Aras Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I don't know if this is a vent, or a question or a PSA. I have read so many of your stories, advice, and commiseration, I think I could use any of the above right now. In the last month or two I have begun to suspect that my dd has some sort of learning difficulties- maybe dyslexia. She was a strong reader k-2, but her and her brother began to have trouble in school around 3rd grade. So I pulled them out to homeschool. I spent a lot of time with ds who had very obvious difficulties and his reading ability has increased by leaps and bounds. Dd seems to be spinning her wheels with reading. She used to be excited about it, but lately she groans when she has to read more than a page. Usborne encyclopedias, DK books and Hakim's Story of US (original format) brings her to tears. When she reads out loud she skips little words and replaces longer words with similar words that have the same beginning and end. I made an appointment with the local school to have her evaluated, and I had her eyes checked. Lo and behold, this poor kid needs glasses! How could I miss this? Regular well child visits don't include eye exams around here. I remember getting eye exams every year in elementary school, but I don't know if they still do that even if my dc were still in public school. I feel like I have let her down. :leaving: She has always been the easy kid, complacent, happy to go along with whatever we do. I spent so much time trying to get ds excited about school and work on his difficulties, it didn't occur to me that she needed more too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 ((hugs)) You didn't let her down, you recognized that there was a problem and found her the help she needed. Be gentle with yourself. You can't read minds or know the future, and neither can the rest of us. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragonflyer Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I don't think that you have let your child down. The nature of having more than one child is that the one who seems to need you the most, gets most of your time. It may be a good time to evaluate if your DD needs a bit more of your attention without drawing attention to herself. Do you need to change the way you offer your time to your children in the future? Other than that, your pediatrician missed the need for glasses, the rest of your family missed a need for glasses, and I know plenty of teachers who would not notice her need for glasses. Your noticed a problem, got her evaluated, and were relieved to find a problem that was pretty simple to correct. Good job. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 It's so common! Even regular eye exams can miss things too. We had an optometry exam prior to starting school in K: all clear. After a year of academic difficulty (with a passed eye exam), we found a problem needing correction. When I was younger my vision was so poor by the time I got glasses that I couldn't see the board in the front row of a class and I was already beyond an ability to drive legally (had I been old enough). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 You didn't let her down at all! You explored all options and an eye exam was one of them. We only had one had done for DS because at 9 or 10 we realized it hadn't happened before. I was totally floored that he did indeed need glasses; there were absolutely no indications that we'd picked up on, and even though he's super self aware he didn't even know. Funny though, literally an hour after he got them he had a hockey game and he played a stellar game. He made every pass and played like he never had before. Everyone was like "What's gotten into him today?!". Um, poor kid couldn't SEE until now! ;) Good job mama--be proud of yourself and glad that your DD has what she needs. :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandamom Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Great for getting the evals started. When you realized there was a problem you got appointments/evals started. That's what a good mom does. When I realized my dd couldn't see I took her to the doc. Atter she got her glasses/contacts, the first thing she said was "now I can see the vault and the people coming into the gym". As a competitive gymnast this was rather important :) I still wonder how long she struggled to see. I did the best I could at the time. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aras Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Thanks everyone, I am really glad to know this happens more often than I thought. We are still pursuing the evals; the glasses are helping a lot, but they are not a panacea to all of her troubles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Over 2-3 years our family Dr moved/closed her solo practice and we were in no rush to find a new Dr, and our health insurance changed so that we were unable to see our regular eye Dr either, and went without eye exams for a few years. I was in the room when one of the girls was getting her eye exam, and for one eye she could ONLY read the line below the giant "E". I was so embarrassed- I just said, "Well, I'm no eye doctor, but I'm guessing she needs glasses?" :coolgleamA: And if it makes any of you feel better, when the girls were little, the one thing I seemed to be incapable of was figuring out when the girls shoes are too small. Once, a girl walked in with size 8 (child) shoes, and walked out with size 11. :blushing: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Eye exams are not pushed as much as they should be. You did a good job getting it checked out. This happens a lot. We thought we were early and on top of things when we had our son checked at age 4. He was blind as a bat, and it turns out that you can have infants checked pretty easily these days. http://www.infantsee.org/ His vision is still catching up. Our son who has 20/20 vision had some ocular motor issues. Those are most likely to be caught by a COVD/developmental optometrist. Some optometrists will see stuff and refer to a COVD optometrists, and