Ignore this thread!

[Susan in TN]

Lynn, I've been thinking about this "imposter" thing, kind of trying to wrap my mind around what you're talking about. And I'm still not exactly sure I get it. But for me, I have always had very low confidence. I feel like I do have abilities, but for some reason, in regards to myself, I have this idea that if it's not an "A" it's an "F". If I don't completely succeed at things, then I have utterly failed. I know this is not healthy or realistic and it sure keeps me from doing a lot of things because I'm afraid to try. But I've been this way all my life, I've even been through counseling and I still think this way about myself. And I still care waaaaay too much about what others think about me for a 47 year old woman.

Reminds me of the Chesterton quote: "A thing worth doing, is worth doing badly" from his book "What's Wrong With the World".

 

From the Chesterton Society website:

 

["Chesterton consistently defended the amateur against the professional, or the “generalist†against the specialist, especially when it came to “the things worth doing.†There are things like playing the organ or discovering the North Pole, or being Astronomer Royal, which we do not want a person to do at all unless he does them well. But those are not the most important things in life. When it comes to writing one’s own love letters and blowing one’s own nose, “these things we want a man to do for himself, even if he does them badly.†This, argues Chesterton (in Orthodoxy) is “the democratic faith: that the most terribly important things must be left to ordinary men themselves – the mating of the sexes, the rearing of the young, the laws of the state.â€]

 

It seems he felt the same about education as well. https://www.chesterton.org/a-thing-worth-doing/

[ikslo]

I am an imposter.  That is all.

[KrissiK]

Reminds me of the Chesterton quote: "A thing worth doing, is worth doing badly" from his book "What's Wrong With the World".

. https://www.chesterton.org/a-thing-worth-doing/

I should put this on a plaque or something and hang it on my wall. I've been trying to find plaques with pithy sayings in them and putting them around so I can see them and say them over to myself to try to change this mindset. But, I do come by it honestly. In a rare moment of candor, my mom admitted years ago to being the same way. And just recently she told me that it wasn't till she was 75 years old that she finally stopped caring about what other people thought about her.

[Critterfixer]

 

I *LOVE* America's Test Kitchen. I bet that's the best GF cookbook *ever*.  :party:

 

My reaction exactly.

 

 

 

[Slache]

Matt was supposed to go driving but can't get the key in the car. We're afraid some kid jammed something in the keyhole.

[Junie]

I looked at the America's Test Kitchen cookbooks.  Unfortunately, the book does not cook the food for you, so I won't be getting it.   :laugh:

 

The food looks really good, but I don't have the time or gumption to make it happen.

 

 

[JoJosMom]

I lost my pants.

 

[JoJosMom]

On Lynn's thread:

 

This is not deep or profound, and I don't mean for it to be dismissive.  Is it possible that we are just feeling middle-aged?  As we travel through life, we must make choices, which necessarily entails giving things up and letting things go.  Is some of the reflection simply looking back and saying "What if?"

 

I dunno.  Just a thought.  Obviously, there is personality, too, because many have experienced the feeling to some degree throughout life.  Just throwing it out there. 

 

BTW, thank you for the link, Susan.  Excellent discussion.

 

 

[texasmama]

My kind, gentle, and loving husband let me know that my recent diet is having negative repercussions with the phrase "You're getting large." There are probably 100 better ways to say that. Large. Large? I'm getting large. That's nice.

No.  Just no.  That is not a thing to be said.

[texasmama]

I don't know that the idea applies to me.  I can say that I never really failed at any thing until I tried to have a baby.  Now that was pretty much a disaster, but I do have my absolutely fantabulous DD, so it wasn't a failure. My lack of failure was more the result of no really hard challenges, though, so I don't think it counts.

 

I think I'm more concerned about this as it applies to DD, though.  She's very smart, but not freakishly so.  She is just now bumping into things that are hard and it's kind of freaking her out.  Mostly, I really want to think about this to help her navigate the waters.

I think this is key, IMO.  I tried a lot of things I was not good at, so the results were not great.  I still do this. :lol:  

 

The child of mine who has the greatest natural intellect also has a terrible fear of failure.  It makes me sad.  Child won't try things due to this.

[texasmama]

Regarding "imposter syndrome"

 

Tex, Prairie - that's fantastic!  I'm more like Tex's husband - reserved, slow to commit. 

