Guest Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I can tell she is cool from here, and I never even met her. I'm out of likes. But yes, she's cool both on-line and off. I'm just lucky enough to live near enough that it's not absurd to suggest it. :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 Thanks for sharing, you guys. I think I am figuring out a few things here. The few friends I have tell me that I'm a good listener, and I am a problem solver by nature. If you don't like something, fix it. If you can't figure out how, I'll help you. But don't just sit there and whine about how awful things are if you're not willing to change anything. My mom and a friend of mine are both going through some hard things right now. And while I sympathize with them, neither of them are willing to make any positive changes nor even take steps to start changing things for themselves. I want to be here for them, to listen to them, to help raise them up when they're down. The problem is they seem to want to stay down and just complain about it. This KILLS me. I am carrying their pain around like it's my own, and no matter how I try, I can't get them to do anything to fix things for themselves. I can literally feel the weight of their problems on my shoulders. And then I feel like I must be this cruel and heartless person when I can't bear it any more. And THAT is at least one part of why I don't do well with people. They make me feel awful about myself. :( 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 (((Hugs))) Dragon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I'm not sure how I feel about it. I recently "lost" my best friend of 7 years (or, rather, some things happened and the relationship just fizzled, I guess). She was really my only "friend". It doesn't really bother me (not having any "friends"), per se... it only bothers me when I want to do something "friend oriented", like going to see a chick flick. DH says he'll be my best friend, and I can handle that :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Openhearted Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Thanks for sharing, you guys. I think I am figuring out a few things here. The few friends I have tell me that I'm a good listener, and I am a problem solver by nature. If you don't like something, fix it. If you can't figure out how, I'll help you. But don't just sit there and whine about how awful things are if you're not willing to change anything. My mom and a friend of mine are both going through some hard things right now. And while I sympathize with them, neither of them are willing to make any positive changes nor even take steps to start changing things for themselves. I want to be here for them, to listen to them, to help raise them up when they're down. The problem is they seem to want to stay down and just complain about it. This KILLS me. I am carrying their pain around like it's my own, and no matter how I try, I can't get them to do anything to fix things for themselves. I can literally feel the weight of their problems on my shoulders. And then I feel like I must be this cruel and heartless person when I can't bear it any more. And THAT is at least one part of why I don't do well with people. They make me feel awful about myself. :( I went something similar with my mom...it is an incredibly long story. I won't tell it all here though. She has Bipolar and after going off her meds for the third time in 4 years, I had to walk away for a while. She was bringing me down quickly. She did not want to listen to her doctors. It was exasperating! :svengo: I walked away for a bit. (Hardest thing ever) Then she started getting better, taking her meds, etc. I know that heartless, mean, uncaring person feeling. It sucks. However I had to demonstrate some Tough Love or I was going to end up in a rubber room. :smilielol5: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I love being outdoors... Alone. Family is enough for me. Then you have neighbors and that's all I can manage. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I think my difficulty is that I used to have friends like that & then there were ugly breakups & weirdness & now I just don't really let myself get that close to many people. Yep, BTDT. As an example, my best friend from high school, who I maintained regular contact with several years after graduating high school and college, just turned out to be a real weirdo for lack of a better way of putting it. I met my husband on-line. When I first met him I didn't think of him as a boyfriend or anything like that. So he came here to visit me and the whole time I'm still just seeing the situation as he's a person I enjoy talking to. I don't instantly fall in love with people. KWIM? So she asked me if he was a boyfriend. I said no because he wasn't. No joke she then proceeded to hit on him when he came here. I wasn't jealous at the time or anything, but I just found it weird. She did not know him at all. Funny though, he could not stand her. She was in my wedding. That was the last time I saw her. I think she was jealous. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsummer Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You're not weird. I have DH; he is my true friend. Acquaintances stress me out so I have as few of those as possible; DH's sister has been technically my best friend since before I met DH, but at the moment we only talk every month or so, and see each other once or twice a year. I am an introvert. 5 kids is waaaaay more than enough social interaction for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 Thanks so much for the support, you guys. It's very much appreciated. