a reality check is needed in our home

[ProudGrandma]

My daughter is is 9th grade and the reality of the work load is hitting her hard.  She isn't used to having a lot more work than her brothers, she isn't used to having major deadlines, she isn't used to taking tests that actually mean something, she isn't used to having homework on some weekends and nights.  

 

She fights me, she grumps, she has bad attitudes...and yes, she is a teenager and I know that comes with that territory too.

 

But, has anybody here found ways to make this transition easier?  Or is it just a time thing.

 

I keep thinking that she has NO IDEA what it is like at a formal school...those kids have hours of homework every night, and weekend...when a test is set for a day, there is no waiting because you aren't ready....

 

I try to be hard pressed about those things, but life happens...my dad had major surgery this fall for example, so you have to be a bit flexible too.  

 

any thoughts, ideas or suggestions you might have, I am all ears.

 

thanks.

[GinaPagnato]

I COMPLETELY know what you're talking about.

 

All of my teens have experienced this at around that age. I've tried to point out that other kids their age have similar workloads, have less free time, have less flexibility, have less sleep, etc.

 

They still all had a hard time adjusting, and so did I! I felt it was very hard for me as teacher and mom to figure out how to react to their grumbling. If they were in regular school the meanie would some other person and I could sympathize and give them cookies. As it is, as a hs mom, I'm the meanie. And the mom.

 

All I can say is try not to react or engage too much. Keep your conversations about workload, due date, preparing for their future, etc. very matter of fact and breezy. Then leave the room while your dd grumbles.

 

I do think this is an age/maturity thing. I also saw that as my kids aged a little and started having goals that THEY thought were important, they had more incentive to work hard. When it's a nebulous cause they were more likely to complain, but when they knew they had to do xyz in order to achieve some goal (a particular college, entry into a career field, a scholarship opportunity, etc.) it was more palatable to them.

 

Stay strong, mama!

[Greta]

I wish that I had some brilliant advice to offer you, but I do want to encourage you that there is reason to hope! My daughter went through a very rough time in 9th grade last year, all the same things you're describing. A couple of weeks into our 10th grade year this fall, she asked me why 10th grade is so much easier than 9th was. I told her that it isn't, the difference is that she has learned how to handle the heavier workload of high school. So what was once so difficult that it had her in tears is now just routine. I don't know if that helps at all right now, but hang in there, because it will get better! :grouphug:

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

:lurk5:

 

We're having this problem too. DD isn't in 9th yet, but I'm trying to crack down harder now because I want to get all of this out of the way before then! She really wants to go to college and is looking forward to it, but she isn't willing/prepared to do what it will take to get there *sigh*

[wintermom]

I think that there is a learning curve for both the student and the parent when increasing workload and expectations. The student needs some time and guidence in achieving the tougher expectations, and the parent to supportively walk them through the process so they understand why they are doing more and how to tackle the work. It takes time. 

 

Sometimes it's really good to have an outsider to set the expectations in a particular subject (e.g., outsources class), then your role is supportive. It's tougher to be the support as well as the "task master"  for everything. Other times, dad or a friend could be the supportive helper while you set the expectations (e.g., English essay). 

[clementine]

I think we were able to skip that stage - our dd shadowed a few high schools to decide whether or not to continue homeschooling through high school.  That probably helped her see what the expectations were in public/private school & that we weren't any more rigorous than that.  Deadlines are needed, self-discipline is needed, and a supportive (gentle and firm) teacher/mom is needed.   It's natural for them to feel added pressure & resist it, but press on.....she'll come around, I hope!!  

 

 

[elegantlion]

There is a lot of wisdom on the high school board. You might check the stickies at the top for ways to transition into the workload. 

 

I still remember one of the best pieces of advice, which was a reminder that the 9th grader entering high school is not the same as the 12th grader that graduates in 4 years. Think of the their first 4 years of life, the changes that happen from 9th to 12th aren't so in your face, but they are just as profound. 

 

I found this to be true and I muttered it under my breath along the way a lot. I will add the young adult that starts college is not the same young adult by the end of the semester. 

 

Hang in there, it can get better. It won't happen overnight.  :grouphug:

[MomatHWTK]

It has been a tough transition for us as well.  

[texasmama]

Well, I adjusted the work load and now history has been bumped to the summer.  One of my 9th graders has two online classes and two co-op classes so outside deadlines help keep him on track.  I teach one of his co-op classes, so sometimes the deadlines are a bit fuzzier, but not too often.  

 

I don't know if that is helpful to your situation, but I do think it is nice to be able to make adjustments when things aren't working well.

 

 

[texasmama]

I also have made clear to my boys that their education is their responsibility.  I provide the materials and classes and will assist them when I am able if they request it.  But they will get out of their high school experiences what they put into them, same as I did.  For the most part, they have done very well.  One of my boys hit a wall with math so we are making a change to an online class in the spring.  I let him work it out on his own for as long as I was comfortable and when he was not able to move forward (and I am unable to help with math), I made the decision to put him in the online class.  

[TammyS]

Also, examine your schedule and start ditching anything that is fluff or nonsense (got a co-op that is not worth it?  now's the time to throw it overboard!).

[KungFuPanda]

It's been a new, horrible surprise for my son every day.  My daughter went to high school, so it's been a new, horrible surprise every day for me too.  I'm exhausted.  I've got that February-burn-out feeling and it's only November.  I took the whole week off this week and puttered around my kitchen for days.  I hope I'm ready by Monday. High school just isn't FUN like all the other grades were.  

[Garga]

I think we were able to skip that stage - our dd shadowed a few high schools to decide whether or not to continue homeschooling through high school.  That probably helped her see what the expectations were in public/private school & that we weren't any more rigorous than that.  Deadlines are needed, self-discipline is needed, and a supportive (gentle and firm) teacher/mom is needed.   It's natural for them to feel added pressure & resist it, but press on.....she'll come around, I hope!!  

 

Oh!  Now this is a great idea!  My son is in 8th grade and I've been very leery about the upcoming school year.  I know it'll be hard on us both. I wonder how disruptive it is to a class to be shadowed?  I'd love for my son to get a glimpse into what high school is like, but I don't want to be a drain on a school if we're not serious about attending there.

 

I think I'll show him this thread, too.

Edited November 28, 2015 by Garga

[clementine]

Oh! Now this is a great idea! My son is in 8th grade and I've been very leery about the upcoming school year. I know it'll be hard on us both. I wonder how disruptive it is to a class to be shadowed? I'd love for my son to get a glimpse into what high school is like, but I don't want to be a drain on a school if we're not serious about attending there.

 

I think I'll show him this thread, too.

In our area, students are welcome to shadow at private or charter high schools. Our public high school does not allow it. But, the private/public schools will give your son a taste of what 'a day in the life' looks like. The only downfall is that sometimes designated shadow days are filled with fluff to make it look like school there is a party. If you could schedule a shadow day on a regular school day, things are more realistic. Usually there are several days offered per year.

[kewb]

My ds went through this hard.  The increased work load was coupled with my total freak out that high school matters and I sucked the joy out of homeschooling.  Sucked it all out.  I did a lot of damage that I don't think we ever fully recovered from.

My dd also struggled with the transition but not as badly since I learned from my mistakes with her brother.

[ChemMommy]

4th kid is now in 9th grade. All of the first 3 had a shocking adjustment in high school. The workload and expectations do really jump. All four of them have shed tears over the workload. They adjusted, but it wasn't always easy. No real advice, but hugs for you both. Mostly reassure them that you have great confidence that they can do it all. Encourage them to manage their time wisely so they can get to the fun things in life. All of my high schoolers have needed a quieter place to work than the kitchen table with the younger siblings. Something to consider.

 

10th grade is easier for everyone!

[wapiti]

I have no suggestions for the current 9th grader.  My two cents on the problem more generally:  rather than have a big jump in expectations in 9th, the transition might be made more gradual.  That's part of what middle school is good for IMO, getting all these ducks in a row before starting high school.

 

FWIW, my dd is in 9th at a private high school.  She also attended a private middle school.  It appears that her work load this year isn't any greater than it was in 7th and 8th, though I think she has gotten much more efficient with planning.  7th and 8th were heavy at various points, on purpose; e.g. there were times when lots of projects and tests occurred in the same week.  She still tends to study the night before a test, but she is at least aware that she can't do it all in one night for big tests, that she needs to break it up.  She often completes her math homework during class and she takes advantage of free moments to get work done, e.g. on the bus.  This time last year she was struggling to remember to complete assignments from days she was absent and she never really used her planner.  Somehow it all came together by the very end of 8th grade.

 

I will add that different kids will handle the transition differently.  I have two 7th graders in a school that is very heavy on planning and on writing.  One of my kids is some sort of master of organization - I'm not sure about his work quality LOL but he has no problem with the planning.  I never, ever have to remind him about anything.  The other one, *sigh*.... he has major issues, shall we say, with organization, planning, and getting assignments turned in.  We've got a year and a half to get that sorted out.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I have no suggestions for the current 9th grader.  My two cents on the problem more generally:  rather than have a big jump in expectations in 9th, the transition might be made more gradual.  That's part of what middle school is good for IMO, getting all these ducks in a row before starting high school.

 

 

This is what I do and plan to do.  I don't think it is quite fair to drop a bomb on someone all at once.  But then I also don't think it takes forever to get used to something. 

 

I am torn sometimes though.  I homeschool in part because I want to do things in a different way.  I want to take advantage of the freedom we have.  But then I also want my kid to be prepared for college.  So it's hard to know what the right balance is.

[texasmama]

I am torn sometimes though.  I homeschool in part because I want to do things in a different way.  I want to take advantage of the freedom we have.  But then I also want my kid to be prepared for college.  So it's hard to know what the right balance is.

I intuitively usually know what my kids need.  I planned a reasonable 9th grade year for my two boys, and then one (new to them) online class was very demanding, so rather than push them too hard or cause them to feel that they had failed, I told them we were moving History to the summer, which they agreed with.  To me, that is the beauty of homeschooling.

 

Caveat:  Neither of my 9th graders is "typical".  My 15 yo has ASD and works extremely slowly and methodically.  My 12 year old is, well, 12.  He does not need to rush through anything.  I involve both of them in the process of choosing subjects.  I typically choose the curriculum, but I laid out the options for them based on a typical high school progression and a college-bound progression.  I might make different choices if I had a typical 9th grade student.  But I am determined that we will not sit around crying every day due to being overwhelmed.  That will benefit neither of my two boys.  I truly believe that they will be prepared for college.  The plan for all of them is to start at CC so it will be a gentle introduction.  Their online and co-op classes provide hard deadlines and the experience of having outside teachers, which is probably the best preparation for my particular students.