 

I don't feel like I currently "suffer" so much.  I mean, I know I'm not a great housekeeper or cook, but I don't feel bad about that.  I accept that.  In fact, if anyone commented about how I should do it better, I would possibly tell them where to stick it.  I'm totally bored if friends start talking about cooking, gardening, where to find the best you-picks.  Just shoot me now.  I don't care.  (Clearly, no imposter feelings there!)

 

So, I don't think I go around with self-doubt, low self-esteem and lack of confidence in every area of life. 

 

I'm thinking more about why I didn't pursue something that I was pretty good at, piano.  I was a great student.  I was very confident.  I achieved plenty.  I don't remember my class rank, but I'm guessing within the top 10 students out of ~350.  I worked hard in highschool.  Overall, college was easier.  I had plenty of confidence, generally speaking.  I think, as far as piano goes, I had climbed a big hill (meaning, I stuck with it throughout highschool and was decent) and then realized there was a bigger mountain now in sight and convinced myself I'd never be good enough to compete against people trying to achieve that, so why try?  To be sure, there were other factors.  I began dating my future dh.  I was working part time and piano was my minor, not my major at college.  I just began going in another direction.  But I think I felt like I was barely making it, with piano.  Just sort of faking my way along.  That part might be a result of the perfectionism.  But I gave up something that had been a huge part of who I was, for most of my life.  And I regret it. 

 

So, clearly, I'm just rambling a bit.       

I was into drama and singing in high school.  It was a huge part of my life at school and church from middle school on.  I did some minor singing in college and beyond, but that part of my life that had been so important just kind of went away.  I still miss it.  I did not put in the time and effort you needed to for piano, but what I found is that in high school there were plenty of opportunities for people with interest and a little bit of aptitude to do theatre.  Those opportunities narrowed significantly post-high school.  I have not done any theatre since and not a ton of singing.  I sang in an ensemble in college (Baptist Student Union so not heavily competitive to get in).  I'm co-teaching a drama class at co-op this year, and I realize how much I remember and can pass on just from my high school experience.  My theatre experiences benefited me in many ways that remain with me (as piano benefited you), but I am sad that it didn't lead to anything post- high school.

[JoJosMom]

The link to the Jill Pike syllabus sample on the website is broken. :glare:

[texasmama]

Jean, I'm thinking about what you said about pride in the other thread.  I did not have the Asian culture parenting thing going on.  In fact, just the opposite.  I feel like my parents were always saying how proud they were of me.  And, yet, I knew from religious training that pride was a sin.  Older now, I understand different uses of the word, but even so, it was a bit of a mixed message. 

 

I think the praise and people taking pride in me or my accomplishments did create an expectation of continuing to accomplish with the growing feeling that the stakes were ever higher? 

 

AND someone else said (maybe it was Isabel) in one of the other related threads that praising involves judgement.  I do think I had been judgemental in my own heart towards others who didn't play as well as I did or who quit lessons at a younger age.  Once thinking those things about others who "failed," what would I think of myself if I also did?  (I might cross post this to the other thread..... I'm having a hard time replying over there.  There are SO many posts.)

All feedback to others involves judgment of some sort.

 

Dawn, glad you are feeling a bit better.

 

And, I know what you mean.  I always planned to stay home when I had kids.  By that time, I was an accountant.  I liked accounting pretty well, but I hated the business world, especially my job at the time, so staying home was a no-brainer.  And, yet, I had been so accomplishment driven all my life that even though I had planned to stay home it was still an adjustment. 

I always wanted to be a SAHM, too.  

 

I lost my pants.

 

Oh dear.  What can we do to help?

Reminds me of the Chesterton quote: "A thing worth doing, is worth doing badly" from his book "What's Wrong With the World".

 

From the Chesterton Society website:

 

["Chesterton consistently defended the amateur against the professional, or the “generalist†against the specialist, especially when it came to “the things worth doing.†There are things like playing the organ or discovering the North Pole, or being Astronomer Royal, which we do not want a person to do at all unless he does them well. But those are not the most important things in life. When it comes to writing one’s own love letters and blowing one’s own nose, “these things we want a man to do for himself, even if he does them badly.†This, argues Chesterton (in Orthodoxy) is “the democratic faith: that the most terribly important things must be left to ordinary men themselves – the mating of the sexes, the rearing of the young, the laws of the state.â€]

 

It seems he felt the same about education as well. https://www.chesterton.org/a-thing-worth-doing/

Yes!  I never followed the Flylady's emails, but I recall this quote I read somewhere - "Housework done badly still blesses your family."  I have lived by that philosophy since. :lol:

 

I am an imposter.  That is all.

