DOES excel!

[boscopup]

I'm not seeing any reason to redshirt him at this point?

 

My son turned 12 at the end of June and is in 7th grade now. I can't imagine holding him back a year in a brick and mortar school. He still remembers how boring K and 1st grade were when he already knew everything. That's the reason we homeschool now!

 

Set your fears aside about high school. Your child doesn't have to go to an ivy league school to do well in life. With his good academics, he shouldn't have any issues getting into a decent school (maybe even free tuition at a state school). The problems your child might have in school are problems that every kid runs into. It's called growing up.

 

I agree with the PP that you might consider getting counseling for the anxiety issues. I just don't see how holding him back a year would help with that? He'd likely have other kids making fun of him, thinking he had failed a grade. That doesn't sound good for his anxiety!

[nonnativeco]

Thank you for the input.  That's inline with the opinions I've gotten from his past principal and teacher.  He was actually fine with the idea of being home schooled.  He is scheduled to go to an "Options" middle school where he knows few kids yet.  So I didn't feel it would be that much of an issue if he entered a year behind.  I really viewed this as a chance to spend more quality time with him before he becomes a teen and no longer wants to spend so much time with his parents.  But I acknowledge an underlying suspicion he might miss being around classmates on a daily basis. 

[Farrar]

I think holding a child back when there's zero academic reasons when the child is within range for the grade (and June definitely is) is a mistake. He'd be bored - if not during the homeschool year then during the return to school. His self-esteem would likely suffer. Most kids aren't going to end up as professional athletes or getting scholarships so what's the big endgame in holding back for sports? And the majority of sports do age cutoffs anyway so he'll be on the team he's on no matter what. And if he's eventually not ready for college because of immaturity, you can do a gap year then. The pressures of high school will still be the pressures and if he's academically ready, then it's not going to be massively different.

 

I'd deal with the anxiety. Maybe having him home will help him be able to get on a better path for that anyway. Maybe he needs to have a 7th grade homeschool experience before heading back to 8th grade. That could still be an awesome way to help shore up his self-esteem and interest in learning.

[Ausmumof3]

I think you'll find he's bored academically and hanging around with younger kids when it's possible that he would actually do better with older ones at his academic level. I don't know.

 

I really think homeschooling is the ideal option for kids like this unless they have a teacher that put in a lot of effort to extend them.

[OneStepAtATime]

Thank you for the input.  That's inline with the opinions I've gotten from his past principal and teacher.  He was actually fine with the idea of being home schooled.  He is scheduled to go to an "Options" middle school where he knows few kids yet.  So I didn't feel it would be that much of an issue if he entered a year behind.  I really viewed this as a chance to spend more quality time with him before he becomes a teen and no longer wants to spend so much time with his parents.  But I acknowledge an underlying suspicion he might miss being around classmates on a daily basis.

 

There are two different things on the table. One is having him repeat a year and one is homeschooling a year. If he was interested and you are enthusiastic you could still homeschool for the year. See how it goes. It might be a great year for both of you. Do some research and find out what he could be involved in that he normally wouldn't have time for. Use the year to expand his interests and skills, etc. But keep him at grade level. There is honestly no reason for him to repeat a grade. That does not mean homeschooling is not an option. Just doing it for one year, though, means you need to make sure he is ready to go back to school for 8th. It means there is less flexibility in your homeschooling options. It could still be a great year, though.

[Janeway]

If he is that smart and that athletic, he will not enjoy being with the younger children. And he will not fit in. Leave him in 7th grade.

[Janeway]

Also, there are age limits on playing sports at certain ages. He might age out of sports by the end if you hold him back. Have you considered that you are more anxious than him and holding him back because of your feelings?

[kiwik]

The only way I can see to do this is if you took the year off to do something exceptional - sail round the world, do total immersion in China, join the circus etc.

Edited July 30, 2016 by kiwik

[Bluegoat]

I am generally of the view that most kids benefit, in North American school systems, from starting school a year later.  But in your situation, I can't see the benefit, and I can see possible downsides as well. 

 

Homeschooling a year is a different proposition, and might be really worthwhile, but I would tend to send him back into grade 8, not grade 7.

[Haiku]

I wouldn't hold him back. As you've stated the situation, there is zero reason to have him repeat a grade.

 

If you both want to homeschool, by all means, do so! But you can homeschool him in 7th grade.

 

I also agree with others who have suggested finding him a counselor.

[Reefgazer]

I'm very much pro-red-shirting for academic and maturity reasons, but I can't see a real good reason to red-shirt here. A lack of the isn't really the same as the lack of confidence, and I don't think holding a child back for lack of esteem and confidence will help him at all.

[kiana]

I honestly think the self-esteem and anxiety might worsen with being retained.

 

"Look, I'm so dumb I couldn't even stay with my age-mates, I had to repeat the grade and now I'm with younger kids."

 

I'm not saying that this is correct, but I'm saying that a lot of kids with already poor self-esteem would take it that way even if originally on board with the idea. 

[regentrude]

Why would you want to have a bright kid who is a strong student repeat a grade???

Why don't you just homeschool him for 7th grade?

I fail to see how being made to repeat a grade could possibly help with self esteem.

Edited July 31, 2016 by regentrude

[mom2scouts]

I agree with the others. Having a bright, athletic child repeat a grade is a horrible idea and will backfire in ways you can't imagine. If you want to homeschool, fine, but don't "reclassify" his grade.