happyWImom Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 My daughter is on her 3rd right now, and having MAJOR attitude issues. It also doesn't help that I have PMS. :glare: Seriously, being our 1st serious year homeschooling, is behavior my big thing I need to deal with here? I keep telling her either I will be teaching her, or someone at "regular" school will. Probably not good to threaten like that, but it's getting so frustrating. Ideas are very much appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 We don't use time outs. If you would like other perspectives on behaviour, this thread might be useful. I know the issues are different, but various methods were discussed: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=53594&highlight=jessica Best wishes Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Um, none. A time-out would be looked at as a blessing from my dd -- hey no school for a while! So we just keep on working. I serve lots of snacks throughout the day which seems to keep the kids even-tempered. ~Dana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunflower Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 If she was is public school before it generally takes a while to decompress from that situation so you may have more attitude problems in the beginning. Working on your relationship is key in the early stages of homeschooling. So school work may not be your biggest goal right now. I also found that I "expected" my daughter to know something and to catch on quickly because "it's an easy word, you should know this.... not saying this is what you are doing....just pointing out my own shortcomings, especially in the early years. Sometimes, I found that frustration on their part meant the material was too hard and we had to back up and review. And sometimes, it just meant that the material was too hard period and we tackled it the next semester or quarter. On bad PMS days, I sometimes declared (and still do declare) pajama day or hot chocolate day and we all read a lot. Frustrating topics can wait till the next day when the PMS is better. If they aren't reading on their own quite yet, we did time with Mom reading outloud and dominos for math or mini M&Ms for math. It is important to keep the chocolate theme happening while severe PMS is going on. :) A warning: the day you declare pajama day will be the one day that the postal person or the UPS man or the gas man or.... needs to ring your doorbell.:) I hope things get better. I will be thinking of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyWImom Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 If she was is public school before it generally takes a while to decompress from that situation so you may have more attitude problems in the beginning. Working on your relationship is key in the early stages of homeschooling. So school work may not be your biggest goal right now. I also found that I "expected" my daughter to know something and to catch on quickly because "it's an easy word, you should know this.... not saying this is what you are doing....just pointing out my own shortcomings, especially in the early years. Sometimes, I found that frustration on their part meant the material was too hard and we had to back up and review. And sometimes, it just meant that the material was too hard period and we tackled it the next semester or quarter. On bad PMS days, I sometimes declared (and still do declare) pajama day or hot chocolate day and we all read a lot. Frustrating topics can wait till the next day when the PMS is better. If they aren't reading on their own quite yet, we did time with Mom reading outloud and dominos for math or mini M&Ms for math. It is important to keep the chocolate theme happening while severe PMS is going on. :) A warning: the day you declare pajama day will be the one day that the postal person or the UPS man or the gas man or.... needs to ring your doorbell.:) I hope things get better. I will be thinking of you. The UPS man has seen me in ways no one should!:lol: You are right though, on bad PMS days, games and read alouds sound like the answer. Otherwise, I am trying not to put too much pressure on her and when she gets frustrated, I have been backing off. The problem is, she is very moody, and when something doesn't go her way, she thinks SHE can dictate to me. Believe me, this whole thing is teaching me patience, and I am trying. I just wish I could find the right discipline/technique that would work for her so we don't have to have battles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Um, none. A time-out would be looked at as a blessing from my dd -- hey no school for a while! So we just keep on working. I serve lots of snacks throughout the day which seems to keep the kids even-tempered. ~Dana You got it. What I do is assign MORE work that has to be done...perhaps copying a page from the dictionary - for truly awful behavior. Then I calmly have my cuppa tea, read my book - act like I am not concerned. It is crucial that the child not see that she is getting to you! Or gets out of work. Time outs really only seem to work when a child is removed from an activity they WANT to do!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetTN Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I agree with Dana. My dd would love time-outs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 My daughter is on her 3rd right now, and having MAJOR attitude issues. It also doesn't help that I have PMS. :glare: Seriously, being our 1st serious year homeschooling, is behavior my big thing I need to deal with here? I keep telling her either I will be teaching her, or someone at "regular" school will. Probably not good to threaten like that, but it's getting so frustrating. Ideas are very much appreciated. I usually need several :001_huh:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 We don't do time-outs either. Not only would they not work (free time to her, a reward), but they do nothing to calm us down or repair our relationship. Given her age and how generally easy-going they are then, it might be you're expecting too much. Did you ramp up slowly or are you trying to do it all at once? Not to get crazy with the terminology, but it sounds like you're playing a control game with her (I'll control you or you'll go back to school). A lot of this will work out better if you just slowly build habits and consistent expectations on her part. Start with 1 thing daily and try to get it done. Then go play, do read alouds, and have fun! Next week do 2 things and move on to your fun stuff. 1st grade is fun and shouldn't take more than 1-2 hours a day. You have a lot of things listed there, so you really might need to cut back, especially at first, till you get your habits and become more efficient. As for things I do when we're at each other, hehe, well some form of more togetherness is my first step. Put away everything and read something, anything, together on the couch while snuggling. If you're christian, open the Bible and just start reading. Or fairy tales or an engrossing read aloud. It's not so much what, as that you're communicating, cuddling, and relating in a better way. Sending her away doesn't do that or repair those bridges. If you haven't fed her since breakfast, it's probably time for a mid-morning snack, so do that too. Those two things might be enough to diffuse the tension. I do have a rule that if I have to send you away for not working, Daddy will talk with you about it. It's my ultimate weapon, and let's just say we don't use it a lot. You shouldn't make threats out of your own fear that this won't work. You CAN do this and it WILL work. But being with your kids all day is about developing relationships of integrity. You have to apologize when you do something wrong, try to fix things that aren't going right, and respect that this is a team process, not top-down like a classroom. That respect (what isn't working? why? being open to their suggestions, eliciting reasonable/respectful comments) will go a long way toward solving problems. Kids this age WANT to please you, so make it practical and possible for her to please you. You have to start off small and work your way up on things. You'll figure this out! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda in FL Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 You have gotten some good advice. We don't do time-outs either, at least not in the disciplinary sense. I did have to stop a lesson yesterday with my ten year-old, because we just weren't getting anywhere. It was late in the afternoon, so I sent him to his room to pick up his legos instead (which to him was probably like a punishment!). Later that evening, his dad worked with him through the lesson - I guess the break, dinner, etc - was what he needed. I would add to the advice you've already received to have her father sit down with her each morning to talk about her attitude about school, how she needs to respect you and obey you, etc. This type of coaching has worked well with my kids! You can even start out your day reminding the kiddos about having good attitudes. BTW - just because we don't do time-outs doesn't mean that we have a sublimely, peaceful and agreeable homeschool experience everyday!! It's just that we choose a more direct and immediate consequence when outright disobedience occurs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plain jane Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I usually need several :001_huh:. Drat! You beat me to it, JudoMom :D. I was going to add we have several time-outs during the day as I regularly lock myself in my bathroom for some peace, quiet, and sanity.:blink: Hmmm, not what the OP was asking though, is it?? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn E Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Not much advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I've heard many say that this is a difficult year--6--regarding attitudes and challenging authority. I also know that my attitude greatly shapes the course of the day as well. Dd and I sat down and wrote out a contract together about what is expected through the school day--attitudes, obedience, working without complaining, etc. She actually really enjoyed writing it with me. When things start heading the wrong way, I remind her of our contract, she says, "Oh, yeah..." and we move forward. I am not naive enough to believe it will work forever, but I'm enjoying it for now. I have no problem with assigning extra handwriting practice--of course, the least favorite activity--if need be. And, we still have time outs. All this to say, obviously I haven't figured it out yet either, but you're not on the path alone. :001_smile: Jessica at Trivium Academy referred to this book on her blog. I am thinking about getting it and giving it a read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyWImom Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Not much advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I've heard many say that this is a difficult year--6--regarding attitudes and challenging authority. I also know that my attitude greatly shapes the course of the day as well. Dd and I sat down and wrote out a contract together about what is expected through the school day--attitudes, obedience, working without complaining, etc. She actually really enjoyed writing it with me. When things start heading the wrong way, I remind her of our contract, she says, "Oh, yeah..." and we move forward. I am not naive enough to believe it will work forever, but I'm enjoying it for now. I have no problem with assigning extra handwriting practice--of course, the least favorite activity--if need be. And, we still have time outs. All this to say, obviously I haven't figured it out yet either, but you're not on the path alone. :001_smile: Jessica at Trivium Academy referred to this book on her blog. I am thinking about getting it and giving it a read. I love this contract idea!! Because I do agree that they do want to please us, dd especially, and I know a lot of it is just not totally knowing how to deal with her internal stuff yet. Also, I am not thrilled with time outs. I know they need to have accountability, but dd is a tough nut, and certain things just make her dig her heals in more. And then it does become a battle for control, which I don't want to do. I have been cutting back, and am realizing it doesn't matter how long it takes me to get through a curriculum. I'm not going to get caught up in the "what grade are you in" and "how well is she reading", etc... thing. The beauty of hsing is we don't have to push them if they aren't ready. Thanks for letting me vent & for all the advice everyone. This is what I'm going to do now.:chillpill: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 We don't do time outs. That didn't work for us. Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristavws Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Um, none. A time-out would be looked at as a blessing from my dd -- hey no school for a while! ~Dana Same here! My boys know that the work will get done, even if it has to be finished on their scheduled break. They are also aware, that finishing schoolwork early = longer break. My dh works from home, and I have been known to send them upstairs to have a talk with the "principal" when they have extremely poor attitudes. Krista Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 None. (Unless you call "mom sneaking chocolate while hiding in a locked bathroom" a time-out.) I just didn't find them to be very effective. It was so much work to keep them in time-out and it didn't have the desired effect of changing behavior/attitudes. Instead, we did time-ins. Okay, sometimes we had to go to neutral corners to cool off, but the time in is where the behavior change happened. I am working on the 5 - 1 positive comment to correction ratio. That seems to bring out the best in my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 We don't do time-outs. I assign more work that needs to be done as homework with dad at the table in the evenings. The need to do that doesn't happen very often at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trivium Academy Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 We haven't had a single time-out, spanking or punishment in the last 3 days, I've threatened but after offering ds4 a choice, he chooses to obey. After posting what Laura linked, I read The No Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and our household is completely different. I didn't realize how far removed I had become from the mother I used to be, from the vision of what type of mother I wanted to be... It's working for us, with tremendous results at least, I hope I can say that after using the techniques and ideas for 3 days. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 timeouts for ME! I'm on my 4th one today. I don't know if it is me or them, but I just sent them to separate rooms (again) and came down to check the boards! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woolybear Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 On occasion I do use a time out, though I usually just say they need a break. However, I have never done that during school time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 We haven't had a single time-out, spanking or punishment in the last 3 days, I've threatened but after offering ds4 a choice, he chooses to obey. After posting what Laura linked, I read The No Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and our household is completely different. I didn't realize how far removed I had become from the mother I used to be, from the vision of what type of mother I wanted to be... It's working for us, with tremendous results at least, I hope I can say that after using the techniques and ideas for 3 days. :) Best wishes Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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