Not to me.  I love you, and I think you are beautiful*. :001_tt1:

 

*Not in a shallow, supermodel way.

 

On Lynn's thread:

 

This is not deep or profound, and I don't mean for it to be dismissive.  Is it possible that we are just feeling middle-aged?  As we travel through life, we must make choices, which necessarily entails giving things up and letting things go.  Is some of the reflection simply looking back and saying "What if?"

 

I dunno.  Just a thought.  Obviously, there is personality, too, because many have experienced the feeling to some degree throughout life.  Just throwing it out there. 

 

BTW, thank you for the link, Susan.  Excellent discussion.

 

I read a book once by Judith Viorst called Necessary Losses.  I found it when I was about 20-ish.  I wrote my name in it - my maiden name.  I read it again in my late 20's and crossed out the maiden name and wrote my first married name.  I read it again in my 30's and crossed out the first married name and wrote my second married name.  The irony was not lost.  It is a book about the things we have to give up in order to move on through life.  I do see life as a series of developmental milestones.  We think those are over once we hit adulthood, but they are not.  I think Erikson was right.  Every age has a developmental stage attached.  Every choice we make naturally excludes other paths/choices.  There is loss involved.

The link to the Jill Pike syllabus sample on the website is broken. :glare:

Of course it is.  It smiteth thee. :lol:

[texasmama]

Try this one, JJM.

 

http://www.exodusbooks.com/syllabus-for-introduction-to-literary-analysis/pike/49701/

[texasmama]

Re:  the Jill Pike combo - it uses the videos of the first five weeks of Adam Andrews' Teaching the Classics seminar.  His audience is adults/teachers.  I heart him almost as much as I heart Richard Rusczyk.  Jill Pike adds exercises which (I believe) are helpful.  It is a gentle introduction to lit analysis.  I have some written materials which I designed on the fly because one student did not understand so his mother requested more detail/breakdown.  I do think it benefited the entire class.

 

I like the Windows to the World curriculum.  It would be much simpler to implement at home rather than with a classroom.  One of my biggest challenges is designing a one hour per week class to fit the material covered.  Also, I have to come up with a year long syllabus which predicts this over the 33 weeks I have with this class.  That would be removed at home with one student, as you could go week by week.

 

I don't regret teaching the class, and I do love my little students, but it has been very time-consuming and challenging.

Edited December 30, 2015 by texasmama

[JoJosMom]

Try this one, JJM.

 

http://www.exodusbooks.com/syllabus-for-introduction-to-literary-analysis/pike/49701/

 

Thank you!

 

(I :001_wub:  Exodus Books.)

[ikslo]

 

Not to me.  I love you, and I think you are beautiful*. :001_tt1:

 

*Not in a shallow, supermodel way.

 

:001_wub:

[KrissiK]

The child of mine who has the greatest natural intellect also has a terrible fear of failure. It makes me sad. Child won't try things due to this.

I have one like that, too. He's got a lot of abilities, intellectual, athletic, etc., but he doesn't push himself, or try new things. I'm thinking it's fear of failure, too!

[texasmama]

I have one like that, too. He's got a lot of abilities, intellectual, athletic, etc., but he doesn't push himself, or try new things. I'm thinking it's fear of failure, too!

When I can get child to peel back the layers, the defining things as "failure" is what emerges.  Child's definition is broken.

[Renai]

Renai was here.

[prairiewindmomma]

I trained dh to say, "The baby is growing!" He could modify that by adding "a lot", but even that sometimes earned him a raised eyebrow.

 

 

[Susan in TN]

 

Oh dear. What can we do to help? I put on different pants, but they are not comfy

 

 

Yes! I never followed the Flylady's emails, but I recall this quote I read somewhere - "Housework done badly still blesses your family." I have lived by that philosophy since. :lol:

 

 

I'm going to put this quote up somewhere - love it!

[Susan in TN]

Renai was here.

Yay!

[Slache]

Thank you!

 

(I :001_wub: Exodus Books.)

It's 20 minutes from my apartment. :P

[Critterfixer]

I don't think it is middle age angst at all. I distinctly remember wincing when I was praised for most of my life. It has always felt insincere. My typical responses to a personal compliment deflect praise as much as I can. I don't want it on me.