others won't. We switched docs after an optometrist dismissed my son's issues. We see a COVD doc for everyone now. http://www.covd.org/ 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SporkUK Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I went to an elementary school that had regular eye tests and my sight issues weren't picked up until I was in university. The school ones had focused on seeing the board and I was/am very long sighted. I can see details in the wall across the room but put paper in front of me without my glasses and it is a struggle - my eyes get tired really quick, and things blur and it's hard to focus on words or images when I'm just trying to get them clear. I would stop reading rather quickly or change the font sizes as I went along on computers (and end up trouble for messing with them). When I first got them properly tested as an adult in Uni, the optician asked if I realized that when she handed me the test page I automatically held it out as far as I could. I had no idea I did that. My eyes aren't off by much, 3.25-3.75 - I can use off the shelf reading glass in a pinch - but it's had such a big effect for me having properly glasses. I hope they do the same for yours :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 For others reading this, children's eyesight can change very quickly, and so they really do need an eye exam by an optometrist every year once they are school-aged. (Really, if you can do it sooner, you should, but by the time you expect them to be reading you should start.) Adults who are not yet senior citizens need our eyesight checked every 3 years or so, unless they have known issues. This is how I was raised, so it always surprises me that there are people who don't routinely schedule visits with the eye doctor the way they schedule teeth cleanings and annual checkups. You can't wait for them to see a problem, and unless your pediatrician or school is very thorough, you can't just rely on that either. This isn't to criticize the OP, of course - when you know better, you do better. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 This happened to me with a student once. I really reamed him out. Turned out he had not been bringing his glasses because he had lost them and no one in his family had replaced them. It felt pretty horrible, but I was glad I had gone to the school specialists to ask what was up with this kid. The school saw that the glasses got replaced. I agree with everyone else... you were concerned, you explored possibilities, you did the best job you could (and were probably way nicer than I was to that poor student). Someone was telling me a similar story about a younger dd who she had begun to suspect had serious issues. But it turned out it was just her ears. She couldn't speak well because her ears were filled and it had never been caught. It took going to an ENT. I think one of the things we've moved away from is looking for those medical issues for kids. Some kids have learning disabilities but some kids have Lyme disease or eyesight tracking problems or ear infections or a million other things that are hindering their learning or attentiveness. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Someone was telling me a similar story about a younger dd who she had begun to suspect had serious issues. But it turned out it was just her ears. She couldn't speak well because her ears were filled and it had never been caught. It took going to an ENT. I think one of the things we've moved away from is looking for those medical issues for kids. Some kids have learning disabilities but some kids have Lyme disease or eyesight tracking problems or ear infections or a million other things that are hindering their learning or attentiveness. I agree. DS had a friend who repeated grade 1 at his parents insistence. Turned out he'd had ear issues and once they put tubes in, he was fine. However, he'd learned absolutely nothing in K or 1 and had instead been labeled a "trouble kid". Getting the school to agree to hold him back was a nightmare for the parents even though in this case it was absolutely warranted and necessary. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Eye exams are not pushed as much as they should be. You did a good job getting it checked out. This happens a lot. We thought we were early and on top of things when we had our son checked at age 4. He was blind as a bat, and it turns out that you can have infants checked pretty easily these days. http://www.infantsee.org/ His vision is still catching up. Our son who has 20/20 vision had some ocular motor issues. Those are most likely to be caught by a COVD/developmental optometrist. Some optometrists will see stuff and refer to a COVD optometrists, and others won't. We switched docs after an optometrist dismissed my son's issues. We see a COVD doc for everyone now. http://www.covd.org/ Yes. Out of four dc with mild learning issues, I had two who needed vision therapy. Both of them had 20/20 vision. Vision therapy really helped my second dd. But the change in my youngest has been dramatic. I don't know what the effect will be on school work because we're taking a complete break this summer. But in terms of real life stuff...wow! She's just functioning so much better overall. She's been at it two months. One appointment a week and five days of homework. I could see a difference after only a couple of weeks. I have only one child who needed glasses and she wasn't caught by the test at school. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aras Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 Someone was telling me a similar story about a younger dd who she had begun to suspect had serious issues. But it turned out it was just her ears. She couldn't speak well because her ears were filled and it had never been caught. It took going to an ENT. I think one of the things we've moved away from is looking for those medical issues for kids. Some kids have learning disabilities but some kids have Lyme disease or eyesight tracking problems or ear infections or a million other things that are hindering their learning or attentiveness. My mother told me I was totally deaf by the time I was three. Once the doctors put in the ear tubes I was fine. I feel better about this whole thing, thanks for your stories. I feel like I was concentrating so much on academic and emotional needs that I missed this physical needs. I called her doctor, the doctor told me to call the school. I called the school, they told me I should start with the doctor. Well rather, they said they could IQ test and then give her a test for proficiency and if she was more than 2 years behind they would offer some intervention. "Are you sure you don't want to enroll her in school?" Yes, I am sure, thank you. I am going back to the doctor to insist on an evaluation from a child psychologist. If it is an attention issue, a processing issue, a memory issue, or whatever else, I have to start with the doctor, not the school. The glasses helped some, but I think there is something else going on. Wish me luck! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 My dd just got glasses a bit before 8. I thought she had had a basic test some time but maybe not- I don't know. At the beginning of the year however she started complaining that her eyes hurt when she was reading and I could see she just wasn't progressing, she ended up with reading glasses. OOPs! I'd also of course put a hearing test on the list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommy5 Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Don't feel bad. My 3 year old needed glasses and I had no idea. It took a physical therapist to make the referral. I felt terrible, too ... but you couldn't have known. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyGF Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Don't feel bad. My husband is blind as a bat without his glasses and by third grade was stalling out in his reading. His mother is a READING SPECIALIST and didn't realize he needed glasses until the school sent her a letter after his yearly exam. After he got the glasses, he remembers realizing that the trees had individual leaves you could see! Emily 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City Mouse Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 The word guessing and substituting you described can be a possible symptom of dyslexia, but it can also be a symptom of a student who was taught to read using a sight word/whole language method rather than a strong phonics method. There is nothing wrong with having the latest all ps do some testing, but at the same time, you might try a strong focus of phonics skills and phonics based readers for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aras Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 The meeting with the child psychologist didn't go well. When I said we would be homeschooling high school, the child psychologist said, "High school is great for teaching resiliency." Ummm no. If that is the only reason for high school, we will pass. I'm pretty sure my kids are learning resiliency from moving every couple of years and making new friends in each location. The meeting may as well have ended at that point. She acknowledged that dd may have visual spatial issues, but she didn't believe vision therapy did any good. I should just go to the school for testing, ask if dd can get reading help through the school, and ask if she can get end of year testing through the school. Never having met my daughter, she also discounts memory and attention problems. Homeschool Parent, you know nothing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aras Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 I'm confused re: the bolded. You went to the child psych, but your daughter wasn't with you? Or was this just a meeting to see if you liked this psych? If you decide to go for private testing, rather than through the school, you ideally want a neuropsych. I recommend reading/posting on the Learning Challenges forum, if you haven't already. Lots of people have walked this testing road before and can give you advice. The first visit is with just the parent, she has an appointment with my dd tomorrow. I'm pretty sure this doctor has already made a diagnosis just based on our conversation, and tomorrow's appointment is a mere formality in her eyes. I will head over to the Learning Challenges board, this whole thing is turning into a nightmare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiara.I Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Oh, I'm sorry. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 That sounds unbelievably disappointing and frustrating. I truly hope this psychologist goes into the meeting with an open mind and the meeting turns out to be helpful for you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 The meeting with the child psychologist didn't go well. When I said we would be homeschooling high school, the child psychologist said, "High school is great for teaching resiliency." Ummm no. If that is the only reason for high school, we will pass. I'm pretty sure my kids are learning resiliency from moving every couple of years and making new friends in each location. The meeting may as well have ended at that point. She acknowledged that dd may have visual spatial issues, but she didn't believe vision therapy did any good. I should just go to the school for testing, ask if dd can get reading help through the school, and ask if she can get end of year testing through the school. Never having met my daughter, she also discounts memory and attention problems. Homeschool Parent, you know nothing. Ugh. We had a bad psych experience once (though it wasn't for testing). It put us off seeking help for years--we didn't know what we were looking for or how to find it, but this woman was terrible and did lasting damage. Don't let this psych do that to you; you clearly have a much better idea of how to find help than I did years ago. I really hope you are able to get something out of the experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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