Would a babysitting course be good for an anxious 11 yr old?

[Dmmetler]

There's a Red Cross babysitting class being offered for kids DD's age at a local hospital. DD is at the age where she wants more autonomy, but is very anxious and nervous about knowing what to do, where to go, etc. I was wondering if anyone has ever had a kid take such a course, essentially, to learn and be more comfortable with caring for themselves without an adult right there? It's unlikely she'd get many babysitting opportunities since the people we know who have babies also have their own tweens/teens.

 

In DD's case, I think the anxiety is being fueled by the fact that often she's not able to have age appropriate levels of freedom because of policies. So she can't walk across the college campus to take a class without an adult, even though she can take the classes. We just switched from a tumbling gym where a parent had to sign her in and out of class, to one where it is actually (gasp!) acceptable for me to just drop her off and come back in 2 1/2 hours if she's taking two classes with a half-hour break between, and she's nervous even about that because it's never been allowed. Our co-op requires a parent on campus at all times, even if the parent isn't teaching that hour. And, of course, we homeschool, so while some things have changed, she's not changing classes the way she'd be at middle school. Our neighborhood is safe and walkable, but there's nowhere to go.

[J-rap]

I think that's a great idea!  Even if she is just thinking of it as learning babysitting skills, she could be subconsciously learning skills that would actually ease her anxiety about things.

 

I found that community education classes in general were nice for helping my kids feel more comfortable on their own, at least in our town.  They felt safe, were often held at our local library (or other familiar place), were taught by retired teachers, etc.

 

That middle-school age range was always the toughest.  My kids felt more independent, but there's only so much you can really do independently at that age.  Wait a couple years when they are finally "old enough," and everything changes!

 

I find it really unusual that your area holds such strict standards on a parent always being there, etc.  Wow!  I'm sure it's done with good reason, but it's nothing like what we encounter in our small town.

[Pen]

It sounds like an interesting idea and worth trying.

 

Also it might help to look for things she can do on her own, such as maybe a library would allow her to be there for awhile without you, or maybe she could go into a store and shop while you wait outside, or stay home alone for short times gradually working up length or what she does on her own, or even go on walks alone, not because there is anywhere to go, but just for the autonomy of walking on her own.  Or things where she gains personal ability even if not while being alone could help, such as cooking or that sort of thing.

 

Our nearest city has summer park and recreation events that kids can be at without parents, and the library and skating rink allow kids to be there without parents.  Also I saw a jr. camp counselor leadership class that I was wondering about for my ds similar as you are thinking about the babysitting class.

[goldberry]

This actually did really help DD.  She also was anxious about staying alone, etc, and it did give her more confidence.

[daijobu]

We liked the Kidpower book for teaching independence.

[EKT]

I think the babysitting course is a good idea! My girls aren't that old yet, but I took a course like that when I was about 11 or 12 years of age. She might like The Smart Girl's Guide to Staying Home Alone. 

[Farrar]

My anxious 11 yo did... it's been mixed. He's amazing with little kids and he's very sensible about being alone and taking care of himself so I thought it would be fine - his anxiety is mostly about random phobias and perfectionism and stuff that seemed like it would just be different... He's had a gig as a mother's helper a few times and the kid was not cooperative and it definitely wasn't good for his ego so now I'm less sure. I don't know... he doesn't have younger siblings and I think the lack of confidence really hit him when he was trying to tend to the kid (mostly - mom was easy to get in the building) alone.

[Petrichor]

It sounds like she's nervous because she feels like being alone is breaking the rules. It sounds like not following rules makes her anxious. Is that accurate? If that's the case, I'm not sure if a babysitting course would help. Giving her more opportunities to be alone might be what's needed there.

 

I took a babysitting class around that age, but I didn't end up babysitting much. Learning first aid did benefit me. It's something that I never forgot, and, judging by how many other people tend to react in first-aid type situations, it seems like it didn't just teach common sense. The information covered would likely be quite easy for you to teach her yourself, BUT, if she attended, the majority of the benefit would be because she is going alone, and that they are teaching "kids" her age with the expectation that they will be alone and responsible for another human being. I.e. it may teach her that being alone/responsible for herself isn't something to be anxious about?

[deerforest]

DD completed one last December, and I just asked her if it had this effect. She said it helped for sure. She is using the skills though because she volunteers at a preschool during the year, and she is volunteering as a junior camp counselor this summer. She thinks the class was definitely worth it for her.

[MerryAtHope]

The babysitting class is a good one, and my dd took it around that age--it does help kids to feel more confident about what to do in various situations. 

 

Do you leave her home alone ever, like while you run to the store or something? You might experiment with some short times alone if not--"You know, I'm realizing that you're old enough and responsible enough to stay home while I run this errand. I'll be back in 20 minutes..." She can call you if she needs etc... Gradually up the time. 