I suspect my dislike of praise and my caution in approaching new things has to do with fear of success as much as fear of failure. If you get good at something, people expect it of you all the time. And they pile on. It's the curse of competence. 

 

I did some reading on the problem of accepting a compliment, and the idea that it stems from an unwillingness to suspend one's own view of things and accept another view as equally valid seems pretty accurate to me. I am not empathetic; it is very difficult for me to let go of my way of looking at things and to let another person be right. I value my control of the situation too highly. :lol: Yes, I'm a control freak. But I'm working on it. I'm going to take the huge step of saying Thanks!, forcing a smile and then shutting up. Best I can do for now.

 

I'm not sure it makes me an impostor, in that I honestly do believe my own nonsense is better than most, but I simply can't believe that it is worth much. 

Edited December 30, 2015 by Critterfixer

[Renai]

Two earaches, a sore throat, and a headache. Grateful I don't have a migraine.

 

There is only one half roll of toilet paper in the house. I hate when that happens. Paper towels are rough on the nose. And behind. But, at least there is paper. We've been paperless before. It is not fun.

 

Dh made soup for breakfast. We all partook, as I think we all probably feel some level of bad. Gymnast will have a croupy cough for weeks, according to the doctor) and she's breaking out in various rashes on her limbs and stomach. I don't know what's going on with dd16, but heard him ask her if she was coming down with something. All this, 5 days before school starts up again.

 

There is a lot that needs to be done. I should make a list. And delegate.   :lol:

 

 

[MarkW]

I don't think it is middle age angst at all. I distinctly remember wincing when I was praised for most of my life. It has always felt insincere. My typical responses to a personal compliment deflect praise as much as I can. I don't want it on me.

I suspect my dislike of praise and my caution in approaching new things has to do with fear of success as much as fear of failure. If you get good at something, people expect it of you all the time. And they pile on. It's the curse of competence. 

 

I did some reading on the problem of accepting a compliment, and the idea that it stems from an unwillingness to suspend one's own view of things and accept another view as equally valid seems pretty accurate to me. I am not empathetic; it is very difficult for me to let go of my way of looking at things and to let another person be right. I value my control of the situation too highly. :lol: Yes, I'm a control freak. But I'm working on it. I'm going to take the huge step of saying Thanks!, forcing a smile and then shutting up. Best I can do for now.

 

I'm not sure it makes me an impostor, in that I honestly do believe my own nonsense is better than most, but I simply can't believe that it is worth much. 

 

Speaking just for me: praise always felt hollow and insincere to me as a child and still does often today, but I think it's because I only ever got the sort of almost obligatory encouragement that you get from teachers and such. I never got any praise at home pretty much ever. My dad never had anything to say to me except for how I'd screwed up.

 

I think there's different paths to this particular disposition. :P

[Renai]

I had no idea that corn was a generic term for grain. Of course, I post that insight here so as not to look stupid in the other thread.

[Renai]

I think I'm going back to sleep.

[MarkW]

I had no idea that corn was a generic term for grain. Of course, I post that insight here so as not to look stupid in the other thread.

 

I've never heard of any such thing.

[Renai]

I have now informed dd16 of the corn fact, so she does not grow up as ignorant as I and 38% of the people who voted "maize" in that thread.  :lol:

[Susan in TN]

Other threads are scary. Except the Tackle thread.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I was into drama and singing in high school.  It was a huge part of my life at school and church from middle school on.  I did some minor singing in college and beyond, but that part of my life that had been so important just kind of went away.  I still miss it.  I did not put in the time and effort you needed to for piano, but what I found is that in high school there were plenty of opportunities for people with interest and a little bit of aptitude to do theatre.  Those opportunities narrowed significantly post-high school.  I have not done any theatre since and not a ton of singing.  I sang in an ensemble in college (Baptist Student Union so not heavily competitive to get in).  I'm co-teaching a drama class at co-op this year, and I realize how much I remember and can pass on just from my high school experience.  My theatre experiences benefited me in many ways that remain with me (as piano benefited you), but I am sad that it didn't lead to anything post- high school.

 

I still think it would be fun to try my hand at community theater. 

[Renai]

I'm obviously not sleeping. Gymnast and I are holed up in the room playing some kindergarten quiz game my mom sent her for Christmas. Dd16 and dh have gone for provisions.

[Renai]

I'm going to write course descriptions for three possible classes I can do. 