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upward Journey Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 My extroverted dd goes "You hate people." and I go, "I have FOUR children. I am around people ALL the FREAKING time. I don't hate them. I just like space, of which, right now, with all my kids at home (3 of whom are extroverts who can't have a thought without expressing it to me.) i have very little." I want to like this a bajillion times! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 It took me until 42 to realize I'm an introvert. All my life I've thought I was an extrovert who was just really bad at it. Coming to this understanding has been one of the greatest revelations of my personal life; all of a sudden I felt much clearer to myself. Does that even make sense? Such a relief to know it's fine. :) I came out of the introvert closet after I read Susan Cain's book. It was such a revelation, and relief to figure myself out. I completely understand what you are saying...instead of a being a terrible extrovert it turns out that I am a wonderful introvert :lol: ! OP, I don't think you are weird at all. Pushy extroverts exhaust me. Tell your mother to bugger off (maybe more nicely than that if you like her!). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Dh is my best friend, and occasionally my sister hangs out or travels with us. I like to see my family a few times a year and avoid dh's family as much as I can get away with, except the in-laws as we house-share. Thank goodness for our basement rec room or I'd never survive, lol. Ds is an Aspie and an introvert. I think he would like someone to play video games with on occasion besides his cousin. Even when she is here and they are having a great time, he has to take a break and be alone for a while to decompress. She is a very understanding girl and brings her laptop to watch a movie or play a game. We all say we would like to live in the country or deep in the woods with neighbors a few miles away. My fil would love that too, but not my mil. She would go nuts! I do keep in touch with my best friend from high school, but I find her very draining at times with her multitude of issues. Sometimes I feel like extroverts view us introverts as therapists, lol. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 I think my difficulty is that I used to have friends like that & then there were ugly breakups & weirdness & now I just don't really let myself get that close to many people. I liked your post not because I'm happy that you feel that way, but because I completely relate. I used to have friends, but some of them drifted away and others effectively broke up with me. When my kids were little, I was so busy with their stuff that it didn't seem important to try and cultivate friendships for myself. It was a convenient excuse to just ignore the whole thing. I have re-established contact with one of the friends who broke off with me several years ago, but I find myself stepping very, very carefully so as not to offend or upset her again. I don't expect to ever be really close to her again. I have one local friend with whom I e-mail/text and get coffee or lunch semi-regularly. But really, now that my nest is empty, it turns out my best friend is my own daughter, which is lovely, except that she has her own life. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplejackmama Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Showing my ignorance. How does one know if they are an extrovert or introvert? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Showing my ignorance. How does one know if they are an extrovert or introvert? In general, it comes down to whether you are more likely to find spending time with other people energizing or tiring. But this quiz might be helpful for you: http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/take_test.php?idRegTest=1311 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplejackmama Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Thanks Jenny! (Curious where in FL? I'm from the Panhandle) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 I like going and doing things with my dh and kids and my few really good friends (not aquiantances). And then I really like coming home. I have hobbies and interests. I try to be nice and helpful to those I come in contact with. But people are exhausting and I need down time to recharge. My dh and several of my kids are social butterflies though. I get tired just watching them. I used to be constantly busy. I'm a bit hyper by nature. Now I hold the view that being busy is not a virtue. In fact, it gets in the way of virtue quite often. I no longer feel a need to be busy. I don't mind it, but I don't feel like a lazy or anti-social person for refusing to buy into the busy craze. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 In my adult life, I've had exactly one best friend. The kind where you just liked hanging out with no purpose whatsoever. We didn't have drama, even though we were incredibly different. We'd call and chat, I'd invite myself to her house and she'd invite herself to mine. When things were great we loved each other and when things were bad we supported each other. She just moved to Missouri and left such a huge hole. Honestly, I think that friends like that just happen. There's not much you can do to force it. I do better with 2-3 closer friends than a passel of acquaintances. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 I go in cycles. There are times where I stay at home tons, and just text my friends. I love it. Other times, I feel the need to get together, go get a pedicure, hair done, and lunch..all with different friends I have. I guess it depends on many things. My friends are busy moms too. I also have chronic pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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