 

Maybe during the drop-off class you could let her know she can call you if she wants during that 30 minute break? It may just take a time or two for her to adjust, and knowing you'd still be available might help.

[katilac]

I think that the books geared to personal independence and staying safe would be better; a huge chunk of the babysitting stuff won't be relevant, and it   won't cover stuff like dealing with people in public. 

 

Maybe paired with something like The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Anxiety, which helps one pinpoint anxiety triggers and has specific strategies for working through them. It's an adult book, but it's good, and we didn't care as much for the ones geared to kids and teens. 

 

 

[wintermom]

I'd probably look for some kind of "home alone" course, or a first aid course, perhaps adding in a self-defense or martial arts course. That way she can focus on the things she specifically needs, rather than the details of diapering a baby, etc. that will be covered in a baby sitting course. A first aid/CPR course offered for adults and youth would be great, as she could ask mature questions and not feel out of place. A baby-sitting course with a group of 11 - 12 year olds may just hold her back from learning more detailed information.

 

A self-defense course will provide all kinds of great information about avoiding dangerous situations, and how to handle situations that commonly occur. She'd learn about releases from arm grabs, avoiding shoves, how to handle multiple attackers, and practice how to use her voice to her benefit. These are all excellent things to learn.  Learning and practicing exactly what to do often builds confidence, and also provides information on how to be aware of the environment to stay safe.

 

 

Edited June 27, 2016 by wintermom

[Sahamamama]

That babysitting course could be part of what it takes for her to move towards more confidence and independence. If she were able to actually babysit, this might help her to see herself differently -- for once, not the youngest of the group, but the oldest, and the one in charge. You never know, there may be leads for jobs through the course, but would you want her to babysit for people you don't know? So I suppose the success of the course depends on what you would like to see her gain from it and how you present it to her.

 

Dmmetler, you are so right when you mention the policy of "parent always present" as a factor in shaping a child's perception of what is acceptable. Grr. I suppose those policies are there for a reason, but it's tough for a kid to feel free, even when it actually is okay to be.

 

I have an 11 year old, too, so no real advice, just commiseration. ;) At times, I do think she is anxious about being in charge of herself. Some of that could be her temperament, but some is probably that she's absorbed this sense of the world being dangerous, just from the policies that are in place everywhere. We live in the countryside, so there's nowhere to go. I can't run any errand in less than an hour, and that's pushing it. At least 20 minutes to get anywhere meaningful, 20 minutes to do the "thing," and 20 minutes back. A few weeks ago, our neighbor (two doors down) asked me to dog-sit for her for a week, while her regular dog-sitter was on vacation. I went down twice a day to let the dog out, for about 15 minutes a time. That was the first time the girls had ever been home alone, and they did fine.

 

The babysitting course might help, but I think there might be other things you could try that might work better. What kinds of things could build her confidence, things she hasn't done before? For us, that has been doing things like canoeing, kayaking, rock wall climbing, rappelling, horseback riding, and archery. We have only done each of those things once, so don't be too impressed. ;) However, the point for my 11 year old was that she had never done them before, they were physically challenging (not her strong suit), and they required attention to detailed instructions (also not her strong suit). There was a safety element in each pursuit, and by keeping herself safe while doing something somewhat risky, her confidence seems to have been strengthened. But your daughter is a tumbler, so maybe that adventurous physical component wouldn't be "new territory" for her in quite the same way it has been for us recently. Still, there must be some area where she can spread her wings.

 

Another part of what we've been doing involves them cooking more independently. For example, I'll say to my 11 year old, "Please go make ________, and then clean up." I say no more than that. She goes and does it. She feels empowered, apparently, judging from the big smile when she serves it out. :) Lately, her sisters have gotten in on the cooking fun.

 

Finally, when we are out shopping, I will now sometimes say to them, "If you stick together, you may go and look at the craft supplies. Meet me back here in 10 minutes. Stick together, no loners." And off they go, out of sight. It is nerve-racking for me, honestly, but there has to be a time to let them off the "leash" for ten minutes at a time. I think a lot of what is possible depends on where you live, though.

 

If I were you, I would try to give your daughter more freedom in places where there are no policies against this -- at home, in the neighborhood, in the stores, at church, at the new tumbling center. Hopefully, that will help to mitigate the impact of the policies where she is required to abide by them, and build her sense of confidence over time. HTH.

[minuway]

My very anxious 11 year old just did a Safe Sitter course - I signed her up for exactly this reason! It's given her a lot of reassurance. She's super proud that she knows all about what to do if someone starts choking, and there was lots of info on various emergency situations, which she tends to obsess over. Having plans for all of those is comforting. She still isn't comfortable staying at home alone for along ( we've tried quick trips but she quickly feels stressed). But I think eventually she will get there and the class has helped.

 

 

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