[Susan in TN]

There is only one half roll of toilet paper in the house. I hate when that happens. Paper towels are rough on the nose. And behind. But, at least there is paper. We've been paperless before. It is not fun.

 

 

When we were on our 3X-longer-than-expected hike in the mountains, I learned that several layers of young fern fronds make a terrible substitute for a tissue.

 

I anticipate that I will be very grumpy for the duration of the zombie apocalypse.

Edited December 30, 2015 by Susan in TN

[Slache]

"You can't allow our kids to mispronounce things just because it's cute." -Matt

 

:glare:

[Renai]

I'm thinking these Spanish courses will be ability-based, not age-based. How to determine ability is beyond me. I think I'll allow parents to decide that. Feel free to ignore me. I'm just brainstorming allowed. I have a skeleton description right now; I'm just thinking some things through.

[Slache]

I'm thinking these Spanish courses will be ability-based, not age-based. How to determine ability is beyond me. I think I'll allow parents to decide that. Feel free to ignore me. I'm just brainstorming allowed. I have a skeleton description right now; I'm just thinking some things through.

I would put a description of what the course entails. They can decide on ability based on that.

[Junie]

"You can't allow our kids to mispronounce things just because it's cute." -Matt

 

:glare:

 

If they don't learn to correct their own pronunciation by the time they go to school, then it is something to be concerned about.  And if you homeschool them through high school, you only have to worry about it before they go off to college.

[texasmama]

I'm thinking these Spanish courses will be ability-based, not age-based. How to determine ability is beyond me. I think I'll allow parents to decide that. Feel free to ignore me. I'm just brainstorming allowed. I have a skeleton description right now; I'm just thinking some things through.

This is what I would do.  Is there a non copyrighted placement assessment floating somewhere around the net you can use?  Or just make a list of expectations/prerequisites (if any) required.

 

When my boys signed up for Landry's high school Spanish 1, it assumed no prior knowledge.  Then Spanish 2 would have the prerequisite of Spanish 1, etc.

[Junie]

I'm thinking these Spanish courses will be ability-based, not age-based. How to determine ability is beyond me. I think I'll allow parents to decide that. Feel free to ignore me. I'm just brainstorming allowed. I have a skeleton description right now; I'm just thinking some things through.

 

if you need a test market, let me know...

[texasmama]

I have been working on my English class syllabus.  It is going along okay.  When I first started, dh called to talk and distracted me and then the cat started throwing up on the area rug so it took me a bit to return to where I had been working.

 

I am up to April 1 now.  Just 5-6 weeks to go.  I am rocking it. :hat:

[Junie]

My headache is gone.  And I even survived a trip to Toys For Us and it didn't come back!!!

[texasmama]

BTW, throw up cat insists on helping me by sitting between me and the computer on my lap.  Thankfully, I have long arms.  I do love her, though. She is my best friend. :001_tt1:

[JoJosMom]

It's 20 minutes from my apartment. :p

 

I am consumed with envy.

 

[Renai]

"You can't allow our kids to mispronounce things just because it's cute." -Matt

 

:glare:

 

I agree. Although, there are certain sounds that come developmentally. For example, /r/ comes later than /w/ which is why you'll hear kids say "I weally, weally, love you." :) So, some mispronunciations are totally developmentally appropriate.

[Jean in Newcastle]

BTW, throw up cat insists on helping me by sitting between me and the computer on my lap.  Thankfully, I have long arms.  I do love her, though. She is my best friend. :001_tt1:

 

And here I thought I was your bestie!  I bet you wouldn't allow me to throw up on your rug or to sit between you and the computer on your lap.  Hmmph!

 

And this rather creepy stalkerish booyah is dedicated to Tex and Lily cat! 

Edited December 30, 2015 by Jean in Newcastle

[Renai]

This is what I would do.  Is there a non copyrighted placement assessment floating somewhere around the net you can use?  Or just make a list of expectations/prerequisites (if any) required.

 

When my boys signed up for Landry's high school Spanish 1, it assumed no prior knowledge.  Then Spanish 2 would have the prerequisite of Spanish 1, etc.

 

This is exactly what I was looking for just now.

[Junie]

I agree. Although, there are certain sounds that come developmentally. For example, /r/ comes later than /w/ which is why you'll hear kids say "I weally, weally, love you." :) So, some mispronunciations are totally developmentally appropriate.

 

True.  Dd5 really likes the character Sofia the First.  The other dc like her pronunciation:  Sowia the Wirst.   :laugh: